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"It is an embarassment of the highest order to offend somebody unintentionally.

Offence is something that should be given intentionally, malice aforethought, and with a panache that would make Cyrano de Bergarac weep"


To me that sounds like the sort of thing that Oscar Wilde might have said.
Headline says: "The worst floods in 30 years !"
Actually says: "We had worse floods 31 years ago."

Label says: "Kills 99.9% of germs"
Actually says: "Leaves the strongest 0.1% of germs to multiply unhindered"
The moon's reflection
Shattered by raindrops.
The calm mind disturbed by thoughts.
Halloween isn't just about trick or treating, it's also about remembering the departed - visiting their graves, laying flowers, lighting candles in remembrance, saying quiet prayers... and leaving offerings to placate the unquieter spirits.

Little Morticia doesn't like flowers or prayers.

But she does like candles, and this year she's using a special candle to see if she can wake up an unquiet spirit.

She's brought her baby brother Damien* along, just in case the unquiet spirit is hungry. As a sort of offering.
(This was the backstory for a never-completed picture for a Fairy Tales Gone Horribly Wrong challenge)

As Grampy Colombo sat down and opened the book, little Fred laughed "No, Grampy! We finished 'Crapunzel:The Princess And The Pee' at the weekend. It's the rest of 'Little Snow White Riding Hood Goes To Grannys On A Wednesday' today"
"Ah yes," chuckled Grampy, "of course." And as he rummaged through the book-filled pockets of his overcoat little Fred summarised the story so far - "Since it was Wednesday Little Snow White Riding hood was visiting her uncle as usual. But because her mum had run out of honey she'd decided to also pay a surprise visit to Granny a day early. She was skipping along the path and came across Worzel Gummidge, Robocop and Aslan and they were attacked by flying monkeys, and then they got to a bridge and a troll came out and ate everybody except Little Snow White Riding Hood, and then she met the wolf, and then... errrr... I think that's where we got up to!"


"Ah yes," said Grampy, "here we are..."


"Phew! That was a close call!" she gasped, "I thought that huge wolf with the slobbering jaws and glowing red eyes was going to gobble me all up! But luckily all he did was ask me where I was going, same as he does every day.", and she skipped along her way.
"Oh dear!" she suddenly thought,"I forget to tell him that I was going to Granny's too. Never mind, that's probably not important at all."


A little while later as she skipped along the path she heard a strange yodelling coming from behind a little cottage. As she skipped around the cottage... yes, she likes skipping - I think it's something to do with her red Skippy-the-bush-kangaroo-skin shoes, they're probably magic. You remember the troll exploding when she clicked her heels together? Anyway, she spied an ugly wizened little dwarven fellow a-capering and a-jigging around a fire, and a-singing a little ditty.
"Merrily make a feast I will, mmmm!
Brew today, bake tomorrow I will, mmmm!
Merrily dance and sing I will, mmmma!
Next day bring a padawan will, mmmm!
Dream little my princess does..."
"Uncle Yodel," she called, "I've brought cookies for you...
"Cookies! Mmmmm..MMMMM!" replied the dwarf cheerily.
"But I'm off to see Granny and I must rush...catch!" and she lobbed a little package his way.
He froze mid-jig, let out a little gasp of shock and cried "No! No! Mmmmm! Granny today? Visit you must not! Granny tomorrow is!"
But she had already gone.
Uncle Yodel sat down on a log and did that wise beard-strokey thing, which doesn't look so wise if you have no beard.
"Soooo... today it is, mmmm...
In that one - strooooong the essence is, mmmm!
But the dark side yet to face she has, mmmmm?"
And he cast his gaze around and about until it lighted on a little bundle wrapped in paper and tied with string...
"Never mind, cookies I have! Mmmmm...MMMMM!"
And then he paused, "Oh darn it, I suppose we'd better go and help her. Kyuzostiltskin! Kikuchiyostiltskin! Katsushirostiltskin! Gorobeistiltskin! Heihachistiltskin! Shichirojistiltskin!"


A short while later Lucy... What? Didn't I mention that before? Yes, that was her real name - and it's quicker to say than Little Snow White Riding Hood. And it's important to the plot twist near the end. Anyway, as she approached the door of her Granny's cottage she heard a low growling, snarling,slobbering noise. Suddenly worried she slowly, carefully pushed the door ever so slightly open... and what do you think she saw? There was a big, huge, black wolf crouched on the kitchen floor gnawing on a bloody carcass
"NOOOOO!" cried Lucy
"Oh shishkebab!" cried the wolf, "You're not supposed to be here today, it's Wednesday!"
"You!" She cried in surprise, "the wolf from the forest path!"
And then the penny dropped "YOU'RE the Big Bad Wolf!"
The wolf did the best facepalm he could since paws are a problem in this regard, "You're really not the sharpest tool in the box are you, my dear?"
Stung by this remark, in one deft move Lucy drew the lightsabre from her basket and ignited it. The wolf drew his own lightsabre, flicked the 'on' switch, and nonchalantly knocked the burning basket aside .
A ferocious duel ensued, ranging in and out of the cottage, up and down the path, round and about the assymettric bars. The commotion was such that it disturbed granny's bees who buzzed around in the background providing additional sound effects.
Although Lucy had learnt much from bald Uncle Ken, and even more from Uncle Yodel and his six compatriots, it was clear that the wolf was too good for her. The wolf knew this, and taunted Lucy
"The Old Bald One never told you what happened to your grandfather."
"He told me enough!" cried Lucy, "He told me you killed him!"
"No!" cried the wolf mockingly, "Luce, I am your grandfather!"
"No, that's not true! That's impossible."
"Search your feelings - you KNOW it to be true."
"NOOOO!" cried Lucy, and as she launched a furious assault on the wolf he sidestepped, and with a shrug and a murmered "how could my grandaughter could be so stupid", chopped off her hand, lightsabre and all.
As she screamed in agony she heard a familiar voice from behind her, from the direction of Granny's house...
"Grampy! Here boy! Who's a good werewolf! I've got a nice hot cup of tea and some biscuits for... Oh dear, what are YOU doing here Luce? You're not supposed to be here today, it's Wednesday!"
A horrible darkness welled up inside her and she dropped to all fours... and howled in pain...


