[....]and I might be okay, but i'm not fine at all
And maybe we got lost in translation
Maybe I asked for too much
But maybe this thing was a masterpiece
Till you tore it all up
Running scared, I was there I remember it all too well
And you call me up again just to break me like a promise
So casually cruel in the name of being honest
I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here
Cause I remember it all all all too well
Time won't fly it's like I'm paralyzed by it
I'd like to be my old self again
But i'm still trying to find it
After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own
Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone
But you keep my old scarf from that very first week
Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me
You can't get rid of it, cause you remember it all too well
Cause there we are again and I love you so
Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well...
All Too Well-Taylor Swift
Guys....I've been having a really hard time today, I just feel like if everything is slowly coming down; I know...I know I shouldn't be letting this bother me so much (gosh it's been 3 months), but I just can't help it sometimes, all those memories come flashing back to me and every time this happens, I feel like a little part of me dies, it's REALLY frustrating...it happened so fast, I trusted my friend and she messed it all up; I feel this need, that, I really need to talk to him, but it seems like life, destiny or whatever doesn't want him and I too see each other...I don't know.....and I don't know what to do anymore, but this feeling is killing me!! I really really need to tell him everything that happened, and I need to hear the truth, 'cause he didn't tell it to me, because he didn't wanted me to get angry with "my friend".....there's so much we need to clear out...
I made this pic like 2 1/2 months ago, and I'm still feeling that way.. God, I miss him SO much!!
I haven't drawn since...I just don't feel like it..well, I've been working on commissions, but I haven't drawn anything I like for example...I feel so bad, and as I said before, I know I shouldn't be feeling like this, I have to keep my head up, and I'm really trying, some friends of mine even say they admire me because I look very strong, but I don't feel that strong...
Don't worry guys, I'll be fine, I'm not gonna make anything stupid, I know it's not worth it; but as I said, it's pure desperation and frustration and UUUUGH!!! I just NEED TO TALK TO HIM!!
As for the song lyrics, it's a fragment of Taylor's All Too Well song from her Red album; the story has almost nothing to do with mine, but I feel really identified with it because of the mood of the song itself, the way Taylor interprets it, it's just very touching and strong; they way she sings it at her concert, gives me goosebumps, 'cause that's exactly the way I feel: SAD
And finally, I know some of you guys may not be interested into all this but, you are the only ones that I can open up to, I know you won't judge me for any decision I make...some of my "friends" here, know about the problem, and still defend this person who did all this mess...only 2 people support me...out of 15 people of our group of friends..2....it's kind of a hard way to realize who are your real friends, don't you think?
it's been really hard for me, you know...all I wanna hear is: "I'm here with you, you can count on me, don't worry", just that...I'm feeling so lonely right now..I don't know what to do anymore...