Piece by Piece

And all I remember is your back
walking towards the airport, leaving us all in your past...
I traveled fifteen hundred miles to see you;
begged you to want me, but you didn’t want to...

But piece by piece, he collected me
up off the ground, where you abandoned things and
piece by piece, he filled the holes that you burned in me
at six years old...

And you know, he never walks away, he never asks for money;
he takes care of me, he loves me...
Piece by piece, he restored my faith
that a man can be kind and a father could stay...

And all of your words fall flat;
I made something of myself and now you want to come back...
But your love, it isn’t free, it has to be earned;
back then I didn’t have anything you needed so I was worthless...

But piece by piece, he collected me
up off the ground, where you abandoned things and
piece by piece, he filled the holes that you burned in me
at six years old...

And you know, he never walks away, he never asks for money;
he takes care of me, he loves me...
Piece by piece, he restored my faith
that a man can be kind and a father could stay...

Piece by piece...

Piece by piece, I fell far from the tree;
I will never leave her like you left me,
and she will never have to wonder her worth,
because unlike you, I’m going to put her first...

And you know, he’ll never walk away, he’ll never break her heart,
he’ll take care of things - he’ll love her!
Piece by piece, he restored my faith
that a man can be kind and a father should be great...

Piece by piece...

Kelly Clarkson, "Piece by Piece"

Over the course of two weeks, beginning on March 30, 2016, I began working on what was going to be my biggest - and most personal - sketch to date. It all started with Dashi and Shellington. Then Tweak. Kwazii. Tunip. Barnacles. And Professor Inkling and Peso. Over those two weeks, I drew it all in, piece by piece. And now, it's finally finished. The puzzle's complete, the holes all filled...

I feel it's best I explain why it's extremely personal to me.

Before Spring Break this year, about 3 weeks ago, I was admitted into a mental hospital. I had suicidal thoughts at the time. And it wasn't the first time it had happened. The first time it happened, it was after my high school choir's Winter Concert - and I was admitted into the same hospital I was in recently; it was all like a huge reset button. I spent four days in that facility this time around, trying to learn how to better cope with myself, and at the same time, try to recede any negative thoughts I had. And I did. Maybe it was by the grace of God. Maybe it was Dashi and Shellington guiding me through all of this. But nonetheless, I did.

After Spring Break, I started working on this drawing. I was inspired by one of Kelly Clarkson's recent songs, this one titled "Piece by Piece." It kind of became a mantra for me - just getting through each day, each week, each month - piece by piece. And this drawing took A LOT of days to complete, even through the past couple of days, which were quite depressing due to recent events that occurred that I won't get to at this point. But looking at this sketch now - I'm grateful for what my abilities can do for me to get through everything I'm going through right now. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I'm still working on it. Piece by piece.

And that's the story of how it all came together.

Materials: no. 2 pencils on sketchbook paper; edited in Adobe Photoshop for additional photoediting.
The Octonauts (c) Brown Bag Films / Silver Gate Media / Meomi / BBC.