Human SpongeBob - Help Wanted

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Literature Text

If you want t' hear an interestin' legend then you must travel a distance that few have traveled, you must take a boat out t' sea until you see a hut in t' middle o' nowhere. You will travel t' t' dock and exit your boat and travel t' t' top o' a long staircase until you reach t' hut. A man by t' name o' Captain O'Malley will greet you.

CAPTAIN O'MALLEY: Wha' do ye wants?! I be busy. Wha'? Ye've come t' here a legend? Ye say that ye've heard th' tales o' th' sponge named SpongeBob 'n ye wants t' hear a similar tale. Well, I guess I can stop wha' I be doin' 'n tell ye a tale. Come on in 'n loot a seat. I 'ave all eight volumes o' th' tales. Th' first tale be a fascinatin' one. 'tis titled, "Help Wanted". I'll use me French narrator voice t' make it seem more authentic t' th' original.

The story starts out with clouds. Captain O’Malley says, using his French narrator voice, “Ah, the sea so fascinating.” The clouds pan away to show an island city. The French narrator continues, “Here we see Bikini Bottom, teeming with life.” Three houses appear. One is shaped like a brown rock with a yellow weather vane on top of it, one is shaped like a bluish grey Easter Island Head, and one is sort of pineapple shaped with three leaf-like things coming out of the top of it, it is also orange and has a chimney on the side. The story focuses on the pineapple-shaped one. “Home of one of my favorite creatures, SpongeBob SquarePants. Yes, of course he lives in a house, you silly.”

An alarm clock appears at 6:59. The clock turns to 7:00 and the alarm goes off. The alarm sounds like a foghorn because the clock is in the shape of a foghorn. The entire room appears. The room contains a closet with a treasure chest, a window, the foghorn alarm clock on a barrel, SpongeBob's bed. The bed is three mattresses with a blue blanket and yellow flowers on it. A ladder connects a green diving board to the bed. At the back of the bed, there is an orange life preserver and two luau candle poles. There is also a light purple bird in a cage. Under the birdcage, there is a cat on a couple on pieces of newspaper, which are his bed. The cat is unusual to the normal cats in your world. He has light green eyes, a light green belly/underside, a blue face, the top part of the body is pink with a red swirl in the middle and purple dots on the sides, and his tail is light green. Next to the cat, there is his bowl, which is green. In the bed is SpongeBob. He has blond hair, a long nose, three freckles on his cheeks, and buckteeth. His blanket blows away by the wind coming from the alarm clock, which causes SpongeBob to wake up. SpongeBob is wearing white underwear, two black shoes, and two white socks with one blue and one red line on each. He turns off the alarm clock and starts to climbs the ladder of his diving board. He stops and says, “Today’s the big day, Gary.” Gary meows. SpongeBob starts to jump on the diving board. He says, “Look at me. I’m…” He jumps out of his underwear and yells, “…Naked!”

He lands in his traditional outfit, which is a white shirt, a red necktie, and brown pants with a black buckle. Strings on two poles were holding up the outfit.

He then runs into his exercise room. The room contains a barbell that has two stuffed animals on the ends of it. He says, “Got to be in top physical condition for today, Gary.” Gary meows. SpongeBob exhales loudly. He struggles to lift the barbell. He eventually does and then soon drops it.

The exterior of the house appears. Inside the house, SpongeBob yells, “I’m ready!” He leaves the house and repeats it a few times, as he runs down the road. He is going to the right of his house. He passes the rock-shaped house. The door to the house opens, revealing a fat man with pink hair, who is only wearing green shorts with a few purple flowers on them. He says, “Go, SpongeBob” and then falls backwards.

SpongeBob appears at a distance from a building shaped like an old New England lobster trap. It has five flags on the top of the front and a chimney on the roof. Next to it, there is a sign shaped like a clam and is on a bamboo pole. SpongeBob says, “There it is. The finest eating establishment ever established for eating. The Krusty Krab. Home of the Krabby Patty.” A puff of smoke comes out of the chimney. He continues, “With a ‘Help Wanted’ sign in the window. For years, I’ve been dreaming of this moment. I’m gonna go in there…” He starts marching in place. “…March straight to the manager…” He closes his left eye and continues, “…look him straight in the eye, lay it on the line…” He opens his left eye. “And I can’t do this.” He starts to run away, but Patrick stops him. Patrick asks SpongeBob where he thinks he is going. SpongeBob points towards home and says, “I was just…” Patrick says that SpongeBob is not going to go home and that he is going to get the job. SpongeBob says that he cannot and that he is not good enough. Patrick asks, “Whose first words were, ‘May I take your order’?” SpongeBob says, “Mine were.” Patrick asks, “Who made a spatula out of toothpicks in Wood Shop?” SpongeBob says, “I did.” Patrick starts to ask a question, but struggles to come up with something. He then asks, “Who’s ready?” SpongeBob says, “I’m ready!” This question and response occurs two more times. When SpongeBob says, “I’m ready!” the last time, he jumps up in the air. When he lands, he starts running towards the Krusty Krab, repeating, “I’m ready.”

