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Hey everyone who's reading this, ^^ Also, please read this at your own risk, there will be some sensitive parts in this that you may not like. 

I actually kind of want to talk about myself for a long time now and I always been like this; always been. . . well, I always had anxiety and low self-esteem. I sometimes (mostly all the times) have trouble talking to people, I. . . try to hide in the shadows and just smile when I know I shouldn't. Well, I feel most of you guys are like; Oh I can relate! I'm glad if you can because I'm happy that I'm not the only one that's like this. I have low self-esteem because of I'm scared of being underestimated in the real world. I feel like I suffer in this world, sometimes, I just want to commit suicide. What do I mean underestimated? I mean like, let down, allow people to talk shit about me, people not liking me no matter what I do. I try to be this bundle of goodness toward others, but I don't know what else to do besides being that. I have anxiety because I'm sometimes scared of talking to people, that's where my anti-social comes in place. I'm anti-social, you may laugh at that but. . . I'm not in the best position to introduce myself to new people. New people, I just look away or. . . just not even talk to them. On the virtual internet, I'm not anti-social, I'm social but in real life, that's where I'm anti-social. I don't like talking to people in real life, it's not because of them. It's not, it's because of me. Anti-social started to happen when I went to middle school, new school, a lot more people I didn't know. 

Depression. Depression is such a strong word and. . . it hits me hard, I had depression since middle school, I knew I wasn't a kid anymore, I had to grow up and just get good grades. I question why can't I just do things I want to do, it's like I feel like I'm being pulled by strings. Anything I want to do, my parents would pull my strings and I would be retracted from the thing I want. I have depression because of stress and just feeling down, I never felt good about myself. I always have envied others, I always wished I was like others. I always wished I could have the things I want. I get depressed because of my parents, my parents, they don't understand me, they just don't. My mom is the only one that somewhat understands me. My dad, I hate him so much, life would be so much easier without my dad. Most of you guys are probably like, ouch, that's harsh. . . However, it's the truth, he's always either bitching about me or just plain mean to me. Sometimes, he's okay but mostly, I just hate him. 

Crying, I'm a really emotional person because I cry too much. I cry too much because I wish I was a better person. I wanted to be better than now. I want to be a perfect kid or a student. I cry whenever I feel there's something wrong with me or whenever I just feel sad. I cry when my parents yell at me, I wish that I was a better daughter. I cry sometimes because I wish I never existed. It hurts to be me, if someone wanted to trade bodies with me, I would refuse. I want to suffer and just learn from my sufferings. I cry because I wish I was not anti-social, have anxiety, feel weak, or low self-esteem. 

Suicide; a really touchy topic but I feel ready to expose it to everyone. Whenever I get depressed, I have suicide thoughts, I once googled; how to suicide. I felt sick of myself, I felt like this is the world where I was cursed. I felt ready to go even if it's going to Hell. In 8th grade, I almost suicide, I almost did, I didn't because of my mom. My mom was worried when I told her I was going to suicide. I wanted to suicide because of my dad and my life, I just want a restart like in a video game. My dad, I knew, he won't give any shit to my choices. He gave a whatever attitude when I was suicidal that night. My mom was probably furious at my dad for not caring at all. I didn't care anymore, I tried not to care about it anymore. Never have I ever felt so horrible, felt so horrible to kill myself. Yes, I'm still young, but I just never thought I would be that close but then. . . I didn't do it. 

English. I never really liked English that much but I try in English and for the people that are extremely good in English and cringing at my grammar mistakes, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can not do any better, I was born with another language as my first language. English is my second language and I had to learn it by ELD, I dislike ELD very much. I always had low self-esteem because of my English too, I felt like I was the worse person to speak English. I wish I understood English more. I can't stop wishing and always wished things that are out of my reach or I can not reach for. English is the one thing I struggle most in, I don't know how I get okay scores in English, but I just do?. . . I don't know anymore. 

Lying to myself; I was never a good liar or ever would be, I always pretend everything is okay and shove everything deep inside of me. I never really let anything that's wrong of me out where people can judge me. I always told myself that I won't be judged but I feel one day I would and I would say, oh, I lied to myself. I never really let anything go and just keep it close to me. I lie to myself when I try to make myself be happy or just cheerful at anything really. 

