I know that arrogant smile I have heard that sentence before “you’ll understand when you become a mother” let’s ignore personal autonomy let’s ignore sensitivity and fertility and mental health let’s ignore the assumption that we all tick the same boxes for self-actualisation tell me when do I become a mother? when I give birth? when I am legally responsible of a child? when I raise the child to 18? when I prioritise one above all else? when I financially support one? when I hold one through bonebreaks and heartbreaks and mentalbreaks? or is it only when I traumatise one for lack of time or money or will for lack of power to fix myself to fix the society to fix the earth? I don’t think you'd be willing to understand me even if I become the person you’d call a mother I am mothering the child within teaching her emotional regulation self-preservation and compassion I am mothering your kids from a distance