Days turn to weeks,
and weeks to months.
You said everything I wanted to hear,
but you've Vanished.
I try so hard to keep you in my heart,
only to be crushed by silence.
I can't find you.
I don't know where you are.
I don't know what to do with all of these intense emotions.
It's not fair!
Why do I have to deal with this all by myself?
Have I been mislead?
Are you really someone completely different than I thought?
You have been all these things and more to me.
So if that's the real you...
Where ARE you?
It's like you no longer exist.
The pain of loss floods my systems.
I try to believe you haven't left or betrayed me.
That I wasn't being used,
and you'd come back any day now.
I just need to wait a little longer.
Fear and sorrow give birth to anger,
and I rail at the universe for how things are.
About how you are gone,
and I am,
and always will be...
I'll pose the opposite to you and ask you this:
"Why is it that you find life to be worth living?"
Is it so interesting to go through each day feeling anxious?
To the point that you feel nauseated enough to collapse.
Is it so joyous to spend each night staring at a blank ceiling,
Hearing the clock tick on toward morning,
And yet you lie awake.
Tired, but awake, emotionless, but awake...
Do you truly get up each day, facing it with optimism.
Or do you look at the news and the state of the world,
And genuinely fear for your safety?
Now, if it were me that you had asked my dear,
I'd tell you quite honestly: That I'd rather be dead.
At least I would not have to hear the white lie inside my head.
That tomorrow will bring me a 'better' day...
But of course, you are welcome to believe that.
But the lab is you, just chain reactions
Hormones and Pheromones, what decide the actions
Dopamine and Endorphins, bonds created, it's Oxytocin
And I need more Nicotine to get rid if the memories
Jump, do it for Adrenaline, I wanna feel the ecstasy
Abusing the Caffeine, not taking my Vitamins
Subscribe me some Medicine, cause Alcohol
Seems to work no more, forget the Aspirin
Morphine, Morphine, I can't take no more
Have you ever smelled Chloroform? I once sniffed Acetone
That's childish, so instead, bring out the Cannabis
It's not enough, get Meth, Cocaine, maybe some Heroin?
I've heard that Ketamine is the new Amphetamine
My brain's on Steroids, perhaps more Sedatives?
Could it be that LSD is what's right for me
No it's not, I still hate how I feel
So Cyanide or some Lead or Mercury
Was I allergic to Arsenic? I'm not feeling the kick
Oh god, I feel sick. But the pain is gone
There's only light at the end of the tunnel
as I finally see there were n
This said, There are those of us who simply wish to be like everyone else. To be normal. To be human. To be accepted. Most people forget in their fantasies that being different can be scary. People might try to hurt them because they are afraid of anyone different from them. Of anyone or anything they don't understand. People can be cruel, and merciless. Death, torture, endless taunting, mocking, bullying, and being ostracized are just a few of the possible things that
those golden queens from screens of silver
that lined his shelves in plastic boxes
showcasing their greatest deeds;
and painted whores,
those sirens and saviors,
who stood half naked on shady streets.
They were steel wrapped in petals,
and petals draped in lace,
in their arms lay warmth,
in their hearts lay escape.
He prayed for strong women
that were not so far,
devastatingly far out of reach.
Though still small,
he would shun the sun
and bask in their blessed shadows.
He prayed for someone to stay
whom he could not,
He vowed not to use angels,
those sweet Nightingales,
who flew away from him in the end – –
to be high on their bravery!
He was addicted to heroines,
to the ichor in their veins,
and the lift of their wings.
He was a frightened boy
hiding in the hollows
of the shell of a man,
fearful of fractures
from his weakness.
On the verge of breaking:
terrified the w
Like a castle of cards
Ghosts of the past
Refusing to go away
And the pain of loss
Getting worse each day
This is not
What life should be
This is a nightmare
And I want to wake up
So please don't leave me
When I need you the most
Whenever I think of you,
my heart skips a beat.
