Need You...Mirror, Mirror on the wallMore Like This
Watch me freak
And hit the wall
Watch me make those cut's so deep
Watch me wither and see me weep
Into the darkness my hurt will seep
Mirror, Mirror shattered on the floor
You see me walk towards the door
You tried to show my future
But had nothing to reveal
As I glance down at my scars
Anger is all I have to feel
So I broke you into pieces
Like you did my heart
Mirror, mirror I'm so sorry
I have no guts
I've lost my glory
I need you to help me through
All the pain and all the anger
But like everything else i've cared about
I've pushed you away without a doubt
Mirror,mirror why'd you go?
Why didn't I walk away and just say no
I didn't like what i had seen
Sometimes you were oh so mean
You left me when I needed you
Even though deep down you knew
I wasn't ready to let go.
My CompanionMore Like This
Angry and confused sitting alone,crying.
I am wandering why I'm still here.
Life on earth is terrible for me.
I wander how or when I will feel better.
I sit here and fight the urges,
But I feel I can't fight them anymore.
Slowly I walk to my closet,
Reach down and take out my razors.
I sit on my bedroom floor crying.
Alone,wanting to be held and loved.
I bring the razor up to my arm,
And slowly move it down,
Toward my elbow,
Watching the trail of blood,
Following where the razor;s edge had been.
I look at my cut and start to feel releived,
And in control again.
I go and put the razor back.
I sit on my bed and cry,
The next morning I wake up,
And hate myself for what I had done,
And desperatly wanting help.
I get up from my bed,
And get ready to face,
Another terrifying and depressing day,
Just to come home,
And start the cycle again.
- Cheri L.N.
Darling, Don't You DareTo the girl who skips dinner,More Like This
Because her reflection hurts more than
To the boy who wears sweatshirts
On hot summer days,
Because he doesn’t want his mother to cry over his
To the boy who weeps uncontrollably
Until he falls asleep,
Because it’s the only way to escape into his
To the girl who spends her days in her bedroom,
Because the dark is more peaceful than her
To the child who gets angry,
Because no one understands.
To the teens who self-harm,
To the ones in recovery,
To the ones that just can’t do it anymore…
For the girl who skips meals
And the boy who wears sweatshirts,
For the boy who cries,
The girl who hides,
And the ones who just can’t do it anymore.
You’ve come this far.
Don’t you dare give up on it, now.
DepressionHave you seen past that smile?More Like This
Have you seen past her makeup and fake laugh?
Haven't you wonder why she barely talk?
Haven't you wonder why she doesn't eat that much when she out?
Look pass that smile.
Look pass the makeup and fake laugh.
Look in to the pain.
Look in to the sadness.
She starves her self most days.
She doesn't talk for fare she will say the wrong things.
There is more to her then you know.
There is less of her ever day.
Depression takes over her body.
Depression takes over her mind.
Constant TortureBeauty.More Like This
Something that can destroy many things.
People go out their way to find it.
To become it.
Sometimes it becomes a constant torture to be their ideal image of their self.
Not a lot of people want it.
Rarely does anyone want it.
But there is plenty of people who think death is their only escape from the world.
Many die by their own hands.
A cut of a knife, a blow of a gun, a couple of sleeping pills, hung by a rope.
It becomes a constant torture, hating the living days and wanting their death.
Some are harmed by others.
Rarely do people harm themselves.
But we do.
We see pleasure in pain and blood.
Wounds and burns becoming scars.
It becomes a constant torture, taking the emotional pain and turning it into physical.
CarouselIt feels as if I'm going nowhere,More Like This
Which isn't right because
I feel the caustic caress
Of lactic acid in my legs
And I see the grit of the ground
Pass beneath my cracked and bleeding fingers,
But when I look up,
Things I thought I could touch
Are silhouettes in the distance
Perhaps I've been alone in the dark
Pushing a carousel 'round and 'round
This heavy machine
Filled with my dreams,
Weighing it down
And I've been wasting my time
On broken promises
I march and I march
Like there's a gun to my back,
Clouds look like comets
And people become blurs
Perhaps I've been sitting in the dark
Pushing a carousel 'round and 'round
And I've been wasting my time:
Going nowhere fast,
And I have to think
It would just be easier
To drop face down in the dirt
And let my heavy, heavy dreams on top
What Have I Done?Each day I must resistMore Like This
The urge to tear myself
Apart. Each day I have
Tried so hard not to harm
Myself, out of love for you.
