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My plans after my PM expires...

Journal Entry: Thu Mar 13, 2014, 6:59 AM
A Whisper from the heart

A scream from the soul

Is to leave this account for good...

I'll probably note only a few who still talks to me about my new account since they're the good ones around who are still nice...

I probably sound like a bad person from this points on but...
Note that these are what I feel at the moment:
  • I really do feel left out of the community...
    Especially in the UTAU / Vocaloid / MMD Fandom now that it is very big...
    I don't know if I am the only one who feels this but sometimes it feels like there's a community you want to join yet you can't because either you can't reach it or just can't connect to it
    => My dumb reason for feeling that urge of using my own UTAUloids rather than others...

  • My true intentions?
    No one probably cares about this bit but originally I was going to cast Aika out of my main UTAUloid group and make her a 'project' sort of UTAUloid but I doubt that will ever ever EVER happen now...
    I guess a dream will always be just a dream ain't it?

  • Don't get me wrong here...
    I like making friends and all but sometimes that so called making friends is just for a day or two then we're back to strangers...
    => Another reason why I want to leave this account

  • This is probably another selfish thing but...
    I tend to word things really weirdly to the point where it sounds more like I want something rather than 'ask' about it...
    ...hence why I tend to make journals a lot since I am quite either insecure about them or else just want an ear of advice...
    Don't get me wrong, not all of you are in this position but...
    Like with my latest one I really wanted help on what I should do for my UTAUloid's anniversary considering it is more than a month away...even a simple answer like this or that could help out...
    ...But I guess not everyone bothers with journals these days...
    ...Hence why it sounds like a selfish thing to say...

  • Also I want to move on from these fandoms...
    I really wanted to do some fanarts but I never have the courage to do ones from animes I love...
    => Another reason I wanted to move so I can focus on them and not worry about my UTAU's, etc.

  • In the end...
    I just want to move on and forget about the dark days but even then they haunt me like this account...
    Originally it was meant to be solely for the purpose of just UTAU-related things but even that is scaring me now with the many better artists people see and getting their character's promoted...
    ...I'm just one of those few that tries but will never ever reach that place where they are...
    So I want to move on...
    I don't know when the day will be when I will rightfully own my own Vocaloid and start producing songs with them but it will be one day...
    But for now I can only do the simple ones with my own UTAU's or other's (If I feel like it...)

Anyways I still have some time before this thing expires, I won't upload anything (I think...) but hopefully we can all get along together till then : ) 

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AshiotoPiko Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
are not alone in this feel. OTL *pats*
A-Daiya Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2014
thanks ; A ; 

It's okay...
I'll figure something out at least lol
Negiko Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2014
I know how you feel about feeling left out. Honestly, I've been in the UTAU community for about 5 years or so but I guess it's also my fault for not being spontaneous and try to publicize my utaus just to be popular etc.
A-Daiya Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014
Oh wow way longer than me?
I think I might have been 5 years myself but didn't start making an UTAU of my own like 4 years ago? (If I don't count my 1st actual UTAU named Nozomi Shiroki then yeah... )

Ah that could be...
And having friends that are active in the community and people using your UTAU's is another but that's the one thing I can't get working in the end OTL;
Negiko Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2014
LOL same...And yeah...I've been in utau since I was in...6-7th grade? LOL the world may never know...
shadoouge Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I know how you feel. I feel really left out too.

People know Aika more than Shadoo or Adoo which are absolutely useless. No VCVs just crappy one pitch CVs only I use.

People don't even use them that much on their own will. They do it because of a part of a trade etc. 

Shadoo sounds weird and Adoo too ugh. My stupid MMD videos get more views than my stupid covers what am i to do with these useless UTAU? They're my only original characters I really take care of and I can't abandon them just UGH theire designs. Never will they get any recognition whatever the word was
A-Daiya Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014
//pat pat, there there we're in this together ; A ; 

...When you put it that way it's true yet not true lol
I mean there are some CV banks that are still popular like Defoko or Arika Suzune and they're like 1-pitch only CV banks (Well that's what I remember for Arika since I think her updates are pretty much done?)

Ah same here...
I mean I do get people who do use them but it's either the mixing pretty crap or it's weird and I have the biggest urge just to re-make it OTL;
(Not that I do that but yah...)

Nah she's not weird O v O
I like how she gives off that softness in the voice...
(Aika used to be like that before I made her Strong Voice //sigh)
And that sort of thing I love in a Voicebank and I tend to collect ones that are similar to that sort of thing...
(Well Yufu Sekka was the one I probably won't ever get as we spoke on Twitter ahaha)...

Oh man I feel you about that when your MMD-videos gets more views than covers...
That just makes you feel your work and efforts are you nothing in the end ; _ ; 
shadoouge Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yeah ;M; I get what you feel but it's probably worse for me OTL
Then again you've been in the community ages before me

Well nobody really uses CV that much anymore. I honestly feel like the only person that uses CV anymore pfffft

Yeah Shadoo has a solid append too which is too sharp imo

Yeah she's waay too soft I mean some people can control the softness but when they don't it sounds ughhh

Yeah ;M; MMD is fun but sometimes hard to use.

