ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Deviation Actions
Literature Text
It’s just another day for me. Another day to be slain by the knight and watch in envy as he carries the princess to ‘safety’. My life is only a fairy tale. A fairy tale in which I am the villain and the knight is the hero. I never wanted to be born like this and I most certainly don’t want it to continue happening.
However, it cannot come to a halt. I have endless lives and endless nights and days to cry out in agony on how fucking bad my life is. When I try to speak, a blazing blue inferno pours out of my mouth. If you haven’t already realized, I am a dragon. My powers are not a gift but a curse. I don’t have the warm human touch as most mammals do. Every time I walk my claws dig deep into the rocks as they emulate sound that is equal to nails on a chalk board. My wings don’t allow me to step through hallways in which I should be able to proceed through. The long ass tail that looks amazing in drawing only makes clumsier than I already am.
I look out the small opening of my cavern in the mountain side. I was just regenerated to my pointless life. Luckily the worst of today was over. Everyday a new knight comes to this virtual world and tries to ‘beat the game’. I think that is nonsense. Why would someone want to hurt something if they didn’t even know what or who they are? These people don’t know nearly anything about me. The only thing they do know are my flaws. Not personality flaws: fighting imperfections. Every single knight takes advantage of me. They ride their ‘perfect’ horses with shining armor and have a ‘badass’ outfit in which they ‘heroically’ slay me and ride off into the sunset with their maiden. What did I ever do? Why am I the bad guy? Am I bad because I’m different? Why can’t they leave alone to rot! Is it even possible for me to rot!
Hot steaming tears run down my face. For centuries I’ve been in an endless cycle of hell. They’ve lived on my mountain that was rightfully mine. I’ve been here long before they have. I was born here and they murdered my parents. How are they the good guys! They mock me by putting the ‘pretty little princess’ on my land. Although they’ve done terrible things to me and the generation of dragon before me, I do not wish to harm them. Dragons are not what they are described to be in legends. They have a heart and soul, even though a hand full of dragons are corrupted and power hungry, we are amazing and loyal friends. These aspects of us are torn to pieces with the fact that we’re a weapon. We are a powerful, dangerous weapons to them and they think that the only solution of this ‘problem’ is to destroy our kind.
The sun falls down as the sunset creates a beautiful view of the wildlife. I see the dear escaping to their dens and birds flocking to their nests. The alluring tunes of the crickets fill my heart will bravery. The only way I can get away from the infinite wrath is to leave at nightfall. Even with my graceless movements, I should be able to escape unharmed. I have no clue where I should go and my destination is unknown; I am willing to take the risk.
The night is young and cold. I feel a light breeze brush against my scales as I step out of my comfortable home. I barely ever go outside; I cannot feel hunger or thirst. My terrifying mass was programmed from the outside world. When I was little, my parents only spoke of them as legends. However, I believe it. Even with my minute amount of knowledge of where in particular I’m headed, I still dream for the promised land. The soft dirt is soothing to my pointy nails while my wings are free the relax. I must leave with haste; the‘precious’ knight leaves in the early morning.
The only way I can leave quick enough is for me to fly. I haven’t flown in ages; it might be more difficult than I assume. I take a running, although in reality I was speed walking, start and leapt into the air. I was flying for two minutes and was confident in myself for once. Though after my grace period, I ran into a tall oak tree head first.
“Uh…”, with only a few words a small ember rocketed out of my muzzle. The ember lit the tree with flames and slowly burned it. I had to be more careful; I do not wish to kill any of mother nature.
My name is Pyralis Balendin and my fate is uncertain. The path is flexible, it can either end good or bad.Even if I break the 4th wall, I will venture forward to my destination. A villain may not always be evil and a hero might not always be good. Something that is different it does not mean it’s a bad thing, even if it wasn’t made for that particular job. I can’t help myself, I never wished to be born like this. However, I was born like this. Even though I might have some faults, I am still who I am. Humans need to accept this. My programming was wired, but I think of myself as my own living thing. A living thing that needs to be accepted in society. That is my final request.