Nervousness; I get nervous really easily, I get nervous when I'm in front of the class and have to recite something by memory or by paper. It just leads to something that shouldn't even be true. I just get nervous because of the people that I am around, I'm scared of doing something where they second thinks me. I get nervous when I have to present something that I feel terrible about. 

I feel that's enough about me, if it wasn't for my friends, music, and my love for books, I wouldn't be here. I'm so happy I have the three that I need the most.

Thank you. 
Thank you for reading this. 
If you related, thank you. 
Thank you so much. 
Have a nice day/morning/night.
. . .
I'm sorry. 

Why does this feel like a dream that feels like it's real? Where or what is this place that's called Earth? 
  • Drinking: My tears
To whom the reader will be, I haven't done a journal for a while and I like to actually do this- heh. 

I just thought of doing a deep journal because of politics in the US and other in real life. I just thought this will help the people that struggle in real life- give them a smile or a few laughs. Life is... not fair in its own ways, but we still need to live our life to the fullest. I use to not believe that because I thought that was just a theory, a theory created by man. Now, I understand why people say that because life can be fun sometimes. Even though with all of the wars that happened and the war right now, we can still get our life together and still manage fun. I know politics right now in the US is really bad (Sorry if I'm offending people by this statement, but it's just my statement) but even if it is, we can go along with our life. We can just pretend that the politics don't affect us, we are still young. We will... always be young in our own ways no matter how old we are. Heh, life can be stressful at all times but if we keep away from the negative thoughts we can go through that day. I mean, each day is a brand new day! We can forget what happened the day before and think about today! Life could also lower our self-esteem but again if we try to compose ourselves we can be victorious in our actions. If there is something that makes us happy during the day... life wouldn't be hard as we think. Life isn't a game, however, we can make it a game. How? Try to survive, try not to lose too much health! It seems impossible or stupid, but that's how I think about life. I'd feel like everyone- at least everyone has struggled with depression. I struggle with depression ever since... well... I don't remember, but I still do. Depression is an evil thing, it can mislead us to any negative thoughts. Death, suicide, abuse on ourselves, etc... is created by depression. Depression is a strong word and a strong feeling. Depression can be helped but if it's too late then the help wouldn't help. If you get what I mean by that, heh.

On the brighter side, even if we struggle with life, we still have people on our sides! Friends are what they are called! I'm sure everyone has friends and if they don't, well, they will get some! Friends are the best things to people like me. Friends support you and always by your side, they can even help you get through homework or even life! ^^ Friends can be online or people you see every day. It doesn't matter if you meet a person online because if you and them get alone, they can be considered as friends! Friends can also be created by a community you're in like anime or same genres in books! Everyone can be each other friends if we can get along! 

I hope this wasn't too bad, I haven't typed for a long time on dA and my English still sucks by a lot. ^^' 
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guys you should do this 
the artwork looks pretty cool
and the prizes that you CAN win look p lit 
go, go, goooo!!

Star Sign:

Average Hours of Sleep:

Lucky Number(s): 
13 (Born 3 days after 13)

Last Thing Googled:

"APA format" 

Favorite Fictional Character(s):
Soma (Shokugeki no Soma 

Current Attire:
Shorts because I kinda look decent in 'em. Long sleeves sweater because it's getting cold (Winter is coming...) 

When Did You Start This Account?:
One year ago?...

Number of Watchers:


What do You Post?:
Drawings and shit art 

Other Blogs:
Tumblr, Instagram

Do You Get a Lot of Comments:
No, I'm not popular enough too

Why Did You Choose This Username?:
I chose this username "ace-of-spades3220" because a few years back, I found a really awesome person on Youtube that started a series. The antagonist was named Ace of Spades and I really like him. His design and personality so that why when i made my dA, I had the user, "ace-of-spades3220".

Hello again Mortals

If you have won the free art, then you will be getting it around the 16-24! 
Please be patient with me as you know, I'm in high school and I can't exactly draw everyday freely anymore! 
Thank you!

