Here are some random sayings me & my friends thought of that we think is funny.
READ OR ELSE I SHALL DO NOTHING AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!
* I dont suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
* This would be really funny if it wasnt happening to me.
* Guns dont kill people. . . but they make it real easy.
* Born free. . . taxed to death.
* "The more people I meet, the more I like myself better."
* A bartender is just like a pharmacist. . . but only with a limited inventory.
* "I used to have a handle on life, but it broke."
* "Youre just jealous because the voices only talk to me."
* So youre a feminist. . . "Isnt that cute, honey!"
* Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.
* Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
* "To all you virgins, thanks for nothing."
* "Im not a complete idiot, some parts are missing."
"I can't believe it! We actually made it!" an excited Gabbie clamored.
"You weren't interested in coming here before!" her friend Nikki said. "All you cared about was the cinema building."
Gabbie was 5'3", moderately short, and a well toned 124 lbs. She wore a midriff top, with a bright white color, and wore it with shorts, mainly to show off her firm rear. She even had long legs to prove it. Gabbie's hairdo was a classic dual pigtail style. It made her look firendly.
Nikki, on the other hand, was not as fit. She was a gamer, and a major league one. She had blue hair, with a black gradient. She oftne wore clothing that covered her body, which gave her a somewhat mechanical look. Her baggy black pants were decorated with three horizontal whit
"I hate bad dreams.." She said, slightly frowning as she brushed her light brown hair out of her face. She removed the blankets and stood in her white tank top and light blue underwear. She quietly stepped about her room, the cold morning floor sending shivers through her body as her soft feet met with it.
"Shower time.." She smiled to herself, grabbing an outfit for the day and leaving her room. Being a rather less-than exciting day, she slumped toward the shower, paying no mind to anything else. Had she taken any time to make any detailed observations, she'd have noticed tiny slumbering bodies in a corner of her room. One by one, they had awoken.
"Ugh.. where am I?" Trevor talked to himself, wiping his eyes, not expecting an answer.
"Your guess is as good as mine buddy.." A voice
Thomas, or Tommy as everyone but his mother called him, raced down the steps. He entered the living room to find three people standing there. His mom and dad, dressed up for an evening out, were talking with a young blonde female. They stopped when Tommy came into the room.
Thomas, his mom began, This is Natalie. Shell be babysitting you tonight, so be good for her.
She then turned to Natalie. Well be back around eleven oclock. Theres a note on the fridge with some basic information, including a number to reach us in case of an emergency. Bye, Thomas. She said, facing Tommy again before heading out the door, husband in tow.
Natalie smiled at Tommy. Hello, Thomas. Nice to meet you, she said, bending down to his level and extending her arm to shake his hand. How old are you?
Tommy frowned slightly.
The boy, barely sixteen years old, had once lived a happy life with his family. His mother and father, for the first fourteen years of his life, had raised and cared for him as any loving parents should. But then tragedy struck as war started up again in the Middle East. Both of his parents were called into the fray, donning the camouflage of the American Military and flying overseas.
The teenager had lived with his aunt and uncle for about a year, continually receiving letters from his parents wishing him well and telling him how well the war was going. But then, one day, the letters stopped.
A military officer arrived a few days later, regretfully informing the stunned boy that his parents had both f
He ran through the black forest terrified. The creature that chased him showed no sign in stopping its pursuit. Every time Tom thought he had lost it the thing would appear in front of him making him change his course. "Why," he thought annoyed as his legs charged through the black night and towering trees, "Why does my life suck!"
Tom was a six foot tall sixteen year old with brown hair, blue eyes, and a light build. He wore a plain blue t-shirt with tan short pants. He was smart, always receiving straight B's and winning awards. His parents however never thought this was good enough. When he came home he'd receive long lectures, even beatings about how he wasn't the perfect child they'd always wanted or how he was the biggest disgrace of mankind. All he wanted was their love and they never gave it to him, so today instead of going straight home
The day should have been perfect; after all, he was supposed to finally be getting out of the House of Estrogen, as he sometimes thought of it, and going to college.
Matt barely had any memories of his father, who had died when he was six years old. Since then it had been him, his mother, and his three younger sisters. Estrogen. City. That wasn't the half of it, though. He was literally the only male in his entire neighborhood. It wasn't a very big neighborhood, only 5 houses in a small cul-de-sac, but even so he found it amazing that throughout twelve of his eighteen years of life he stood as the sole male in a neighborhood of females. But n
How many times had she come to sit in the same spot? How many times had she seen the young swordsman go through his training exercise, the same series of slashes and parries? She must have seen the scene played out over a hundred times... and yet he never once knew he was being watched.
Sterling sheathed his sword and dropped his hands to his knees, thoroughly exhausted. He panted for nearly a minute, trying to catch his breath, as he again played out the dance of sword-and-wielder in his mind.
He had trained for several months, from the first day the war in the east had started and his father had been called into battle. His mother, working diligently each day in the castle kitchens, left her son with only a handful of chores; once they were completed, Sterling was free to do as he pleased.
Thus, just like the countless days before it, Thursday found the knight-to-be in the small forest glade, swinging the sword left to him by his father in the many arcs and twists that made
"Damn it, where is she?" he said, crossing his arms exasperated. "She said she'd be here by 9:00. It's 9:46!"
