Disclaimer: I do not own the characters besides the made up one. I’m using Mara’s name because she let me.
This story is set as a high school fic, but is based with today’s technologies.
There he was, the hottest guy in school, and I was totally crushing on him like a crazed 12 year old. But I don’t care. He was gorgeous. He was kind. He was stunning. He was…Adam Lazzara.
There he was, God’s gift to women, or so they thought. Sure I was friends with him, but that didn’t mean I didn’t envy him. He had a piece of every girl’s heart in school. And then there’s me. Dark, creepy…Gerard.
He and William walked over to my and Gerard’s table. They took their seats and set down their trays in unison. I smiled at them. “Hi Mara, Gerard.” He greeted happily.
“Hi, Adam, hi William.” I said coolly.
“Hi” Gerard said calmly, looking down at his food. He pushed his tray away and pulled a notebook in front of him and began drawing again. He was always working on his drawings and he was really good at them too. There were many hanging on the walls of my room that he gave me. Gerard is my best friend and has been since we were in about 5th grade. Now we’re in twelfth, long time friendship.
“Gee, you’re not eating…again.” I said looking at him with my head tilted. He used to be a bit on the cubby side but it was cute, but ever since he picked up this drawing habit he doesn’t eat. He draws, listens to music and writes without eating.
“I know, I’m not hungry.”
I sighed. “Well at least drink something.”
He looked at me with an annoyed face. I gave him the sad puppy look. He smiled and shook his head “Fine.” He grabbed his bottle of water and drank some of it. As he worked in his notebook Adam, William and I talked and ate casually.
“I hate these stupid school dances. Everyone gets so worked up over them. I don’t even go.” I said “Gerard and I usually have our own little party together that night.”
“Yeah, I don’t really wanna go to the dance either.” William said. “We should all hang out that night. Do our own thing you know?”
“Sounds fun to me.” Adam pitched in.
“Why don’t you guys come to my house that night, same time the dance starts? Is that okay Gee?” I nudged him after he didn’t answer.
“Wha?” he mumbled.
“Is it okay if Will and Adam hang out with us Saturday night?”
“Umm, yeah. Sure. Sounds great.” He stuttered out. He pauses for a few moments and went back to drawing.
“What’re you drawing anyway there, Gerard?” Adam asked.
“Uhh, nothing really. Just-just some cartoon work…” he said sliding the tablet to the center of the table.
A view of a mysterious castle standing in front of a moonlight night sky was pictured, along with a few bats gracing the night sky. “That’s really good, dude. How long have you been drawing this stuff?”
“Uhh, a few years. I kinda just picked up the habit.” He explained taking the tablet back to put on his finishing touches.
It’s Saturday, Gerard came over early like he always does. When it’s with me he’s never late. My dad was away for the night. I used to live in what I called the middle of nowhere, but then a few years ago we moved to the city. My little brothers and sister stayed with my mom since we were moving out of state.
I had set out my iPod on it’s speaker so we could be blessed with some music.
Gerard and I were goofing around like we always did and almost broke a lamp within the first 10 minutes he was here, but we’ve done stuff like that before. We went to the backyard and out of boredom started tossing around an old baseball. On one throw Gerard pitched back at me I was startled by a voice and missed the ball, causing it to drop on the ground and roll away.
“Hey, guys.” Adam said with his entrance smile.
“Hey, I thought you’d never show up.”
Gerard waved and walked over to retrieve the ball that rolled into a bush.
“Throw’er here Gerard.” William called putting up his hand. The two proceed in a game of catch with some casual talking.
Adam walked over to the porch. “Thirsty?” I asked.
“Mmm, a little.” He said.
“Well, you wanna go help me find something to serve?” I asked.
“Sure.” He smiled. I thought I was going to melt in it.
We went inside to the kitchen. “I don’t have anything alcoholic if that’s what you’re looking for, it’s just not my thing.”
“That’s cool.” He said. “I like to drink every now and then but sometimes it’s more fun just not to.”
I opened the fridge and pulled out some cokes and Mountain Dews. He helped me carry them back outside. At this point the sun was starting to go down, so I turned on the porch light. William and Gerard came to the porch and grabbed a drink. We sat around on lawn chairs around a table and chatted a bit more about nothing in particular. Adam spied a skateboard in the yard and grabbed it, then started fooling around with that until he fell and hurt his arm. Everyone got a good laugh.
We decided after William and Adam climbed onto the roof and jumped off onto my trampoline that we should mellow things out a bit cause it was dark out and we didn’t want the neighbors flipping out about robbers or something.
“I have an idea.” Adam smirked.
“And?” I questioned.
“I don’t know how to play poker!” William whined.
“Then strip go fish.” Adam settled.
Gerard looked at me with awkward eyes.
“Sounds fun to me.” I said, “C’mon guys.”
“Alright.” Gerard and Will agreed shyly.
We took seats around the table after I grabbed a deck of cards from the house.
Adam started the game by dealing the cards. “Okay, rules. If you get a card from somebody, that person must not only give up their card but, discard and item of clothing. If you don’t get a card you have to take something off. I’ll start…Will, Ace of spades?”
“Go fish, or should I say go strip.” He smirked.
Adam took off a shoe and set it aside.
My turn, “Uh, Gerard, 2 of clubs?”
He sighed and handed me the card. Then also took off his jacket...
A little further into the game as the cards were being paired more and more all of us were lost of many articles of clothes. Adam was is his boxers and a t-shirt. William was in his boxers only, Gerard remained with his boxers and a undershirt. And me, bra and under wear.
“Gerard…5 of hearts?” William asked.
Gerard handed it over and had a scared look on his face. He started pulling at the bottom of his shirt and pulled it off. He was so thin. I could see his ribs poking out slightly. I never realized he was this small because he always wore baggy hoodies. The other guys didn’t seem to notice he was a bit scarce of food looking. I wanted to hug him and ask why he was doing this to himself, how he was becoming so skinny, because I had seen him eat before, and he never went directly to the bathroom to throw it up so…
“Maaaraaa…”Adam chimed. “It’s you’re turn.”
“Oh, umm Adam…7 of clubs?”
