is when you want to
Anyone would have noticed how the two boys' gazes lingered on the girl; she was the one that every guy wanted: beautiful, charming, genuine. A summer girl, warm and as fleeting as the sunshine. And when it was cold, her eyes snowed, little snowflakes flickering deep down inside. But it was October right now, and if you looked closely you could see the leaves in her eyes turning colours.
Im not sure how old she is, but Mommy sometimes says Teenagers these days in a quiet voice, so I guess she must be very old, but not as old as Mommy or Daddy.
Elena is very sweet to me. She reads to me before bedtime, and always lets me choose the book. On picture days at school, when Mommy is too tired to get up and make me look pretty, Elena gets up and does my hair just like hers, so I feel like a big girl!
But ever since Elena spent the night at her best friends house, she has been very quiet. She isnt so sweet anymore. Elena is always looking off to the side, and her eyes arent so shiny now, she never even reads to me now, so I have to go to bed without a story, she doesnt even care when I cry.
I think that she might be sick. But Mommy says that she is going through a stage, I tried to tell Mommy that Elena was not a stage, she was a girl, but
The weird thing is that I look at you with an emptiness and almost a vague dislike when I see you. And in my delirious eyes, you look at me with a slight desire. But that's unthinkable. You're so way out of my league. We both know it.
The thing is that I don't even know you. But I feel like I do. And I feel as if you think so too. It's crazy. I'm crazy. I have no doubt you don't feel the same way. I don't even know how I feel.
But I know that I feel. Feelings are the blue of your eyes and the thrumming of my heart when I see you.
Never looking up at those who laugh
Pride that makes me fall will keep me shattered
There is nothing that I trust more than the Voices in my head
They never lie,
though they are rarely kind
I don't need pity
I don't need love
All I have is dark and cold,
huddled in my fear
Who needs to be happy when blood holds thrall?
Pain can fill the emptiness
Appear as often as I need
I can Vanish anytime
I can Disappear
No one can put together all my crumbled shards
Not a single tear will be captured
Sorrow drowns in ecstasy
and I wonder who I am
Am I so
Am I not
What do I know?
I want to know
but I don't
I think a lot
But do I think right
I'm sure we are
Would be a cute couple
But I'm so scared
I don't know
Please ask me soon
Before the year's out
Within three thousand people
Seeing each other again
I want to cry myself out, and on someone's shoulders. His shoulders. The shoulders on which I've been crying for the past few days now. I'm afraid I'll someday frighten him away with my being on this constant rollercoaster, but at the time being, he doesn't seem to mind. I truly appreciate his support.
I'd written a letter to him yesterday while at work, spilling out my very heart and soul. I am tempted to let it all out here, seeing as how he may not find it. I won't do it though; he knows what I feel for him.
Please don't get it twisted; I'm not desperate for affection. I've just got an overflowing goblet of emotions coursing through my very being, and I don't know how to handle it.
I want to cry.
I want to scream.
I want to punch something.
I want to hide.
I want to run.
I want to be al
I feel dirty
Like you only want one thing out of me
But you don't want me at all
You crave my body
You treat me like a doll
You make me feel gross
As you rip my clothes off and "play" with me
You tease me
But you never please me
It's your own little sadistic game
That I don't want to play
But I'm afraid to tell you how I feel
Afraid of what might happen when I do
Afraid I might lose you if I do
I love your touch
I love the feeling of your skin against mine
My bare chest on top of yours
You know that I would do anything
To make you happy
Even if it tortures me
You torture me
You "jokingly" call me names
And say things that make me feel uncomfortable
Things that make me feel like you're raping me
Are you raping me?
Do you even see what you're doing to me?
How much you're hurting me?
Or do you see
And think I'm okay
Because you know I'll wait
Wait for you to come back to me
That's why you play your little games
Your foolish, conceited games
You'll push as far a
Imagining though, is harder than loving you.
Distance makes love stronger, so they say.
They say it increases strength, but so does it pain.
Every night I lay awake close to tears.
Close to tears I lay in wait for your arms to embrace me.
Arms that will not embrace me for an unknown amount of time.
Every muscle screams when I move, calling out for you.
I call out for you in dreams. I scream. But you cannot kiss me calm.
I wake up with nightmares of you gone forever.
The nightmare feels like reality, not having you here.
Every hug from friends feels too short.
The feelings are too short, knowing that my body wishes to be held for hours.
My body longs to be held, and I know that I have no one to hold me but you.
But you're not here.
Cold is the place that I am.
I am cold without your arms. Your lips. Your words.
We go through the usual questions and answers each time we talk, but I never say what's on my mind.
I have so many burning questions on
in the way
that keeps me awake late at night
and makes it difficult to write anything
makes me want to run away to another city because
being so breakable scares me
and when i'm with you
but still i'm unhappy
and a little unsure
when i'm away from you
it's the same
i just thought you should know
that i can't imagine life without you
but sometimes i don't want you
because i know she might always be around
that your bed isn't all that comfortable
nor is your arm
when i sleep on it
i sleep peacefully
most nights i want to say goodnight
your eyes are pretty
and so is your body
but in a different sort of way
that does things to me
and i want you
to love me all night
just this once.
tomorrow i will see you
and i will pretend
i never wrote any of this
confessed it to myself
i hope you think i am pretty
i hope you like my dress. and my hair.
i hope you love me more than her.
i could say more but this is all
I've never been one for plain speaking
I'm not in denial,
I know that I love you
I hate you... leave me alone!
I love you but I've been hurt before
No matter how much I push don't go
Don't touch me
Hold me so close I can't move,
So tight I can't breathe
We'll never work out
I hope we do or I'll die inside
-But I've prepared myself for the worst
You don't love me! why do you care?
I need you to love me, I need .. reassurance ..
Read between the lines;
I used to be one for plain speaking
I'm not in denial
I know that I need you
I don't want you to save me
But I need you to
Don't fight it
I can't bear to see you angry
Take it like a man!
I can't bear to see you hurt
(You're your own enemy)
I'm not one for plain speaking
I'm not in denial!
I know that I want you
(You shouldn't have said that)
Read between the lines.
I'm not in denial;
Because when it begins
I'm born again
And you're always here with me.
I smell you
I feel your breath
The thud of your heartbeat in my hands
As you run up my spine
Send my mind to sleep
And my body to work.