prayer of the androidsittng here alone
among the lost flowers
of my forgotten world
above the sky is like la mere
stars sailing across the sun
and hands full of moon dust
i close my eyes
i lost myself
i cannot sleep
my eyelids fallen
the center of my mind
when i open this gate
who will i find?
i see face staring back at me
face with sorrow and regret
painted on it
i lied – i don't want to know the truth
now just lie to me, like i did to you
just tell me that it's not my face
there, in the shadows
just don't ask me to fight
'cause my sword is broken
my magic flow away
and i have nothing, nothing left
so lie to me, sweetheart
lie to me
tell me, that you can build me
that i don't need oil
running in my veins
tell me that i run on the blade
that i don't need ubik
and that i don't dream
about electric sheep…
Once Upon a TimeI never believedMore Like This
In Once Upon a Time
Until you became mine
I never felt like a fairy tale
Until you took my hand
I never saw the light
Until you brighten my night
I never hoped to dream
Until you helped me sleep
I never knew how to love
Until you stole my heart
Take the ReinsDark WhispersMore Like This
In the night
In the Day
What I do
To be close to you
You took the reins
Guided me to
A forgotten Plane
The KnightThe SunMore Like This
These were never mine
This was my life
Then a Knight came
He fought my demons
He brightened my day
He claims my night
PainMore Like This
Pain so normal to me.
Physical, Mental, and Verbul pain, abuse.
The physical pain I do my self.
The cutting the scratching jst to feel the pain.
The mental pain from my family, my parents and there fights.
The verbal pain form people in school who hate me dont like the way I look if im not up to there standders.
I've been through it all.
But im use to it.
The physical pain atleast.
painMore Like This
Your eyes reflect your pain
they do reflect your fears
You try to hide it all inside
but through your eyes I see the feelings you cannot hide
Stop living a lie
take your mask off and show me who you are inside
I know you're fragile and weak
i know it's love that you seek
Don't you know you're already mine?
Your cowardness was so big
that you didn't even have the guts to say goodbye
Your eyes reflect your pain
they do reflect your fears
Why are you so afraid of me?
Don't you wanna be happy?
My love is not obsession
you were my life, you were my passion
Sometimes I hate you so much
I wish you would fucking die
Your eyes reflect MY pain
This pain I cannot hide...
Slit ItFuck it,More Like This
I dont give a shit anymore.
Let this pain drain from me,
No one even seems to notice
I'm like a shadowy figure
Like a ghost
Like I'm already fucking dead
"Please dont do it" is what people say
But they dont give 2 fucks about you
You could be on the street,
Poor as dirt and they just walk by
Who gives a fuck
"Theres always a bright side to things"
I haven't seen.
Been stuck in this eternal hell hole all my life
Will it ever turn around for me?
Will I ever get a break?
I doubt that.
Just let me die!
Why keep me here?
To continue tormenting me?
To laugh at my pain?
Think I'm a drama whore
You don't know my pain so fuck off
Kill me already!
Letting GoCan't see,More Like This
I feel so numb.
I don't seem to understand,
Why you lead me to believe,
All these damn years
That you actually loved me.
What happened to "I'll always love you",
"I'd never do anything to hurt you"?
You also said you'd always be there for me,
But where are you now?
You're nowhere to be found
Or is it that you dont want to be found?
When you left all you said was bye,
I feel like you used me.
Didn't you think when you left that you'd hurt me?
I guess not because, well, your gone.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is good-bye.
I don't want to be tourmented by the memories we've shared,
It's to painful for me to remember.