“Go fish, babe. And it seems to me that we will be seeing a bit more of you then I intended in this game.” He was smiling lushly. I was nervous. I picked up a card and had to decide. Bra or underwear…oh boy. Just then I heard a car pull in the driveway.
“Oh, shit! My dad’s home!” I dropped my cards and grabbed my clothes. Everyone scurried to get dressed as fast as they could. Gerard was pulling on his jacket and Adam was retying his shoes when my dad stepped onto the back porch.
“Hey, I’m back. You kids hungry?” he asked.
“Uhh, yeah.” I said.
“What do you want?”
“Pizza” I blurted out. He left and we all started laughing our asses off. No one noticed William in the corner with his pants halfway on and his shirt inside out until now. “Need some help getting dressed Will?” I asked while laughing.
“Yes please.” He pouted. I went over took off his shirt and put in on right, then pulled his pants back on him like he was a helpless baby.
No One’s POV
Gerard and Adam had already gone home and William, after seeing Mara’s copy of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, insisted that he stay and the two watch it together.
“Will, I know how you get, you won’t like it.” Adam warned, but do you think he listened?
Mara and Will were on her bed wrapped in a blanket together watching the movie in the dark. “Ew!” William shrieked. “Oww! That’s digusting.” He whined pulling the blanket up so that only his eyes were peaking over the top. Mara giggled, she didn’t know how she was actually watching this again, but it was quite cute the Will was acting. “Ahh!” he screamed and grabbed a hold of Mara. He hide his face in her shoulder.
“Do you want me to turn this off, hun?” she asked, trying not to laugh.
“No…ahhhh!” Tommy jumped out of nowhere and began ripping them to pieces. “Yes!” he changed his mind. “But hurry, he might get you…or me.” His eyes wandered around the room and he threw the blanket over his head the moment Mara got up.
She quietly crept back to the bed then…”RAH!!” and jumped on top of him.
“Ahh!” he screamed like a little girl until he noticed who it was. “Hey, don’t tease me.” He pouted.
“Okay, that was the only time, I swear. I had to get it outta my system.” She crawled back under the blanket. In the complete darkness she could see the paranoia on William’s face. “Will, you’re so cute when you’re scared, come’ere.” She spoke putting an arm around him. He snuggled into her and yawned.
“Can I stay with you tonight? I don’t wanna walk home alone in the dark.” He whimpered.
“Of course. Just go to sleep, I’ll make sure not evil chainsaw people come to get you.” She answered.
“Thank you so much, I love you good night.” He said so fast it was almost one word and before she knew it, Mara had a sleeping William in her bed with her.
School was out in about five minutes. Mara and I were sitting in study hall, just waiting for the bell to end. Out of her boredom she was writing on her arm. I’m not sure what, possibly lyrics or something. I tapped her on the shoulder and she turned to me.
“You wanna go get some coffee or something after school?” I suggested.
“Sure,” she answered. “But I’m broke.”
“You know I’m willing to pay for you.” I reassured.
“Well I hate how you do that. You know how much money I owe you?.”
“I don’t see why girls have problems with guys paying for their stuff.” I said.
“It’s polite I guess…I don’t know, we just have a problem with it.” She rambled.
After the bell rang we went to our lockers and got our stuff. It was about a 7 minute walk to the coffee shop. “So, how did Will handle the movie Saturday night?” I asked.
“Ha, he was so freaking scared. I swear he’s a little child inside most of the time. But he’s so cute about it.” She said. I loved her laugh, it always made me smile.
“Do you remember that time when we watched Friday the Thirteenth back in grade school together and you were scared?” I asked.
“Yeah, but that movie is weird, and plus I was little.”
“Or were you just doing that to get close to me?” I said with a smirk.
She just smiled at me and kept walking. I shrugged, girls are so confusing. Was that a yes smile or a that’s a funny question smile?
When we got the Lindor Café I ordered Mara and I both French vanilla cappuccinos. We took seats at a table in the back. “Gerard?” she asked. “You know when we were playing cards at my house and you took your shirt off?”
“Yeah” I said feeling a bite curious about the question.
“I noticed how skinny you are. You look like you haven’t been eating. Is there seriously something wrong?”
I put down my coffee cup. “There’s nothing wrong, Mara. I promise you. I know I’m a little skinnier than I should be but it just hasn’t crossed my mind much. I just don’t eat a lot.”
“That’s what I figured. I was just worried there was something going on. But promise you’ll try to gain a few more pounds or at least try and stay healthy. I’d be devastated if I lost you.” She said.
We went back to my house after coffee. We went into my room and I threw my messenger bag on the bed. Mara collapsed in the middle of my floor. “I can’t stand carrying around all these books for pointless homework I’ll probably not even do.”
Mikey came in the presence. He leaned against the doorframe. He was in 9th grade but we were close. “Hey, Mikey.” Mara said putting her arms in the air asking for help up so she could get a hug. He pulled her up and they hugged.
“Gerard can you help me with my algebra homework?” he asked.
“Sure.”I said following him out to the living room, Mara close behind. It took a few minutes but then Mikey caught a hold of what he was doing. That night I cooked dinner for Mara and Mikey since Mom and Dad were away at a party. They’ve been going out lately ever since dad started his new job. He didn’t realize that his boss was such a elegant man that liked to throw parties once or twice a week.
After Mara left I went to bed and it was just the ending of a simple night.
I was walking home and looked up at the stars. They shined so bright and it kind of reminded me of Adam’s eyes. They always twinkled when he smiled. I was coming close to his house and as a passed I passed slowly. I was getting close to the driveway when I heard a rumbling noise. It startled me at first, then I realized it was just someone taking the garbage out. And that someone was Adam.
“Hi Adam.” I said loud enough for him to hear me.
“Evening.” He spoke. “Wasn’t expecting to see you out this late.”
“I’m coming from Gerard’s house.” I said. “And now I’m on my way home.”
“Would you like some company?” he asked.
Yes, yes, YES! “Umm, sure if you want.”
“Cool, it’s a nice night for a walk. Just look at those stars.” He sighed peering up at the sky before starting to walk.
“I know…they’re beautiful.” I added.
“They always seem to make people think of that special someone and wonder if they’re looking at the same star.” He spoke.
