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About Deviant AlecMale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 9 Years
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If I could do this... by ADarkKnight If I could do this... :iconadarkknight:ADarkKnight 3 0 Celto-American Crest by ADarkKnight Celto-American Crest :iconadarkknight:ADarkKnight 0 0 Innocent Wonder by ADarkKnight Innocent Wonder :iconadarkknight:ADarkKnight 2 0 Mother and Son by ADarkKnight Mother and Son :iconadarkknight:ADarkKnight 2 0
Happiness.  Life.  Joy.
Flying off of my lips into the wind,
Screaming from the top of my lungs,
Deep from my core.
Today was a good day.
Loud music filling me up
Sunlight suffusing my body
The thudding of arrows into targets
Hooves pounding the earth
Feeling the world move beneath my feet
Knowing I am a part of it.
I feel so alive.
I missed this.
Friends near at hand
The future stretching before me
Seeing light in my dark corners.
I’m learning to let go.
I needed this.
Tomorrow may darken again,
I could feel the cold emptiness that I’ve lived in for so long.
But for today,
For just this moment,
I blaze with light.
I am hot and vibrant and exultant.
I am screaming my life to the sky
And it feels so good.
Yes, I loved you.
Yes, I needed you.
Yes, I miss you.
But for today,
None of that matters.
Because today I saw myself
Saw what you used to see in me,
And learned that I can live
Even without you.
Today was a good day.
Hear me shout it from the mountains!
:iconadarkknight:ADarkKnight 2 0
Crack, Burn, Crumble, Collapse
A kiss in a film
Watching it
Feeling it
Living it
Flays my soul alive.
I feel my essence cry out
And rend itself asunder
Ripping open at my core
Your name is all I feel
I hate you
I loved you
You broke all that I am.
How could you?
Why did you?
All I can do is scream.
I feel myself break
Get torn to shreds
Then it begins.
My eyes fill
The dam breaks
Tears begin to fall.
I can barely see through
All the pain in my eyes
My body wracked with sobs.
I’m flying away as fast as I can
I need something new.
All that I was
Lies broken and bleeding
Sliced apart
By the force of your lies.
I loved you.
You lied to me.
Now I have to stand up with my ragged tattered soul
And try to go on
Without you.
Oaks burn, mountains crumble
Earth cracks, caves collapse
But at least now I know I can cry.
:iconadarkknight:ADarkKnight 0 0
Look Forward by ADarkKnight Look Forward :iconadarkknight:ADarkKnight 1 0 Presence by ADarkKnight Presence :iconadarkknight:ADarkKnight 4 0
She missed me
That’s what she says.
Though I was only gone for a week.
But her missing me means more than I can say.
It makes me feel wanted.  Needed.
It makes me feel like I matter,
That I belong somewhere.
She wants to be near me
And stays as close as she can when I’m around,
Asking for attention and love,
For comfort.
Asking for everything I need to give,
And giving it all back a hundredfold.
She is beautiful.
Her strength,
Her grace.
The way she runs towards me,
With the wind flowing in her hair…
It’s entrancing.
Her warmth,
The gentle, implacable solidity of it
Fills me with peace.
Even when being close means having hair all over me.
I need her.
Though she has no need of me.
Her wanting me around means the world to me.
Particularly when I am breaking apart.
She makes my world stop spinning,
She makes me feel like it’s okay to be me.
Just by being near her.
Despite all of my faults and flaws and pain and brokenness.
She doesn’t care about m
:iconadarkknight:ADarkKnight 1 0
I am angry.
I am sad.
I am empty.
I am alone.
Sitting in this cold apartment.
Keeping my word to you.
Staying away.
Staying silent.
I hate it.
I want to cry.
I want to scream.
I want to hold you.
But I can’t.
This sounds like it’s all about me
But it’s always been about you.
And all of the words in all of the languages at my disposal
Fall short when it comes to life with you.
Or what it’s like living without you.
:iconadarkknight:ADarkKnight 0 0
I am dead.
Or I may as well be.
You do not hear my voice.
You do not see my face.
You do not feel my warmth.
My soul grows cold
Frozen without our life.
The life you cast aside.
I hope he was worth it.
Worth all of this pain and loss.
I was yours.
I was heat.  I was safety.
I was alive. We were living.
Warm and real and brightly
Tangled in each other’s worlds
But then I had to die, in your world at least.
Because living in the world you made…
The world where I was unnecessary
Where I didn’t matter
Was too much for me
Our flower no longer glowed.
I lost what once was mine.
Have you missed me since I died?
Do thoughts of me ever come to you?
When you look at him, do you sometimes see me?
Do his hands remind you of mine?
Do you ever wish he was me?
Your actions made me die.
I didn’t want to go.
But I couldn’t stay through the pain.
I warned you.  I gave you time to choose.
I wonder why I was surprised
I shouldn’t have held on to the
:iconadarkknight:ADarkKnight 1 0
Hope springs eternal
Hope dances
Hope clings to tiny hints.
To signs that may not exist at all.
Hope is strengthening.
Hope is wonderful.
Hope keeps us going.
That’s what they say.
Hope is like fire
A warmth is the darkness of despair
Hope is like fire
When left unchecked it rages and burns.
I want to hold on to this hope
The hope for this to work out
But I know if I’m not careful
I’ll be burned beyond healing.
Do you want to sleep with him?
Or is it just ‘something that will happen’?
Do you truly want him?
I hope not.
I cling to tiny hopes
To hints that I may be imagining
Signs that you may still want me
Glimpses that say you may still care
I’m playing with fire
Dancing on the razor’s edge
One slip, one wrong sign
I’m burned.  I’m bleeding.
Should I kill this hope?
This dangerous, creeping wanting
To feel you close to me again
Is the danger worth the possibility of reward?
I hope so.
I’m betting everything on it.
:iconadarkknight:ADarkKnight 0 0
Waking Up
Waking up without you
Not feeling your hair on my face
It tears me apart.
I dream of being around you,
Of laughing and of peace
Of the happiness we shared.
It feels so real.
I suppose it should...
It was real once.
But when I open my eyes and reach for you,
Expecting the soft warmth and peace of your presence,
Wanting to pull you closer,
All I find are cold blankets,
The shards of a shattered love,
The emptiness of dead hope and dying dreams,
And I know then that I am truly lost.
:iconadarkknight:ADarkKnight 2 0
If you miss me
Talk to me.
If you want me around
Say so.
If you love me,
Don’t hide the truth from me.
I have never hidden from you.
All I wanted was openness.
Forget the math.
And the preconceptions.
If you wanted someone else,
I wanted you to tell me.
And now, all of this anguish…
Caused by an assumption and a misunderstanding.
I was not erasing you.
I was not cancelling you out.
And now, all you have done is destroyed me.
Set fire to all we had.
Instead of talking to me.
Instead of asking me for what you needed.
If you had…
This could have all been different.
But there is no point in wishing things weren’t the way they are now.
There is no changing the past.
But maybe if we were open and talked…
We could change the future.
:iconadarkknight:ADarkKnight 2 0
Your touch on my skin
Filled me with light.
The warmth of love.
The burn of passion.
The heat of healing.
The glow of peace.
Your touch was home.
I can still feel your handprints
Etched so deeply into my soul.
But the golden light that made me alive
Is leeching away.
I feel you giving your touch to others.
Why do you want to give it to them?
Why do you want to give yourself so easily?
Why was I not enough?
Did my touch not make you glow as yours did me?
My spirit's warmth bleeds away.
Leaving cold silvery pain.
Crazed desire for danger.
For life.
For anything.
To stand on the ledge and feel gravity take me.
To have the wind pull at my hair.
To have some sense of you again.
I don't know who you are giving your touch to.
Who is getting the light that was mine?
The empty places in my soul make me sick.
Make me scream.
Make me want to fly to where you are.
Just to feel you.
Will your touch be tainted now?
By the skin of all those others?
Will it burn with the anguish of you leaving?
Will k
:iconadarkknight:ADarkKnight 1 7
Storm's Brewing by ADarkKnight Storm's Brewing :iconadarkknight:ADarkKnight 0 0


