The difference between being thin and being skinny
is that when you’re skinny,
everyone is constantly trying to get you to eat.
As if you are deliberately starving yourself.
As if they are soldiers
and you are a war they must win,
food instead of guns in their hands.
Seven years ago, when I first realised
that I couldn’t sleep on my side anymore
because my hipbones cut like knives into my skin,
that I could count every single one of my ribs,
I ate everything I found in the fridge till I threw up,
and my mother assumed I was doing it on purpose.
It took me three sessions of intensive therapy
to convince the therapist that I wasn’t sick
when honestly, I wasn’t sure myself anymore.
Girls who look in the mirror
and see a collection of bones
and stories and thigh gaps and brittle wrists
are called beautiful in magazines,
so why do I only see hollow eyes and skin
that is just barely stretched over a skeletal frame?
The first time a boy grasped my wr