“That’s a good point to think about.” I said realizing what he just said was what I have thought many times. He put an arm around my shoulders and we moved on with a bit of a silence. As we reached my house we stopped at my mailbox.
“Thanks for walking with me.” I said.
“My pleasure.” He smiled. His eyes sparkled like the stars. He leaned in and kissed my cheek, smiled again, “Night” turned and walked away.
He was about three yards away before I remembered to say goodbye. And to that I got another smiled flashed back at me. Ahh, a school girls dream.
No One’s POV
Mara lay in her bed looking at the sky thinking about what Adam said and that kiss he gave her and if he was looking at the stars also. Gerard sat at his desk and turned to look out the window. Was the love of his life looking at the moon? The stars? Adam sat on his back porch, another night of insomnia ahead of him. He took a drag of his cigarette and let his head fall back to gaze upward. Was the special someone sorting the stars also. William had finished cautiously checking his room for creepy cannibal men with chainsaws and stopped in the glow of the window. The moon was very bright that night. How many stars were up there? He didn’t know. But he did know that most likely that someone was looking at the stars to. Or at least he could hope.
“Hmmph.” I complained. My phone was vibrating across my bed stand. Someone had just texted me…to early in the morning for my liking. I flipped open the phone and recognized the number. How could I forget it. It was basically tattooed on my heart. I truly admired this person. The message read…
Meet me behind the school @ 7:45. I want ur lips <333
I smiled. That gave me the inspiration to get out of bed and get to school 15 minutes early for a little fun. I got dressed, ran a brush through my long locks and grabbed a bagel and some mints. Bagel tongue isn’t the sexiest. I ate quickly and popped about 5 mints into my mouth to suck on for the walk. I reached the school and quickly turned to go to the back. As I made one more turn to the most private part of the area I saw a smile I see everyday. I sighed and went closer.
They pulled me close into a hug. “I missed you.” They whispered. “I miss having you in my bed with me, you need to sleep with me more.”
“I know…there’s a whole world to explore when I’m around.” I said resting my forehead against theirs. We brushed noses before moving our lips to crash into each other. He started out by giving multiple baby kisses then I moved it to the next by me running my tongue along the crevice of their lips. When they allowed me entrance I snake my tongue around the deeps of their moist mouth. I soon moved down a bit to their neck and began teasing the skin by gently breathing on it and letting my lips get so close to the skin on their neck they were aching with anticipation. I was such a tease and I loved it.
They obviously couldn’t handle this and suddenly I was being pushed into the brick wall and there were lips and a tongue attacking me all over. “God, you’re sexy.” I moaned/mumbled.
I had about 10 minutes before school was going to start and me being “Mr. Anti-Social” decided I’d go find somewhere no one else was to draw in privacy. The back of the school was usually private, unless someone went back there to have sex or something, but it seemed a bit cold this morning for those types of acts.
I made my way around the corner, starring at my feet as usual until I heard some giggling and…moaning? For the love of angels who is it? I looked up and saw it to be William and…
“Oh, God! Gerard!” he shrieked and he pushed the person that was sucking his face off of him.
I had not idea what to think. I mean it was possible that Will was gay, he’s very feminine, but Adam? Gay?
“Umm, Gerard, we can…we can explain.” He stammered. Adam looked a bit shocked but he still had a smirk on his face. Probably because he was still hot from what was just going on between him and Will.
“Just say it Willy baby, there’s no denying it now.” Adam said, putting has arm around Will.
“We’re gay…together…” he trailed off and then smiled sweetly. “That feels good to get out.” He sighed
Adam kissed his temple.
“So I’ve seen.” Is all I could get out.
“But…” Will spoke again. “Could you please keep it a secret. We really didn’t want anyone to know and we kinda wanted to tell them ourselves?”
“Sure. Whatever you guys want.”
“I mean No one at all. Not even Mara.” He pleaded.
“Um, sure.” I answered. “Your secrets safe with me.” I wasn’t gonna tell Mara anyway. I couldn’t have her heart break over finding out that it wasn’t even possible for her to be with Adam anymore.
It was kind of startling that someone walked into me and William making out but thank god it was only Gerard. I know I can trust him, he’s a really cool guy. And a hot one too. But I love my Willy more than the entire world. When I finally came out it was to Will and I told him how I felt about him. He said he was going through a bit of a denial stage and he wasn’t sure how he felt about me. Then a week later when we were hanging out and watching a movie, he started feeling me up on the couch and started kissing me. It confused me at first but then he told me he felt the same way. We’ve been together secretly for about a month now until Gerard found us.
The rest of the day was really awkward. Will and Adam went on as if they were best friends, not boyfriend and boyfriend. They were really good at hiding it. But I wasn’t to sure how long I could actually keep this from Mara. I mean, I keep secrets easily from everyone…Everyone but my best friend. But isn’t that how it is for everyone?
Will and I really wanted to keep our secret, secret. But wouldn’t I be suspicious neither one of us hit on any girls? William and I talked about this before. We agreed that maybe a little making out with a girl sometime wouldn’t hurt us or our egos. Plus we’d know that if we did we’d always have each other to come back to and get much better.
I was at Will’s house getting ready to leave and go on a ‘date’ with one of my friends…Mara. “Baby, I think I might try to get a little close to her tonight.” I said.
“Okay, Addy, but leave me some loving for when you get back.” He pouted. I was planning on coming back to his house tonight to stay over. It was about 10 ‘til six so I decided I get going. I kissed my boy goodbye and started my walk to the park where I was to meet Mara.
This was so effing exciting. I was finally going on a date for the first time in about 3 months. As I waited in the park, I turned to see Adam walking this way. He was wearing tight jeans, a plaid shirt and a smile. We came here for a little show that was going on tonight. I was surprised Gerard and Will weren’t going. Gerard was acting kind of funny today anyway. When I told him I was going out with Adam he had this weird look on his face as if millions of confusing things were running across his mind.
“Hey.” He said giving me a hug.
“Hi” a greeted back.
“Well, the show doesn’t start for about a half hour, so do you wanna go get some icr cream> My treat?” he offered.
“Umm, sure.” I said.
“Good, cause I’m kinda hungry.”
