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Permeate

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By AconiteVyper
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You permeate my life

Like water to a sponge
Soaked into every space of me
Like a sweet marinated food
Flavoring every part of me
Like wind in the trees
Swirling all around me

You permeate my life

When I wake in the morning
You are the first thing on my mind
While at work
You appear beside the hosts I see
In the car
I notice you in the vehicle beside me
In my dreams
You walk beside me

You permeate my life

And when you're gone
And your voice begins to fade from my ears
And your thoughts begin to recede from my mind
I feel lost
Because when you allow someone
To bind around you so completely
And missing they be
The path blurs
The compass breaks
And all direction is gone
As I search for you once again
To find my way

And after seven long years
How can I possibly deny that...

...you permeate my life.
I've never been particularly close to anyone. Friends; family; it didn't really matter. I could drop anyone without much heartache.

But you...
I've never been closer to anyone.

And now that we seem to be drifting part...I can't help but feel like somethings missing in my life. As though some integral part of me is wrong.
Its almost like that gut reaction you feel when you're getting sick. You don't feel horrid quite yet...but there's that impending, looming sense that something isn't right.

Often I wonder if I'm just being paranoid. Maybe we -aren't- drifting, but are simply taking a hiatus. Lord knows I've definitely got enough doubt in my head to spin at least a thousand different reasons why you could be gone. You never did say anything to me...so how can I know for sure?
I've had my fair share of being gone too, of late. And you've had finals. And work. And that big trip you kept talking about. And of course some other internal things.
But then there's of course that looming bit that says it could be me.
That you're -not- actually gone, but are avoiding me. That I've done something wrong, and have somehow pushed you away. Hell, you have this account. It could be partly because of these things that you're gone. But how can I know? As I said...you never told me anything.

You're just gone.

So, I'll continue to run myself in circles. Worrying about everything. About you. About me. And hopefully find some respite in sleep, and keeping busy.

But if you read this, I want you to know (though I'm sure you already do), that nothing has changed for me. I will always feel as I do, and I will always be here hoping to hear from you, whether good or bad.

Because you are my Sekushi.
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© 2011 - 2020 AconiteVyper
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