"I'll tell you something about drugs. I used to do drugs, but I'll tell you something honestly about drugs, honestly, and I know it's not a very popular idea, you don't hear it very often anymore, but it is the truth: I had a great time doing drugs. Sorry. Never murdered anyone, never robbed anyone, never raped anyone, never beat anyone, never lost a job, a car, a house, a wife or kids, laughed my ass off, and went about my day." - Bill Hicks

"Drugs are an illegal narcotic, and having never taken drugs, I can say that they have nothing to offer." - Mr. Freeley, the Janitor

"Drugs are bad, because if you do drugs, you’re a hippy, and hippies suck." - Eric Cartman