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Just watched "It" with penny-wise for the first time, I thought it was a good movie, had some good scary ideas. But all the characters fitting a stereotype was annoying.    Just now I went into the bathroom and looked at the sink suspiciously.  I cant imagine watching that movie as little kid.         When I was little I couldnt handle anything scary or else I'd think about and stress out.  So I avoided them for all my life till suddenly this year I found that horror is ridiculously fun!  While watching a movie you feel like you're in it and your simulating emotions!    While watching "The stepfather" I got adrenaline rushes.

I had a funny dream last night, that since I'm graduating highschool, I'm going to get alot more responsibilities and stress and I think I realize now I could have been lucid dreaming that I became a first grader and since I already knew the material, I was relaxed, laid-back and wreaked havoc in the classroom.  Good times.   I woke up with a sense of longing.  I wished it was the same as it was then with my old friends. 

Then a turtle became spiderman (what?) no clue.

I went to a rockabilly concert (small one with about 200 people)  and I stood at the very top of some bleachers and jumped and danced for a whole 2hrs like crazy (I did the twist)   When it was over some people commented on it. (since i was the only one lol, but who cares, i felt like it)

I started watching Pee-wee's playhouse every morning,   It really reminds me to get out of bed and that there's alot of great fun to be had.     Love, love, love it!!!  its so funny.     

I skype with my relatives in Ukraine sometimes,  they can't wait till the war is over.  I wish I was there with them again.  I was there 2 years ago,  and now the places I went to are ALL in the newspapers EVry single day.   Crimea, the black sea,  Donetsk, Contantinovka..  

I was in a restaurant with my grandparents and I was done and waiting so I was sculpting the pieces of butter into animal shapes with a knife and one of them said I should quit it and I dont understand why. And when I was sitting at a graduation ceremony I was severely bored and kept moving my legs and started daydreaming and looking at the ceiling.  Is that wrong?  and I wondered how everyone else kept their composure, Listening to an ongoing speech with no end that wasn't interesting, becuase I couldnt.  I wanted out.  I wish I didnt go. I really have to stop  being a pushover. 

I don't think I feel any different than years ago. I think I've let alot of bad feelings go. And I've matured to  the point where I'm not that annoying kid that won't stop bugging you. And I can see past things.   And I've sorta gotten numb to sad/tragic stories. I feel really anxious sometimes, and I don't know why, like now.   Its like Gosh I'm not a little kid anymore, Everyone else my age moved on and I'm still here. I'm stuck here. In between.
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Submitted on
May 15, 2014
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