Regaining Control Was Something Implied

Seemed like a confession was starting over.
A clean slate to clear my cluttered mind.
Round after round of apologies and I don’t feel any different.
It makes me wonder if being transparent was really worth it.
Almost feels like I’m dragging my feet towards that crucial step forward,
but a step in any direction would be better than where I am today.

If it’s another day wasted,
I can always sleep it off.
Although I sometimes feel motionless in my dreams,
trapped in snapshots from sour moments in time I’ll never be able to fix.
They are like fragile mental pictures too scrambled anyway when I try to focus.
But I think if I could just let them deteriorate this time I could leave this place in my head.
And in the morning I might be in a capacity to sort it all out if it’s not still a fog in my mind.

And If it’s another year wasted,
I think I’m beginning to feel weary and uninterested.
But I know looking back again gets me nowhere.
If I’m still waiting eagerly for you to come around,
It’s probably because I’m tired of starting over.

I thought you should know that regaining control was something implied.
Those endless debates with myself about whom I need to be have to come to a conclusion.
Let’s see what happens when I apply a little more destruction.
Let’s just look the other way when things aren’t going my way.
But If I want to find comfort I have to let go of the urge to say, “Let’s burn it down.”
So you keep asking if I remember when.
Well shit, isn’t a fond memory of being young a nostalgic and thoughtless point?
When I feel the need to constantly make up for the shortcomings and compromising of character,
I find If I can’t look past the mistakes nothing is harder than beginning to pick up the pieces

Hey God, if you’re listening I need moment,
But I’m scared of how I reflect when the dust settles.
I think I’m finally running out of distractions.
I’m feeling frantic trying to solve the puzzles myself.
I don’t like not knowing where to turn when the answers don’t come to me on their own.
So I guess I need your help.
Maybe I just need to know that you are real.


Music that inspired (I highly recommend you check these songs and bands out):

"Saviorself" - The Color Morale
"Americans" - This Or The Apocalypse
"Circles: - Thrice