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So long Mom, I'm off to kill Saddam. To the tune of: "So Long, Mom" by Tom Lehrer So long, mom, I'm off to kill Saddam So don't wait up for me. But while you stew In the living room, You can see me On cable TV. While we're attacking frontally, Watch Hannity and Combs-ally, Arguing contrapuntally About the soldiers we have lost. No need for you to miss a minute Of the agonizing holocaust. (yeah!) Private Johnny Jones he was a U.S. Marine, And no shrinking vi'let was he. He was mighty proud when Iraqi Freedom was declared, He wasn't scared, No siree! And this is what he said on His way to the Middle East: So long, mom, I'm off to kill Saddam, So don't wait up for me. But though I may roam, I'll come back to my home, Although I might be Maimed by an IED. Remember, mommy, I'm off to get Saddamie, So send me a salami, And try to smile somehow. I'll come to you when the war is over, Seven and a half years from now!

“Conference Realignment” To the tune of: “New Math” by Tom Lehrer [Spoken without music] Some of you who are watching college football today may have perhaps been put In the embarrassing position of being unable to understand the names and make ups of college athletic conferences because of the current revolution in college sports known as conference realignment. So, as a public service here I thought I would offer a brief less in the history of conference realignment over the past 14 years or so. Tonight, we’re going to cover just college football. I am not going to use any visual aids like timelines or diagrams. Consider this conference: The Big XII. Now, remember how the Big XII was founded back in back in 1994. The Southwestern Conference broke up and the western half – Texas, Texas A & M, Baylor, and Texas Tech – merged with the Big 8 to for the Big XII South Division along with Oklahoma and Oklahoma State. Meanwhile Arkansas left to join Alabama, Auburn, LSU, Ole Miss

Who’s Next? – Forty Years Later To the Tune of "Who’s Next?" By Tom Lehrer (from the album That Was the Year That Was, released in 1965) First we got the bomb, and that was good, 'Cause we love peace and motherhood. Then Russia got the bomb, but that's okay, 'Cause the balance of power's maintained that way. Who's next? France got the bomb, but don't you grieve, 'Cause they're on our side (I believe). North Korea got the bomb, but have no fears, They can't wipe us out for at least five years. Who's next? Then the Ukraine claimed that they Were gonna get one any day. Iraq wants two, that's right: One for the Sunni’s and one for the Shi’ites. Who's next? Iran's gonna get one too, Just to use on you know who. So Israel's getting tense. Wants one in self defense. "The Lord's our shepherd," says the psalm, But just in case, we better get a bomb. Who's next? Chechnya is next to go, And (who knows?) maybe Morocco. We'll try to stay serene and calm When Westboro