1. I love how you always make me smile
2. I love how you always make me laugh
3. I love the way you inspire me.
4. I love how cute and adorable you can be
5. I love the kindness that you show
6. I love how I can always be there for you
7. I love how you can always there for me.
8. I love how you stand up for the things you believe in
9. I love how open-minded you are
10. I love your gentleness with me
12. I love how you take my breath away.
13. I love thinking about you
14. I love how sweet you make my dreams
15. I love hearing your laughter
16. I love it when you smile
17. I love you still when your angry
18. I love you still when your sad
19. I love you still when you're a mess (though you'll always be beautiful to me)
20. I love the way you feel
21. I love the way you hold my hand
22. I love the way you smell
23. I love gazing into your eyes
24. I love the sound of your sweet voice
25. I love how much you've taught me about life and myself
26. I lo
Powers and Abilities
Personality and Relationships
2. Life is a journey
3. Rustling leaves
4. The clank of glassware
7. When we began
9. Bad Times
10. Doing what has to be done.
12. The stars above
15. Large Shirt
19. Heart Strings
30. Snow Globe
31. Golden Microphone
34. "For as long as you live."
37. Leather Jackets
41. Solar Powered
42. Iron Maidens
43. Bought and Sold
54. Putting it to rest.
55. Look around you.
56. "Still My Guitar Gently Weeps." ~~George Harrison
58. Breaking Down
62. Dance in the rain
63. A Catch-22
66. Fit to be
but you're dead to me.
The memory of you still lingers
somewhere in the back of my mind,
and sometimes it comes alive..
A fiction, a fantasy, a daydream.
In those scenes you're you and I'm me,
but I'm better and stronger than I am now.
I'm so much more than this lost, delightful mess...
And I fucking hope that you miss me.
And I hope that you hurt deep down inside..like I did.
It's just that my heart..stopped hurting a while ago.
Now, I'm just angry and a little bit spiteful...
But most of all..I'm disappointed..in you..and in me.
I don't miss the person you are right now,
I miss the conversations, the laughter and the madness...
Our stupid talks..
I needed a friend..not a boyfriend or a lover.
And you turned your back on me..on us.
That fucking hurt.
How easily replaceable I was..or I am?..whatever.
I needed you to give me time to find myself,
to realize what and who I want in my life...
I was like a wave..you pushed me
and you forgot to pull me back towards yo
gasping green eyes
there is the lip print
of a woman he doesn't remember.
she doesn't exist to him anymore,
but to me she is a
bloodstain that won't wash clean,
the black X's slashed into my calendar.
so when he comes home,
grab him by the tie
slam him to the wall
until the press of my lips
defiles the grave of
a girl who once
thought he was beautiful.
You can call
it emptiness, breath, epithet, or oblivion
or love, or the thing we can't
touch, while in motion.
of your mouth in me like icemelt water,
like a creek,
like the ocean when i walked past,” you say.
“it’s a sign that i’m drowning.”
“i stepped in two patches of fresh dirt.
it’s a sign that they’ll be digging my grave.”
“i saw the boy i’d lost my virginity to today.
it’s a sign that i’m going to cheat on you.”
“you wake me up with this shit,” he says in annoyance.
“is that a sign i should break up with you?”
“no,” you say, not looking at him, fighting
to keep smiling. “it means -”
he goes back to bed.
he thinks you don’t get it,
but you do.
he teaches you about chemistry,
about physics and the stars.
he teaches you that the universe is finite,
but constantly expanding;
he takes you hand to his chest, and says
“like my feelings for you.”
used to be, you thought he was your gravity
because you were so drawn to him
because what i'm trying to say is
i'm not a good person.
i don’t tell valerie about how i planned to rekindle
my friendship with charlie’s best friend last year
just so i could get to him and hurt him.