However, it cannot come to a halt. I have endless lives and endless nights and days to cry out in agony on how fucking bad my life is. When I try to speak, a blazing blue inferno pours out of my mouth. If you haven’t already realized, I am a dragon. My powers are not a gift but a curse. I don’t have the warm human touch as most mammals do. Every time I walk my claws dig deep into the rocks as they emulate sound that is equal to nails on a chalk board. My wings don’t allow me to step through hallways in which I should be able to proceed through. The long ass tail that looks amazing in drawing only makes clumsier than I already am.
I look out the small opening of my cavern in the mountain side. I was just regenerated to my pointless life. Luckily the worst of today was over. Everyday a new knight comes to this virtual world and tries to ‘beat the game’. I think that is nonsense. Why would someone want to hurt something if they didn’t even know what or who they are? These people don’t know nearly anything about me. The only thing they do know are my flaws. Not personality flaws: fighting imperfections. Every single knight takes advantage of me. They ride their ‘perfect’ horses with shining armor and have a ‘badass’ outfit in which they ‘heroically’ slay me and ride off into the sunset with their maiden. What did I ever do? Why am I the bad guy? Am I bad because I’m different? Why can’t they leave alone to rot! Is it even possible for me to rot!
Hot steaming tears run down my face. For centuries I’ve been in an endless cycle of hell. They’ve lived on my mountain that was rightfully mine. I’ve been here long before they have. I was born here and they murdered my parents. How are they the good guys! They mock me by putting the ‘pretty little princess’ on my land. Although they’ve done terrible things to me and the generation of dragon before me, I do not wish to harm them. Dragons are not what they are described to be in legends. They have a heart and soul, even though a hand full of dragons are corrupted and power hungry, we are amazing and loyal friends. These aspects of us are torn to pieces with the fact that we’re a weapon. We are a powerful, dangerous weapons to them and they think that the only solution of this ‘problem’ is to destroy our kind.
The sun falls down as the sunset creates a beautiful view of the wildlife. I see the dear escaping to their dens and birds flocking to their nests. The alluring tunes of the crickets fill my heart will bravery. The only way I can get away from the infinite wrath is to leave at nightfall. Even with my graceless movements, I should be able to escape unharmed. I have no clue where I should go and my destination is unknown; I am willing to take the risk.
The night is young and cold. I feel a light breeze brush against my scales as I step out of my comfortable home. I barely ever go outside; I cannot feel hunger or thirst. My terrifying mass was programmed from the outside world. When I was little, my parents only spoke of them as legends. However, I believe it. Even with my minute amount of knowledge of where in particular I’m headed, I still dream for the promised land. The soft dirt is soothing to my pointy nails while my wings are free the relax. I must leave with haste; the‘precious’ knight leaves in the early morning.
The only way I can leave quick enough is for me to fly. I haven’t flown in ages; it might be more difficult than I assume. I take a running, although in reality I was speed walking, start and leapt into the air. I was flying for two minutes and was confident in myself for once. Though after my grace period, I ran into a tall oak tree head first.
“Uh…”, with only a few words a small ember rocketed out of my muzzle. The ember lit the tree with flames and slowly burned it. I had to be more careful; I do not wish to kill any of mother nature.
My name is Pyralis Balendin and my fate is uncertain. The path is flexible, it can either end good or bad.Even if I break the 4th wall, I will venture forward to my destination. A villain may not always be evil and a hero might not always be good. Something that is different it does not mean it’s a bad thing, even if it wasn’t made for that particular job. I can’t help myself, I never wished to be born like this. However, I was born like this. Even though I might have some faults, I am still who I am. Humans need to accept this. My programming was wired, but I think of myself as my own living thing. A living thing that needs to be accepted in society. That is my final request.
My entry for the Twist Fate contest. I never post a short story on deviantart before... I hope someone likes it :3.
© 2016 - 2024 1AMBlazeMist4
Comments7
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Overall Vision Originality Technique ImpactHello there! <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/w/w…" width="25" height="20" alt="
" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="437" title="Hi!"/>I wanted to leave you some concrit on your piece in the hopes that my insights and perspective might be of help to you. There are a few things in your story that I'd like to point out as changes you might make to strengthen the tale. Please understand that the following is merely my opinion, and you are welcome to disregard anything with which you do not agree.
