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It never ends

Journal Entry: Sun Oct 22, 2017, 8:19 PM



I'm so sick. I'm terrified I'm gonna die...or worse, be stuck in this slow, painful hell forever.

I've had so many blood tests, and exams, and MRIs, and I've tried so many medicines...I just want someone to fix me. Why can't anyone help? I can't even draw anymore :'(

Years, and years, and years, and years of pain. I don't know how much longer I can take this. I can't sleep. I can't eat. All I do is sit here, curled up in a ball. I cry every single day. Why did this have to happen to me?



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  • Listening to: calming ocean music
  • Eating: too sick to eat
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:iconkumorininja08:
KumoriNinja08 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Geez this crap seems endless. I really do hope something comes around that rids of you of this bs once and for all :C :hug:
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:iconbenjamin-tallmadge:
Benjamin-Tallmadge Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2017  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Aw, poor thing, I hope that they will find a cure for you soon. :cries: Hug Do they even know what is wrong?
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:iconacaciathorn:
Acaciathorn Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
not yet
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:iconbenjamin-tallmadge:
Benjamin-Tallmadge Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2017  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Aw, that sucks, fibromyalgia purhaps? IDK. Sounds wretched though, I hope you feel better. :)
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:iconleonine-bard:
Leonine-Bard Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2017
Be strong and see it through, Darling. Don't know how partial you are to religion, but I'll keep you in my prayers.
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:iconacaciathorn:
Acaciathorn Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm an atheist, but I appreciate people thinking of me and wishing me well :)
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:iconleonine-bard:
Leonine-Bard Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2017
As we only know one another via this site, such well-wishes and the comfort of kind words are all I can really offer. I'm glad to do what little I can, and it's good to know that my efforts are appreciated.
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:iconserenaletheia:
SerenAletheia Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
I have no words. And I don't know. :(
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:icondoppelgangergrl:
doppelgangergrl Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2017
I hope they find it :hug: and I hope you feel better soon.  You're so strong.
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:iconthebutterfly:
TheButterfly Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2017   Digital Artist
I'm so sorry you have to deal with all this horrible, painful bullshit. I really hope the neurologist can help in some way >.<  *super big gentle hugs*
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:iconacaciathorn:
Acaciathorn Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:hug:
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:iconclone-artist:
Clone-Artist Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2017  Professional Traditional Artist
That is  the hardest part for me: To hear when someone dear to me is really sick and I cannot do anything to help them except hope that doctors will find way to make them better.
Take care Mara. :hug:
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:iconacaciathorn:
Acaciathorn Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:cuddle:
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:iconjimmyneutronfreak1:
jimmyneutronfreak1 Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2017  Student General Artist
:huggle: :sniff: :pray: 
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:iconjokerz-1824:
Jokerz-1824 Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2017
:iconmanhugplz:
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:iconrufiangel:
rufiangel Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm so sorry to hear it. I truly am, you're a beautiful person who deserves so. much. better.
I send all the gentle mind-hugs I can. You're in my thoughts and prayers, dear. You have been so strong and courageous against this so far. We love you, don't lose heart.
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:iconacaciathorn:
Acaciathorn Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:hug:
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:iconicestormtundra:
IcestormTundra Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2017  Student Digital Artist
I'm sorry you have to go through this, if there's anything we can do to help don't be afraid to ask. I hope you recover as soon as possible. <3
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:iconlordmetaknight:
lordmetaknight Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2017
I'm sorry you're suffering... It must be really difficult.
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:iconmariozelda128:
MarioZelda128 Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
That's one horrible situation. No one should ever go through such terror, not even psychopaths. I offer my blessings and condolences to you, although I may not be able to do anything.
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:iconaurik-kal-durin:
Aurik-Kal-Durin Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2017
I can't imagine how horrible it must be for you. I wish I could say something to make it better... you don't deserve to suffer like this.
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:icondaggerbeak:
Daggerbeak Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2017
Omg, I'm so sorry :( you've been through so much, stuff I can't even imagine experiencing. 
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:iconfennbothan:
Fennbothan Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2017
Nope. Not allowed to die, you're too winsome to go.

