At 1amI tried to count the dents,
in my armour,
but I couldn't open my eyes,
I'm too tired.
So I tried to sleep forever,
but I couldn't because,
the ringing in my head wouldn't stop,
whispering at me to wake,
silently, ever so silently.
And so I breathe,
floating and rising,
but I have a body,
a beating heart,
an overdose of emotion,
an intangible force,
that makes me so tired,
always, so tired.
FacebookI choose not to come here anymore,More Like This
To face this great book of lies,
Of sparkles and streamers, and plastic grins
And brilliantly backlit eyes;
Of trumpets and fanfare, and happy jigs
Of trophies of silver and gold;
I'll come here no longer to face this great book
Until my own story's been told.
There is no blank space for my story here -
Amidst all of the glitter and light,
There are no spare pages for tales of depression
And long, mournful cries in the night.
There's not a spare line, amongst tales
In which each man's a hero, a victor, a king,
For stories of villains, of widows and orphans,
And caged birds that no longer sing.
There are plenty of friends here to share in your victories,
Encourage and compliment too,
But not many to listen, to mourn with, to cry on,
To sit with you all the night through.
There are hundreds of friends to invite to your parties,
To toast to your health and to dance,
But surprisingly few that will come to your aid
When your coffers have emptied at l
Letters To Me On Life And Love (Part 1)Dear 7 Year Old Me,More Like This
Stop flirting so much darling.
I know you think you're grown up.
You're not. And that is okay,
There will be plenty of time for
Heartbreak, and love. Just enjoy
What you have now. And by the way
You do survive. I know the hospital was scary,
But you're gonna be okay. And ignore
What the rude doctor says. Your
Mommy wouldn't leave you for the world.
Just eat the fucking ice cream okay?
You will get violently ill if you don't,
Vomiting blood for days on end.
I know you're still not listening,
Which is too bad. There will be a mean
Nurse at the hospital, be nice to her. She
Will let you stay up late. She is having a
Difficult time. Tell her about the "Love of
Your life" She will think you're adorable
And you will be her favorite little sick one.
Dear 12 Year Old Me,
I'm so sorry sweetheart. Please, it will stop.
Not forever, but you won't need the dress again.
I know, 7 funerals, 4 months. It's a lot for you.
Dear SantaDear Santa can you fix it for meMore Like This
To live a day of my life pain free
Where bullies won't rip off my shirt
And, just for once, the bruises don't hurt
Can you please make it that for this one night
My parents get through it without a bad fight
Or that I have an hour without the growing fear
That in the morning I won't be here
Maybe if I am good today
I won't be beaten for being gay
And that I might not have to grieve
Over a friend killed for what they believe
Please don't make it another night on my own
All the rest of this year I have been so alone
Everyone I loved has gone and I'm tired and old
No money for the heating, the house is so cold
Let me find a nice place in which to stay
I'm not fussy; just a nice alley or friendly doorway
Santa what I would give for a crust of fresh bread
Or one night spent safe in a fluffy soft bed
Bring back my daughter, I need her alive
Go tell her killer not to drink and then drive
Tell my mom I love her and give her a hug
Let her know I'm sorry for over
My Love (77.)There's a girl with dandelion-streaked kneesMore Like This
She buzzes soft like the bees
Her eyes painted blue
Her dress is too
She swept in like a breeze
She's the girl who holds up the tide
Her endless beauty is a crime
She doesn't know
How could she though?
Her mother thinks she's a waste of time
She's so angry, deep inside
She tries so hard but doesn't know why
She's in so much pain
She can't be restrained
She's ripped to shreds, and she can't hide
My love is up with the angels for today
She couldn't keep the thoughts at bay
She told me that she couldn't stay
It wasn't an option, to deal with the weather
And now she's decided to leave me forever
Ode To Writer's BlockStaring at the piece of paperMore Like This
Without the faintest idea
Of what to write, I sit
In my chair, pencil not moving
Madness gaining another step
I wonder how many mornings
Or perhaps it was evening time
When Frost sat down to write, that he-
Spent staring at the empty page
Clueless about subject matter
Writer's block, such bloody torment
Making a wanker out of me
Always appearing at my door
At a most inconvienant time
What a terrible patron
Sing-Song, Stumble SlurChasing fire works, fire flies,More Like This
these fucking lies through urban sprawl and graffiti scrawl,
fingers locked, heart thumping in my throat like the bile I can't choke down.