But what's harder is editing a ust, fitting your UTAU into it, rendering vocals and I usually render out vocals with every append Adoo or Shadoo has, ugh editing them together, proper timing, mixing then getting headaches it's a lot more work but  yeah OTL Nobody really watches those
ArcaneEnchantment Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I sort of felt the same about the Vocaloid/UTAU fandom, actually.
I still love Vocaloid/UTAU, but I feel as if I didn't really... fit in?
But also, I got quite bored with the fandom after a while. I mean, I thought it was a rather nice fandom, but I found it rather boring after a while.

I have to agree with that one person that thinks popularity doesn't really matter.
I don't think I'd consider myself 'popular' ((I have quite a few watchers, but I don't really consider myself "popular")). In fact, I don't really care about popularity. If I even do get more popular, then it just happens... you know? That's pretty much how I view it.
So yeah, I don't really care if I get popular or not. I just enjoy doing what I love.

And I've had some 'dark times' myself.
Things were really bad on my first account, so right when my premium was about to expire, I moved to this account.
Since then, I've been happier on here since I moved.

Okay, now I'm just rambling, aren't I?

Anyways, I don't think popularity should really matter. Just do what you enjoy doing.
And if you need to talk about anything, I am here. I will be there and listen to everything you'd have to say. UwU

Also, sorry it's been a really long time since we last spoke... ; o ;
A-Daiya Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014
Ah I'm glad...
I think a lot of people are feeling this way considering the community is like...big? bigger? the biggest? (I doubt it ahaha)...Well growing should be the right word every year...
I have my days where I get bored of the fandom (UTAU / Vocaloid / MMD) but just even a week or days or even a few hours and I'm back there XD

Yeah as said to the one before, I should try not let the 'popularity' get to me but it really does in the end and I just want to relief my stress about it in the end OTL;

I feel you about that, actually I just find myself just hopping around my accounts in the end lol (but somehow I just really want to leave this account for the main reason people add me yet don't talk to me > _ > )

Nah you aren't rambling at all~
But thank you very much for your support here ; _ ; 
ArcaneEnchantment Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ah, I see.

You're welcome.~ UwU
mbarnesMMD Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
 it is up to you.  You are way better then I am at this stuff. I haven't came up with anything for Aika yet. she still is one of my favorites. 
A-Daiya Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014
Thank you very much for your support?
I doubt I am better at stuff than you, like I can't consider myself better than you especially when you can make things from scratch and I very much envy and look up to you when you're able to do such wonderful and beautiful things like that : ) 

But it's fine, I have to remember that it's the thoughts that counts XD
mbarnesMMD Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks but your utauroid is way better than mine
A-Daiya Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2014
awww thank you there : ) 
I am sure there will be a day when your UTAU's will be totally better than mine : D
mbarnesMMD Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
CHOCOPOiD Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Awww, that's really terrible. I'd really miss seeing all of your work being posted on here; I don't think popularity it should matter if you love what you do. I ain't that popular despite my 'decent' art; not sure what to call it but yeah almost all of my watchers are dead since 2012 until now and it had been making me feel like I should give up, but I didn't. I don't really think you should let the dark times bother you at all and just keep doing what you love to do, and be really proud of it, also try comparing with your really really old work, it should give a little motivation to keep going; I know it does for me c': And if you ever need anything, ANYTHING to talk about I'm here to listen! Aside from dA, art, UTAU and all that, I'd really like us to be close friends if that's okay with you; I'm honestly still really bummed out I can't contact you via IM services but I hope I do soon! I'm here for ya if ya need to vent about anything at all if you're comfortable enough; even about your life. I always read your journals, but never know what to say; I do deeply apologize for that... I just hope I'm able to help you in everyway because I'm ready to :heart: :huggle:
A-Daiya Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014
Aww thank you for your support there ; _ ; 
(I hardly post my works unless it's a few months later ahaha...)
Yeah I agree I shouldn't let the 'popularity' get to me but sometimes it does and frustrate me to the point where I literally break down...
You are strong, I admit that, I guess I should have noticed that too from the number of people who don't comment other than the usual 'lovely' or 'pretty', etc
I guess it does when I look back at the older artworks but that doesn't really help when I sometimes want to go back to when it was like that xD

That's fine with me : ) 
(Actually you're one of the peoples I was going to contact with my new info later ahaha~)
As for contact I know I have Skype but I hardly talk there...

Oh that's fine XD
Normally I make a journal then later regret making them and get rid of them a few hours or right away so not everyone picks them up...
But thank you so much for even commenting here : ) 
CHOCOPOiD Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're most welcome, dear! I'm really glad I could offer some; I know I'm not much good at it but from now on I will try my best to keep up with all of your work and post comments on them to encourage you and keep you on the track you love :heart: And don't worry about breaking down because of that, it's normal and I do it too, it's okay to feel that way and there's no shame whatsoever! I'm here whenever you want to talk about it and really honored I was one of those people who you'd like to contact with your new info! :'D You're strong enough to post a whole journal about this; I could never be as strong as that xD I admire all of your work and you're a real sweetie too. Can't wait for your skype, I'll keep in touch if you ever get too shy or anything :huggle: I just hope I don't appear really creepy, I apologize!
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Submitted on
March 13, 2014


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