So like you said over the phone that night,
Fairy TalesThere wasMore Like This
apon a once time
a widow of some unreal crime
who sat upon my shoulder
and whispered make-believe
into my day to day
She told me
my prince charming
was the creation
of my death-wish
(wish I could make her understand
what man could not be replaced
by a razor blade
or a hand grenade)
Tasted the touch of his heat
no longer play
when it forms the fate
of all desire
if dreams were real
I would have raped his soul
to shed some light
on my misguided quest
for something to still
this quivering numbness
I only beg to hold the hand
that pulls away
knows the meaning
of shallow touch
(have you read of how a caged bird sings?
only a stranger can push me on my swing)
the fairground is empty
but not all
the freaks have departed
some still wander planets
of a limited kind
Take me home beneath your arm
wrapped in plain brown wrapper
reality walks the street
on crippled feet
The Beastthis "thing"More Like This
they call insanity
the beast,the watchdog
the guardian of my past and future
which I daily walked or dragged
(when it wasn't dragging me)
silver chain between us
sometimes,slack with fatigue,more often
taut with strong desires
and always my commands
"behave,roll-over,don't piss on the fucking rug"
such an animal
The Awakeningshe is pacing a distant shoreMore Like This
waves lick her sandy feet
sea urges her into it's chilled embrace
with dreams of meramaids and eternal rest
another ocean but the same salty taste
tracks down her downy cheek
lapped up by tongue and memory
now waves stroke playfully at her knees
as acrid sea wind sings songs of peace
she tucks stray hairs behind an ear
cocks her head to better hear
promise of seaweed arms
that cling with lust but mean no harm
the sea holds tight about her waist
tugs her gently,without haste
sandy floor sucks on her toes
begs her not go to arms unknown
she sways between apposing forces
lacks the energy to make such choices
in this moment of her hesitation
she loses the battle of indecission
as her hands grasp for the womb of the sea
she hears it's plantitive cry quit clearly
"Nows the time to come with me."
lulled by such moans and waves carress
which pulls so gently on her breasts
she nurses now this hungry suckling
heart strings bare to it's plucking
her swan breaks free
Dylanhow to capture the Howl that healsMore Like This
that's what Dylan tapped
multiplying loaves and fishs
that was Dylan's rap
wandering dusty roads of history
he redrew forgotten maps
he could freeze them cold with a Mona Lisa smile
the glint and spark of his bladed eye,
that cuts through your hide,(as he hides)
they did not see the slight of hand
so enraptured with a prophets cry
he rode the Zen that dwelled within
words spewed forth as bubbling magma
freed from the con-fines of convention
knew,he did,the pulpit well
to capture heaven/ridicule hell
he escaped the trap of dogma
invent he did, a self of sorts,looking for a hook
he studied much to learn the tricks
of an enigmatic look
there is a thrill,in the surreal
all children play in Dada
before they learn to walk straight lines
they dance in epileptic fits of joy
fall down at will and speak in tongues
Dylan tapped the voice of young
and yearning of Innocent's return
he did not ask to be your prophet
only to make a bit himself
to catch me when I fallWhat was I supposed to be?More Like This
Were the layers of humanity I once created
Just a vision of an alter ego?
If Ashem was here to see
He'd laugh at me for what I'd done
Redemption is heard from inside yourself
At least, that's what I was told
I can't see it
I can't feel it
I don't ignore it
nothing comes before it
And before my time has come full circle
someone grabs my shoulder
The light in the darkest of places
and walks with me along the path I walk
The path that inevitably ends along
but only can truly begin with two
this path I walk, we walk
the mountains I climb, we climb
and if I fall from the edge that hand grabs me before I'm gone
And that hand is there
If you are alone or if you are in love
that hand is what you want it to be
The hand is yours, the hand is me
How?How can you be a poet,More Like This
and not even know it?
Is the saying true
or do we just do
the things that make us who we are
the things that take us very far
into a world of dreams that is poised
far above pollution and noise
where people don't tell you what isn't fair
where all you breathe is cool, musk air
but you say to yourself without a thought
is this right? is it for naught?