We walked to the small ice cream place across the street and both got a twist cone. As we walked back over to the park he suggested another idea. “I know a could place to watch the show from. I doubt anyone will be there and it’ll be a good view. I’ll show you.” He said taking my hand and leading me the way.
We walked up a large hill that seemed to go on forever. But when we got to the top it was worth it. It was a perfect view of the stage and the rest of the park. We sat in the grass together and began talking quietly about the band that was playing. They had just started and sounded pretty good. Apparently they were new around here. Adam put his arm around like he had the other night. We remained this way for a while watching the band and saying only a few words every now and then.
I took a moment to look at the scenery beyond the band and I’m glad I did. There was a pretty pink sunset. “Look at the sky.” I spoke up.
“Whoa…” he drifted. A minute or two passed. “Look at me.” He whispered in my ear. I turned my head to him and he pressed his lips flat against mine. I was shocked at first then kissed back. He broke apart and looked me in the eyes. They seemed to be holding lust in them. He put a hand on my cheek and brought my face into his again. He kissed me hard and wantingly. I cracked my mouth a bit for breath and his tongue made its way past them just enough to graze with mine. I ran my fingers through his hair and tugged on it lightly. He seemed to like that.
That night I went to sleep with a smile on my face and butterflies in my stomach.
William squirmed in bed until he was comfortable with his upper torso laying on my chest. “How was your date?” he asked as he yawned.
“Pretty fun.” Answered.
“How far did you two go?”
“We just made out for maybe 5-10 minutes.”
“Does that mean I get like 10 or 20 minutes tomorrow?” he teased.
“You can have all the time you want, baby.” I played. “But you know what would be fun…if we worked to that stage?”
“Hmm?” he questioned.
Adam and I have only had sex about 4 times since we’ve been going out. We’re still in that exploration stage, but for him to bring up the suggestion of having a threesome? Of course he did say “if we worked to that stage”. It could be fun. So I answered him.
“That sounds interesting, but I’m too tired to think about sex right now, babe. Good night.”
“Night.” He said and lay quiet. I listened to him breath with my ear against his chest as he gently stroked my long hair.
Mara told me about her little date she had and how the two were planning to go out again soon. Of course she was extremely happy, but I wasn’t. I was confused as hell. What was Adam doing? Did Will know about his time spent with Mara? I don’t even want to get into this. I just don’t want Mara to get hurt.
Mara and I have another date tonight. We’re planning on going to the movies. Darkness, horror films…this should be fun.
When I met Adam at the mall He greeted me with a sweet hello and a hug. He took my hand and held onto it while we were getting our tickets and while we walked into the theater. When we took our seats, in the back, he put his arm around me.
We got through about the first half hour of the movie without much of anything going onbut then a very gruesome scene played, one to gory for my eyes, and hide my face on Adam’s shoulder. “How can you watch that?” I whispered.
“I don’t know. I guess I’m not really thinking of that?”
“What are you thinking about?”
“You.” He smiled lifting my chin up to face him with his hand.
I smiled back and he leaned in and kissed me firmly. When he tried to deepen it I pulled away.
“What’s wrong?” he questioned concernedly as if he thought he did something upsetting.
“I can’t do this with that screaming at me.” I said nodded my head toward the screen.
“Well, then let’s find somewhere a little more private…” Adam said coolly and took my hand as he led me out of the theater. He took me out to his car and quickly we drove back to his place. Soon enough we were in his bedroom on his bed…sucking face like compassionate longtime-no-see lovers. Me, being underneath this piece of artwork that was Adam, was taking in all the grinding that he was pressuring between our nether regions. From this I actually took notice of the arousal that was full blown and needing of attention. The only problem was we weren’t ready for that kind of stuff. As much as I’d like to fuck Adam Lazzara I knew it wasn’t something that we should be doing on a second date let alone before a committed relationship or marriage.
“Adam?” I said sternly when I brought up the courage.
He broke the contact of his lips with my collar bone “What?” he panted, petting my hair as I sat up a little.
“We need to stop.”
“Why? Did-did I do something?”
“No not really,” I tried to explain. “It’s just-you…umm, you seem to be a little…perky…”
“Uh…oh, that.” He said blushing with embarrassment.
“Aw, it’s okay.” I reassured as I placed a hand on his cheek. “But I think I should probably go before this gets any farther than it should. And so you can take care of your…well, you know.”
He unstraddled me so I could get up. I hadn’t realized that it was almost 8:30. “Well, thanks for tonight. I had a really good time, sweetheart.” I kissed him on the cheek and walked towards the door.
“You need a ride or something?” he offered?
“No, I feel like walking tonight, thanks, and plus you have some business to take care of.” I smirked and he blushed again. “Bye.’
Great, Adam, look what you’ve gone and done. You’ve gone and got all horned up with the girl your only supposed to be pretending to have feelings for. William is supposed to be your only one. Remember how you told him that? That he was the love of your life? That you would never love anyone else as much as him? Now you’ve screwed that up, just for your ego. If Will found out how Mara makes you feel he’s be furious. He’d feel heartbroken.
Why do I always start things that I think are small and then end up a big mistake. Fuck, these pants are tight. I’m gonna go shower…and jack off…
I was walking over to Adam’s to see how his date went. He had texted me and said that Mara had left and he’s gonna get in the shower. As I was walking I passed coincidently passed Mara.
“Hey, William.” She smiled.
“Hi.” I greeted nicely. There was a bit of jealously running through me as I spotted a few fresh, red teeth marks on her neck. I thought Adam only did that to me…
“Where you headed?” she asked.
“Going to Adam’s to hang out.” I stated.
“Well, just a warning but I’d knock before I go entering any doors…I left him a little aroused when I went to leave.” She informed.
I tried my best to laugh as we parted ways. What. The. Fuck? Now this was making me a bit upset. First he uses his little animal types ways of biting on her that he does for me and now he’s getting a boner from her…not me. I’m a jealous bitch and I don’t care. He’s my boyfriend. I can’t yell at Mara though, she doesn’t know about us so it’s really not her fault. At least she didn’t have the kind of mind to sleep with him. I’m hoping Adam didn’t suggest that. Mr. Lazzara and I are going to have a little talk to tonight though. That’s for sure. We’ve got to set some limits with these ‘dates.’