(i don’t tell her how, in the end, i ended up liking
his friend instead, and charlie dated another
fifteen year old
because shit happens and what was i doing,
expecting things to go my way?)
there are certain things she doesn’t need to know,
certain things i can’t say because
putting it into words what it was like waking up,
that sort of shame that came with it –
it was like – it was like looking into a window
and swearing there’s a monster behind it
before, slowly, i realized
it was a mirror.
what therapy promises me: love yourself, forgive but
never forget, tell us your past
then let it go.
what i learn in therapy: nobody has all the answers.
we certainly don’t.
either side of my hipbones
I wanna hear
my own innocence
than this serotonin-starved
my oxytocin is overwhelmed
with winter's frost, its faded
fondness reached recession
seven years ago.
i remember wretched weeping,
dry-eyed as i discovered that
my own brain had betrayed me;
it never taught me how to love.
my heart is something seasonal,
and i'm so sorry, darling.
the crook of my arm is blue once more.
a round bruise, a globe of the earth, laced with green.
a little world in the boomerang curve of my elbow,
which i peer at from far away.
(i’m sorry little arm, i know you’re sick of blood tests.
i know you’re fed up of all the poking with needles,
to check up on my poor struggling liver.
i’ll tell it i’m sorry for starving it, too).
i’ve decided to take up space in the world again,
to make myself part of it, join in.
but i’m like a wobbly child strapped to a car-seat
on a long nauseating journey to the beach.
a child clutching a puzzle book in their hand and attempting
a word game called fill in the blanks,
c-a-t / d-o-g
a child who is trying so hard, despite the jolts of tyres upon uneven ground sending letters
sprawling across the page like unravelling wool.
and the journey is punctuated by wheedling groans of
‘’are we nearly there yet?’’
there are four kinds of love.
the first is honest.
the first is messy.
it’s smeared makeup.
it’s tears over a martini.
it’s people dancing alone.
it’s off-key singing, at the top
of your lungs.
it’s unmade beds.
it’s the hickey on your neck.
it’s the gasp he gave
when he first saw you,
how he missed your lips
when he tried to kiss you.
after he made you cry.
the second kind is what you feel
for the boy lying next to you.
there’s cigarettes in the ashtray,
panties on the floor,
a lump in your throat,
and he does not love you back.
the third kind is when you'll meet
and that little moment will stretch
into something huge and permanent,
into a month/six months/a year
of a million glances that you'd thought
it’s when you'll say nothing
and neither will he
because there will be no need
because he'll very nearly smile
and you'll know.
Knees go weak.
Lips quiver as they touch.
Names are gasped.
Hair is tugged.
to use the words that you fell asleep to
to write you a love song but
every time i tried
my fingers froze up.
i failed the test of describing you
in a paragraph
in a sentence
in a word
there is nothing in my head adequate enough
to describe how you look
on the train station platform
when you smile at me.
i can tell you that
my heart climbs into my throat and
my body prickles with heat and
everything disappears, for just a moment, but
the thing i cannot describe
your mouth caresses my name
like it’s the most beautiful sound
it’ll ever know,
like it understands me perfectly,
you are not made of verses.
you have no meter.
you are not written in stanzas
that i understand
and i find myself captivated
at how beautifully complex
your language is.
you say i’m the mesmerizing one, but, baby,
you've stumped me.
you have left a girl,
a person who wants to build their life
Nothing but a sandcastle
Built below the tide line,
And maybe so were we.
Maybe I could have saved you from me,
& Maybe it wouldn't have ended like it did,
With broken hearts and broken bottles laying at our feet.
I thought that maybe if I could get you to hate me,
Maybe then, I could save you.
I thought that maybe if you didn't love me anymore,
Things would get better for you.
I never thought I'd miss you this much,
I never thought that I'd hurt you this much,
& I never thought that this would hurt me, too.
I never thought it would hurt this much,
But I have to do what I have to do,
And that means, baby, I can't have you.
I'm dangerous, baby.
Don't get too close,
I might run away if you even try to touch me.