When i came to this place
a stupid smile on my face
the world ahead and sadness behind
only it wasn't mine to find
a world of dreams and synergy
like some sort of fucked up reality
A reality of dreams that would never be
just involve you and just involve me
well I say that reality is what we make it
it isn't a treat, we cannot fake it
the road of life is a tough one to walk
believe me you can talk
you can talk the big game
but you're all the same
a goddamn catastrophe waiting to happen
alrighty boys let's get cracking
on the mission that is in front of us now
the only question about the start...how?
The SceneThe Scene being sereneMore Like This
Green as seen the automated dream
Red and yellow make a sheen
The visage of the unseen
Dirtiest of clean
Clean not clean
Green as green
Blue as we've seen
So what have we seen?
We ask the queen
She says serene
Serene as we've seen
We walk the dream
We talk with speed
We run through our continuing thieves
Our fully compatible things
We see are serene
What is red, blue or green?
What is dream and what Is serene?
You know what? This is stupid.
No more green let's be yellow
My Tide, Your Tide, Our TideDemonized and patronizedMore Like This
ostracized and criticized
Well who gives a fuck what you think?
I sure as hell don't
"As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death"
I think this is the stupidest part of all
Anyone can love and anyone can hate
But not everyone can appreciate
the gifts they are given every day
Perhaps one is a child who loves to be squished
perhaps one is a friend who will always listen
perhaps one is a gaming buddy who always hits the double eagle
or, just maybe it's someone you don't expect
Well fuck that
I don't care to believe your stupidity or ideology
Who says that the world was created in seven days?
If you think about it, aren't we creating one now?
The congregation that sits in church
Two friends enjoying a beer
laughing about who knows what and not having to care
So maybe I shouldn't care about you
Perhaps YOU are the problem and I am not
Who is to say that my beliefs are wrong and yours are right?
Let's see whose head is above the water
we'll see when the tide
CancerEvery day that I liveMore Like This
Is a triumph in my eyes
To feel the wind on my face
The pleasures that arise
Each day is a struggle
And these tears that I hide
Don't want your sympathy
On my long and bumpy ride
I'm secretly terrified
But you won't see
I like to smile and
I seem like I'm free
But this burden
Is devouring me
His disease is his own
And he faces death
But here I stand in the door
Waiting for his last breath
And I'm scared and alone
No matter my support
He's dying so quickly
And I can't make it stop.
TangoThe heels clickMore Like This
With every stride
The dresses twist and twirl
Swishing around the heels
Of the man you grip
As you dance with him
The ExpectationsI can feel your eyesMore Like This
On the back of my head
Watching me, expecting me
And filling me with dread
I hate you expectations
And the weight which you bring
But I hide with a smile
And bury it in sin.
HistoryThere's so much historyMore Like This
So much history in his eyes
So much history between us
History of temptation
History of lies
A history of shared secrets
And stolen kisses
And broken hearts
There is this history
Deep rooted between us
Of tangled bed sheets
And murmured words
And caressing glances
Is why he hides from me
This history of stories
And basking in the afterglow
Of the beauty of our youth
Our history is why
He doesn't want a future
Why being with this other man
Leaves me no satisfaction
Why these new kisses,
These new secrets,
Aren't bad, just
Not as good
I have this history
With tearing words
And locked doors
This history of
Lies and secrets
That tore my family to shreds
This is why he matters.
Why days spent in bed
Full of gentle murmurs
And skating fingers
And nights spent on the couch
Just eating dinner
And holding each other -
That's why I need him so
But our history
Of all these secrets
And breaking hearts
That's why he h
The Lyrebird and Writing DeskThe Lyrebird and Writing DeskMore Like This
It is a frightening lung,
a not-quite-natural red swell beneath feathers,
that grates like a shaken sack of nails.
This bird is a chameleon
of voices, modulating its shriek
to whatever frequent note might rise
through the trees. Today
its cry has become the gargle
of splinters and split wood:
the chainsaw's growling melody.
In my own climate, adapting
to the shift of pages and their stains,
my voice strains; I almost crow.