It's horrible to hear what you're having to go through on a daily basis like this, and I don't think anyone can imagine it without going through it first hand, but you can do it. Sounds hollow but you can. All those MRIs and tests, hopefully they can narrow this thing down and the docs can do what they need to.

It hurts, you can't do what you want and you can't be comfortable; it sounds like hell, but what little I know about you, you can handle hell. It will kick you down, make you feel shit, and stop you doing what makes you happy, but before you know it, you'll be on your feet again and with just one more win under your belt.

Keep on fighting, you're gonna win, and you've got friends and family in your corner to make sure you can keep going when you get knocked about like this. You're down low now, but you can only go upward from here. 

Make it a KO btw, they're the flashiest, and you're style for days! ;p
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:iconchronorin:
Chronorin Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2017  Professional Digital Artist
I'm so sorry.  This... this is just insanely wrong.  
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:iconsterlingkato:
SterlingKato Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2017
A friend of mine suffered Lupus and she had no idea what was going on until she went to a pain specialist. Doctors and hospitals will only test for certain things but you'd need a pain specialist to find the root cause, blood tests and MRIs can only show so much. Also, a lot of the nerves are in your spinal column which if there's a pinched nerve anywhere along the spine (or pinched spinal discs) that can cause severe pain throughout the entire body or even just certain parts.I don't know if you have gone to see a pain specialist OR a chiropractor but it might be worth looking into. More so if it's been years -- Something like that shouldn't be so hard to find, that's very upsetting. 

If I can ask, where is the pain most severe?
What kind of pain is it (dull throbbing pain, sharp intense pain, etc)? 
Is it constant or does it come and go? 
Are there any points in the day where the pain intensifies or lessens? 
Have you ever had an allergy test (food/environment)? 

Sorry to pick your brain but if I can help I'd like to try and get some resources for you. 
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:iconacaciathorn:
Acaciathorn Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I've been to a rheumatologist who tested for everything they could think of, including lupus. Nothing. I just started seeing a neurologist, and he ordered a bunch more tests. He says he believes that it's neurological pain, but isn't sure what kind yet. Painkillers don't help. I know what foods I'm sensitive to and have already removed them from my diet years ago. I've tried acupuncture, and I regularly go to a chiropractor. I also see a therapist.
I suffered from ulcerative colitis for years. I lost that battle and had to have my entire colon removed. My immune system and my body just don't work right.
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:iconsterlingkato:
SterlingKato Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2017
Oh maaaan, sounds like you have been through the ringer =/ I really really hope this neurologist can find something; anything -- some answers and possibly some treatments. My mum has collagenous colitis and has for nearly 13 years now and it's really a debilitating condition. She can't get the proper medications so she has to make due with what she can to manage it. 
I am so sorry to hear you've suffered so much but I hold out a hope that one day you'll find the right relief through capable hands and minds. 
Keep on trucking, you got this. 
All the best man, all the best <3
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:iconbreecrissy:
breecrissy Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2017
I'm so sorry you are going through this sweetie.. Trust me when I say I know how much it sucks to hear this or how difficult and time consuming it would be but have you tried going to a different doctor?  I know it's a hassle..I had to switch doctors so many times before someone was even able to do anything. Granted it didn't actually fix it but it did help for a while...Maybe you should try somewhere else :(
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:iconacaciathorn:
Acaciathorn Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I've been to dozens of doctors, for years.
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:iconbreecrissy:
breecrissy Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2017
:( that really blows.. You shouldn't have to be going through this..I really hope they find something soon..
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:iconthebrassglass:
TheBrassGlass Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2017  Professional General Artist
I'm so sorry. :( :hug:
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:iconacaciathorn:
Acaciathorn Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
T_T
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:iconironbloodaika:
IronBloodAika Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2017
We're here for you. :( :hug:
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:iconlucasfan375:
Lucasfan375 Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2017  Hobbyist Filmographer
What's wrong?
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:iconacaciathorn:
Acaciathorn Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
neurological shit. They don't know.
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:iconlucasfan375:
Lucasfan375 Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2017  Hobbyist Filmographer
It's going to be okay, don't worry. 
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