As I was nearing Adam’s house I was starting to fell kind of bad. Maybe I was getting upset over nothing. I mean maybe he was thinking about me when he was with her or something…he has told me about a few encounters when he’s pleasured himself with me on his mind.
I was now at his house and I let myself in. In this neighborhood it seemed that if you were friends with someone you found the phrase ‘mi casa su casa’ very common. On my way back to Adam’s room I heard the shower running. Peering across the hallway I could see he wasn’t in his room. Gently, I pressed my ear against the door to hear him moaning as quietly as he could. But as he went on with his business and noise he ended it with one name I didn’t want to hear…’Mara.’
I spun on my heels and ran home. I plopped down on my bed and cried. How could the one I love be feeling such feeling for someone other than me? Was what we had all just lies? Maybe I didn’t know what love really was. I was so confused. I was upset and slightly mad at Adam for starting all this. My phone rang. The caller ID said it was Adam so I pressed ignore. I will talk to him later.
Usually William came over after my dates and got his share of fun and I talked about everything that went on. I was kind of worried so I called him. I got his voicemail. “Baby, its Adam. I was just calling to check on you. Talk to ya later…I love you.”
I have no intention of getting into the deals of Adam and William’s relationship but hearing about how infatuated Mara was with Adam now, I began to wonder if they’re even together. The other day I called Adam to see if he wanted to hang out after school and in the background I could hear Will’s giggles. Soon enough I heard Adam whisper something along the lines of “You can take my pants off when I’m off the phone.” You can bet that conversation ended quickly. And unfortunately he couldn’t hang out. He was scheduled to go visit his Aunt.
I’m having Mara over tomorrow though. It’s Friday and she’s spending the night. Finally she’s not with Adam and I can have my best friend back.
I skipped school today. I actually was sick though. I think I was catching a cold. All day I slept or thought about Adam and what was to come of us. About 3:00 pm my mom knocked on my door and asked me if I needed any thing. She was about to pick up some groceries. I said no and then guess who walked in? Adam.
“You boys behave now.” My mom said.
“Yeah, bye mom.” I said tiredly.
Adam came to my bed and sat on the edge of it beside me. He put a hand on mine and I pulled away. I curled my entire body into the fetal position at the top of my bed. Adam was frowning at me.
“Baby, what’s wrong. You act like you don’t want to talk to me. You didn’t answer-“ he started but I interrupted.
“Adam…I do want to talk to you. We really, really need to have a serious talk.” I said at first looking down and finally looking up at him.
“When, then shoot, I guess.” He said looking at me with concern. He was like an ashamed child, it was cute but I couldn’t give in yet.
“I’m beginning to wonder what’s really going on between you and Mara. It seems she’s making you feel more love towards her each time you see her and I’m scared…I just don’t want…don’t…” I started choking up. “Don’t leave me Adam.” I whispered as tears formed in the corners of my eyes and began to drop repeatedly. I starting sobbing.
“Oh, Will. I’m not going to leave you.” He said coming closer to me. I gave in. I needed the comfort. I let him pull me onto his lap as I cried against his chest. He rubbed my back and I could tell he was holding back tears himself. His kissed the top of my head.
“Do you still love me?” I asked as clearly as I possibly could.
“Of course! I love you more than anything, anyone. Don’t you ever, ever forget that. I promise I won’t leave you. I can’t leave you. If anyone’s doing the leaving it would have to be you and if that would happen I don’t know how long I could stay around. Will I need you baby. You’re like the air I breath; you’re essential my existence.”
I had a chance to calm down while he was saying these words. He was pouring his heart out to me and that said it all.
“Maybe I should stop doing this whole thing with Mara.” He said.
“No, honey, you can still do it…it’s just…I guess I get a bit jealous and overwhelmed at time. I looked him straight in the eyes. “I love you, Adam, you know that right?”
“Of course.” He wiped a few tears off my face. My eyes were red as hell I’m sure. He put his hand on the back of my hand and gently pushed me towards him. We kissed…no it wasn’t just a kiss…it was bliss. The fiery tingle on skin on skin contact that shocked your whole body. They say that the lips are one of the most sensitive parts of the body. And I believe it, because when you’re in love and you kiss that one person you can feel it inside you. It’s like the butterflies in your stomach are startled and in the saddest situations a kiss from that one person can cause the sensitivity of the lips touching and the feelings felt toward each other sky rocket and you can feel it. You just can. The three words ‘I’m in love’ are just running through you blood stream faster than anything that gravity can pull down. When you kiss that one person and you mean it it’s almost as the setting around you disappears and you two are the only ones left on earth to share this moment all to yourself.
Adam loved me I knew that, but there’s still always the fact that sometimes love can lead to being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Right now I could give a fuck, I was in another world with Adam.
“Shit.” I said when we finally separated.
“What?” he asked with a mixed tone.
“I have a cold. I don’t want you getting sick.” I petted his cheek.
“I don’t care. Your sickness is mine.”
Mara, Mikey and I were finishing a movie in my room. Mikey said he was going to bed so we bid him goodnight. Mara and I settled down into my bed together. “You tired?” I asked.
“So what’s up? I mean with you and Adam.” I asked.
I could tell she was smiling to herself. “Well, I’m not exactly sure what. I really like him and stuff but I think he sees me as more of friends with benefits at times. But then he admits he’s thinking of me and stuff. I wouldn’t consider him a boyfriend…yet.”
“Oh…” I couldn’t think of anything to say to that. I was speechless. If I were to bring something it’d be something I am to keep secret or would be best not to say.
“Gee I can tell you’re tired. Let’s go to sleep.” She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. “You’re my best friend Gerard, I hope you don’t forget that. Just because I am starting to spend time with Adam doesn’t mean I don’t like you any more. I love you and I always will.” She expressed.
“I love you too. Night.” More than you’ll ever know…
The last day of school and graduation was yesterday. Everything went well, no one started a riot and some of us parted ways for the rest of our lives. It may sound sad but it was actually a relief. Now was the time of summer when we start off with some parties. Tonight was the first of the season. So far I knew that Me, Mara and Will were going. Adam was out of town visiting some family for the weekend.
Gerard and I had been hanging out at the party for about an hour now, randomly talking to some friends and just staying cool. We seemed to be some of the few people that were actually sober. We decided to go for a walk outside. The Nielson estate was quite the place. Buddy grew up with some good area.
