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Someone's watching you. Do they chew on someone else's bones? inner crying without shedding water How can you like someone so breakable? fear of shadows, behind each nice thing a shadow, I'm screaming, dreaming I still hadn't made peace with being a girl yet. I was still trying to be something else. And I was deeply convinced that I could. The terror runs deep enough of a wound, so I could. Is that a ghostly hand of a child, tugging on their sleeve? I feel so naive for allowing relief. I go butter soft I go sharp like a knife What is right? I melt; I cut. What can I believe? The angels talk to me. It makes me go crazy. The snakes Would play with me Maybe they wouldn't bite Maybe I was too bitter Or maybe I was too sweet Maybe if I hoped Strong enough I would survive Sometimes all I can do is Go crazy in the sun Not try to run The madness has begun The madness has begun feel Why my hand will search for yours in the dark feel Why I see you for who you are and

Every day, I go into the shower. Not only cuz I need to get clean, Or to enjoy the warm running down skin. Rather also to... Comfort myself. I stand under the shower head, As water running down bare skin and scars, Press my head against the wall, Let tears run down my cheeks, Heartbeating against hollow chest, Hands that press into my chest as I hold them close, Remembering, memories. Here I stay, Lost into myself, Into a moment... The water runs down my body towards the floor, Little whispers into my head, I am comforted by the water. It gives me a smile in those moments, Helps the heart beat again, Brings the mind back to Earth, hushes it gently, “Shhh,” the water whispers as it hugs me close. The water sees me as I am, scars, and flaws, Yet, it stays here with me. Shut my eyes, Let long hair fall forward, Over breasts, over the side, I listen to the beat of my own heart. Thump. Thump. Thump. I can feel my heart beating, Against this chest, Finger run across