Due to the fact that my birthday is coming up soon, I will be doing 14 free drawings because I'M TURNING 14!~ Woooo QOQ 
Anyways, these are the people that are getting the free drawings!
1.) :iconthechosenperiphant: 
2.) [This Person does not have a dA so therefore in respect of her/his privacy/name, I will not list her/his name] 
3.) :iconviofey: 
4.) Brook :iconbrookybee:
5.) Briar :icondarkandstar:
6.) Carr :iconavivaa:
7.) [This Person does not have a dA so therefore in respect of her/his privacy/name, I will not list her/his name] 
8.) Aider :iconmizzlemitt:
9.) Angel :icontoxicglare:
10.) Haru :iconh--a--r--u:
11.) Misty :icondancinqskies:   
12.) Frosty :iconfrostywarrior:
13.) [This Person does not have a dA so therefore in respect of her/his privacy/name, I will not list her/his name] 
14.) Echooo :iconoutlaweddemoness:

I have created a 14+ people list so if you didn't get it this time, then I'll MAKE sure you will get it next time! Have a good day! LazyIcon I wanna use - 6 Also, please, PLEASE comment on what you want me to draw! Or else, you will get a random drawing of an oc or drawing that will represent either your oc or you *wink*
Are you looking for a wolf rp site? Look no further as you can rp in Howl !!! 

This will be concerning about my DeviantArt because it will be slightly inactive since I'm getting into school.

Thank you!
Looking for an awesome warrior rp site? 
Looking no farther as you can go… BUT the site is wip 
Plan out your cats and lett's gooo!!!! 
Answer: At home and sad that I can't get on to WCP BC THE LEGITIMATE FACT THAT WCP IS CRASHING FOR ME.

Might be not on for a while until I can get on again HHHHH
Tagged by :iconragingdrumboner:

  • 1.) Post the rules.
  • 2.) Post 8 facts about your character.
  • 3.) Tag 8 other characters. 
  • 4.) Post their names along with their creators avatars.
1. Troutkit was based off as John Lauren. 
2. Troutkit says things out of the blue, most words he doesn't know what it means.
3. One of Trout's goal is to become deputy under his uncle/friend Heronkit.
4. Troutkit likes to be in and outside of camp, but mainly wanting to be outside of camp because it is less boring than inside camp.
5. Troutkit is both Heronkit's best friend and nephew, despite the fact they are only one day apart in age.
6. Troutkit can be seen crazy and wild, but he is naturally a friendly guy to be with.
7. Troutkit loves doing mischievous things that can lead him in trouble especially when he brings along Heronkit 
8. Troutkit doesn't get along with most of the cats in Riverclan- just only the cats he knows from kithood. 

:icondancinqskies: sapphirepaw
:iconlordbookmaster: Firestar
:iconxashtailx: Crescentkit or Ashtail ;v; 
:iconxeverfallingx: Everfall (BREEZEXEVER YESS)
:iconviofey: Littlepaw 
:iconfrostywarrior: Eaglefeather(?) 
:iconpastromy: Rubypaw
:iconflamingheadphones: Killian
:iconlionleap400: Lionleap 

Hello everyone! Unfortunately I will be taking a break from WCP after Saturday. I know you may be like; whattt? Whyyy ;v; 
Well, it is because of real life and I have to do good in school. You know, summer is here and people start slacking off. That's not going to be me, so yeah. Thank you to you guys who supported me since I started and never made me leave. I was actually planning to leave, but I cancelled it because what fun is it, getting asked on kik or skype if I'm coming back. -Heh. 

You may be celebrating because you are a hater of me, but it not that I'm leaving it's just a break. Nothing else- nothing more. You may think I'm an attention-seeker, but I'm not. It's how life goes. I'm a small girl that has a big heart for my friends, family, and everyone on WCP. My time here may be short, but I'm trying to live harder. I want to remember WCP when I depart. Haha ^^ 

Sorry for not posting anything lately ahah
My dad been on me because he thinks "drawing" is messing up my fucking grades
And it isn't
it just stress and my fuck-up grades
I draw to get rid of my stress but lately I haven't been drawing. Dammit.
Looted from: Leaf678 

