10. Sing Discovery Channel by the Bloodhound Gang in your head whenever he is near.
9. Hotwire his Volvo and take it on a joyride.
8. Tell him the relationship he is having with Bella is practically paedophilia and he could be sent to jail for it.
7. Ask how Tanya is.
6. End every argument with Bite me, Edward.
5. Call him Romeo both behind his back and to his face.
4. Whenever he complains or argues, reply with What are you gonna do Edward? Go to Italy?
3. Tell him his hair isnt bronze, its ginger, and he should stop denying himself hes a ranga.
2. Whenever he leaves a room or says goodbye, get down on your knees and beg him not to go, not again.
And the Number One way to annoy Edward Cullen?
1. Take his silver cell phone and change the ringtone to Like a Virgin by Madonna.
"Who did you say was a super-ultra short kid?!"
"Who did you call an ultra hyper midget?!"
"Who did you call miniature size?!"
"Who did you call a shorty who's so small that he's barely visible and hard to target?!"
"Who did you call a shorty that has to be looked through a magnifying glass to actually be seen?!"
"Who are you calling a bean?!"
"Who are you calling a super midget that makes you want to step on him?!"
"Who are you calling a tiny bug that escapes the wrath of a shoe because he's so small that he fits in the grooves and can't get squashed??!"
"Oh yes, I'm so small that you can't see me amongst the grains of sand, like always--!"
"Who're you calling small enough to fit in a microhematocrit tube?!"
"Who are you calling smaller than Endolimax nana??!"
"Who're you calling so small you have to use an oil immersion lens to see him??!"
"Hey!!! Who's calling me a short little shrimp you can't even
“Good. And it’s not a whatever place, it’s an abandoned town. Now give me your report, ________.” Roy said, crossing his arms.
“Okay. So, it was dark and creepy as hell everywhere, and there were an awful lot of creepy sounds. So aside from being a prime rape zone, totally unoccupied. Then I went into an alley. Not so fine there.” You said.
“And what makes it not so fine?” Roy persisted.
“Ah, just some dumbasses. Rebel alchemists misusing alchemy. I didn’t think there would be people that pathetic there, but anything’s possible. So they saw me and thought it would be fun to try and kill me. Bad idea. They were psychotic drunks so they missed. Naturally I smashed their faces in with my lovely fist.” You said, smacking your fist into your hand for emphasis.
1. Beauty and the Beast Despite there being years and years of pre-existing exotic vampire folklore from all over the world, it really has only dwindled down to two types that actually sell in this day and age. Either: A) Smoking hot undead vampires that want to sex you or B) Incredibly violent gore-loving animals that want to kill everything.
How does one come down to choosing?
Well, just try and figure out what kind of audience you're going to pander to. The mai