Stuff by my friends that I like, stuff that pertains to my specific fancies, and anything generally amazing or cool.
I fave and run a lot. Deal with it.
1) Introduce your pairing!
Opal Zander and LORD BOXMAN!!!
Oh, and Diana and Professor Venomous. Double date!
2) So… how did you two meet?
Opal: Uhhh… To make a long story short, I met Boxy when I brought him the severed head of his son.
Boxman: SHE WAS THE BEAUTIFUL CREATURE I HAD EVER SEEN!
Opal: You did NOT think that the first time we met.
Boxman: YES I DID!
Venomous: Ugh. I had to hear. Every. Tiny. Detail. Including his physical reactions to seeing her.
Diana: Shall we not, please?
Venomous: I had to hear it. You all need to share the pain. Anyway, we ran into each other in the sparkling water aisle at the supermarket. She was climbing the shelves to get some flavors out of her reach.
Diana: Short people problems. Seeing him nearly made me fall off.
Boxman: Well duh, because he’s handsome!
Opal: *deep inhale*
3) Who initiated the relationship and how?
Venomous: After I got the drink for her, so she wouldn’t break her neck, we talked for a few moments and exchanged emails.
Diana: Then I asked him out to tea a few days later.
Opal: I always love hearing that story! As for Boxy and I? He kidnapped my friend and forced her to bake a cake for our first date.
Boxman: She agreed to it!
Opal: You didn’t give her much of a choice!
Diana: What the fuck, Boxman?!
Boxman: It was VERY romantic!!! Better than Plan A, which was…. Ahahahahaha… Nevermind.
Venomous: *raised eyebrow*
4) Interesting! What was your first kiss with each other like?
Opal: Hmm… Sloppy. And he nearly broke my nose with his enthusiasm.
Venomous: Bullet dodged.
Boxman: Well I thought it was magical.
Diana: As for us, quite hot. Lots of tongue and teeth and… I’ll shut up.
5) Aww! What do you find most attractive about each other, not just physical appearance?
Diana: He looks like Snape and has a hot voice and likes rats. How can I not want to hit that?
Venomous: *sigh* You need something to drink? Anyway, the thirst is mutual. I like her shortness.
Diana: You just like being able to do stuff for me.
Venomous: And she’s quite pretty and organized. I can’t leave anything lying around…
Opal: He makes me laugh. Its as simple as that. Also, you have to admire his “give no fucks” attitude when it comes to people judging him.
Boxman: SHE LIKES ME!!! Ahem. Well there’s her hair, which is soft and has pretty colors, and she has those biiiiig brown eyes and sweet BEAUTIFUL face, and she lets me be me despite being *mumble grumble* goody-two-shoes, oh and she’s very funny! And then there’s her butt which—
Venomous: Write a novel already…
Opal: *hides red face* BRB, gonna go die from embarrassment.
Diana: Gonna go save her. Nice going, Boxy. *whisper* Keep complimenting her!
6) Would you say you're in love?
Boxman: YES! MY LOVE IS GREATER AND STRONGER AND PURER THAN ANY FORCE KNOWN TO MANKIND!
Opal: *still hiding* Thank you Boxy. I love you too, baby.
Diana: Erm… not yet. Getting there.
Venomous: *eye twitch* Uh, sure. Whatever.
Opal: Please fall in love so I don’t have to be the only one going through this torture.
Boxman: *is smooching Opal’s hand*
7) Who would you say "Wears the pants" in the relationship?
Diana: Well I’m my own boss, but I do let him lead some things since he’s more assertive than I.
Venomous: Unless it comes to your cheese. I think Fink had nightmares.
Diana: She should have asked. I’d have given her some, according to my ‘system.’
Boxman: Of course, it’s me!!
Opal: And yet I’m the one with the power to banish you to the couch. Some things I lead, and he leads others.
8) Now for the TMI, how is your sex life with each other?