[x] You've never done illegal drugs
[x] You have a lot of friends 
[x] You get along with everyone
[x] You haven't made fun of someone for at least two months
[ ] You love soccer
[ ] You love baseball
[x] You're into writing and art
[ ] Favourite music genre is pop rock
[x] You believe in "innocent until proven guilty" theory
[ ] Abortion is wrong
[x] The war against Iraq is unneeded 
[x] One of your favourite colours is red or gold
[x] Good grades at school
[x] One of the worst things you can do is lie
[x] You plan on going to college/university

[ ] You're content with mostly everything in your life right now.
[x] You laugh a lot
[x] You like to follow trends.
[ ] Politics suck.
[ ] You love to swim
[ ] Water polo is awesome
[ ] Pink is one of your favourite colours
[x] Black is morbid & depressing still like it though
[ ] Michael Jackson is talented as a musical artist.
[ ] You're an optimist.
[ ] You're completely straight-edge.
[x] You're very emotional
[x] Rap, R&B, & hip-hop is your favorite music genre
[ ] You don't believe in going steady at a young age
[ ] You've made fun of at least one person this week.

[x] You're depressed to a certain extent.
[x] You love to read.
[x] You appreciate theatre & arts.
[ ] Sports suck.
[ ] You're shy. (more like introverted.)
[ ] Hate is completely unneeded. 
[x] Loyalty is the MOST important thing in a relationship
[ ] Indie is your favourite genre of music.
[x] Every once in awhile you have little anger outbursts.
[x] Lying is sometimes okay
[ ] Red is one of your favourite colours.
[ ] Serious is better than funny.

[x] There's at least one person you hate.
[x] Basketball is a good sport.
[ ] (American) Football is amazing.
[x] Black is a cool colour. 
[ ] You've lied about something serious.
[x] You're a very deep person.
[ ] You have considered suicide. 
[x] Very loyal.
[x] You like metal.
[ ] They make school seem more important than it is.
[ ] You're scared to grow up.
[ ] You've done drugs in the past month.
[x] Anger is one of your primary feelings.
[x] You have trust issues.
[x] Guilty until proven innocent.

Well then
Didn't expect this to turn out like this but.
Slytherin GRYFFINDOR??? 

Tagged by : :ragingdrumboner:

Rules :

You must say 13 things about yourself.
You must Answer the 13 questions asked by who tagged you.
Choose 13 people to tag, not 12, not 14, but 13. 
Make sure they know they have been tagged.
Do not say "if you read this you have been tagged".
You can tag the person who tagged you.
Make a journal. Do not be lazy.
If you do not do it in a week after receiving it you should obey a desire of the person who sent it to you.
1. Favorite subject in school?
Language Arts and 
2. What do you want to be when you grow up?
An attorney lawyer so I can protect my friends! 
3. What fandom(s) are you in?
Pretty Little Liars, The Walking Dead, Doctor Who, Anime, Star Wars, Big Bang, Bangtan Boys (BTS), EXO, Harry Potter (Potterhead <: ), The Maze Runner, Gravity Falls, Percy Jackson series, Narnia, and NEWT 
4. Favorite WCP char of mine? (*steals question, also if you dont know any of my chars then skip this : o 
5. Zodiac sign?
6. Favorite band/singer?
Halsey, Hollywood Undead, Fall Out Boy, 5SOS, Taylor Swift, Panic! At the Disco, Linkin' Park, Simon Curtis, Three Day Grace, Troye Sivan, 
7. Would you ever dye your hair?
Nooooo, my mum gonna kill me if I do ;A ; 
8. Favorite breed of cat?
Tuxedo cats 
9. Favorite movie?
Narnia The Witch The Lion and the Wardrobe ; u ; 
10. Least favorite subject in school?
11. If you could travel anywhere, for free, where would you go?
Korea or Tokyo or Vietnam ; u ;
12. Would you ever go to outerspace?
13. On a scale of 1-10, how much do you want to sleep right now? cx