Like father, like daughter by Raiddo Like father, like daughter :iconraiddo:Raiddo 18 2 Dueling Gloves by Inkthinker Dueling Gloves :iconinkthinker:Inkthinker 303 22 Migration Era Germanic Women Warriors Concept by Gambargin Migration Era Germanic Women Warriors Concept :icongambargin:Gambargin 295 32 Another step by Raiddo Another step :iconraiddo:Raiddo 27 5 First frost by sandara First frost :iconsandara:sandara 6,126 205 Seax by ThinkerOfThoughts Seax :iconthinkerofthoughts:ThinkerOfThoughts 15 8 Queen of Crows by johnsonting Queen of Crows :iconjohnsonting:johnsonting 3,731 135 Old Acquaintances by Kamikazuh Old Acquaintances :iconkamikazuh:Kamikazuh 298 9 Tw3 Undvik armor concept art by Scratcherpen Tw3 Undvik armor concept art :iconscratcherpen:Scratcherpen 230 5 Blue Mage by sandara Blue Mage :iconsandara:sandara 6,547 153 Inquisitor by theDURRRRIAN Inquisitor :iconthedurrrrian:theDURRRRIAN 2,368 56 Ink22 by Raiddo Ink22 :iconraiddo:Raiddo 10 0 Ink 07 by Raiddo Ink 07 :iconraiddo:Raiddo 8 0 chakra mice by drachenmagier chakra mice :icondrachenmagier:drachenmagier 891 93 TW3 Wolf witcher armors concept art by Scratcherpen TW3 Wolf witcher armors concept art :iconscratcherpen:Scratcherpen 193 0 Outback knife for outback man by Ugrik Outback knife for outback man :iconugrik:Ugrik 87 13