Boxman: I am SO glad you asked! *cracks knuckles* To start. She really enjoys when I bite her neck, and when I-
Opal: AH! AH AH AH! THAT’S ENOUGH OUT OF YOU!
Venomous: Opal definitely wears the pants. Anyway, it’s quite nice for Di and me. Light BDSM, with me dominating of course.
Diana: And teeeeeth. Lotsa teeth.
Boxman: *rubs his hands together* Speaking of lots of teeth-
10) What is the kinkiest thing you've ever done with each other?
Venomous: Before Boxman says anything, the kinkiest thing we ever did—
Diana: Involved stuff. Opal doesn’t need to hear it.
Boxman: On my desk, on my throne, in the shower, but the best is when she’s strapped to one of these metal tables I have-
Opal: YOU’RE FIVE SECONDS AWAY FROM THE COUCH!
Venomous: Huh. Who knew Boxman and I had similar tastes?
Diana: SHH! He’ll never shut the fuck up now.
Boxman: I’m so glad we have another thing to relate to, best friend!
Diana: *Boxman voice* Ewww, friendship! *normal* Hypocrite.
11) Ooh, how dirty! Now time for brutal honesty, what do you like the least about each other? No one is perfect, after all!
Boxman: I love her despite her being a goody two-shoes, but Cob have mercy is her preaching annoying!
Opal: What I like least about him is how he treats our children. He’s a terrible parent. I don’t want to sound full of myself but I have no idea how the kids survived before I came along.
Boxman: But I’m a GREAT father! Diana gave me a mug that says “father of the year”, with a little red heart!
Diana: It was SARCASM, Boxman. You’re a terrible father. Anyway, what I like least is that that V keeps his glorbs in a chamber that you need to go through a SEWER to access. Yeah, he needs to change and bathe before I’ll go anywhere near him.
Venomous: I do not trudge through shit, okay. How many times do I have to explain—nevermind. She’s stubborn and a bit of a goody two shoes herself. Also, have you seen her eat?
12) Ouch, that has to sting! What do you usually argue about?
Opal: THE KIDS.
Venomous: She’s set in her ways. No sense of adventure.
Diana: If your idea of adventure is playing ball with Pennywise, count me out.
13) Have your arguments ever gotten violent?
Diana: No. Just little verbal bickers.
Boxman: *big pitiful eyes* She makes me- HER HUSBAND- sleep on the COUCH sometimes!
Diana: In what universe is that remotely violent?
Venomous: He’s just whining.
Boxman: No, I’m not whining. I’m COMPLAINING. You want whining??
Everyone else: NO!!!!
14) How do you usually make up after a fight?
Opal: Hmm. Well, Boxman’s other special talent is being the world’s biggest kiss ass. I mean, I’m not complaining…
Venomous: Ugh. Okay, so we did have one fight after the cheese incident. We apologized, sent Fink to bed, drank some wine, then the couch was not such a horrible place to be.
Diana: Yeah. That happened.
Boxman: Ah, the elusive rarity that is couch sex.
16) Is there anyone who disapproves of your relationship?
Venomous: Fink was reluctant at first, but after she found out Diana was a huge lover of rats, it was easier. And I think some irrelevant fish somewhere is butthurt, but who cares?
Opal: My poor, poor Plaza friends have been traumatized by TMI stories, so I can’t really blame them for finding our relationship gross.
Boxman: I’m merely celebrating our love! And to the villains who sneer at me being married to a non-villain- *flips the double bird*
17) Oh. That being said, do you have anyone who does support your relationship?
Opal: Surprisingly, one of his bosses supports us because I help keep the company on track, despite me not being a ‘bad guy’ per say.
Diana: Mmm… Cosma… think she’d be interested in a 3-way? Um… sorry. Too much wine.
Venomous: Wino. Anyway, Fink is fine now, and Opal supports us. Otherwise, who honestly cares?