"Calm down, Eric," replied another boy, one wearing a white button-up shirt and thick-rimmed glasses who was sitting on the bottom section. The brown-haired boy pushed his glasses up before turning back to look at his friend. "She probably got stuck in traffic or something."
"How do you kno
The animal's final struggles died away as a claw poked into its neck. The limb body was placed on a large stone table as a large, pink tongue ran itself over the predator's lips.
"Now don't move," she said playfully. "I'm going to go get one of your friends so you can have some company in my belly, ok?"
With that the dragon turned and walked out of the cave, spreading her wings and taking to the skies. I waited several moments just to be certain she was gone before I darted from my crack in the wall, sprinting towards the table.
Life had been like this for me for several months. The world was once run by humanity, a utopia for the once-dominant men and women of my race; that had changed about a year ago, however.
No one knows where they came from; some say they emerged fro
THIS STORY CONTAINS GIANTESS MATERIAL, VORE, HARD VORE, AND DIGESTION! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!
Lyndsey sat up in bed and stretched as her alarm clock buzzed on her nightstand. She brushed her shoulder length, dirty blonde hair out of her face as she reached over and hit the 'off' button. She slid off the bed and stood up stretching again and curling her toes that were in bright green socks she wore. She was only 15 years old and was a freshman in high school. She was a pretty girl with greenish-blue eyes, and a figure that wasn't too thin, but wasn't to thick either. It had only been a month since school started, but she already wanted it to end. Getting up at 5:30 in the morning for five days a week was a killer. She sighed as she opened her room door and stepped out into the hallway,before walking down stairs. She grabbed a Poptart out of the pantry for breakfast. She quic
A week passed and you got a call from your friend. You thought that things were going to be normal when you noticed the sudden urgency in your friend's voice. You couldn't hear them well due to the bad reception, but you could make out, "Get away from here.... run.... they're going to get you-" before the phone hung ups. Suddenly, the ground started to vibrate as a voice seemed to call out from outside:
A) "W-Where am... I?" A rather soft-spoken, if not loud, male voice called out, although it seemed that the owner of the voi
Angelus knelt down, examining the tracks presented before him. Heavy metal boot, presumably the ones that he had been tracking for the past three days. He stood up, checking that his twin chokuto were still in their respected scabbards before he continued on.
He was the last surviving Blade Master of his Village, everyone else else, even the women and children. Even his father. Although he was the youngest Blade master, a mere eighteen years old, circumstances had made it so that he had survived the attack of an army of black armored knights, who had come, killed, and left without a trace. He sighed, wiping his silver hair out of his eyes. The jungle was wreaking havoc on his health, and he couldn't go on much farther. Only the tracks he was following gave him hope.
That hope was quickly smashed as he reached the next clearing. Across the edge of the clearing there was a large scrape across the ground, the obvious trail of a Giant Naga. He shuddered briefly, b
"So what's your first class anyway Anna?" Sophia questioned. Anna looked at her with a smile "oh you know... Gym class." She giggled. You start to scream and thrash about when you hear this. Anna just lets out another giggle and puts her hand on her underarm smothering you into her pit "I don't think he's liking this one bit." She smiled.
Eventually Anna and Sophia went there own ways and Anna went to the girls locker room with a big grin on her face "Alright little guy I want you to be a good boy while I'm in gym. Or Elsa your getting a worse punishment." She chuckled and walked into the locker room.
Anna walks up to her locker and starts to change into her gym uniform. You were dying cause you could hear all the girls in the locker roo
"Sure thing." Todd said putting a cigarette in his mouth and began to light it.
"You're Sister Felisha can look after her self since shes 16 but don't let her have any friends over or let her go out shes still in trouble for skipping school last Tuesday." she said looking at him to make sure he was listening.
"Ok so is that for the hole two weeks that you are gone?." Todd said taking a puff out of his cigarette
"Yes now I love you see you when we come back from our trip."she said as she walked out side and into the car.
Todd waved goodbye and turned around and too a big drag off his cigarette "This sucks I'm stuck for two weeks having to look after my 16 and a 7 year old sisters." he said sitting down by the front door still smoking his cigarette. He almost missed Felisha trying to sneak out. "and were do you think you're going? mom said yo
Traci was very happy to be accepted to her favorite school in Tokyo, but the cost of living was more than her scholarship would cover unless she wanted to eat just once a day. She hoped the new job at a maid cafe in Akihabara called "Buttons" would work out so she could see the rest of the country when she wasn't studying. Traci was about five foot six inches with a average body and blond hair. When
You awaken in a large room, alone. You look up and down, your vision blurry and unfocused, before you rise shakily to your feet. Your vision stabilizes and you are able to make out your surroundings. You seem to have retained your clothes, at the very least, which made you happy, but you are shocked by what you see. You appear to have been shrunken to the size of a fly! Everything around you is so huge! Chairs seem the size of skyscrapers, if not even taller; the table seems to stretch for miles, and the ceiling reminds you of a blank white canvas, stretched an infinitesimal distance over your head. You begin to explore your surroundings, looking through every nook and cranny. Though most of the structures are too tall for you to reach, you cannot withstand the urge to look around the room. There are chairs, a table, a desk… this place has everything! Your curious soul is oblivious to everything around you. You suddenly feel strange shaking from