& Darling, don't get attached,
'Cause if we got close,
I'd disappoint you,
to sadness is to
punctuates the bruised
shorelines with broken hearts and
shore creeps up, kisses
my feet. sometimes he rips through
the distance between
the air here
vibrates to a fire,
sparrow's heart humming in c
major. it does scare
how i might love you
more than ibuprofen, or
the way the light might
through an ether storm.
the person i am now is
with who i
was before you. but
how do i scrape myself out
from under my own
we caught the
moon between our feet,
heads falling behind us.
things i will
you: how you can't stop wearing
lemongrass and how
the smell hides
away under your
collarbone; the way you wear
saturn on your ring
keep neptune's rings as
keepsakes when you come back from
the sky [to remind
my favorite colour
my reticence, the uncertainty of the word "today,"
which rusts like the flute before Judith one.
If there is a time to undress, it is now,
but my thoughts close in on me, like a tunnel,
and I lose sight of everything except the wind.
Beneath it all, my hollow bones
are icy blue, each joy expunged--
I feel it keenly, here, and there.
When days turned into a week, you entered into a hush drunk state: eyes bleary and sore from holding back any semblance of emotion. You were quiet, but not calm. Your hands became tumultuous storms when you'd glance over at our picture, fingers becoming tidal waves as you would toss it onto the bed. You were tired, but not nearly tired enough to forget.
On its own, you would find your body shaking at the brush of your own fingers across your skin, a reminder of where I touched you last. And the
She twinkled like a satellite
tangled in a nest of unclaimed
junk. Prying apart a hedgerow
of rusted wire, I saw her heart
caught in zero gravity, unsure
of what direction to spin. Classic
Jumping off the slide, she proclaimed
herself a Cosmonaut, flinging
her sheep wool cardigan into a puddle
and smashing her candy necklace
against the tarmac. She never saw
the rainbow left in the water.
Surbiton was Mars: a dusty bowl
of a suburb. She rarely caught
her breath in McDonalds - its gaudy
yellow making her gag more than beef
patties. Stepping outside, we struggled
to hold hands. I always made her float.
For the first time, I realize he is dead. His briar heart dried up when winter killed his rose; my father, he is all thorns.
He squeezes my shoulders, too tight. You look like your mother, you know, he whispers, eyes shifting to the garden, to the yellow rose I planted for her. It is a rambler, sending shoots to the sky that sink back down. We never gave it a trellis. I loved her too much. And there are tears in his eyes, wet, heavy things that slip down his cheeks and on to the grass below us.
I don't know what to say, so I think of the rose, of her. I think that I'd like to send this
Or at least, that’s how it felt to her.
It seemed like all around her people were pairing off. Strangers reached out a hand and clasped one another, a connection made. Acquaintances altered their course, diverting so as to intercept and intermingle. The hugs of friends softened and slowed, feelings intensifying, intertwining limbs lingering tenderly…
Yet she remained an island.
She didn’t know what was wrong with her, if there was even anything wrong at all. As far as she could tell she simply didn’t seem to feel what others did, but had no idea why that would be the case. She understood the base principles, and could appreciate that people enjoyed having someone that they could rely on for comfort and warmth, but what eluded her was the actual drive itself; she felt
you will give all of yourself to a boy who won't know you at all.
he will recycle your parts, make you stationary, bind you into
paper that he will gift back so you can write poetry about him.
you, too, say i love you quickly.
when he doesn't say it back, evaporate.
he will kiss you in places you didn't know existed.
until him, you were a peasant in your body's palace.
he crowned you princess, broke the lock of your castle's gates.
when he doesn't say it back, load your cannons.
you are a fountain pen.
look him in the eye when you write him letters on your skin.
when he asks to read them, surrender.
you have always been this way: too eager
to make wildflowers bloom inside of him.
when he doesn't say it back, trim the stems.
when he tells you that your eyes remind him of tree bark,
show him that your gaze is sturdier than nature's limbs.
without breaking eye contact, slowly back him into a wall.
when he expresses discomfort,
ask if he knows what choking is like.
1. You take non-romantic showers.
As the sun rose, Lovino sat up lazily, yawned, and stretched out his muscles before dragging himself up and out of bed. As he did this, he heard the faint sound of bare footsteps against the tiled floor in the bathroom, which could only mean one thing.