Opal: There’s also a sweet boy across the street who supports my relationship with Boxy, his name is KO. Of course Di here supports us, and so does Venomous… to a certain degree.
18) That's nice! Do you eventually plan to get married and/or start a family?
Diana: I am not having kids.
Venonous: Too late. Fink calls you ‘step-mom.’
Boxman: Opal and I have kids! Seven, in fact. Aaaaaaaand I’ll have you know we’re happily married!
Opal: I only produced one of them! The rest are robots.
Boxman: We should make more. *devilish grin*
19) What would you do if the other was killed?
Opal: Double no. I was severely depressed when he was gone on the sun for three months, I don’t want to think of what’ll happen when he actually dies.
Venomous: I would seek out whoever was responsible and pull them apart. Atom. By. Atom.
Diana: Damn. Meet me out back.
Boxman: *deep inhale* Their skin would be my rug. Their eyes would be the olives in my martinis. Their skull would be my urinal. Their intestines would be my jumprope. I would bathe my skin in their blood and slick my hair with their bile. And they would be alive to feel. Every. Tiny. Moment. Ahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!
Diana: Wow. Is this a kid’s show or DC Universe?
Opal: Let’s go straight to your office when we get home.
20) What would most likely cause you two to end your relationship?
Diana: I don’t end relationships. I just… get other crushes.
Venomous: The fourth wall can’t stand it anymore. Stop.
Boxman: OUR relationship? END?!! IMPOSSIBLE! *slams fist down*
Opal: There there, it isn’t going to end!
21) Everyone has insecurity about infidelity, so how would you react if the other cheated?
Boxman: SHHHHHH! Don’t let her know she can do better!
Venomous: I’m sure she already knows.
Diana: Um… couch?
Venomous: Nice try. Anyway. Di has a husband in another universe and their daughter and Fink are fast friends. I’m not too worried. It is what it is.
And Aku is rather attractive.
Boxman: Oh, I would be destroyed! I used to have this nightmare where Opal, Venomous and my ex Dr. Blight teamed up to form a hot threesome. *sniffle* AND THEY LAUGHED AT MEEEEE- *sobs*
Opal: … Okay. No. Never going to happen.
Venomous: Opal is very pretty, but I see her more as a sister-erm, sister-in-law, erm, friend. I can’t speak for Dr. Blight though.
Opal: Thanks, Professor. Don’t cry Boxy, I’d never hurt you like that. *is cradling the sobbing man* And I know you never would, either.
22) What do you think makes your relationship seems so interesting?
Boxman: SHE LOVES ME!
Opal: Awwww! <3
Boxman: AND I GET TO HAVE SEX!
Opal: Aaaand there it is…
Venomous: Priorities… anyway, Diana is a hobbit-sized hot werewolf and I’m a glorb-addicted snake-man with sexy hair. What’s not to like?
Diana: I’m 5’3”. Hobbits are lucky to crack 4’. Ass. I love you.
Opal: Easy for you to say PV. All three of us are pretty damn short! *grump*
23) Last question, would you say you care enough about each other to save the other from impending doom, even if it cost you your own life?
Boxman: I would just put one of the robots in the way! They’ll come back from it!
Diana: No wonder Darrell betrayed your ass, you piece of Banta fodder!
Opal: Thank you, that’s what EVERY wife wants to hear. You dick.
Venomous: You are terrible, Boxman. I like it.
Diana: Do not encourage him.
Boxman: FIIIIINE! I’d do it, but sacrificing one of the kids just makes more sense!
Venomous: Yes. She’s worth all the glorbs in the universe.
Diana: …*leaps at him* TAKE ME NOW!
Boxman: Annnnnd, that’s all, folks!
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I won't rip your head off, but I'm not as approachable as I once was. Life happened, and what sociability I had has been greatly reduced and interaction with strangers tires me easily. Feel free to strike up conversation, but please don't expect much.