A skinny, bald, big-nosed man, wearing a brown shirt and skin-colored pants appears at the Krusty Krab. He is also wearing a Krusty Krab hat, which has an anchor on it. He is cleaning graffiti of his head with the word, “Loser” above to it, off one of the glass doors. He hears SpongeBob saying, “I’m ready” and looks behind him to see SpongeBob running towards the Krusty Krab. He says, “Oh, no, SpongeBob. What could he possibly want?” He sees the “Help Wanted” sign, screams, and runs into the Krusty Krab. He runs to Mr. Krabs, a fat, bald man, wearing a white undershirt, light blue shirt, and blue pants with a black belt and golden belt buckle. Mr. Krabs is counting money at the Cash register station, which looks like a wooden lifeboat. The dining area contains several tables that look like boat wheels and barrels instead of chairs. The bald, skinny man tries to tell Mr. Krabs something, but SpongeBob enters the Krusty Krab.

He asks, “Permission to come aboard, Captain?” He starts talking in a deep voice, “I’ve been training my whole life for the day I could join the Krusty crew.” He goes back to his regular voice and says, “And now, I’m ready.” He walks towards the two, trips on a nail and face plants in front of them. He gets on his back and asks, “So, when do I start?” Mr. Krabs, who has a pirate-like voice says, “Well, lad, it looks like you don’t even have your sea legs.” SpongeBob says, “Mr. Krabs, please. I’ll prove I’m fry cook material. Ask Squidward. He’ll vouch for me.” Squidward looks surprised. The two walk to the back of the dining area. Squidward says, “No” and Mr. Krabs winks. The two return to SpongeBob, who has gotten up. Mr. Krabs say that he will give SpongeBob a test and if he passes, he will get the job. Mr. Krabs says, “Go out and fetch me, uh…” As Mr. Krabs is thinking of something, SpongeBob gets out a pencil and a pad of paper. Mr. Krabs finishes with, “…A hydrodynamic spatula with port and starboard attachments and a turbo drive.” As he says, this SpongeBob is writing this down on his pad of paper. Mr. Krabs says that SpongeBob should not come back until he gets one. He gives SpongeBob a Krusty Krab hat. SpongeBob takes out a mirror and looks at himself. He says, “Aye, Aye, Captain. One hydrodynamic spatula with port and starboard attachments, a turbo drive, coming right up, sir.” and walks out the doors. Mr. Krabs tells Squidward that they are never going to see SpongeBob again. The two start laughing. SpongeBob runs down the road.

Five city buses show up at the Krusty Krab. The two stop laughing and Mr. Krabs gasps. He says, “That sounded like hatch doors.” He sniffs the air. He says, “Do you smell it? That smell. A kind of smelly smell. A smelly smell that smells…smelly. Nerds.” Squidward asks, “What?” Mr. Krabs yells, “Nerds!” hundreds of nerds fill into the restaurant repeating “Eat!” Squidward calms them down and one says, “Eat!” Squidward asks them to make an orderly line to the cash register. The nerds start repeating, “Eat!” again and throwing the cash register boat around.
With SpongeBob, he is entering a store called the Barg’n-Mart. It looks like a treasure chest.
Back at the Krusty Krab, the boat is still being tosses around. Eventually, the boat starts to break. Soon the boat is gone and the anchovies are tossing Squidward and Mr. Krabs around.
Back at the Barg’n-Mart, SpongeBob is going though one of the aisles looking for the spatula.
Back at the Krusty Krab, after the anchovies toss Squidward and Mr. Krabs around, the two land on a poll. The two climb it to get away from the wave of nerds. Soon, Mr. Krabs thinks it is the end and says goodbye to Squidward. The two start crying. SpongeBob’s voice is heard while a red light appears. He asks, “Permission to come aboard, Captain?” He hums a fanfare and floats down with one hand holding a megaphone and the other the spatula. SpongeBob shows the spatula to Mr. Krabs and Squidward. He then heads to the kitchen asking, “Who’s hungry?”.

SpongeBob then makes enough Krabby Patties to feed the nerds. After the busses leave, Mr. Krabs has a large bag of money. He gives SpongeBob the position with some opposition from Squidward and says that he is going to his office to count the money. Soon, Patrick comes in and orders a Krabby Patty. SpongeBob then makes many Krabby Patties, some of which push Patrick out of the Krusty Krab and Squidward asks Mr. Krabs to see his new employee.

CAPTAIN O'MALLEY: Now wasn’t that a great tale? If ye every wish t' hear more tales, then ye can always come back t' me galleon.
This is the first story in my Human SpongeBob series.

This series will take the stories of SpongeBob and make them in their human form.
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