Gerard and I took a stroll around the small pound. It was quite peaceful and there really wasn’t anyone around to disturb that. We thought we were alone until we came up to the dock. We walked out to find a girl standing out in the small porch area. I wanted to go out and just gaze upon the setting sun that lay across the pond. Gerard said he was gonna go back and get us some more drinks (Cola, I mind you). I said I’d just wait for him here. I walked out and stood a good 5 feet from the other girl, giving her some room of her own.
“Isn’t it beautiful?” she asked.
“Yeah.” I replied. “One of the nicest things to look at.”
She looked back at me. “You sound familiar, your voice…it…Mara? Is that you?!” she exclaimed.
“Yes. Who are you?” I answered confusedly.
“It’s Becky! From back at Keystone!” she said.
“Oh my God!” I squealed and automatically hugged her.
We were both laughing so hard that we were sprouting small tears. “I lost contact from you and I thought…” she began.
“Ah fuck it. Here we are now! It doesn’t matter anymore.” She laughed.
“God, it’s so good to see you again.”
“I know.” I added. “So what are you doing around here?”
“Huh.” She laughed slightly. “Kind of a long story…love makes you do crazy things.”
“Well, my friend went to get drinks so I think we’ve got some time. Plus we need to catch up.” I said.
“Well, I met this guy…named Patrick Stump. We started dating early in high school and we’ve been together ever since. A lot of people consider us one person. If they invite one of somewhere they’d just expect the other to show up too. Well, Patrick’s sister found out she was pregnant last winter and she’s been having problems with the baby ever since. To add to that, her husband was to be sent off to Iraq, he left last week. But anyway, she needed someone to come stay with her, everyone knew she couldn’t stay alone, and she offered Patrick a place to live if he’d come and stay with her. Patrick and his sister are very close so he couldn’t refuse but then he had this other problem. What about Becky? Well, his sister said it would be alright that I came to because we had already met and got along before and plus she would need to female support. So the day after graduation we moved our asses here. We live a few houses down from here and Patrick’s sister introduced us to Buddy, and that’s how I’m here now.”
“Wow, that’s a lot to take in.”
“Pssh, tell me about it. But at least I’m happy here, and now I know someone else!” she said.
“Yeah!...so where is your boy tonight anyway?” I asked.
“He went back to check on his sister. I said I was gonna stay here and wait for him.” She answered. “His sister gets so mad that he’s always checking on her. She yells at him and tells him to go out and be a teenager, but I guess he just doesn’t listen.” She laughed.
We turned around to see both of our boys had come back. Gerard handed me my drink and smiled awkwardly at Becky.
“Patrick this is my friend Mara.” Becky said to the man putting her arm around him. “She went to elementary school with me and we coincidentally ran into each other here.”
“Hi” he smiled shyly.
“Becky, Patrick this is my friend Gerard.” I introduced him.
They said their hello. I exchanged phone numbers with Becky and we promised to meet up again sometime really, really soon. Gerard and I went back to the house. There were a lot of people there. Gerard and I decided to part ways for awhile and as I turned a corner I ran into Adam.
“Adam!” I said loudly so he could hear me over the music.
“Mara! Hey, I was looking for you!” he shouted back. He leaned close to my ear and grabbed me around the waist “Let’s go somewhere quieter.” and pulled me out of the door to a place where I’m assuming we could talk with out stressing our vocal chords.
So I was walking around at the party when I thought I spotted Adam. He had called me and told me he was coming so I was looking out for him. I yelled his name but he didn’t hear me so I tried to run after him. The next thing I see is his arm going around Mara’s waist and dragging her out the door. I thought he said he was done…You know what, that’s it.
Will and I had discussed what was going on with Mara and we decided I’d tell her the truth. I would confess to her and then slowly we’d open up to everyone else we knew. It would make things better with me and William, for certain.
I needed some quiet, every sound was making my head thump and I was getting a headache from the loud music of the house. I slipped off into a bedroom up stairs that wasn’t locked and fortunately no one was using. I sat at the end of the bed and put my head in my hands, letting it settle. About 5 minutes later a knock came to the door.
I immediately got up and opened it, to find only William. He had an awkward playful smile on his face…and a cup of beer in his hand. I could smell alcohol all over him.
“Heya, Gee! Can I come in?” he asked happily.
“Uhh, sure.” I said letting him in then closing the door.
“I saw you wander off up here and I didn’t want you to have to be all alone.” He explained grabbing me by the hand and pulling me over to the bed. “Sit. Relax.” He smoothed a spot beside him. Next he took a swig of beer and set it on the dresser by the bed. “So, what’s up?”
“Well, everything was getting too loud down stairs so I came up here to calm my head.” I explained. Will wasn’t listening to what I was saying, I could tell, but he was staring at me quite awkwardly. “Uhh, Will? Do you feel alright?”
The only reply I got was a sloppy, messy, forced on drunken kiss from the man in front of me. I pushed him off making him fall of the bed. “What the hell, Will?” I yelled, as he rubbed his sore ass bone then laid flat on the floor.
“Fuck me, Gerard.” He stated.
“What?” I was so confused.
“Fuck me. Here. Now.” He demanded, grabbing onto my leg. I tried to shake him off put he pulled me down.
“Will, you’re acting crazy. You’re with Adam, why do you want me to have sex with you? I’m not even gay and you know that?”
“I know you’re not, but with a few beers I’ll look like the girl of your dreams, minus the boobs.” He said touching my thighs and trying to kiss me again.
This time I was able to escape him and go to the door.
“Besides” he pouted. “Adam loves Mara.”
“What? No he doesn’t. What are you talking about?” I asked.
“You know about their little dates and so do I. At first they were just to keep our secret even more of a secret, but now he’s gone and fallen in love with and they’re probably getting it on as we speak. Adam’s not the only one getting laid tonight, I want to too, with or without him.”
“So those dates were all fake?” I questioned, ignoring the whole horny William part.
“Yeah…at first, but then she started turning him on and they kept spending more time together. Sure I got my share, but I want all of Adam to me, I don’t wanna share him.” He whined.