"Darn it," mumbled Uncle Yodel as he and the other dwarves came a-galloping** into view "we're too late! The dog side has her!"



(there's absolutley no chance of my third entry "Pinnochia In Toyland" getting done in time. Which is a shame, 'cause it's a doozy! Snow White distracts the huntsman by pointing at Bambi, hamstrings him with her tanto, and runs off laughing to join her gang of oriental dwarves who run a speakeasy/sushi bar in the magic wood. MeanwhileJohnny Pinnochio meets up with a really bad girl puppet called Jenny Pinnochia (she's part puppet, part human, part terminator) who's the leader of a gang of evil puppets and dolls (think Barbarella) . They burn down Geppeto's house and get into a turf war with Pan and his gang of Lost Boys/Girls/Donkeys*, and then Pan and Pinnochia join forces to take control of a new Toyland attraction. Which is a baaaad mistake, since the owner of this new place is none other than the kunoichii Snow White...)


*You're probably not aware that Candlewick/Lampwick/Pickwick and the lads who supposedly led Pinnochio astray and ended up part/mostly-donkey in the kids version of the story were actually from Pan's gang, and in really never met Pinnochio until Pinnochia's gang used him as a battering ram to break down the doors of Pan's hideout - and yes, his first words to them as his head smashed through the door were, of course, "Heeeeere's Johnny!".

**Riding Lost-Boy-Donkeys and Lost-Girl-Donkeys of course


Never trust a storyteller...
...that I had to use 3D software to make my stupid pictures!

;o)
I've been playing around with a couple of amusing (but rather rude) ideas for pictures based upon the theme of "The Occasional Misadventures Of Tricksy Belle The Fairy Ingenue". I'm imagining something more innuendo than in your face - think of the old-fashioned saucy seaside postcards.

Misadventure Number 1: NO Tricksy Belle ! Not THOSE mushrooms ! Not like THAT !
(you need to picture garden gnomes sitting on toadstools...)

Misadventure Number 2: Tricksy Belle Surprises The Examination Board Of The Thieves' Guild Of Lankhmar. NO Tricksy Belle ! Your thieves CANT !
(anybody familiar with the old D&D game should get that...)

Yes, sometimes childish schoolboy humour can be fun!
Submit > Submit Art > Choose A File To Upload and then select the ZIP instead of your normal JPG - simple as that !
(It'll then ask for an image as well, so make sure you have one ready)

So now I know how to upload my Poser /DAZ Studio freebies here at DA too.
I'm sure there's a DA standard for this whole area of 'favourites', 'comments' and 'thanks' (e.g. that little reminder to add a comment when you favourite something), but I prefer to do things my own way.

I like browsing randomly through thumbnails (although here at DA the random part is difficult), clicking on any that intrigue me, and adding any that still intrigue me after viewing full size to my favourites.  I don't usually comment at the time I favourite the picture - I prefer to look at the picture in the context of my other favourites, and in relation to what I'm trying to do with my Poser/DAZ Studio pictures first. It may take a few days, weeks, months, even years before I comment, or I may remove the picture from my favourites without ever adding a comment. My 'favourites' are simply a collection of pictures that I find inspiring at a particular moment in time.

And when somebody favourites one of my pictures it's a nice feeling, but I never feel an urge to thank them.

But if somebody comments on one of my pictures I'll usually respond.
I recently uploaded a picture elsewhere, and when I was on the upload page I realized that I hadn't got a title for it. While I often add a title to a picture quite late in the day it's not usually quite this late. I wasn't perturbed -I just looked quizzically at the guy in the picture, and shortly the phrase "Goodbye Joe" popped out of the ether. So I added the title and wrote, "Just for the record I have absolutely no idea who Joe is." in the description. And that was that. Or so I thought.