Every time I read a note or poem written by you,
every time we communicate,
I am full of giddiness and joy,
I want to be near you always.
I want to talk with you for hours,
even if it's nothing important.
I long for your embrace,
but fear I might not be who or what you are expecting.
I want to see you.
It's hard to imagine a life with you right now,
a life where we see each other every day.
There is one thing of which I am sure though,
and that is I don't want to imagine a world without you in it.
Without you in my life.
I crave contact with you,
might even be super clingy and needy.
That doesn't change the fact that I admire you,
admire your inner light.
Your support and loyalty help keep me going.
I'm not exactly sure if I love you in the same way you love me,
but I respect and value you,
holding your friendship dear.
I really want to say I love you...but...
Until we meet face to face and I ca
Making friends is easy—just start a conversation! Don’t know what to talk about? Ask them what they’re up to, or try to find out what they like. It’s got a whole lot more depth than that (or should) but over time by getting to know each other little by little, you’ll realize you’re friends. I hate hearing about how the teen years are the awkward ugly years you just want to be over. But that’s only true if you allow it to be. If you’re socially awkward, and you have regular internet access, you don’t have to stay awkward. I hate it when people use it as an excuse when they’re online all the time.
You might think you are a weirdo, freak, geek, or whatever social label you want to slap onto yourself. Well guess what? We all have labels. We can change what we don’t like about ourselves but we can’t change other people. Don’t go into a supposed friendship intending to change s
Or just used to be alone?
Rejected by others
Seen as a freak
I used to care
And to try to look "cool"
But these days are over now
All I need is a friend
Someone who understands me
And accepts me
For who I am
Memories in scars.
Tears that fall unheeded,
and wishes from afar.
Disappear, oh Disappear.
Voices in my head,
I cannot entertain you.
I cannot end up dead.
You know that I won't stay forever,
so you up the Pain.
I still don't understand you,
though I know what you seek to gain.
You cannot have my body,
it's under my control...
and though you whittle away the pieces,
and I'm no longer whole...
I'm stronger than you think me,
stronger than I know.
Damn you Shadows!
I do not want to go!
I want to stay,
I want to see!
Please, oh please...
Adopt. Obviously, first and foremost, please seriously consider adopting a child one day. Look into various options, call around, see what agencies are available to you, and if there are local children or babies who need homes (it's very rare that a baby will go homeless for more than a month because so many couples want babies, so consider looking into children 4-10 years or older, if possible.) If you live in the U.S., your options are even easier than most: DSS is legally free to adopt from, and adoption agencies in the U.S. want to find homes for their children in their care
Just like me
We can change that
We can fix each other
So don't give up
We need each other
To those who like to talk to you
To whom you have been a rock to cling to
In every passing storm
You were there to listen
And you have listened to it all
Helped them turn away from horror
And start a life with brighter hope
Because you are the strong one
Always, you have been the friend
That didn't fail them or turn away in fear
And they need you
To always be strong for them
You can do that, because you know
What it's like to be let down
What it's like to have no one in your corner
So you will stand up again and again
Because you are the strong one
And, happy to help, don't mind, not at all
Being a strong friend ...except that
Sometimes you are the sad one, too
There will be times you are the one
And needing shelter, you will have
To be your own support, the shelter
In your own storm, and it will hurt to stand alone
Because you are the strong one
Those who needed you will turn away
When you are in need
Not because they do not care
Their fragments dance and turn along the current
I find myself alight with tears as I ponder the meaning
This regret I harbor inside my heart is no consolation
The path I later took is not a testament to those dreams
Gathered in the epitome of my innocent youth
I was naive to believe that I would remain that way
The hope I once had now mocks me with its entreaties
My mind is tortured, like a beast with a conscience
Prone to all the weaknesses that plague the monster
And knowing none of its abandonment of guilt
I can't help but wonder if I could rest by succumbing
I loved you in the dark
I saw every mistake you made
You could do so much better
Let me be your reason,
your one and only
I watched you searching
I have always been here
Why have you never looked at me?
