Fake WonderlandA place where you want to breathe,
But you cannot get enough air.
A place that you want to leave,
But you can’t, you are in despair.
Freedom is something I wanted long ago.
They used to tie me up with a rope.
I am packing and now I am ready to go,
To rebuild, to change it all there is no hope.
In lies we have to swim every day,
To love we are not allowed anymore.
Anything you want you are not able to say,
They throw you in a room and lock the door.
A fake wonderland that no one can escape,
If your body is gone, your soul will stay.
The truth they can no longer shape,
They want to throw it to the sea away!
You freed me from this chain,
Now my soul can for a while rest.
I want to love you, but I am insane:
To alter this realm I try my best!
i will love you foreverI Will Love You ForeverMore Like This
I love you so deeply,
I love you so much,
I love the sound of your voice
And the way that we touch.
I love your warm smile
and your kind, thoughtful way,
the joy that you bring
to my life every day.
I love you today
as I have from the start,
and I'll love you forever
with all of my heart
When I'm with you,
eternity is a step away;
my love continues to grow,
with each passing day.
This treasure of love,
I cherish within my soul,
how much I love you,
you'll never really know.
You bring a joy to my heart,
I've never felt before,
with each touch of your heart,
I love you more and more.
Whenever we say goodbye,
whenever we part,
know I hold you dearly,
deep inside my heart.
So these seven words,
I pray you hold true,
"Forever and Always,
I will Love You."
Before you kill yourself...Before you kill yourself,More Like This
Remember just one little thing.
There are places to go,
Where you have never been before.
How can you be sure those places are bad?
There are things to see,
Things you have never seen before.
How can you be sure those things are ugly?
There is a new tune to hear,
Something you've never heard before.
How can you be sure that tune is scary?
There are words to be said,
Things that have never been said before.
How can you be sure those words are hurtful?
There are dreams to be imagined,
Things you have never dreamed before.
How can you be sure that they are nightmares?
Darling, please don't give up.
Please stay strong.
Don't let go.
I AmI am single,More Like This
but I am loved.
I am not a genius,
but I am intelligent.
I am not breathtaking,
but I have beauty.
I am not a saint,
but I am kind.
To the world,
I am not perfect.
But for someone,
Library of LifeMemories are just a variety of useless sources,More Like This
Sadness is just an old and boring book.
Love is a cheap magazine
With a photo of a beauty queen,
But its articles every day a bit destroy me…
I want to burn it all;
I want my library to fall!
I do not want to see the past,
I want to change my fate fast!
Her image must be smashed,
All knowledge about her must turn to ash,
And my heart will never again clash!
Alas, no matter how hard I try,
Even if everything is gone,
She is still there…
Unanswered LoveRip out my heart and rid me of this madness,More Like This
Love causes nothing but sadness.
My admiration for you no one predicted,
By your gaze for years I’m convicted.
I'm acting like a fool because of you.
People think I’m crazy; they don’t have a clue,
That I gave my soul to you,
But now I do not know what to do.
Far away in the Caucasian mountains,
Words hit from my pen like thousand fountains,
To you they want to tell my tale,
Alas to reach you they always fail.
My existence to you is unknown,
No one cares about me, I’m alone,
No matter what, to write to you I attempt,
But struggle is useless to my contempt.
I’m a peasant, you’re a queen,
I’m lucky that you’re face I’ve seen.
With hair made of pure gold,
About which legends have told,
With sky blue eyes,
In front of which no man can himself disguise,
For an in eternity my mind you cursed,
This feeling inside me burst,
Among all things unanswered love is
ScarsThe mind forgetsMore Like This
But the heart remembers
The criss-crossing scars
Show like stars
The streaming tears
And haunting fears
Of the slain
The cries of those
Who never screamed
Praying for life
Without a sound
The pleas for help
The wishes that chance
The pain might dull
And the mind forget
But the heart
Will always remember
CrushI feel as if I'm being crushed by invisible weightMore Like This
And as if I'm being dragged down by invisible chains.
I made up my mind and have chosen the path I want to take.
I take that path, though I know of all the hurts and all the pains.
Leave me alone.
I want to stay.
I'll be alright.
It'll be Ok.
You could ever say
Could stop me going down that way.
I tag along blindly, knowing where I end up won't be pretty.
Like a puppy follows her beloved master, so I follow you.
I bet that if I ever saw the sight of me, I'd think "What a pity."
Such a pitiful girl; such a cruel master, and it's all true.
