Explore thefirsttime

There came a time in my life, when I thought death was the only way out.  The only way to help my situation, to stop the pain, depression, bulimia. Nobody understood, why there were scars on my body, from my neck down to my feet were covered in cuts that were made from a knife, a razor blade and anything else sharp that I could find in the house. This specific time was the 15/01/2014 it was my 14th birthday and my mother had let me down again, along with him hurting me for the 100th time. I had opened up old wounds, locked myself in the bathroom and made two deep slits, along with taking a load of tablets and drinking a 2 ltr bottle of vodka

Can I give you my heart, will you hold on and protect it? Can we laugh together, so it mends the broken past? Can we stay side by side, and never stray? Can we grow old together, and not regret a day spent together?  Will you at this very moment, give me the love that will last an eternity?

What did I do wrong? As I am sat on the frozen floor of the open show, the water is burning my bare skin, I wonder what I ever did to deserve what he just done. My entire body is shaking, I don’t know whether it is because of the pain or because of the amount of blood I have lost. The blood is covering my inner thighs, my entire body is hurting and I don’t know what I have done wrong. His words are going around and around in my head, I can’t get his voice out of my head. “This will be our little secret, nobody has to know. Especially not your grandmother” I can’t think straight, I want the pain to st

We are both moving on in our own lives, and I am going to miss the closeness we once had. Had is the keyword.   How can one moment in time, ruin an entire lifetime of trust? A bond that is no longer held together by the fabric of time, One small mistake has torn us apart. Can I admit it hurts? Because our friendship has isn’t there anymore. I feel lost, I always looked to you for your advice, but time changed We Changed. I can’t stand it anymore, I cry for us both. The memories from yesterday, haunting my mind. Our memories, laughs we acted like children trapped in adult bodies. It’s frustrating, can’t you see? N

 Depression...   It’s a spell that is made to kill us, it defines us in more ways than one. Why does the spell, want to hurt us? It makes us want to disappear into the black hole that has been created in our minds. Depression is hard, it makes our hearts pound, it causes us physical pain. It makes our eyes dull and lifeless. We suffer from many things. Heartbreak, regret, sadness, loneliness or sometimes it happens from the world’s abuse. We feel hollow inside, there is no way to explain it. That is the spell, we call depression.

You don’t seem to understand, The effect you have on me. You don’t seem to understand, how fast my heart races at a simple text from you or when I hear your voice. You don’t seem to understand, how much I think about you. When I have no reason to. You don’t seem to understand, how much I like you. Even though I know it’s silly. You just don’t understand, but then again..   maybe you do.