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A Life Without, Journal 3December 17, 2013
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I had expected it to hit for a while now, but as always, the actual pain catches me off guard. The wounds never completely scab over, so each pinch of salt is familiar, but no less painful. I'm not sure what was the exact trigger today. More than likely, it was just something about Christmas that reminded me of how few days were left until people whose lives are in order and began swapping gifts, and how I still hadn't bought any presents for anyone: not my friends, not my immediate family, not even my wife. That line of thought led my mind to the continued, yet seemingly futile attempts to obtain unemployment benefits while I fruitlessly search for a job.
I feel powerless to solve any problems related to the government's lack of drive to assist me, and yet I still manage to beat myself up for their bureaucratic shortcomings. I feel more justly at fault for not finding a job in the first place, as if I just being willing to lower my standards, would lead to some