I'll do a little dance
And I'll learn how to flaunt it
Recite a short poem
Sing a wonderful sonnet
Find my fairy godmother
And Stake a claim on it
'Cause some place, there's a fairy tale with my name on it.
Whatever it takes to catch your attention and keep you next to me.
For I am your puppy and you are my master. Call me, I'll be there in a rush.
I am not my friend, only yours. Do not
To Be HeardWhat's the point of having a voiceMore Like This
if you never use it?
Speak wisely now. No lies.
Do not abuse it.
Say the truths that are in your heart.
Take action. Take control. Take part.
Speak out for what you believe.
And volumes, you shall receive.
Words I Won't ForgetWords I Won't ForgetMore Like This
As the sun set over the city, the sky, warm with its burning orange glow, faded into a deep dark blue that brought the chill of the night air. I found myself shivering as I stood out on the balcony, watching over the calm, quiet neighborhood. The white dress shirt was too thin to shield my body from the icy winds. I looked to the dinner jacket draped over my bed next to that smothering tie and vest, but instead grimaced, crossed my arms, and braced myself against the weather.
My eyes were fixed upon the slowly appearing stars above, but my thoughts were focused on the dreadful gaiety of the night's festivities and the one most unpleasant sound within the mansion. "Where is that boy!?! He's the guest of honor!" The voice was shrill and every few syllables sounded like an owl's screech. "His twenty-third birthday and he's shut himself up in his room
Lost 'N UnfoundMy pathetic attempts to make you happyMore Like This
Are as worthless as I am
Please forgive my wretched soul
I'm doing all I can
We've drifted apart
You've broken my heart
And I can't seem to find you
If only I knew
Where to find you
MY BEAUTIFUL LOST 'N UNFOUND
In ropes and chains, I am bound
In my head, I can feel my heart pound
Ripping and tearing my brain
Driving me half insane
I need you
To release me from this pain
I need you
To shelter me from the rain
Come backto me
Save mefrom me
And I can't seem to find you
If only I knew
Where to find you
MY BEAUTIFUL LOST 'N UNFOUND
BEAUTIFUL LOST 'N UNFOUND
LOST 'N UNFOUND
Come find me.
No MoreIn the shadows we were casted to be forgotten about.More Like This
Pain and Misery is all we felt.
To them we are garbage, worthless.
We started to think like that too.
But as time went by,
We started to get furious started to rebel
"No more!!!" We said "Enough is enough".
We broke these chains holding us down to shadows.
Shining like a fire in the night.
We stood proud hand and hand together,
Like a wall of steel.
Never to be casted out again.
No More we said and No More was.
Battle Song We are lost in this worldMore Like This
Outcasts and victims slain
Although all is lost
We will not fade
We will stand until we burn
Lead our hearts to the open hate
Touch our voice to the sky
Let's renew the hope that we once held
We will fight until we die
Unleash the rage and the fury
Blinded by war and by hate
Can't understand the cries
The bleeding and the lies
Our strength shall carry on
One by one we call
One by one we rise
Sing for the victory
Let our world be reborn with peace
If Words Are WeaponsIf you hurt those I hold in my heart so dearMore Like This
If you harm those whom I call family
Or insult or slander any one I dub a friend.
I. Will. Break. You.
I. Will. Haunt. You.
Insure you're in terror, desperate in fear.
Knowing my vengeance's scent is near
For so help me, if you cause pain
To those I bear a promise and a burden for.
I. Will. Break. You.
I. Will. Crush. You.
Assure you this horror, my vow I make clear.
If words be my weapons
I'll lock and load,
Pull the trigger and
I'll sit back and be amused
As I revel in your misery
While all around, piece by jigsaw
Your silly little world explodes
And then you will know:
Though this be black on white
My words are my weapons.
EscapeEscape, or so I pray, escape.More Like This
Sever me this nightmare
That grows seedless
Inside me as a tree of despair.
Let me escape to dance
Beyond the limits of my eyes.
To soar over tussock, waving liberty
Under those ancient mountains
Where patience slumbers eternally.
Oh how I wish to fly like the eagle,
Majestic on those wisp of clouds
Ignorant to every taint
Except only to breathe in the verdant
Periphery which soothes
Like the last days of petrichor rain.
To lie below canopy, sleeping peace
Across those primal forests
Where wisdom sings with release.
Oh how I wish to be like the stag,
Wild as those rushing currents
Blind from any saint
Never lonely in worth for the night
Tragedy where ethers
Swirl the final notes of tranquil rest.