It tastes like Vaseline and ashes,
a mouthful of proof of my cystic demise.
The clumsy stumble roar,
beasts with cherry-flavored foam leaking through their teeth,
and how much more skin can be chewed from my neck?
Skyscraper mazes and the pain-and-memory hazes I live and breathe
like it'd literally kill me to let it go.
Let it go.
Time slips and slides,
ice and lies,
love-dipped fallacies that hide
chrome and Vodka-bottle teeth.
Survive for the fight,
for the knuckle scabs and the dirty rainbow bruises.
Merit badges stamped into my chest.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
Blunt instrument know-it-all,
but you're dumb as a brick and I'm feeling sick,
stomach churn, eyes burn,
and the crepe paper, purple spider leg memories eat at me.
Oh, you dog.
A year worth of your life and I've learned the bliss
Leap of faithWhen I was youngerMore Like This
I fell for half-complete jigsaw puzzles,
teddy bears with one eye,
and broken boys
with inkdrop smiles
and a vague hazy form
like a watercolour painting;
because they needed me
to fill in the glaring holes
to stitch them an outline
- define them.
But now I have left behind the injured baby birds
looking for perches, springboards
- reaching hands.
teai. he was the typeMore Like This
to drink people up;
filter their dreams through his
mind, and sip their essence until
they were but drops, sitting dainty,
on his upper lip
ii. he told me I wasn’t,
exactly, his cup of tea
that I was not pleasant enough
to soothe his weary mind and that no sweetener
could dissolve my memories into
manageable swirls as he stirred my world
iii. I was something a little
too harsh, too angry for him to
swallow in one sitting - and
he was the type to never sit for long –
that I burned as I went, shattered
the air like a teapot kettle and
broke every china glass he tried
to sift me into
iv. I told myself that
the glass shards that splintered
weren’t because of me- but him- and that
maybe I wasn’t tea but something different and
I need an alcoholic because I’m not easy
(shot glasses don’t have handles)
My intermissonI've made my decisionMore Like This
For better or for worse
I request this intermission
from my life i call a curse
this is really, just so i can find my innate creativity
Lately I've been finding passion from my emotional lashin
Rejection Neglection, all the feelings that destroy you
help build me
If it hurts it heals
if it heals it doesn't kill
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
if that's the cause i might survive a little longer
I take a step back to create this track
I block everyone out
a person has there doubts
i no longer know the meaning of trust
i lost everyone's to a girl with lust
i made a mistake, tieing everyone and everything to happiness
they were the reason i came to school everyday
so it hurt like hell to realize that image couldn't stay
it seems i'm being held back
my life is derailing from the track
my world is going black im not sure if it will ever go back
The Best WritersMore Like This
They say the best people
Sometimes those people
Others will simply
Form a reply
And say it's all right
Yet, there are people
Who take the time,
They think - appreciate
And leave by words
That last forever in minds
But, there's others
Who take no time
To read with thought
And rather leave replies
That to those people
Are the kind, rich
With no meaning
And of those people,
The ones who understand,
There are many in the world
But only few who know it
Sometimes, the best of the best
Are those who don't see
What's in themselves
Despite that their words
Sit right in front of them -
But they're not enough
That's just the key
That opens the understanding
Into other thoughts,
That allows never replies,
But words that are shared
And the words like that
Are the ones
That never leave the mind
I've met many,
Yet there's always those
Who stand out in a crowd
Filled with the same words
There is at leas
My Life Lives For YouI'm sure I'm not the only oneMore Like This
Who has ever wondered why
They were put here on this Earth
To live for and how to do so
I've been called insane
So many countless times for
My own personal belief over
My own personal 'why' I'm here
It's in at least my own mind
Since I was too young to even
Know what I meant with it, but
It's my own personal belief that
I live here on this Earth we share
To be here for others, I mean
There must be a reason to why
I've been blessed with the words
I seem to share with many each day
I live by the rule of caring, without
Expecting anything back in return
But a true smile spreading your lips
My life is far from a prosperous one,
Aside from the family's income amount
My wallet is commonly empty, because
That money currently lies upon the
Table of my friend's home for their use
I care more about a stranger's life
Than I do about my own, even with the
Same exact problems we may share -
Then again, going through my own helps
To understand others in their trek
Streetlights, Not StarlightI make my wishesMore Like This
on illuminated streets
under starless skies
painted an abysmal black.
