Well, that wasn't expectedI didn't end up going. I went to the Emergency Room, but I'm not going to a mental hospital. When lunch came around, I was going to talk to the school counselor, but she had the day off, so I called mom because I knew she would respond faster.More Like This
I said that I felt like I needed to go to a mental hospital and that I've been having unwanted thoughts. To my surprise, she picked me up from school immediately. At first mom called my doctor, but she had the day off, so I went to ER. They checked my blood pressure, took some of my blood, and a few other things, which I didn't expect. I was fine with it, just didn't expect it. I then had a long talk with the doctor there.
She asked me a variety of questions, and I told her most of what's been happening. Both of my parents were there as well. Dad didn't know before about my suicidal tenancies until I said that I was planning to cut myself and let myself bleed to death. (I was going to do it yesterday, I thought I was going to, but when I was abou
Why I left the faith: the aftermathPart 6More Like This
I want to start this part with a disclaimer. Religious belief is upheld in my country as moral and necessary and it's a stigma that non-believers are constantly trying to overturn. Because of this, I want to emphasize that religion is not necessary or good for me. In fact, I am much happier and better off without it. All the same, losing my religion was deeply painful and I am still in the process of grieving it in some ways. I will discuss all of the wonderful things about being free of faith soon. But for now, I want to confess this truth: losing my faith hurt. And that's what this part is about.
You see, I didn't want to stop believing. I desperately wanted god to be real. He had been a part of my life as long as I could remember. He had been my friend, companion, comforter, and someone to rely on. My life, experiences, and personality had all been shaped by my former beliefs (I'm still not sure if in good or bad ways). I didn't want to lose that. I
Why I left the faith: the beginning of the endPart 3More Like This
I had originally intended to side-step the part of my story right before I was banished from my family’s home. It is hard for me to summarize what happened in a concise way and I don’t think I can ever explain just how disorienting and crippling it was. There’s still a lot of raw emotion wrapped up in it. However, I felt that, in order to properly document the circumstances surrounding my deconversion, I needed to take a step back and describe what happened. It is important because I had horrible experiences with Christianity, but that did not cause me to abandon my faith… at least not directly. I will expound more on this in another part. For now, I will attempt to plow through this quickly.
My experiences prior to my rejection were horrible. During that time, I underwent a rigorous attempt at re-training by my family and church. Although I was an adult (around 23 years old), I was made all but a prisoner in my parents’ hom
Why I left the faith: it wasn't The GayPart 2More Like This
So I was a Christian. That much has been established. What next?
Well, as any good Bible-believer will tell you, Christians sometimes go through trials and tribulations. Sometimes Christians go through a period where they are are seduced by The World, and they allow their faith to stagnate. I was no different. While I was in college, my fire started to fade. I went through several ups and downs, where I would try to re-ignite that spark, but then would lose interest or feel disillusioned with god and the church. I just wasn’t sure how certain I could be about god. I stopped reading my bible, I stopped praying. I made only a few half-hearted efforts to go back to church. Apathy towards god had crept up in my life. It was all very Laodicean.
But like any good Christian, I had a turning point. I had a conversion story, praise Jesus. What was that turning point?
I realized I was gay.
Yep, coming out