well, one thing i can say about myself has to do with that first, sort of aggressive & scary little checkbox (note absence of "check") in the box above me. AM I AN ARTIST?!! yes yes, i understand. I think. I'm supposed to check that box with a fervent, self-affirming "click!" and pronounce, before myself and the world, that By God, Yes. Yes, indeed. I AM AN ARTIST. hear me roar.
honestly, I WISH I had the capacity to do ANY of that. But then I would have to be a different person all together. I guess I just feel weird making such an objective statement at all, let alone one about myself.
when asked if I'm an artist, i usually begin w/ some fun, guttural disgruntled noises before just saying "i do art…if that's what you mean/ does that answer your question/may i go now please."
Sorry. this is all getting very long & verging on preachy; the very worst thing anyone could ever be. blech. So! wrapping-up:
My hat's off to those of you who bravely check "yes. I am an artist. a very good one in fact. how kind of you to ask." What i wanted to say ( in this dissertation that, incredibly, I STILL somehow seem to be writing) is that it doesn't feel self-defeatist, or self-deprecating, when i admit to having no clue whether i've got an official "artist" stamp permanently branded into some area of my backside or mee bottom, or any equally discreet part of my body that's clearly visible to literally every other single sighted human person, except, that-is, for me. ...sort-of like having skme slia sign on your back that reads, simply: "kick me."
only not even sort-of like that. at-all,
but my point! my point this! this question, "are you an artist?" feels fishy.... and loaded. a loaded fish pistol blitzkrieg line of inquiry posing as a breezy tralala blah of casual curiosity. it intimidates me, here it just feels honest. For now, anyway. And I can't say i hope that doesn't change.
You made it!! The End.