I couldn't begin to explain how sorry I am. Oh, how desperately I wish I could erase this. Go back in time and stop it all from ever happening.
It's been so long since that day, a few years I think. That day when we were forced into becoming forever apart.
You never deserved any of this.
I think about you all the time.
Sometimes, I try speaking to you. Silly, I know, but there are certain days when I swear that you respond.
I miss you so much.
I miss your laugh.
I miss that smile. I never see it anymore.
I think that is a part of what pains me the most.
Never seeing your smile
it reminds me of my failure.
I really didn't think it would hurt this much. I feel like I could cry. Not that it would do either of us any good.
Some days, I wish with all my heart that I could just be there with you
Maybe then I could see you smile.
I never wanted things to end up like this. I still feel so guilty.
I wish I could have told you
Just how much I care.
But I realize, that then we would both feel even more overwhelmed by guilt and grief.
Please, somehow, understand that I love you, and would give anything to have you with me.
You were my best friend, and I failed you.
Some days it makes me angry. Knowing that I'll never be able to make it up to you. Everything you've lost is because of me
Some days, I can't help but to be so proud of you.
I'll see you Cloud. I know it hurts that I'm gone, but you can do this.
You are supposed to live.
I never wanted to leave you, you look so sad. All I want is to see you be happy.
Some days I reach out, to see if maybe, just maybe, you can feel my touch against your beautiful milky skin.
You never do, but I have to keep hoping right?
I wish I could just hold you in my arms. See you smile, and then all your pain can wash away.
I'd give anything to see happiness light your face.
I want to tell you that I can hear you, that it's all just been a vivid nightmare. That it's over, and the pain will stop.
And some days I actually try
Cloud, please stop
You're crying again. I hate it when you cry.
But at least when you're asleep like this, you react to my presence, and I can comfort you.
At least for the moment.
I miss you.
Wow, how very selfish of me.
I've been watching you. I get to see you. Hell, I can even smell that clean scent that's always lingering on you.
But you get nothing more than brief bitter sweet recollections, and harsh painful memories.
And now days you've even resorted to hallucinations of me to try to ease the pain.
I know you're stronger than this,
or was I wrong?
Man, did I ever mess this up.
Someday Cloud, you'll find the strength to be happy. I know it.
Then, maybe someday, I'll be able to hold you close to me, and we'll be together again, just like old times. And you'll smile, and we can both be at peace.
And then on that day, I can tell you how sorry I am for leaving you so soon. I can tell you how proud I was and still am of everything you have accomplished. How sad I am that you almost lost sight of reality, and almost forgot to live. And I'll finally be able to tell you that I love you and always have.
It will be okay.