Part of me knows that
I'm doing is for the best,
Yet part of me thinks self-
Harm is the best thing to do.
How is it that I began to heal
When you loved me, and the
Day you said that love was gone,
My will went in reverse.
As Fragile as a House of GlassYou are faking it again More Like This
You know the one I mean.
When you pretend to be happy
You can only injure yourself.
Is that your reasoning?
The burden you bear is invisible but solid,
And its weight presses on everyone around you.
You cannot do this alone.
You are not Atlas.
You can ask for help.
The cherry red you spill
Tastes like iron to the ground
And licorice to the crowd.
Having a clear canvas
Does not mean you have to paint.
You are not a little Barbie.
Makeup will not give you
An unbroken smile.
You were not made to have skin
That barely surrounds your spine.
Hear the whisper as the air enters your body.
"You are alive!"
You are stronger than you know
And more beautiful than you would dare to believe.
You are here for a reason.
Nobody is born
Simply so they can die.
So do not step off the ledge in front of you.
You know it is not what you truly want.
I triedI tried to count my scars,More Like This
But I couldn't tell
Where one began
And another ended.
So I tried to count the cuts,
But I couldn't, because
Blood smeared across my skin,
Connecting them like a thin,
Red veil of pain.
And so I cried.
I cried a single tear, because
When I need to cry,
Finally, I sat down,
And put pen to paper,
Or fingers to keys.
And tried to write my emotions.
But I couldn't, because
I don't know how to tell the world
What I feel like,
When I have no right.
I looked from the blood stained tissues,
Across my torn body,
Into my own eyes, reflected perfectly by the mirror before me.
Another tear was pulled from my eyes by gravity.
By this invisible force that makes me
Oh, so, miserable.
Becoming The DarknessMore Like This
Becoming The Darkness
Hope is slowly falling away
The shadows are consuming me
Please, relieve me of my guilty conscience
Because these memories haunt me to no end
Please, make me another one of the departed
Allow me to ascend from this lament
My sorrowful heart has been forever weighing me down
But I still tried my very best to carry on
My lonesome soul kept corrupting me even more
So I was never really brave or strong
The birth to a new side of me has risen
One that harnessed the tragedies
The gift of a curse is what I have been given
I'm in control of my own insanity
A tranquil calmness on the outside
A black storm rages on the inside
My eyes attempt to remain closed
While this inner chaos tries to take over
And these twisted thoughts grab hold
I am no longer my own oppressor
I've transformed into my best nightmare
And also my very own worst enemy
Because the light
The Truth Comes OutI hate that he thinks i'm okMore Like This
But i'm not
I hate that he thinks i can go this long
But i can't
I hate that he doesn't understand me
But he acts like he does
I hate that he think i'm just a typical teenager
Who needs everything just to have one
I hate that he generalizes me
Thinking i am like every other teenage girl in the world
I hate that he doesn't know i am as passionate about writing
As i am
Does he know me at all?
Does he understand where i live?
I don't live in his house
I don't like in his town
Or his universe
I live in my own world
Where he isn't
And where i can be me
And no one discourages me
Or puts me down
Or rains on my parade
CuttingI want my razorMore Like This
I want the joy of feeling metal on skin
The ecstasy as it splits open my skin
A deep groove left on my wrist
The excited rush as blood wells up
Red beads floating out
The bittersweet metallic taste on my tongue
Morbid fantasies that flash through my mind
The sight of my crude tattoos
The poetic art of my razorblade
No one understands
No one comprehends my passion
They fear because they misinterpret
How can someone find pleasure
Immersed in all that pain
My pleasure, My escape
My only getaway.
I am a cutter.
Suicide LetterMore Like This
If you have to put a lot of thought into your suicide letter, then you aren't ready to die. By the time you pick up the blade or that bottle of pills, crank the car or tie the knot in the rope, step into the street or over the edge -- you know exactly what you'd want to say or what you'd wished you'd said. If you have to sit and think about who you love the most and what you want them to know then you're not ready to die.
At least, not a fulfilling death.
Unfinished business is the worst kind. And it makes people suffer more. All the unspoken words are harder to hear from beyond the veil, especially when the words come as whispers creeping across the pillow in our dreams at night. Love isn't as strong or comforting when you have no way to give it to that person.