United States
Current Residence: Bothell, WA
Favourite genre of music: Rock
MP3 player of choice: my cell phone
Wallpaper of choice: Cycling medieval and LOTR images
Personal Quote: "We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey" - Kenji Miyazawa
Reconnection is hard.  Particularly when it's with someone who has been through (and the cause of) more highs and lows in your life than any other single has.  But all we can do is hope we are doing the right thing.  Take a chance on a hope or a dream.  Hold on to it and don't let go till it's clear there is nothing left to hope for.  Do the thing you need to do, even if you aren't sure it's the right thing.  Reach out to those you can't go a day without thinking about.  A friend of mine told me that, if things really were getting as bad as I was feeling them to be, that I needed to act on my wants and desires.  Her reasoning was simple: how much worse could it be?  What else do you really have to loose by doing this?  She was right.  I had nothing left to loose, and the possibility of gaining everything.  A sliver of hope.  The barest of chances.  So I acted on my wants.  Said them aloud and gave them life.  Did what I could to be heard.  And my world started spinning again.  We can only go forward in our lives, no matter how much we may want to go back and change the actions in our past, to take back words spoken in pain or anger, or to try to not make the mistakes that brought us to this place we call the present.  But we can't.  The past happened.  Period.  End of story.  Or rather, end of that story.  Every day we live lays the foundation for the day that follows it, and while we may not be able to change what we have done in the past, we can try to build towards a better future.  Lay a stronger foundation today for the hopes and plans of tomorrow to be built on.  That is living.  Make your foundation strong.  Stand on it.  Build from it.  Reach for what you want and what you need.  Live.

The nature of our lives, for me, has been exemplified by Merlin, the colt I've posted a few pictures of.  Every day he grows larger and stronger, benefiting from the nourishment and life he's lived the day before.  At only a month old he is already nearly a foot taller than when he was born.  It is amazing to watch this young, vibrant life grow and develop into the large, strong horse he will become.  Yet I also know that, if he hurts himself, he will have to heal from that.  To take the time he needs to repair his foundations and grow strong again.  Yet he still takes risks (yes, I'm ignoring the fact that he can't really understand the cause and effect of his actions and injuries, shhhhhhh), falls down, gets back up, and learns from what he has done before.  We can't live our lives in our safe little bubbles with our safe little foundations.  We need to live.  To fuck up.  To hurt and cry out and scream.  To loose what we need to hold on to most.  To fail.  Because those lessons teach us the value and importance of joy, of peace, of laughter.  What it feels like to have something or someone that you can't imagine going on without, and why that is something to cherish.  To have success fill us up and lift us above our failures.  Our lives are what we make them.  Our foundations are how we lived and acted yesterday, tomorrow is what can be built upon yesterday's efforts.  It is all important.  It all matters.

And it's all life.  Build yours the way you want to, and know that construction is never finished.
  • Listening to: Try, Tyler Ward
  • Playing: Watch_Dogs
  • Eating: Nothing at the moment
  • Drinking: Dihydrogen monoxide


Add a Comment:
Sammylovesyoulots Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2014  Student Writer

Thank you so much for the favorite <3

ADarkKnight Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2014
Of course! It's beautiful, and reminiscent of my experiences at the moment.
Aigue-Marine Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2013  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thanks a lot for the watch! :D I'm happy you like my work!!
greengreencat Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2013   Photographer
Thanks a lot for watching!
I hope you like my cosplay photos :)
Epic-Leather Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2012  Professional Artisan Crafter
Thanks for the watch! It's a pleasure to meet you. ^_^
SpeculumHistoriae Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2012   Artisan Crafter
Thanks for watching us, glad you like our works :ahoy:
Skane-Smeden Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thank you so very much for the watch! :)
ADarkKnight Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2012
Of course =) your work is fantastic!
Azerik92 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the fav
ADarkKnight Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2012
no problem =)
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