A short while later I thought I was busy doing something else when I heard "Goodbye Joe" in an ethereal Marlene Dietrich voice. I already knew that my subconscious hadn't actually let go of the picture because scenes from mid twentieth century film noir and later pastiches of them had been playing and interfering with each other in my head, in much the same way as the advertisements interfered with the film in Maurizio Nichetti's "Ladri Di Saponette" (English title "Icicle Thief"). I went back to the page where I'd uploaded the picture and let my subconscious edit the description - I find that's sometimes a good way to get it to calm down. And then I went back to correct the spelling, punctuation and grammar. Several times.

If there's a moral in this little episode, well, it eludes me !  :D
Last night I was playing around with ideas for a new Halloween themed picture when, as sometimes happens for me, I imagined a voiceover concerning the developing scene. A little smile started to spread across my face, so I started transcribing (I've lost an amusing voiceover before because I didn't do this). And as I watched the written words appear, it was as if the voiceover voice was reading them and changing them as I typed. When I read the result* I burst into laughter! I've had a look at a few of my other pictures for which the caption had originally come to me in a similar fashion, and I'm delighted to say that they made me laugh again.

This started me wondering about picture titles, captions, and descriptions (I prefer 'caption' to 'description' as to me the latter invites long-windedness). So what's the best way to do them? When I started posting pictures I used the description field to include information about the things I'd used (all my pictures to date are Poser or DAZ Studio renders). I don't do that much any more - I now find that these sort of mundane details detract from the image rather than enhance it. Far better to include them as a reply to a comment, if and when somebody actually asks about those details. Note: when a freebie creator's conditions of use request credit that's a different matter.

I know that I find both blank and overlong decriptions equally unsatisfactory. The former because I like to have some idea of what was going on in the creator's mind, and the latter because I'm not usually THAT interested in knowing ! So for me a brief paragraph or two that set the scene in some way is just about right. Time to go and fix some of my own captions/descriptions then !

Concerning titles, it's only very occasionally that I know where a picture is going when I start, so the title is either something that develops along with the picture and changes it (e.g. Our Cupboard !), or more commonly something that gets slapped on at the end - like most of my single word titles.


*The picture in question was "Soul Candles" - but most of the caption didn't make the final cut as it didn't seem quite as funny the next day. Where humour is concerned a good night's sleep is often a good test!
Remember the 'Obey', 'Conform', etc from They Live ?
Remember the scene in Monty Python's Life Of Brian where Brian tells the gathered crowd "...you're all individuals!" and they all respond in unison, "Yes, we're all individuals!" ?

I'm sure I'm not the only one with the metaphorical sunglasses, nor the only one who'll pipe up from behind the masses with an "I'm not!"...    ;o)
I find it quite curious that over the past year I've *removed most of the 3D-software-generated pictures from my favourites.
That section is now mainly populated with digital paintings, photography, and mixed media.

I've been contemplating why this happened. I've even considered that it may be pretentiousness on my part - but I don't think that's it...

So I remain puzzled ?

*The fact that I've removed them doesn't mean that I like them any less. And that in itself is another puzzle...
A while back I discovered the "Visible Glowing Lights" thread ( www.renderosity.com/mod/forump… ) in the Renderosity Poser forum. Adding the Poser atmosphere's depth cue as well can be fun!
There's something about a woman with wings that I really like...
(When I first heard of "Renderman" I imagined a porcine supervillain with the ability to turn his foes to lard, and the title of this post brought that back! Strange the way some peoples minds work... heh, heh, heh...  ;D  )

I've been using my own very simple human skin in Poser for a while now - basically take any skin texture set I like, add a bit of noise bump (fine-tuned to the final render size), a touch of specularity, and a smidgen of reflection. But I still do it all manually - edit each material in the material zone. Sometimes I just can't be bothered! I guess I should write a script to do it for me, but guess what - I just can't be bothered. It appears that I'm going through an 'I just can't be bothered' phase... :)

I've recently started using Poser's subsurface scattering on human skin, mainly via Snarly's EZSkin2 or Sydd's Oxygen. Getting some amazing results (especially when I resist the temptation to tweak things too much and end up with waxy (lardy?) figures...) But I find I still like the look of my own DIY skin...

Deja vu in a way - when I got hold of Reality (both Poser and DAZ Studio versions), I liked the LuxRender results. But I still prefer to render within Poser...
A dozen older items, mainly generation 3/4 stuff, and items that have been genuine freebies in the past...

www.daz3d.com/freebies

Not "free if you purchase XYZ product that we're pushing".
Not "free if you're a paid-up member of the Platinum Club".
Just free as in you get it without parting with any cash- you know, "free"!

And apparently it's going to be 'every week'...

I only spotted this because I was intrigued when I saw that DAZ have started advertising at ShareCG  (the 'Free 3D Models Every Week' ad, not the '$5 off DAZ originals' one).
I wondered how they were going to redefine the word 'free' to try and drag in the ShareCG users.
So I was most surprised (and delighted) to discover that some bright spark at new DAZ has actually looked up the word "free" in a dictionary at last!

(Yes, I know that there've been a few genuine freebies at DAZ over the past year - I'm still subscribed to the "Limited Time Freebie Email Message Alert" thread in the Freepozitory thread here www.daz3d.com/forums/viewthrea… which is still a good lead on genuine freebies, and picked up a few via that)
No. That one was easy...   :)
Somebody continually telling people that actions speak louder than words...