Fraudulent counterfeit lamps
glow brighter than the real deal
as long as they stand
within arms' reach
and eyes' sight.
Whilst emitting their deceitful luminescence,
these too-good-to-be-true stars,
so close to us,
mask the glow of those they imitate
with the dazzling daze they produce,
and it sadly seems as though
most of us accept these fakes.
So, under starless skies
painted an abysmal black,
on falsely illuminated streets
is where I speak my wishes;
I wish I could see
those stifled stars again.
What do you wish for?
I saw an AngelI saw an Angel.More Like This
No, he wasn't abnormally beautiful with gorgeous blond locks, nor did his eyes shine as bright as the Caspian sea. He didn't have wings either, nor did he wear clothing adorned in white that shined brighter than the sun itself.
He was as plain as I was, perhaps even plainer. Though blond, his hair wasn't brilliant, in fact, it was dirty and matted. He wasn't the picture of perfection either, in fact, he was the opposite.
Pale and thin, dirty and uncared for, I saw him in the alley with a needle stuck in his arm.
A dose of heroine destroyed him, spoiled him...but I still saw an angel.
Perhaps it was the smile he gave me, when I gave him fifty cents go buy some cigarettes.
Perhaps it was the way his dull eyes looked at me, lost and distant....alone.
Perhaps it was the way they screamed, “I'm still human”.
I saw an Angel.
She stood at the corner of the street, striking a pose for all to see.
There in the Red Light District, beautiful and elaborated with m
Speak! 1/3My heart is beating i forgot it couldMore Like This
lately I've been feeling like i'm made of wood
Any form of imperfection or neglection
has been sanded away
My size is getting smaller
but at the same time i'm becoming a different picture
Its been a while since i was able to smile
to be a little specific,
if you want me to be realistic,
13 of January is when our friendship stopped being consistent
I Aim this direct, No time to protect
i dont need your consent,
your the one who put me in this predicament
This whole thing seems over and through,
but that's only the case for you
I have a lot to say
but you wont let me speak
You came to me to shut me up
that's kinda fucked up
So i'm standing up,
Facing my demons
cause I've had enough
And I'm so fed up
I'm trying to put my life back together
at the moment while you sit back
and watch in enjoyment
If this is to be my future i want no part of it
I lost to many people to this heart break shit...
how to unfreeze heri. With cold grey eyes she placesMore Like This
shards of ice into her empty veins
daring anyone who comes near to attempt to
ii. She’s slipping so fast
into a snowy world of no return
and the frozen girl is shivering;
yearning for an escape into a state of
subzero because she forgot
how to be warm so
iii. Stall her;
greet her with the embers of your eyes
remind her of warmth and show her
the fire that burns through your mind
hold her hands, let her melt in your embrace
paint her blue skin with your
coal lined fingertips and don’t forget
to char her lips, lace your smoky breath
with her own and let her into
the hearth of your heart
even if she tells you she’s scared
of being burned
on watching the night close its eyes on you1. I will not tell youMore Like This
you are pretty.
How can the halls and angles of such honest humanity
be so pinched between sounds as elementary as these?
2. You need not be two stringent boughs of syllables
nor weave your viney bones abreast these five petty letters,
whirling in the fire of the river
Do not attempt to peel yourself layer for layer,
leaving all the disgust behind.
Do not tally your body six lines
too short, hemming the holes into
puckers red as those volcanoes of strength
bursting at the base of your hips.
3. Blood is not satisfaction.
Blood is not patience, waiting for the rooms to empty
anorexia nervosa. _part one a.More Like This
There is something you should know about me, before we begin:
I have anorexia nervosa.
The denial was thick.
Anorexics, I believed, were skinny girls with even skinnier bones, combing their falling-out hair against mirrors where they appear as a sliver of a profiled coin, dying as the air beats them and hating their folded-paper bodies. Anorexics, I thought, had to be girls who achieve your standard perfect grades and are incredibly athletically-gifted, all the while going on zero calories for days at a time. Anorexics were built of disgusted strength, sickened determination, and a muddied line between self-preservation and -sacrifice. Anorexics were withered girls on billboards, stealing the sun from the beads of the sky laid before them, pressing it into their arms, and yet somehow taking no pigment with them.