Escape, or so I pray, escape.
Grant me a selfish wish
Which gnaws me up within
This diminishing sadness
Who preys upon my flesh of sin.
Let me escape for a chance
To witness a new sunrise.
AnonymousAnonymous faceMore Like This
How sorry am I for this burden
To carry this weight
Such as it is.
And in a mirror I reflect
Whirlpools blink and reciprocate
Only a curt smile of disdain
Laughing at me.
For here I am back in sorrow
As frequent as the illusion rain.
Don't hate me as I ask no pardon
To bear these sins
I hide away.
Within the music I neglect
Ghosts hear never to illustrate
More than an x-ray of contempt
Pointing at me.
Well no matter I am hollow
Lest do I fear my spirit unkempt.
Can you not bear this, my garden
Of weeds and dirt?
I know it hurts...
Will you look at me?
You share my name, my eyes
Is it no surprise?
Yes, go and hate me
Let your sight be like daggers
Aim, shoot and fire.
Though my dear anonymous face
I can only reflect a smile
As we have both walked this road
For many a lonely mile.
NamelessHollow out these barren lungsMore Like This
Leech me of all my wrongs
And listen to me wretch
Sins tinged in nausea.
Watch me buckle
Watch me writhe
Watch me contort
All of my agonies
Swallow deep these morbid lines
Taste how vile my soul whines
And hide as I vomit
Regrets drugged by pity.
Watch me struggle
Watch me fracture
Watch me distort
All of my worries
For nameless I name the void
A paradise dishonoured
Except for beat of percussion
Thud... Thud... Thud...
Until silence becomes the ache
Of my heart unforgiven.
ProximityDon't get close to meMore Like This
I am corruption
A sickness of danger
Not calm like amethyst sea
Lullabied to sleep
Before the love of a stranger.
Don't get close to me
I am disruption
A radiance in negativity
Never bright as crimson eye
Intoxicated to weep
Upon the face of my impurity.
For only a future lined in hurt
Will ever be your fate.
Don't come closer
Though I trust not myself.
I am accursed
Forever alone until
I greet my final day.
DrowningIt’s like people move around me in wavesMore Like This
And I’m in the middle of the ocean
but not because of them
Because of everything in my head
Everything up there that’s just slowly moving through me
Until it reaches my heart
And then it just settles there
With no plans to move out or shut up
Just screaming at me
With an utter silence, deafening my feelings
And I know that it’s happening
I am aware
But I can’t do anything
And no one else cares
Because nobody is there
MonsterTake what you want from meMore Like This
I stand alone once more
kill all the memories
in silent tears I'm drowning
Ignoring all my cries
I'm bleeding out again
holding in this empty feeling
it's killing me inside
I'm reaching for you
This hideous monster inside
devours all that I am
It annihilates my soul
obeying your every command
I would give anything
to feel your heartbeat again
it's stealing my life
breaking all hope left in me
it tears me apart
come save me
Leave me on the ground
just walk away from me
the knife I push inside
my dying heart beats slowly
why am I alive
Wish you'd return to me
I can't go on anymore
you don't hear me when I speak to you
I run away from everything
that scares me
come bury me face down
your hands drenched in my blood
drenched in my tears
let go of me
I scream in agony
you hideous monster
AnxietyLife held my hand today,More Like This
Slipped his fingers
His palms sticky,
Letting my know
Of his shaken nerves.
His words fell
Onto hardwood floors.
I knew they were precious
But they only hurt my ears.
He coached me
Through the stuttering breaths
And wiped my eyes
Before I even noticed the tears.
“It’s okay,” he said,
“It’s okay to be scared.”
And I couldn’t help but wonder
When did leaving the house
Become so hand shaking,
Where Death was hiding.
Whether he was sitting
On the side of the road
In his sensible car
Or waiting on my doorstep
In his comfortable shoes
And warm jacket
For Life to keep him company.
ReasonThe air was light as it wisped around the open field, caressing the blades of grass several feet high and dancing with the leaves on the colossal willow tree standing off center of the oasis within the vast pine forest. The grass waved about the waists of two men, who stood just outside the foliage of the grand willow, dancing around them as a sea of hewing green.More Like This
The man who stood outermost of the willow looked back at his old friend, his own hair flowing chaotically in the breeze, the neck length dirty white hair dancing across his shadow casted green eyes; the sun set just behind the whitening foliage of the ancient tree. He watched his friend sullenly, attempting to articulate his myriad of thoughts, "Why did you leave?"
