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This is [Version 3] Edited 29 August 2011
Critique, constructive comments always welcome!
Mara, one of my characters in my WIP illustrated novel, An Orthogonal Universe.
{ Main Website } { About Project }
Mara lives in an isolated region in the fifteenth century Italy. She is intrigued and amused at the world around her awakening from the Medieval period. She is very curious about the world around her - in particular, nature. She loves to explore, but her antics often land her in trouble.
A Model of the World: Frequently we build models of our own world in order to further our understanding of it. But any true model of the world would have to include the modeler itself. Then the modeler's incarnation can also make its own model. If its model is true, the incarnation's incarnation can also make its own model, and so on and so forth.
If you missed it, in the far upper right corner you can see Mara's eye.
Excerpt
The brook sat quiet a moment, then asked, ``so, what will satiate you?''
``I want the world!'' Mara said eagerly.
The brook laughed. ``Ah, don't you all. Silly humans.''
``Well, no, not to rule it,'' Mara explained. ``I want to hold it.''
The brook looked Mara over. ``You would have much difficulty holding the world with such small hands.''
``Then, I do not see why I could not open it up. It may be difficult, but I could!'' Mara replied. ``I want to see inside. I want to see all the mysteries and know all the wonderful secrets. I want to be a part of it all!''
``That is the difficulty,'' the brook said.
``Perhaps it would be, entirely, much easier if I had bigger hands,'' Mara said. She pouted as she examined her own hands. ``Then it would be easy to open it up! Then it would be easy to see inside.''
``But hands sizeable enough to hold the world?'' the brook asked.
Mara nodded. ``Yes. That would not work out at all. For then there would be more hand than Mara. They would have to give my hands a name, and I would be merely an appendix. They would say, there goes such a lovely pair of hands attached to... that nameless girl. What's her name? I think it starts with a 'Q'. I think that would make me rather sad.''
``As it would me,'' the brook said. ``For I would rather be known as the brook, and not as the fish which protrude from my surfaces.''
Excerpt End
This is a revised version. Original (Version 1):
Thanks to
*Griatch-art, =Wi6791lly, ~MauAcheron-the-crazy, and #Originality-Club
for insightful comments.
This is [Version 3] Edited 29 August 2011
Critique, constructive comments always welcome!
Mara, one of my characters in my WIP illustrated novel, An Orthogonal Universe.
{ Main Website } { About Project }
Mara lives in an isolated region in the fifteenth century Italy. She is intrigued and amused at the world around her awakening from the Medieval period. She is very curious about the world around her - in particular, nature. She loves to explore, but her antics often land her in trouble.
A Model of the World: Frequently we build models of our own world in order to further our understanding of it. But any true model of the world would have to include the modeler itself. Then the modeler's incarnation can also make its own model. If its model is true, the incarnation's incarnation can also make its own model, and so on and so forth.
If you missed it, in the far upper right corner you can see Mara's eye.
Excerpt
The brook sat quiet a moment, then asked, ``so, what will satiate you?''
``I want the world!'' Mara said eagerly.
The brook laughed. ``Ah, don't you all. Silly humans.''
``Well, no, not to rule it,'' Mara explained. ``I want to hold it.''
The brook looked Mara over. ``You would have much difficulty holding the world with such small hands.''
``Then, I do not see why I could not open it up. It may be difficult, but I could!'' Mara replied. ``I want to see inside. I want to see all the mysteries and know all the wonderful secrets. I want to be a part of it all!''
``That is the difficulty,'' the brook said.
``Perhaps it would be, entirely, much easier if I had bigger hands,'' Mara said. She pouted as she examined her own hands. ``Then it would be easy to open it up! Then it would be easy to see inside.''
``But hands sizeable enough to hold the world?'' the brook asked.
Mara nodded. ``Yes. That would not work out at all. For then there would be more hand than Mara. They would have to give my hands a name, and I would be merely an appendix. They would say, there goes such a lovely pair of hands attached to... that nameless girl. What's her name? I think it starts with a 'Q'. I think that would make me rather sad.''
``As it would me,'' the brook said. ``For I would rather be known as the brook, and not as the fish which protrude from my surfaces.''
Excerpt End
This is a revised version. Original (Version 1):
Thanks to
*Griatch-art, =Wi6791lly, ~MauAcheron-the-crazy, and #Originality-Club
for insightful comments.
Image size
5400x3000px 13.97 MB
© 2011 - 2024 merrak
Comments36
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Overall Vision Originality Technique ImpactIt's not often that I find myself searching every corner of a picture as I did this one. You almost have to! There's so much that's there and if you don't look close enough you may miss something!
That brings me to my first suggestion though, it isn't a huge thing but perhaps you could bring out the eye in the corner. It's there but I feel it would have a bit more impact if it as a bit easier to see. Also you tree behind her head feels a bit too close for the shading you put on the latern. If it was supposed to be clsoe to here then I would suggest putting some more dark lines on the lantern to bring it closer to view. If it is supposed to be further away then perhaps the branch could be a tad bit slimmer and the lantern a but smaller (as it is about the same size as the one on the left.
Overall I do love this picture, being able to see the three of her and just knowing that she can see yet another one is somewhat mind boggling and the world she's in is just amazing!