The Vague Sense That I Am DyingSometimes when I wake up, I get the vague sense that I am dying.More Like This
That in my dark room, where I can only see a little light through the north-facing blinds, and where I am all alone in my warm and disarrayed bed, I think I might be dying.
And I pick up my phone, thinking I'll call someone. But I never do, because really, who would I call? Emergency services would not know what to do with me. My parents are at work or otherwise not necessarily available.
Then I decide I do not want to say good-bye, because it would be sad, and I might even cry at the scene.
So I lay there a bit longer, lingering to see if I really am still alive or have much time left, enough to rise again. And after a good while, I can breath freely again, and my chest loses much of its tension, and I realize that I am alive, and I have survived another day.
It is a little sad, to die alone. I think I do each morning, even as I am overall surviving. I've been thinking of death a lot recently.
Even though my days go so s