The man who stood with the timeworn canopy swaying at his back, his own black graying hair lower back long hair flowed lightly in the rising air, his face dull of emotion, his gray eyes mixed confusion and helplessness fluently, his lips settle in neither a smile n
Blank Character Sheet (Moving to TheChugsBoson!)More Like This
!This sheet is not permanent!
If you'd like to see any more updates to this sheet, please add [this deviation] to your favorites instead!
- Book, Chapter
Name: Example: Clark Kent
Appearance: (What does your character look like? Written descriptions are fine. This can sometimes be combined with the Name perameter.) Example: Zeus
Symbol: (What symbol helps identify your character? Family symbols can also count. Again, descriptions are fine.) Example: Uchiha Clan symbol
Pronunciation: (Spelled Pronunciation Legend /
Life is but a string of breathsLife is but a string of breathsMore Like This
Woven over time.
Some are short and broken,
Some dazzling and fine.
Each moment is unique and new,
Though some should be forgotten.
And every strand of memory
Should be treasured, never trodden.
Age 16 Page 1Every day of your life up until this pointMore Like This
Has been a prologue to the tale of you
Those mistakes that you have made in your childhood
They may be many or they may be few
But please don’t allow them to shape or to shift
The person that you were born to become
Keep in mind that the night is at its darkest
In the moments before we see the sun
I see pure potential run through your being
In your soul, deep beneath your callow skin
A unique story is waiting to be told
That the world will never see again
And though it begins with ‘once upon a time’
This is not a sugar spun fairytale
Each chapter and verse now lies in your hands
And is waiting for your dreams to prevail
Seek not perfection as mistakes will be made
It is repeating them that is a sin
Learn from others but don’t let their views smother
As hindsight in such a wonderful thing
Fear no one, fear nothing, never hestitate
Don’t let them measure your wisdom by age
Now you’ve gazed upon that cover long
*Distant Vision*Inconceivable looking at skyMore Like This
How distant galaxies exist.
Vision soft, mackeral cloud fleeting
Ripples like waves undulate.
Far beyond my sight and yours
Our universe expands and waits.
Thoughts spiral out of control
When night invades the sky.
Celestial bodies, silver glimmer
Lanterns to who knows where.
Stepping stones to distant places
Where aspiring minds do dwell.
BleakThrough the bleak darkness.More Like This
I walk onward towards that
Where light shines brightly through
and where all is forgiven.
MemoriesThunder crashes,More Like This
Raindrops are falling,
Dreams are calling.
Through this wild storm
Forgotten memories take form.
Memories of childhood's joys
Memories of long lost toys.
Embrace the dreams of times gone by
Never forget the dreams to fly.
Soon the storm will be gone,
But forever you can remember childhood's song.
Somebody ImportantYou're a diamond in the roughMore Like This
Even if you don't believe you
Can shine brightly; stars all
Wither and pale in your presence.
You're the voice of inspiration
When you daren't utter a word.
I can hear you speak silently
Among syllables of loud noises.
Certainly not a useless nobody,
You're somebody special to me.
Spread Your WingsThe voice it whispers in your earsMore Like This
Exploiting all your deepest fears
Bringing sadness and endless tears
This has gone on for many years
How have you gotten through
Even when you didn't know what to do
You stayed strong and lived another day
You were quiet, didn't know exactly what to say
Hiding your pain, day after day
just waiting for someone to look at you and say
Hey I was just wondering, are you okay?
When they do, you will break down and cry
Because it has been so damn long since you haven't wanted to die
For so long you have been thinking of just saying good bye
Waiting for the right moment to spread your wings and fly
Edward ScissorhandsEdward ScissorhandsMore Like This
Edward had scissors for hands
He found it hard to meet society's demands
He tried his best to fit in
He had an innocent soul within
He created garden sculpures and cut hair
He had a certain flair
But eventually the locals wanted him gone
He was soon the hunted one
He found himself locked in a fight
A local lad was killed that night
Edward returned to his castle in the sky
From where he watches the world go by
He still makes sculptures made of ice
They look so beautiful and nice
Look up at the snow as it falls
Think of Edward behind the castle walls
These nails can claw the coliseum, trust memy nails all broke the day you flew back toMore Like This
Italy and left me like a branch with no leaves
to hold and no nests to balance in my hair.
here i am, a barren fallow field in a world of
efficiency, infertile in the verdant Yellow River
Basin. i lean over the sink and catch the tears
you left as souvenirs, wash away streaks you
left like finger-prints and try not
to look at my nails. all my nails broke
the day you flew back to Italy, and it
took weeks for them to grow back,
weeks for me to become accustomed to
the phantoms on my fingers, the empty
memories of tapping my once-long nails
down your Leaning Tower spine, painting
cherubs on your Sistine chapel chest.