Because you did ask for critique I am going to nitpick quite a bit. My intention in providing my thoughts and insights is only to give you the perspective of another reader. I do think that this story has promise. You've shown a great deal of potential in examining the dragon who – in this case – was created solely to be evil from another angle and providing that new viewpoint to your readers. Even so, every story can be improved upon; even Stephen King recognized that when he handed his adult son a copy of 11/22/63 and asked for guidance on creating a better ending for the tale. (I'm not joking, read the afterword. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/w/w…" width="15" height="15" alt="
" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="387" title=" (Wink)"/> You might be a bit young for the actual text, though.)I admit that I'm curious as to why you've chosen to break the fourth wall, directly addressing us within the second paragraph. While it can be beneficial to a story to do so, it can also be jarring. In this instance, it's a little awkward, since the use is only to make sure that we're aware of our narrator's species. The sentence following that is also odd in that it refers to a dragon's natural state as “powers”. It's not something I would expect a dragon to use as a description of itself. You might consider rewording those sentences (“If you haven’t already realized, I am a dragon. My powers are not a gift but a curse.”) a little, possibly something like:
When I try to speak, a blazing blue inferno pours out of my mouth, for I am a dragon, eternally cursed.By saying that he's cursed, you leave it open to reader interpretation as to whether simply being a dragon is the curse or knowing that he's trapped in this endless cycle is the curse.
Another sentence that stands out in that paragraph is, “Every time I walk my claws dig deep into the rocks as they emulate sound that is equal to nails on a chalk board.” A dragon wouldn't know what nails on a chalk board sound like to be able to compare his own claws to that sound. Even knowing he's in a fairy tale, trapped and having to live an endless nightmare, I'm confused as to how he would be able to identify that particular sound. Instead of using that cliché phrase to describe the noise, you might consider something more like
Every time I walk, my claws dig deeply into the rocks. The shrieking noise makes me grit my teeth, and shivers run up my spine even as I flatten my ears against my skull.It not only describes the sound in a way that provides more sensation to your readers, it also affords you the opportunity to describe the dragon a little physically. Since you segue into that, it's certainly worth some consideration. One thing that stands out in the description you start is the idea that he's making his way through a hallway. Even if he's aware that he's in a fairy tale, unless he's been inside a human castle, I'm not certain how he would be aware of hallways. I'd expect him to use terms related to caves even when in a human environment, though, so it's something to consider. (The sentence is also awkward because of the repetition of the word “through”.)
There's a little awkwardness when you begin describing how the dragon sees his environment: “The sun falls down as the sunset creates a beautiful view of the wildlife.” While I do realize the convenience of using the word “sunset” - after all, that's how we've always thought of the time of day when the sun “falls down” beyond the horizon – it doesn't read well coming directly after describing what a sunset is perceived as. So it might be better to eliminate that part of the sentence and rephrase slightly: “The sun falls down, creating a beautiful view of the ____” I've left a space there at the end where it would be good to possibly change wildlife to “landscape” or some other term, and also maybe describe it a bit more fully. I mention that second change because, since the dragon is inside a video game, there would be no need of the game's creators to add other wildlife. The sounds might be there, but the view would most likely be only of the landscape. Still, it's a great opportunity to describe the surrounding environment.
While I can appreciate the pull to sound poetic, sometimes it comes across as purple prose, which leads us to focus on the way something's being said instead of what is being said. You have one sentence that really stands out as an example of what I mean:
I have no clue where I should go and my destination is unknownPart of what makes this stand out so much is the idea that in the many times he's been regenerated to be battled as a part of the game, he's never explored beyond his cave. If it takes as long to reach him as it has on this occasion, it would stand to reason that he had explored at least a little of the surrounding environment, if only out of boredom. While you do explain this a bit in the next paragraph by saying he hardly ever ventures out because he doesn't feel hunger or thirst, you've already mentioned that his claws screech against the rocks, and there would hardly be any reason for him to be striking them against the cavern walls. It becomes even odder as, in the next paragraph, you mention a “minute knowledge” of his direction, and a dream of “the promised land”, which he would surely have sought out.