Questions for Tagged People
1. What is your favorite sport?
2. What do you hate most about school
3. Fandom?
4. How long do you spend your time online?
5. When you draw, is there often rage?
6. What do you like to do the most irl?
7. How do you think of me and am I a good person?
8. What race(s) are you?
9. What books have you been reading lately?
10. How or why did you start drawing?
11. What if you were stuck in a closet with your enemies? What would you do?
12. Imagine you are in the Maze, what would you 'bloody hell' do?
13. What if you were killed by your enemy, what would you say? (SWEARING ALLOWED YES)
People tagged in this 
FITE ME) FrostyWarrior AutumnTheKittyKat heathenbound Grayspirit7 FlamingHeadphones TwistedDrxwings  Tigerpeltt QueenDreamscape unoia  
also for some reason I couldn't tag you guys: Deadwhisker, leaf, River, and Redwhisk3r 
Tagged by : :iconunoia:

You should say 13 things about you.
You Must Answer the 13 questions asked by who spend you the Tag, just as do 13 questions who will spend the tag.
Choose 13 persons to spend the Tag, Not 12, Not 14, 13, 13 PERSONS OK.
Make sure they know have been Tagged.
Not "if you read this these you has been Tagged"
You can Tag who Tagged you.
MAKE A JOURNAL, Do not be lazy Ok.
If you do not do the Tag in a week after receiving the Tag you should obey a desire who will spend the Tag to you.

1. Do you like peanut butter?
Yes, I like it a lot ouo 
2. what is your favorite thing to draw
Cats and humans 
3. if you were fansexual or already are,who or who will be your crush?
4. Fandom?
Where to start.. WHERE TO START... Pretty Little Liars, The Walking Dead, Doctor Who, Anime, Star Wars, Big Bang, Bangtan Boys (BTS), EXO, Harry Potter (Potterhead <: ), The Maze Runner, Gravity Falls, Percy Jackson series, Narnia, and NEWT 
5. What do you hate the most
Getting crappy/cringing grades at school 
6. What do you suck at most?
Math. gg 
7. what is your most memorable experience
Getting my drawing tablet and draw on it :^)
8. wHOO AM I TO U ?
A member or my big family and a close friend ^^ 
9. who is your best friend (or are)
Viofey TheFallingAcorn AutumnTheKittyKat Lionleap400, Hannah, RIversong, xAshtailx, dancinqskies, Peticore, Toxicglare , unoia , fireflysparks , FrostyWarrior , avivaa , LordBookmaster , XFeatherDusterX , TwistedDrxwings , and last but not least. . . Aspalax and Grayspirit7 
10. favorite game?
Maplestory ftw 
11. do you have a life?
Yess-ish :^) 
12. John cena ?
13. hi?
hello ^^ *clings*

Questions for tagged people ;D
1. If you were stuck on an island with your enemy what would you do?
2. How do you think of me?
3. What Fandom(s) are you in?
4. Do you have a crush on anyone you know?
5. What is your favorite hobby or hobbies
6. What would you do if a person walked up to you and gave you him/her number?
7. What kind of person are you?
8. How old are you?
9. Favorite Singer or Person?
10. Who are your best friends/friends?
11. How is life treating you?
12. Do you like candy
13. Do you like me as a friend?
Tagged people
fireflysparks Toxicglare LordBookmaster dancinqskies TheFallingAcorn Viofey xAshtailx Lionleap400 lillydiezi Leaf678 Peticore esteIle xEverfallingx  
1. [] They have an unnatural eye color ( ex. Red, Purple, etc. )
2. [ ] That eye color is Red
3. [x] Eyes that change color
4. [ ] They have Heterochromia
5. [ ] They have an unnatural fur color ( ex. Red, Purple, Green, etc. )
6. [ ] They have visible scars on their body (not shown on picture above)
7. [x] They are stunningly handsome/cute/beautiful 
8. [x] They are muscular
9. [x] They have no determinable breed
10. [x] They are exceptionally tall/short (munchkin cat)
11. [ ] They are Blind/Deaf
12. [ ] Have a limb missing 
13. [ ] Has a bad sense of smell/taste/hearing 
 Total: 5

1. [ ] They have amnesia 
2. [ ] They were born as a Rouge or Loner 
3. [x] Either one or both parents killed tragically (both,dad died saving leader,mom died giving birth)
4. [ ] They were once a kittypet 
5. [ ] They have a long-lost sibling. 
6. [] They are descended from a leader. 
7. [] They know they are descended from a leader 
8. [ ] Descended from a leader and is in a high position.
9. [x] They were born from an Inter-Clan relationship
10. [ ] Either one or both of their parents were cruel/abusing
11. [x] They witnessed the death of one/both parents. 
12. [ ] They never knew their parents
13. [ ] Have visited the Dark Forest
14. [x] They want/destined to be a Leader of a clan 
  Total: 4