“And you should have all of him. He’s you’re boyfriend. You should be the ones going on those dates.” I said.
William nodded. “But Adam doesn’t care, I know he doesn’t. We decided we’d gradually come out to people and the word would spread. He said he’d break off everything with Mara and tell her the truth as soon as he got home from visiting family. Well Mr. Lazzara decides to come home early, not tell me, probably just to get a little more time with his girly friend, then tell her everything after a night of sex.”
“Will! You know Adam’s not like that.” I said. “But he’s here and he didn’t tell you?”
“Yes,” he began “I saw him with his arm around Mara and he was walking her outside.”
“Well, go find him. He should be the one you’re telling all this to. Not me. Go!” I pushed.
Will drunkenly stood up and put his hands on his hips. “You are right! That’s just what I’ll do. Thanks.” He marched out of the room, returning 10 seconds later for his drink and retreated back to where he was going.
Adam and I went for a walk around the yard. He acted like he really needed to tell me something but kept stalling and making excuses by starting new topics. It worried me, yet made me positively anxious to know what he was thinking.
“Adam, you keep acting like you want to tell me something, but you just can’t get it out. Tell me, it won’t matter, whatever it is.” I said taking one of his hands in mine and placing the other on his cheek.
He blushed and looked away then back at me. He opened his mouth to say something then something caught his eyes. “Will…” he whispered under his breath…then took off.
I was taking Gerard’s advice; I was going to tell Adam how I felt. I may be drunk but I still know somewhat of what is good for me. But as soon as I saw those two, holding hands, ready to share a kiss…it made me extremely angry…and sad. I had never seen them together and they looked…good together. Damn. My eyes welled with tears and I turned and ran. I can’t do this.
He was running from me and I was running after him. The scene wasn’t the way I wanted him to see it. It still looked like Mara and I was a couple, which we aren’t and never really were. It broke my heart, because never had I seen my William run from me, he was always coming to me with any little problem he needed help with and I was there for him, but to see him run made me feel he was angry or frightened of me.
I was running and focusing only on him and by the time he was only 50 feet ahead of me I noticed him running towards the road. 25 feet away, he had stepped on the pavement. 18 feet, he was in the middle and stopped, the next thing was horrible…
I couldn’t breath, I was running so hard. I had to stop. The bad thing was I didn’t realize I was stopped in the middle of the road and I turn to see to bright lights ahead of me and a horn blowing…big utility truck…the last thing I remember feeling is a collision of me with the ground and another large object.
I woke up from being passed out just about a minute after the hit, surprisingly to find me lying on the ground across from Buddy’s place, party still going like nothing happened and someone laying beside me, panting heavily and crying. I looked. It was Adam. He just saved my life. I knew he still loved and cared for me after all.
“Adam.” I whispered touching him lightly.
“Oh, God! Will? Are you okay baby?” he sobbed, scooping me in his arms.
“Yes, honey, yeah, I’m fine.” I sniffed feeling his pain…and mine from being knocked to the ground.
“Oh, thank god…don’t you ever run from me again. I don’t want you to be afraid of me ever, ever.” He cried.
“I won’t.” I replied, just as worked up as he was now. “It just hurt seeing you with her. That was the first time I ever saw you two together and…”
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry William.” He cried.
“I forgive you, Adam but…did you tell her?”
“No.” He said calming down a bit. “I didn’t get the chance, I was about to and I saw you and then you ran and…”
I swallowed a fit of tears. “I guess I just came in at the wrong time.” I chuckled a little.
“Haha, yeah.” He sniffed.
“Baby…let’s go home…” I said.
We stood up and began our walk back home.
I was dumbfounded. Where the hell was he going? I turned to see him chasing something and then he disappeared in front the house. I jogged after him to find no one but a few wandering drunk teens and Gerard.
“What’s going on? Adam just came running up here.” I asked him.
“Will almost got hit by a car.” Gerard answered.
“Oh my gosh, are they okay, where’s Adam?” I questioned.
“I think they’re fine.” He answered. “Let’s just…go home or something, this place is getting hectic.”
“Yeah, let’s.” I agreed. “Well, actually, I think I’m going to go try and find Adam. Our conversation got interrupted and I’d like to know the end of it.”
“You can do that tomorrow let’s go.” Gerard said uneasily.
I was astounded. He never told me what to do. “Um, I think I can decide what to do about my boyfriends.” I stated.
“Adam’s not your boyfriend.” He said.
My jaw dropped. “And who are you to tell me that?” I snapped.
“Someone that knows the truth and that is that he is NOT your boyfriend.”
I gasped and turned to start walking away.
“Aww, Mara what the hell? I’m just being a friend and telling you the truth just get back here and I’ll walk you home.”
“You know what Gerard? No. I don’t feel like dealing with this attitude. If you are jealous that I am spending time with Adam then you should’ve told me that sooner. You can’t tear up this relationship.” I snipped at him.
“Mara! I am not jealous of you two.” He shouted. “I just don’t want you to get hurt!”
“Well you’re the one hurting me right now!” I yelled back.
“Ugh!” he expressed. “I didn’t want to be the one to tell you this but Adam and Will are gay together.”
“Oh! So now you’re lying to me?!?!” I hit back. “I for one know that Adam IS NOT gay. Certain encounters that I’d rather not explain can prove that he is turned on by women and one of them so happens to be ME.”
“Mara! I’m not lying to you! Please, understand this. I’m only telling you this because…” he started.
I turned around. “Because what?” I said very angrily.
“Because I love you. Not just as a friend, more than that. The kind of love where you think about that person night and day, the kind where you dream of that person. The kind when you ache at night because you’re not with them and the kind that kills you inside when you know you’ll never have that chance with them.” He poured out.
I was shocked. I had no idea what to say…shit…so I did the worst thing that I could probably do to him. I turned and proceed to walk away.
Shit! Why do I have to start these things. I finally admit to Mara how I really feel and she doesn’t even care. It doesn’t matter anymore I guess. I know how she really feels, she wants nothing to do with me and I’m going to have to live with that for the rest of my life. I feel like I’m bleeding on the inside…my heart has been ripped into pieces…shattered across my insides.