Likewise, it's a bit strange to mention the dragon's parents and allude to him “growing up” while giving us the impression throughout that he's an adult. It would be incredibly strange for him to have gained awareness only when he's in his adult form, and to have to live through his youth each time the game is turned on as an innocent. Unless you mean this to be a reference to when he was no more than code and the “parents” in question are other games which gave rise to this one....
There is one place at which you suddenly change from present tense to past tense. Since you've kept it in present tense throughout, I'd definitely recommend maintaining that. It provides a more believable atmosphere for the story overall, so it works very well for you, especially as it gives the sense almost that all of the infinite lives are happening in the same moment, the ever-constant present. The section in question:
I take a running, although in reality I was speed walking, start and leapt into the air. I was flying for two minutes and was confident in myself for once. Though after my grace period, I ran into a tall oak tree head first.I've put the past-tense verbs in bold so you can see what I mean. At the beginning and end of this section, you've used present-tense, which makes this a bit more jarring to the reader.
“Uh…”, with only a few words a small ember rocketed out of my muzzle. The ember lit the tree with flames and slowly burned it. I had to be more careful; I do not wish to kill any of mother nature.
Another jarring section is in the last paragraph: “The path is flexible, it can either end good or bad.Even if I break the 4th wall, I will venture forward to my destination.” For the sake of simplicity and keeping the reader in the moment, I would pare this down to, “The path is flexible.” The meta reference to breaking the fourth wall, as was done in the beginning of the story, is a bit extreme with respect to the narrative, and it definitely jars us from the tale. One thing I would suggest to you is that it's not necessary to “beat us about the head” with a reference such as the bit with “good or bad” - we should already be cognizant of that idea by the end of the tale.
There are a few typos you may want to address as well:
<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="
" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="209" title="Bullet; Green"/> “Everyday a new knight” - Everyday should be “Every day”<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="
" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="209" title="Bullet; Green"/> “don’t know nearly anything” - nearly should be hardly, which would necessitate the removal of “don't”<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="
" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="209" title="Bullet; Green"/> “Why can’t they leave alone to rot!” - should be “Why can't they leave me alone to rot!” You might also consider changing the punctuation at the end of the next sentence, as it seems more of a confused pondering than an exclamation made in anger.<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="
" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="209" title="Bullet; Green"/> “They’ve lived on my mountain that was rightfully mine.” - my should be the, and was should be is.<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="
" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="209" title="Bullet; Green"/> “and the generation of dragon” - generation should be plural.<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="
" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="209" title="Bullet; Green"/> “though a hand full of dragons” - hand full should be handful<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="
" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="209" title="Bullet; Green"/> “see the dear escaping” - dear should be deer <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="
" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="209" title="Bullet; Green"/> “my heart will bravery.” - will should be with <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="
" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="209" title="Bullet; Green"/> “free the relax.” - the should be to <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="
" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="209" title="Bullet; Green"/> “the‘precious’ knight” - there should be a space after the <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="
" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="209" title="Bullet; Green"/> “leave quick enough” - quick should be quickly <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="
" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="209" title="Bullet; Green"/> “I haven’t flown in ages; it might be more difficult than I assume.” - I would think instead of assume you mean remember since he does recall flying previously.<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="
" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="209" title="Bullet; Green"/> “I take a running, although” - You might consider putting the phrase beginning with although into parentheses to separate it more fully from the main sentence. That way it won't appear so much as though you've made a typo and left out “leap” (since you use “start” directly following the clause in question).<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="
" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="209" title="Bullet; Green"/> “Something that is different it does not” - There should be a “Just because” before “something”.I hope these notes are of use to you if you did want to make some changes before the 6th April deadline for submissions and alterations.
Overall, I do think it's an interesting idea that you could certainly explore to create a terrific story. Do keep writing, and good luck in the contest!