You party hard
Breaking hearts with a smile
Getting what you came for
but not what you need
There was a time I begged you
Accept my love
You used my feelings instead
Causing hope where there was none
Darkness swirls around you
leaving me confused and alone.
I reach out,
and stumble in the haze
Where are you?
What have you done to my heart?
I wanted so badly to be The One
I loved you from the Shadows
I loved you in the dark
In the haze of smoke and mirrors,
I realize I could do so much better
You don't realize how much I love you still
You'll never speak to me again
Some people are impossible to forget
I hope you find what You are looking for
We missed our chance
We have moved on
Now if only your memory would move out
it's always getting broken
I can't trust my thoughts
they are interwoven with Voices
I can't make promises
they are too hard to keep
I'm constantly running away
who will chase after me?
How can I claim to be independent
when my whole being craves companionship?
Is there a purpose to sadness?
Is there a reason people want to grind my heart to dust?
If I can't separate Truth from Fiction
is there really a difference?
How can I trust myself when others can't?
Despite my desire to be chased
my need to be wanted
I do all the chasing
I feel like a Fool
like everything I've ever dreamed will never come to be
My soul screams in agony
Shadows lurk around every corner
I am constantly running into locked doors
Nowhere is safe
Running is pointless
I bring my inner demons with me wherever I go
Is it freedom I seek?
Or do I wish to be caught in a never-ending cycle of fear and love?
Pain is a constant inside and outside
making me tremble with need.
The song of blade and blood,
the trigger of despair-
Nothing can deter my sorrow.
Light beckons back,
but Darkness calls forward.
Forever I sway between the two.
Is there a way to appease my inner demons?
Can Light really dispel years of inner scars?
I want to know.
Can I change the person I've been for so long?
Can I be remade to Shine?
How can I have self worth,
when I know I'll never be enough?
Why a mistake like me was called into being is beyond my knowledge.
All I've desired is to undo the mistake that is me.
Is there another way?
A way to earn my life?
A way to deserve to live?
For so long I have felt unworthy.
Even now I cannot understand.
Others see something or someone within me.
Someone to care about or admire.
When I look inside,
Darkness and shattered pieces are all I see.
I can love,
but accepting love is harder.
I can hate,
but only myself.
The eternal question of why haunts me.
Why am I here?
though I'm an open book.
I have secrets too,
though it's just because you don't ask.
If you asked me I'd tell you them,
though I'm afraid of how I'll look.
My heart is not so guarded.
Your words could cut me deep,
but you can tell me anything,
for your secrets I will keep.
I wonder if when I disappear,
you will even know,
for I am sure I will at some point.
It seems I always do.
And when I am gone She will take my place,
along with feelings true.
My friendship and my sympathy,
all will remain yours.
The rest will be forgotten,
locked behind those doors.
If by chance you miss me,
tell her and I'm sure
She will become what you need,
as part of me is Her.
Miss your undeserved and unyielding affection.
The voices taunt and threaten,
until it's all I can do not to scream.
I can't make a sound,
lest I lose control.
If I could,
I'd throw myself into your embrace.
As days go by,
I find myself slipping back into the Darkness.
You are real,
but I need way more time together with you than we have.
If you aren't here,
who will chase away my Shadows?
Who will provide your brilliant light?
I cannot throw everything away,
especially since we've found each other.
alone I fight.
Alone I scream inside,
until my visions of blood and death consume.
Maybe I'm too weak.
Maybe I'm too needy.
I don't know.
I just need more.
More of you.
More of your light.
If you'd be better off without me,
I would throw everything away in a heartbeat.
My sorrow is so deep,
I might drown.
Voices hold much sway in the absence of words.
One of these days,
I might follow their advice.
They can be very convincing.
They say I am a horrible person,