You're way too much..
My child, I see sadness in your eyes..
Although, you might think..
That you are.
This day, would come so soon...
We had no time,
How can the world,
Just carry onn...?
I feel so lost,
When you're not,
But there's nothing,
Around the one, who I,
Is, this, our,
Your world is,
I'll watch you through these nights.
And go to,
Because my child....
This is not,
This is.. Not......
"Our farewell" ~ Within Temptation.
I know the first two lines written are wrong, but I like it better that way and for years I misheard the lyrics like that so it's what I'm used to and it's what I personally feel fits better. "You're way too much." as in "You're too good to be true." Like, you have this something, or this somebody, and they are so amazing in all these uncountable ways that you can't believe you have something/someone this good in your life.
On the 2th of April this year I unexpectedly lost Rebel and I have a hard time dealing with it. This drawing has been in the back of my mind since the moment he died but I kept putting it off because my "skills" are not what I want them to be to be able to really pull of something like this. This is the best I can do. I found my dearest boy 5 minutes after his passing, actually my sister found him and called out to me that I should come. Upon seeing he was dead I collapsed down in front of his cage and picked him up and held him like in the drawing.
I didn't know what to do. I didn't even know if he was really dead-dead or still in the progress of dying. I held him for about 30 minutes while his body slowly turned colder and I kept petting him and I kept asking him if he was dead or still alive and to give me a sign if he was still alive. My sister kept asking me what I wanted to do and I kept saying that I didn't know...
We eventually put him in a plastic bag and placed him in the freezer. He will be cremated and his ashes will be put in an urn, with his brothers' ashes, who I lost last year.
He was 5 years old. He's the one who has the best bodily-shape out of all my rabbits so his death is like thunder in clear-blue sky.
Which is why I put "Never thought this day would come, so soon.... We had no time to say goodbye." That morning, when I was still in bed, I woke up and I thought to myself, "In a few hours I will see him and I will run after him for the lols" Cuz that's what I did a lot. He's pretty much the same as Fluffy in personality/attitude so he has this 'tough-guy' idea of himself and that he's got to keep up a reputation that he's an independent badass. He enjoys petting and cuddles but he won't tell you he does. I have to chase him around in attempt to give him some affection and sometimes he lets me and sometimes he doesn't.
He was bullied by the local magpies a lot, and they made him hostile. There was a period where he was really fearful and skittish and would be frightened by anything that fell or any sound that he was not prepared for. Cuz the magpies make sure they are at the rear-end, where Rebel can't get to them and is usually unaware of them as well. And then they peck at him and they pull his tail and overtime he got a bit vicious towards anything or anyone that moved in his way. Like his strategy was to hurt whatever was in his path before it could hurt him.
Once I understood his way of thinking, I began to approach him more often and let him smell me even after he lashed out at me to let him know I was no threat and I'm one of the hands who feeds him. Overtime he got used to me and his behaviour improved and I guess we became friends somewhere along the way.
I don't really have any friends, I don't have any activities or anywhere I need to be, I don't really have any hobbies because I lack the energy (burnout), I can't even read. I don't have any means to express myself. I've been depressed for nearly 13 years.. But I had him, and he made up a lot for what I don't have. We'd really grown towards each other and now I've lost a very important part of me. Now, I lost one of the best "someones" you can have in your life.
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