1. [] They have an unusual name that's not in the books.
2. [x] Their name refers to either Death, Lightning, Fire, or Darkness.
3. [ ] Their name has the prefix Jay-
4. [ ] Their name is similar to a character of media
  Total: 1

1. [x] They have lots/no friends. 
2. [ ] They have Inter-Clan relationships. 
3. [ ] They had more than one mate
4. [ ] They have a lot of romantic interests fighting over them
5. [ ] They personally have a lot of romantic interests
6. [ ] They are a Medicine Cat with a forbidden relationship
7. [ ] They have a crush on a character of the same gender. 
8. [ ] They're unsure if they can trust someone to love.
9. [x] Other cats think he/she are attractive. 
10. [ ] They met and fell in love with another cat in only one month of story.
  Total: 2

1. [ ] They have Autism
2. [ ] They have a split-personality disorder 
3. [x] They're struggling to stay sane
4. [ ] They're the kind of person to approach those who others don't want to approach.
5. [x] They are very intelligent. 
6. [ ] They're very mysterious/dark 
7. [] Loves kits/elders
8. [x] Has a protective nature of clanmates/friends
9. [x] Emotional. 
10. [ ] Deep down they're kind hearted. 
  Total: 4 

   Point Reductions
 Get rid of points here.

1. [x] They have a short-temper 
2. [ ] Enjoys picking on others
3. [ ] Are of average intelligence
4. [] They are average height
5. [] Their eye colour is yellow/green
6. [ ] They have a natural pelt pattern for their breed. 
7. [] They are from a little of three or more that survived to Apprentice-hood. 
  Total: 15

  Overall Total Points:  8.5

05 Points Anti-Sue

~~ Your character is a little boring and dull, perhaps it wouldn't hurt to add some more to their character ~~

06 - 15 Balanced Character

~~ You have a well-balanced character with just the right amount of interesting, without going over the top. Odds are your character is quite unique ~~

16 - 25 Borderline Mary-Sue

~~ Your getting a little close there, might want to tone some things down or add a couple more flaws ~~

26 - Mary-Sue

~~ Your character needs a serious personality make-over ~~

35 - Ultimate Mary-Sue

Okay. I am very upset right now. First let me tell you guys why
1. IRL, I wanted to die. Yep, I said it, now I'm not kidding or anything. It was so depressing that see that I'm almost failing US History when the job I'm trying t reach needs history. No good grade in history = homeless
2. THE DRAMA ON WCP. Now I'm not trying to be rude or anything and biased. But Angel aspired me to do this. I'm sick and tired of people crushing other people's plot or idea. For anything. It just.. annoying. Go on, hate me if you like. I know there are haters that hate me already. You are probably thinking. Dude, just chill.
I rarely get on WCP now days as you can notice my absent and bbl and never coming back.
I am really mad at people who disrespect my friends. I will not say WHO, but I'm mad.
High ranks are people who DESERVE it, not to BRAG them have it like: Oh my god, I'm going to be so popular now. 
Uggh, now I'm just like
Screw everything.
I'm suddenly in a debate with myself if I should leave or not
Because lately, people are leaving me and I don't like it at all.
3. People. I despise people who starts heated arguments because of what people say. Like for me, I'm done helping not because I don't want to, but for the sakes of not starting a HEATED argument over something that has to be said or has to be seen. I will quote this from Toxicglare, "People tend to stick together, make groups, exclude others, make biased decisions and choices based on friendships instead of fairness and objectivity. Don't overthink it: it is human nature, and how we, as humans, tend to judge." That I mainly agree on, I am in a few, but for different reason and I'm not going to sit on my ass explain why I am. It just because. 
I know a few biased people again not going to say who. 
I'm writing this not to annoy others, but to express that I kept inside me for a very long time.
I'm sorry if it hurts anyone
Life can be a bitch sometimes you know?
So can I. 
So can I be a bitch.