(now my nails are long and now the memory
of short stubbed fingers pressing into my own
shoulders to keep from falling apart is a spectre
visible only at night, when the light leaves my
desk as the Seven Hills of Rome, when the rain
down the glass whispers like the quiet canals of
Oil versus FireI might or might notMore Like This
have been the cause-
I may or may not
have witnessed it all.
And I do have to admit
about the fire that took place
fueled by passion and
in the flames you saw my face-
I know you did, you know I do
like the fact of us two
being as solid, as solid as could be
But fire and water,
is what we're doomed to be.
SimpleLife with you; And I remember the snow globe of the sky at midnightMore Like This
How the stars looked like fireflies caught in cellophane
Obsidian pigments pulling them to space.
I can no longer remember the last time I was here.
I grasp at the wild lupine; an estranged softness betwixt my fingers.
And I’ll miss you, even when I can no longer remember your name.
Because you are special in all the ways that wildflowers are not.
DepressionDepression:More Like This
Depression isn't a "Phase"
Depression isn't a "Cry for attention"
Depression isn't for "Popularity"
Depression isn't something to joke about.
Depression shouldn't be used to gain attention.
Depression shouldn't be used as an excuse.
Depression is a complex medical disorder.
Depression isn't when your boyfriend that you had for a week broke up with you.
Depression isn't when something is sold out at a store.
Depression isn't being sad for a day.
Depression isn't something to say when you want attention.
Do you think I want to sit in an office and talk to someone for an hour or more a week?
Do you think I want to have to take pills every single day?
Do you think I want to fight MYSELF to get up in the morning?
Do you think I want to have to fight the urge to go under the knife again and again?
Do you seriously think this is a joke?
A joke for attention?
A joke for popularity?
Depression is a compl
WindowYour smile holds a story of success and ambition,More Like This
But it does nothing to sweeten the story of a broken soul,
Peering at me through your eyes.
Gloomy Ruins Everything - Story Snippet #1More Like This
(Author's Note: This is a small excerpt from my debut novel Gloomy Ruins Everything in order to build interest and give you an idea of what to expect. Here, Gloomy the ragdoll has a moment of intense, psychological crisis after being rejected. These freak-outs happen a lot. He's a rather maladjusted little toy.)
No one had come to find him. He was alone.
His worst fears had come true. The rest of the room had stopped existing. He was stuck inside a cube of blank reality that went on forever, even though it was smaller than anyone could conceive. The rest of Little Ben’s room had come unmoored and drifted away, taking everyone with it. Gloomy considered swimming out into the abyss. Perhaps he could find the last vestiges of…something. Anything would do. Of course, there was always the chance he wouldn’t be swimming, only falling. What if there were sharp rocks at the b
The Guardian Wraith of Starlit SmokeOur sitting here by lantern-light togetherMore Like This
In the thick of a teeming snowfall;
The final golden glow,
Against the ancient sovereignty of night,
Like the last petal off a flower.
It is turning three hundred years
He never let the lantern drop.
The illimitable dark and cold and storm,
Whose work is to find out God;
And when they came it seemed with a will
To carry me with them to death.
What comes over a man, is it soul or mind-
(The Devil enters like a sapphire wasp)
Twixt what to love and what to hate
To find out how to get away from God?
No one has seen him stumble looking back
From having died
Inaudibly in thought;
The sorrow of having been left behind.
The land was ours before we were the land's
And having it all made over new
From force to matter and back to force,
fall in love with (splitting hairline fractures)we swallow blues insteadMore Like This
of talking them out. oh,
kids like us are specters,
spectacles: boys counting
rib(cage)s & (de)composing
don't you hate
is a vessel
we're deities or tomb-raiders; no
in-betweens for writers these days
velvetebony scowlMore Like This
words with blood
since i'm going to
he is killing me
with raven feathers
stuff my pillow
with black down
fill the white
chasing it with
make my skin
fill my lungs with
when i die
he'll fuck my corpse
because a dead body
than i did.