If anything, the others are selfish for making you stay. They won't understand the rush you experience with ending it all. How it feels to drag that blade across your skin and watch the little red rubies seep out, what it's lik
Without Youthank youMore Like This
for lying to me so sweetly
for showing me how to breathe
for trying to understand
for showing me how to stand
blue skies silhouette the streetlights
just orange flashes in the night
rain falls among blackened windows
a perfect night i suppose
why this is i can't explain
why we're here i can't explain
why we're out in the rain
oh how glad i am that it's true
i wouldn't be here without you
without you, without you, yeah
white skies falling to the ground
silent angels all around
oh the tracks, how they fade
no trains come through here anyway
in time everything fades away
when love has died and we part ways
i'll never forget you
because i wouldn't be here without you
without you, without you, yeah
CuttingCuttingMore Like This
Desensitization FailureShe is a perfectly sculpted geometric composition. I am an insidious blemish, efacing the surface of some expansive wave of pathetic intrepidation. I must dissociate "love" from my vocabulary and instigate a robotic placid state of sociopathic indignity. Yet I possess too much emotional complexity and morally ingrained empathetic tenacity. So, I submit to the insistent and unrelenting assault of nefarious yet autonomous intent on my heart and subdue all external output.More Like This
Catch me if you canI’m the anorexic at the local gym whom everybody watches but nobody looks at.More Like This
I’m the bulimic at school whom everybody pretends not to know about.
I’m the girl in your gym class with too many scars to be telling the truth.
I’m the kid with her head down in the library who is always “fine.”
I’m the boy who 'fell down the stairs'...again.
I’m the child who doesn't show up for school lunch because it's too expensive.
I’m the teenager living a double life in front of your very eyes.
Catch me if you can.
What Do I Have to Do?I made it a yearMore Like This
I completed my goal
I should be proud
My joy should be full
But I don't feel that way
And I still want to do it
So why did I stop?
What point was there to it?
Who was it for?
Was it for me?
But I don't feel that glad
So it just couldn't be
Was it for them?
My family and friends?
Is that why I wanted
This cycle to end?
They must be so happy
I've made it this far
They must be so proud
I'm sure that they are
But why am I not?
I know I should be
But I still do not feel
Like I'm at all free
Perhaps I'm not there yet
That's why I'm not glad
I still feel so weak
Still afraid and still sad
So how long will it take
Till I'm finally there?
Why must I wait?
It doesn't seem fair
I've been trying so hard
I've struggled and fought
I think I've done well
I've overcome a lot
So why don't I feel like
I've done something great
Why don't I feel like
I have a clean slate?
What exactly is it
That I'm supposed to do
To make this a victory
That I feel to be true?
Please tell me the secret
What Was the Point?I should feel happyMore Like This
I made it through
I should feel like
I'm starting anew
But for some reason
What it is, I know not
I don't feel as excited
As I had first thought
So what was the point?
What did I gain?
I resisted the urges
But I still feel the same
Yes, I did do it
I did keep my goal
So why do I feel like
I'm still stuck in a hole?
I still feel the fear
I still feel the pain
All of these feelings
They all still remain
So what am I doing?
I'm feeling so lost
I made it a year
But at what cost?
Only My ImaginationI can see you, your short brown hairMore Like This
your big brown eyes
your smile that always gives me butterflies.
I can taste you, savory on my lips
tangy in my mouth
sweet on my tongue.
I can hear you, your calm breathing next to my ear
your steady heartbeat against my chest
your soothing voice.
I can feel you, warm against my skin
cool to the touch
burning with our joint passion.
I can smell you, your cool masculine musk
your fresh clean skin hair
your strong spiced deodorant
when i cut(altered and edited)I pick up the razor blade,More Like This
I take a deep breath.
I look down at my pail skin,
I place the razor blade on it.
I take another deep breath,
I close my eyes and think what they said what they done,
Then open them again thought still fresh in my head.
I pull the razor blade across my flesh,
I take the blade and do the same,
on the rest of my arm.
then I'm done... for now
the pain is the best release I've had.
but still later I will look at my arm,
and think how...why...
how could I do that to myself,
why would I do that,
then I remember that them 20 lines are for,
when they done that and some others are,
for that time and that other time.
and then I think...
I'm scared that i can do that,
and I can do worse and,
last time I thought the blood wouldn't stop,
and what if next time it doesent?
and if I get put in hospital,
and they put me on suicide watch and,,
take all the stuff they think I might use to hurt myself with,
then what will I do then?
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Soul Eater Evans
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