I went home and progressed straight to my room. Mikey caught me in the hallway and I lied and told him I was just tired and wanted to go to sleep. There was something wrong with me. This night was tearing up the true me…or just bringing it out. I never lied to my brother. But I did want to go to sleep…and never wake up.
I guess I would just go to Adam’s house and try to…try to…ah, hell why was I going in the first place? All I can think about now is what Gerard said to me and how I reacted and he most likely hates me now…do I hate him? Of course not, he’s my best friend, how could I? But I was on my way to Adam’s anyway, I might as well just keep going, cause I really don’t think Gerard wants to take me in now.
When I got to the house, I let myself in. No one was home. I heard two voices coming from back the hall. Will must be here. Oh, yeah, that’s why I was coming, to see how Will was. Pssh, why would Gerard ever tell me such a thing, that those two were gay. Just because they hang out all the time only means they’re close friends.
I reached out to push the door open when I heard some quite sexual sounds. I peaked in unnoticeably, to make sure the coast was clear, and to find out what was making the noise…to my surprise…guess what I find?
William Beckett on all fours…being nailed up the ass by no one other then…Adam Lazzara. Gerard was right…he wasn’t the one who was lying to me. Adam was.
I really didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t go to Adam’s, I didn’t want to go home yet and Gerard probably doesn’t want to see my face…but he’s the one I want to be with at the moment. I picked my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed his number…no answer. I started walking and repeatedly called, each time hoping he would answer.
I lay there in bed. I had put my phone on away, so that all calls would go directly to my voice mail. I picked it up with desperate need for something to do and checked to see who had called. There were too many message to count and they were all from Mara…I can’t talk to her right now. I want to but I don’t know if I can handle that at the moment. After all I did just pour my fucking heart out to her a few hours ago. I pressed play all on the messages and heard the first few.
“Gerard…it’s Mara…I want to talk to you…I feel bad about how I acted tonight…we need too talk…”
“Gee, it’s me again. I know you probably don’t want to talk to me but I really need you. I want to talk this over…You were right about Adam and Will…I should’ve believed and I hate myself for doing it earlier…bye.”
“Gerard…” she sounded like she was crying. “I need to talk to you. Or at least just see you. I want to know…ah…I…”
“Gerard” she said the next few lines between sobs. “Gerard, I’m so sorry, I’m such an ass. I don’t know why I didn’t see it…I fucking love you. I hope you know that. And if I would’ve paid attention to the actual part of my mind and not the one that runs my wants and not my needs, I would’ve seen that it’s you I wanted all along. You’re my best friend. I hope we can still be that way. I miss you, Gee. I don’t know how you feel about me anymore, but I want you to know that I love you with all my heart.”
I turned off the phone. I couldn’t bear to hear another one of her messages. They were tearing me up. One with anger, that she hadn’t seen everything earlier and for me being mad at her for not seeing that, she’s only human, and two with sadness. I wanted to hold her in my arms right now, but I have no idea where she is and I don’t know if I could just call…I don’t know if I could bear. I guess I’ll just have to wait here for the right moment.
I was just walking, not really knowing where I was going. I was repeatedly calling Gerard and after the millionth time it seemed, my phone went dead and I realized I was at the small makeshift entrance way to Gerard’s back yard. I slipped between the fences and went to the back porch. I almost stepped onto the first step, but I stopped myself and sat right underneath the window beside the porch. I put my head in my hands and let more tears come out. How could I have not seen this all before? I was so clueless to the reality in me just because I was infatuated with a gay man that was just using me. How could I be so…so stupid? And how did Gerard deal with me all his life, knowing that he loved me so much and never telling me and seeing me go through boyfriends, just gritting his teeth and bearing a smile around us. When I think about it now I feel like such and ass.
What was I going to do in Gerard’s back yard all night? I have no idea…I guess wait for something to happen.
I’ve had enough. I’ve been laying here for two hours and all I can think about is her. Everything she ever did that made me happy, everything she ever did that made me mad or upset. I was in love with her, and I was letting her go…NO I WAS NOT! I need to find her…but where the hell do I look. I may be able to talk at first, but at least maybe I could face her and she could say the first words.
There was a knock on my door. “Yeah?” I asked.
“Gerard?” Mikey said. “I hear crying coming from outside, when I’m in the living room.”
“What?” I asked.
“Just come here.” He said.
I followed him into the living room and for sure I could hear crying coming from the window…I recognized it and I knew who it was.
“Go back to bed Mikey…I’ll take care of this.” I said.
He nodded and headed back down the hall.
I opened to door to the back porch and when I saw her curled up crying figure sitting against the house I ran to her side. I kneeled down and grabbed her to me and held her against my chest. She was cold from the night air. She pressed her face against my shoulder. I felt myself begin to cry…
“Why didn’t you come in?” I asked quizzically.
“I thought you wouldn’t want me around…and I needed you…so I waited for you to come out.” She explained.
“You’re cold as ice, get inside and I’ll get you warm.” I lead her back to my room and tucked her into my bed. I got in beside her and held her close to me, she was calming down and her crying was seizing slowly.
“Gee?” she started. “So you still love me…cause I still love you…more than you’ll ever know.”
“Of course I do. Nothing in this world could make me stop loving you. Nothing, you’re my best friend…and I love you more than just that…” I said, gently petting her hair.
“That makes me feel a lot better.” She said looking up at me. Without warning I held the back of her head in my hand and firmly kissed her straight on the lips. It was our first kiss that meant anything more than being just friends, let alone on the lips. When we broke apart I held her closer to me, if that was possible. We stayed silent like this until we were both lost in sleep.
No one’s POV
That night to stars seemed to shine brightly. They cast into Gerard’s room, casting a small frame of light across the two friend’s bodies as they slept. At Adam’s house, he and his lover sat on the back porch on the swing, relaxing together in the midst of the night. Patrick and Becky sat on a blanket in the back yard. Becky was asleep in his lap. Gently he picked her up in his arms and carried her into the house, letting the stars shine his way there.
The stars have shown so brightly on the nights of chaos, love, terror, weakness, reunion and realization. It seems they are just an ending to a peculiar day or story. And this is done for words…for now…it will live on in the minds of those who read it and even that one who wrote it. But for now, when you see the stars at night, maybe you will think about someone that you love…or even this story.