I was notand am, I am not, I am not I am not I am notone of theseone of t
Secret SquirrelsPacking away grenadesMore Like This
like apples in May
so the zombies won't stay,
a grinding war that never fades.
Guns need upgrades in bunker
just as any war time wants dollars
to service the grunts future
have to suture and wear collars.
Gangs all here ready,
willing and able to supply
warm bodies for zombie feasts,
Secret Squirrels won't be beat.
Break Awaytime has comeMore Like This
for to clean house
break the cookie jar
bar none waste none
fifty ways out
means a plan may sprout
or justice may be served
on Karma crusted toast
curses lifted away
noose loosed today
as evil leaves no doubts
all are subject to darknesses
I'll always be there...My friends sufferMore Like This
They need help
I try and I try
But nothing is working
I feel powerless
And simply useless
But I keep trying
Because I just can't
Leave them behind
Things we made We gave things their ownMore Like This
We named them
When made things our own
We claimed them
Changed things from their own
We shamed them
These things destroyed our own
We blamed them
Think of the root then discuss
On who’s to blame –them or Us?
Grampa Aint Ready to Die!Grampa knew that he was dying yet he hadn’t got a clue!More Like This
His cheeks were nice n’ rosy and his lips were red not blue.
He was watching television and laughing out real loud
Said he wasn’t yet quite ready for a coffin and a shroud!
His pills to ‘ease his journey’ had been cast onto the floor
And the nurse who came to mop his brow, was swiftly shown the door.
He wouldn’t plan his funeral hymns, nor invite the vicar in,
Said he’d rather spend remaining days indulging in some sin.
He left his sick bed, got his coat, went out each night wild-clubbing,
Regardless of his poorly chest, which badly needed rubbing.
He gyrated in the early hours, shaking his old bones
Hoping that the disco music would cover up his groans.
His disco gear was baggy, concealing partly-detached drip
And his catheter would come loose and dance off on its own trip.
He drunk his weight in pints of beer, gasped umpteen dirty jokes,
And hid quite well his spluttering and gulping, br
How it was, no longer iswith the drought ofMore Like This
another year, poppies were
sparse, and perished
early, as the sun robbed
me of their fragrance
still, I recall when
desert hills and valleys
were once carpets of
yellow, red and white, with
burrows of lizards amidst
GenesisAn old man walks along a luscious, green forest, his arms are spread out touching the surfaces to his sides.More Like This
His black suspenders are barely holding up his cream trousers, his dirty, white shirt is as disheveled as his hair.
He stares up at the sky, and watches shards of golden light, shimmering through the multicoloured autumn branches down to where he stands.
He kneels down, his ivory hair drifting in unison with the leaves above him.
He digs his nails into the eager earth, cultivating the wild soil he’s found.
His face animated, and his movement purposeful yet balmy.
A satisfied expression appears across his creased profile, as he looks down at his symmetrical, deep hollow.
His right hand lands inside his right pocket, and he removes from it a heavy yet delicate, long plant root.
–– The white hairs almost identical to his own, the root imitating the veins along his masculine hands.
He places the root into its new home, and begins to throw the soil back to where it
Three small wordsVerse 1More Like This
I will never forget that day
Never, as long as I live
To me it was special
I hope that you can forive.
Hey do you remember that day?
When the two of us met.
Honestly I was praying hard.
"Dont notice this cold sweat"
That warm feeling right here,
so deep inside my chest.
Tainting my cheeks bright red.
Wondering if i might be blessed
No i can't say it.
Those embarassing words
Dont let me say it
I might melt on this spot
Can I even say it?
just those three words
I will say it!
But it will have to wait
I will never forget those days.
Never, as long as I live
It melted my frozen heart.
Giving me endless days to relive
Do you remember those days?
We would never come apart.
Honestly I was hoping hard.
"Don't notice this loud heart."
Seeing you together with him.
Maybe those rumors were true?
Why couldn't I just say
Three words: "I love you."
It was just those three words
I wouldn't dare say to you….