-not titled- -at all-More Like This
The rattle of a bridge in Manhattan
just hit the streets of people going to work,
filled the air,
danced between the radio waves,
a n d
p a s t my w in d o w
I wonder what else is happening...
sunshine bluesMore Like This
Been seein Jackie Onassis,
stalking a million ruts
into the floorboards of
a tired motel room,
that faithless smile comin on,
like velvet angels wailin
The salesman on the bed stretches, looks on with ruthless cool.
& she, that darling little Imposition-
all predator's eyes
just hollering that
hungry look my way-
So you think you're a fucking star?
Then why don't you follow that thing
all the way East, baby, & let
the kid in the manger see you shine
The Garden of Ethelart deco fruit punch spouts,More Like This
The Garden of Ethel.
but if i keep my mouth open,
will the sun rays damage
my sunbathing throat gums and ridges?
Why do the palm trees slouch?
Why can i see the creases and wrinkles between the obvious
puzzle pieces that construct this constant blue sky?
God: Ethel was fond of her slender ember sticks and she passed by
way of emphysema. This world is the fallen eyelash of Ethel.
A woman's flawed life and the sky cracks mark no sympathy.
sincerelyyoursI couldn't open my mouth to speak, so I wrote it out in lettersMore Like This
4 letters to be exact..written acrossed my wrist
See these tears? They're fucking real, I can't offer you much better
these letters written with tears..are the reason i exist
You left me with this emptiness, I can't explain the content of the hole
your name is acceptable but one thing you lack is a soul...
I hope one day you pass away and your crossing over is hell
but crossing over is another story , lets leave that book on the shelf
All this shit you put me through, you just had to have me fall for you
but falling for you is like haveing the hammer fall onto the bullet...its killing me
So where am I supposed to go from here? What am I supposed to do?
you know i never knew razor blades could sing..but they keep the sweetest harmony
So off with my anger and into the skin. Watch me bleed this unwanted feeling.
each wound it whispers softly "you know we are nothing short of revealing"
I'm smiling now because I hat
The Perfect Love Song"The Perfect Love Song"More Like This
Late nights and long phone calls,
Just seems that we couldn't get enough,
All my walls came to a fall,
When you said I hate you, and hung up,
The perfect love song,
Shouldnt involve the words I, love, and you,
I know it may seem wrong,
But the perfect love song doesn't involve me and you,
I gave you my heart, and you wore it on your shoelace,
When they came untied, you stepped on my heart, and fell on your face,
You stood up and peeled off all the left over pieces,
Like gum that was weathered through the seasons,
It's hard for you to walk now that you've been stuck to the ground,
I thought it would be easier for the both of us if I didn't stick around,
You bought a new pair of shoes today, and I bought a new heart,
It's unusual to see these two things, now apart,
I sat outside on our swing today,
Staring into nothing, singing the saddest song,
When I heard the words this way,
It was the perfect loves song gone wrong,
I could sing about rainbows, and how your wor
Mockery"Mockery"More Like This
I can hear you behind, mockery,
I can see you behind me copying me,
You're so generic and stocking me?
I'm the authentic, Stan, back off of me,
You say I'm the poser,
But have you seen my brand anywhere else,
Truth to be told sir,
You're wrong, my clothes, jewelry, friends, myself,
This is who I am,
And this is who I want to be,
It's my tie necklace thank ya ma'am,
And have fun enjoy your mocking, mockery,
Are you so clueless to think,
That I would waste my time?
How about you take another drink,
Your ignorance is a penny of a dime,
I'm tired of your whining,
And I'm tired of your...shiznazzle,
My tie necklace is still shining,
Got you in a daze by the shadazzle?
