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I miss being me

Journal Entry: Tue Oct 31, 2017, 12:56 PM



When you're chronically ill and suffering, holidays are the absolute worst. Halloween used to be my favorite day of the year. I LOVED dressing up, and going out trick-or-treating, and handing out candy to kids, and going to costume parties. Now I can't even get out of bed.

I've been crying all day. I miss being able to draw more than I can possibly describe. Even during my worst flare-ups, I always had my art to get me through. Now I have nothing. I wish I had died during my surgery last year so that I wouldn't have had to go through this all over again.



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  • Listening to: calming ocean music
  • Eating: too sick to eat
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:iconrufiangel:
rufiangel Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I am reading this rather late so sorry for the belated response. It really hurts to know you're going through so much pain, inside and out. You're in my thoughts and prayers, and I truly hope for just that: hope.
Reply
:iconkumorininja08:
KumoriNinja08 Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Knowing this is a constant for the time being hurts, but also knowing we are all here to reach for you and help you get through the days is also a constant. I know your strength as a longtime watcher so please don't give up. There will be more tomorrows so keep reaching for them. Prove your body is just that, a body and your spirit is beyond it :hug:
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:iconleonine-bard:
Leonine-Bard Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2017
You'll get through this, no matter what. Be strong, and even when that fails, know that you'll always have a compassionate, understanding hand offered to aid you. Wishing you all the best, Thorn. <3
Reply
:iconmichaelaquino000:
michaelaquino000 Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2017  Hobbyist
hey hey hey now... don't say that please... I know it looks bad now but there is always a light beyond the tunnel my friend.. and we are here holding a lantern to help you see the in the dark until we arrive in the light.
Reply
:iconserenaletheia:
SerenAletheia Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
There are no words for suffering like this. I am not going to give you platitudes. I am very sad you have to endure this. :(
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:iconacaciathorn:
Acaciathorn Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Me too
Reply
:iconjokerz-1824:
Jokerz-1824 Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2017
:iconsadhugplz:
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:iconchronorin:
Chronorin Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2017  Professional Digital Artist
Is there any hope at all?  That you can get better?
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:iconacaciathorn:
Acaciathorn Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I don't know
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:iconchronorin:
Chronorin Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2017  Professional Digital Artist
I'm sorry...
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:iconironbloodaika:
IronBloodAika Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2017
:( :hug:
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:iconacaciathorn:
Acaciathorn Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:cuddle:
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:iconironbloodaika:
IronBloodAika Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2017
:)
Reply
:icondespicablethem:
despicablethem Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2017
:hugs:
Hope things get better for you.
Reply
:iconacaciathorn:
Acaciathorn Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
me too
Reply
:iconfennbothan:
Fennbothan Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2017
That's where chronic pain and conditions like this really hit hard; they stop you doing the things you wanna do. Makes life miserable. But all that said, I don't think anyone wishes you died, yeah? :)

It sucks, it hurts and I bet it feels lile things won't ever improve, but they will. Hopefully things do get sorted soon so you can be up and doing what you do best again (being you!), and each day is a day closer to that. 

And remember, it might feel like you can't keep going, but there's people around you who will gladly prop you up and make sure you're still on your feet. We all wanna see you pull through this, and it's hopefully only a matter of when, not if. 

You're still you though, friendo, and sick or not you are still awesome. :)
Reply
:iconmaewu:
maewu Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2017  Hobbyist
I know you've probably gotten this a lot, but I'm sure it'll get better. It's not fair. You only realize what you had until it's gone... And it's mostly those who ACTUALLY enjoy life that get it taken away from them.
I hope they can help you...
Reply
:iconacaciathorn:
Acaciathorn Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
me too
Reply
:iconartofdroth:
artofdroth Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2017  Professional Traditional Artist
I'm so sorry. I know I can't possibly understand your pain, but you're in my thoughts.
Reply
:iconacaciathorn:
Acaciathorn Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:hug:
Reply
:iconstarrifythesky:
starrifythesky Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
May I ask what the surgery was? It's okay if it's something you'd rather not discuss though
I'm really sorry you're going through this, we are here for you <3
Reply
:iconacaciathorn:
Acaciathorn Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
surgery to remove my large intestine
Reply
:iconstarrifythesky:
starrifythesky Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I read a few of your previous journals, and I really hope they can figure out what is going on, I'm sorry you are going through this, and again we're here for you ♥ Wishing the best.
Reply
:iconlucasfan375:
Lucasfan375 Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2017  Hobbyist Filmographer
Get better, okay.
Reply
:iconacaciathorn:
Acaciathorn Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I wish.
Reply
:iconmike-the-dabbler:
Mike-the-dabbler Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2017
:hug:
Reply
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