Reconnection is hard. Particularly when it's with someone who has been through (and the cause of) more highs and lows in your life than any other single has. But all we can do is hope we are doing the right thing. Take a chance on a hope or a dream. Hold on to it and don't let go till it's clear there is nothing left to hope for. Do the thing you need to do, even if you aren't sure it's the right thing. Reach out to those you can't go a day without thinking about. A friend of mine told me that, if things really were getting as bad as I was feeling them to be, that I needed to act on my wants and desires. Her reasoning was simple: how much worse could it be? What else do you really have to loose by doing this? She was right. I had nothing left to loose, and the possibility of gaining everything. A sliver of hope. The barest of chances. So I acted on my wants. Said them aloud and gave them life. Did what I could to be heard. And my world started spinning again. We can only go forward in our lives, no matter how much we may want to go back and change the actions in our past, to take back words spoken in pain or anger, or to try to not make the mistakes that brought us to this place we call the present. But we can't. The past happened. Period. End of story. Or rather, end of that story. Every day we live lays the foundation for the day that follows it, and while we may not be able to change what we have done in the past, we can try to build towards a better future. Lay a stronger foundation today for the hopes and plans of tomorrow to be built on. That is living. Make your foundation strong. Stand on it. Build from it. Reach for what you want and what you need. Live.
The nature of our lives, for me, has been exemplified by Merlin, the colt I've posted a few pictures of. Every day he grows larger and stronger, benefiting from the nourishment and life he's lived the day before. At only a month old he is already nearly a foot taller than when he was born. It is amazing to watch this young, vibrant life grow and develop into the large, strong horse he will become. Yet I also know that, if he hurts himself, he will have to heal from that. To take the time he needs to repair his foundations and grow strong again. Yet he still takes risks (yes, I'm ignoring the fact that he can't really understand the cause and effect of his actions and injuries, shhhhhhh), falls down, gets back up, and learns from what he has done before. We can't live our lives in our safe little bubbles with our safe little foundations. We need to live. To fuck up. To hurt and cry out and scream. To loose what we need to hold on to most. To fail. Because those lessons teach us the value and importance of joy, of peace, of laughter. What it feels like to have something or someone that you can't imagine going on without, and why that is something to cherish. To have success fill us up and lift us above our failures. Our lives are what we make them. Our foundations are how we lived and acted yesterday, tomorrow is what can be built upon yesterday's efforts. It is all important. It all matters.
And it's all life. Build yours the way you want to, and know that construction is never finished.
Listening to: Try, Tyler Ward
Eating: Nothing at the moment
Drinking: Dihydrogen monoxide