(Name) was getting ready for her morning shower.
Come to think of it, he needed a shower, too. He was so occupied with work that he had forgotten to shower the night before.
And so, as he scratched an irritating itch on his back, he made his way to the bathroom and opened the door to find (Name) sticking her hand in the water spouting from the shower head to make sure it wasn't too hot or too cold. She didn't even have to look at Lovino to know he was standing there at the doorway. "Good morning, Lovi."
"Buongiorno," he replied sleepily and stared at the running water for a f
"What, are you goth or something?"
"See. She is emo."
You've left me kneeling in the aisle way,
Picking up the pieces,
Picking up myself
While I'm cautious not to let a faucet run from my face
"Abby..Are you alright..?"
My history teacher...so kind, I absolutely adore her..
I tried to hold myself together as I made no effort to stop tears that raced down.
I just wanted to run..
"If you need to, you can go into the hallway.."
A shake of my head would tell her no, but if I could speak I'd say yes.
"Abby, you okay?!" Karina.. so polite
"What is i-oh..." Matthew, so clueless at times..
"Hey...Abby, are you sure you're okay?" ..no...
"What happened?" ...
It was only the same as ever.
Every passing day
Yet they don't see my tears, they wouldn't care anyways,
They're just one cause of my pain
You can call me emo.
You can yell "Goth".
You can label me fag.
She bleeds for you,
You say and do?
Don't you know
You hold her heart?
Can't you see her
She hurts just to feel your touch
She lives her life in denial
You treat her like shit, and she loves you so much
She bleeds only to make you smile
Can't you see
The pain she's in?
Your heart is all
She wants to win
And for you, she keeps on trying
And believing all your lies
Don't you know that she is dying?
Can't you see it in her eyes?
She falls just to make you laugh
She breaks just to make you love her
She'd do anything to be with you
But you're never even thinking of her
You taught her exactly
How to be
You taught her how
To make you happy
But she'll never be good enough
No matter how hard she's tries
And she'll live for you, you'll own her soul
until the day she dies
I told my mom that I didn't like boys and didn't ever want to get married. She just laughed and promised me that one day I would change my mind. Of course I didn't believe her- what child my age would?
Soon, I began middle school. It surprised me a little to hear people that I had known my entire life calling others "cute" or "hot". In truth, I had no idea what they meant. How could a person be cute? People began asking me who I liked. Still as confused as ever, I replied that I didn't like anyone. Which was okay with most people.
By time I got to high school, my parents began worrying about why I didn't like guys. They seemed to think something was wrong with me or that I was afraid to tell them that I liked someone. My mom went
your shadow and I have begun
to argue about sharing space
Tell me that you need me,
Make me feel like I'm wanted.
I'm tired of feeling empty,
Somebody, give me something.
Someone, make my heart beat,
& Make me feel like I'm on fire when you kiss me,
Don't let me be able to forget you.
I want someone to unlock my heart,
I'm sick of not being able to let anyone in,
I want to fall in love again.
I'm so sick of this,
I need to feel something,
I haven't felt in love in so long.
I promise, every time I smile and say, "I love you, baby" it's a lie.
'Cause darling, I'm incapable of that kind of love.
I only say what you really wanna hear,
But it's not all a lie,
I do care, I do adore talking with you,
All I needed was you
But you tore my world apart
And there was nothing I could do
Please tell me that I'm dreaming
Please say it isn't true
Please tell me you're not leaving
Because I mean the world to you
What did I do to make you hate me?
I need you by my side
But all I can think of lately
Is why I ever tried
Because now you're so much
Ever since you've been
And it hurts so bad
To have to see
You with her
And not with me
I don't know
What you see in that whore
Why can't you
Love me anymore?
I lived for you
And I'd die for you
But now I sit
And cry for you
All I wanted was your heart
All I needed was you
But you tore my world apart
There was only one thing I could do
You were my
But yours revolved around
And it hurt so bad
To have to see
Because you were supposed to
Be with me
But you left me here
With a broken heart
And now you're lying
On the floor
And you're not breathing
I dragged y