Last Call for Tanner LeeTanner left the hospital feeling strangely empty. He had expected agony. From the moment he had heard the Code Blue declared over the intercom and been forced out of Leah’s room (Room 318; he would never forget that number, or the feel of the sheets beneath his hands), he had known his life was coming to an end. They did not give up, and he gave them credit for that, but there is only so much time and effort a doctor can put into saving someone who is determined to die, and twelve hours later, Tanner and the bag of Leah’s effects sat in the back of a cab, on their way home. He would have to plan a funeral. Of course she had no life insurance; she had only been eighteen, a grinning college freshman home for her first Christmas break.More Like This
He sat at home that night and called her cell phone, letting it ring out at the foot of her bed for the sake of hearing her voice in the recording.
Hey, it’s Leah. I can’t come to the phone right now, probably because I’m h
lgbt(q)gunshots and rum shotsMore Like This
make bullet hole brains
i am (st/c)arving out
a new intestine
(a different heart to rest in)
away from the
by my own
one night stand
filled with mirrors
and sad little boys
i am a toy
asking to be broken
all these reflections
in my bathroom
but i can't see myself
i push him away because
i am not the soft-spoken
princess that he holds
spilling feelings like goo
my fingers are slipping between
what i am and
what i want to be
(and what i want to be
his lips sew my lips
and he whispers at
the curvature of my back
but he still doesn't like
mexican or black
and i am stuck
in the crack of
trying too hard to
and being okay
his palm finds my hip
but i still have dreams
about me fingering
female fatal figures
getting a grip of their breasts
and maybe of my sanity
i don't know how to love a boy
that doesn't want to hit me
san gabrielSometimes you dream about a burning grocery store and it means nothing.More Like This
This is me standing in a hallway realizing that the people who left
aren't showing up for dinner, that's why it's only a theory.
Look at these streetlights, look at you wearing that wreckage on your face,
soaked in radio. To white windmills flickering across the coast, to
your dogs barking like shootouts behind these gates. An old forest flashes
against the bridge and starts breathing; headlights bleach our hills and you say
What kind of ending is this, I'm never here anymore.
And Hell yeah, I think, how insane that the species blooms in catastrophe,
how improbable to survive this lottery, to conquer the probability
of having never blinked toward the blinding white shipwreck,
to find an abandoned planet and fill it with chairs. Back in the day
I'd probably moan for the other side, but now I'd argue that our people's poetry
is best understood as a consequence; not a shotgun but the stained carpet
being dragged from
Plattery Will Get You NowhereMr. and Mrs. Bartle had enjoyed their day out at the Great Exhibition.More Like This
They had admired the phonograph that could store an incredible twelve wax cylinders and play them in any order; they had seen the amazing hydraulic hand (which had a slightly unfortunate range of gestures); and they had even made a purchase—a vessel that was kettle, pot and cup combined, and sold already filled to the brim with steaming tea.
And now to finish the day off, they were watching a charming gentleman in one of the booths demonstrating a serving platter.
“...so you see, you wind it up here—” The gentleman placed the platter flat on a table and rotated a handle. “—and then put this lever to ‘on’…”
The platter vibrated into life.
“Now you just have to enter your instructions.” The gentleman indicated the keyboard on the side of the platter. “For example…” His fingers clattered over the keys and there was a ping. The gen
beautiful.i hate my stretchmarksMore Like This
the vertical the horizontal the ones running miles down my arms
stripes on a circus tent
my body is a freak show
75 cents a ticket
they are the bars on a cage
trapping me inside this prison cell of flesh
(not letting me run away
from all i once was)
reminding me that i am
still that little girl who
was told that she had too
much weight in her stomach
and in her thighs
to be called beautiful
my stretchmarks are the debris from when i tried to collapse upon myself
tried taking up less space
because beautiful is small beautiful is skinny
diets upon diets
because i've been told that
i am only worth the sharpness of my collarbone
LessonsIn forty-seven minutes I will be twenty-one years old and my throat is tight with this notionMore Like This
that every passing moment is a boat taking me further from the boy on the side of the road.
I am terrified of the swelling tide of time, the ripples I will create,
the creases that will be etched into my face
without the laughter lines I know he would have left and
one day someone will ask me how many siblings I have and I will hesitate
because he will be so distant and I can feel it coming.
I never intended to swim without him, but
I am drowning under the weight of pocket-stone-people,
the ones I love who he has never met and won't ever meet
and its forty-four minutes until I turn twenty-one when I realize the relentlessness of this;
how I will age away from him and I am disgusted with myself, with his ashes on the bookshelf,
with this world that keeps making mistakes that can't be fixed.
Twenty one years old and I am a semi-colon, a shuddering pause on the floor,
remembering the time I broke