No"No"More Like This
I fell in love,
But it wasn't my choice,
He became my shove,
But the problem was loss of voice,
I should have said no,
Look where it got me,
I wasn't sure though,
What actually bought me,
You said you loved me,
I believed you,
You wanted to marry me,
I didn't leave you,
You cheated on me,
I was the dirt,
In some way you had beat me,
Because I was the one left hurt,
You left me alone,
I longed for you,
Record after the tone?
Not a thought from you,
Next I didn't know him,
I tried to say no,
My words grew dim,
But I said I had to go,
He guilted me into staying,
I really wanted to leave,
Now I end up paying,
Thank God I didn't conceive,
You forced me to stay,
And I wanted to cry the whole time,
You wouldn't even say,
That my love was a dime,
The whole time I tried to say no,
I wanted you off of me right that moment,
But there wasn't a place for me to run or go,
So with the shyness in me I couldn't control it,
Finally I left and felt horrible,
I loved someone else,
My tears were no lo
You Are Not My FriendI don't like this.More Like This
I don't like you.
Stay away from this
Stay away from me
Don't act like you know about this
Don't act like you know about me.
Because you don't know what's going on
Because you don't know me.
So stop acting like you can treat me like this.
Stop acting like we are best friends.
Because we're not
And we never will be.
Anabela Esteves © 2009
EscapeI'm trying to escape,More Like This
trying to get away,
trying to ignore what they do,
forget about what they say.
No move I ever make,
can ever be one right,
every simple thing I say,
always starts a fight.
I'm sorry I'm not perfect,
the way I'm supposed to be,
the thing is your slowly killing me,
why can't you see?
I'd really like to run away,
where someone would understand,
to someone who could see my pain,
and gently take my hand.
Oh, Beautiful Girlher beauty,More Like This
shines as bright as a star.
glows palely in the moonlight.
burns radiant in the sunshine.
soft and sensual, like a mother's touch.
big and green, pretty like money.
the key to her heart, mind, and soul.
as smooth as cocoa butter.
juicy as a ripe red apple.
longing to feel a lover's kiss.
cold like a winter frost.
lonely like a high school geek.
cracked like a broken record.
deep like the ocean blue.
sharp like a razorblade.
wandering like a lost soul.
petite like a china doll.
her skin a milky white.
warm to the touch, like fire.
torn like a ripped piece of paper.
heavy, weighing her down like a sin.
free like a wild spirit.
can't you see why I love her?
Is It Love?If I hugged you,More Like This
would you never let go?
If I kissed you,
would you cherish that moment?
If I reached for your hand,
would you take mine gently?
If I needed a shoulder,
would you let me cry on yours?
If I needed to talk,
would you really listen?
If I needed to scream,
would you do it with me?
If I needed to go,
would you come with me?
If I fell for you,
would you catch me?
or just let me hit the pavement?
NeverI thought it wouldMore Like This
Never happen again.
Never thought your
Heavenly name would
Grace my hellbound body
But as I watched that needle
Curve into your name
I realized something.
Your name is perfect
On my skin, like it was
Meant to be there.
Like God himself out it there.
So why defy the highest power?
I will write your name all
Over my body, then maybe
I can be with you forever.
Beyond ShadowsThe darkness keeps rushing by,More Like This
And as they whisper, like shadows in the night,
I am too weak for all this trouble,
Anger covers up the vengeance,
Like silver shadows fearing light,
I am broken and alone, as always I will be,
Never to see the face of happiness again,
For I am locked away.
I am tossed aside, thrown away,
Like the neverending pile of vomit
That I call my life.
I am sick now that I know
The twisted secret I must hide,
In agony I linger,
In loneliness I will die.
A death by any other name,
Is true happiness, no more problems or lies,
And all the revenge I want.
You've shattered everything but me,
I wanted to die too,
Life and death are not fair,
We could all use a little time,
To clear my thoughts of you,
Stop hiding in my dreams,
There is no safety there, no existence,
And that's how it looked,
It looked like fear to me,
With all the hatred of evil,
And everything I have done,
Only to end up in the shadows,