Just Me..I feel emptyMore Like This
As i walk down the road
And silently judge
I walk silently past
Fearing what they think
And i cry deep down inside
More and more
I dont want to be judged
I just want hugs
If people knew how i was
They maybe they'd reconsider
Or maybe judge more
I want this all to end
The judging then negativity the pain i feel
I hate it
I wish it all away
I have to put a fake smile on
I cant cry all day
Like i wish i could
But i darent show people how i feel
They'd think im wierd
They dont understand
I want to break free
I want to forget the past
I want to be happy
But all the negativity swarms
And it over powers me
All i can to is sit in the dark
And put that fake smile on
And hold it all in
Deep FeelingsWe have our ups, we have our downs...More Like This
We have laughed, we have cried..
We say i love you..
We know its true, we know it in our hearts..
When i hold you and you smile..
When i kiss you and you kiss me..
When i hold your hand..
When i cuddle you tight..
Its you i think of while i try to sleep at night..
Its you who makes me smile..
Its you who is there for me...
Its you who makes my world complete..
All i have to say is thank you for loving me.
LiesEverything isn't okayMore Like This
I pretend every day
That i'm okay
I lie to every single person i greet
It hurts so much
I feel so incomplete
At college its hell
I laugh and joke
So much i want to just cry
But i cant
No body knows
I don't want them to
I just want to isolate myself
Away from everyone
Socialising used to be fun
Now i dread it
I hate what i've become
i'm miserable 24/7
I USED to be fun
Full of energy
Now I'm just drained
The screaming hurts so much
I just want to go far away
So no one can find me
Just cry for a few days
Just do something
This isn't me
This is depression talking
If you knew me before all of this
You would have seen a genuine smile
Now i'm a facade
I'm trapped in this
Every singe day
Just becauseJust because I'm smilingMore Like This
It doesn't mean I'm happy
Doesn't mean I'm good
Doesn't mean I want to laugh
The expression is misunderstood
Just because I'm smiling
It doesn't mean I had a good day
Doesn't mean my heart is the same
Doesn't mean I want to stay
Some smiles hide the pain
Could You?One smile was all it tookMore Like This
Who thought a heart could break this quickly?
One glance, one stare
Did you even remember that I was there?
Your eyes locked on her face
Who thought a heart could crumble into decay?
There are so many things I want to say
So many things I want to scream in your face
So many tears I tried to hide
When I said I felt better, could you tell that I lied?
Could you tell that this is eating away at me?
The image won't go away
I try to remind myself of happiness and glee
But I remember when you were with her, and not me
Now you tell me you love me, I trust you with that
And I want you to know that I love you too
But seriously, I'm starting to feel insecure
I want you to know that I love you, and only you
But, please tell me, could you tell me that too?
Was It All A Lie?The funny thing is,More Like This
You can walk past me
And totally ignore me
Acting like I don't exist
Without an inch of guilt in your black heart
After all the things we have been through
After all the times we have been there for each other
And you act like it never happened
The funny thing is,
You can look in the mirror
Thinking you're the best
Thinking you are too good for everyone
After all the things I have done for you
After all the things we have put each other through
Through thick and thin
And totally forget that I was once in your life
That you needed me
That you loved me
It's like you're a totally different person,
In a totally different universe,
You don't know me anymore,
You don't want to know me anymore,
You don't love me anymore,
So please tell me this,
Did you ever love me,
Or was that just another lie you told me?
Was it all a lie?
I Can't Love, SorryI won't love him, her or you,More Like This
All my walls are up, you won't get through,
I don't care what you do,
All of what you say, false or true,
I will not give anyone access here,
It isn't that I can't, It's what I fear,
What am I afraid of?
It's just that, LOVE.
I have evidence, don't believe me?
I let my new friends closer you see,
And now each of them are moving away,
Each one of them, further and further away,
Want more? Last year, do you remember?
Well you should, you're a member,
I let you and others closer,
See what happened next? I can't give closure.
People screwed my life, and now I'm gone,
Ever since, not happy, only forlorn,
Before that? Never lived in one place for more then three years,
After the third, we are gone, switched gears,
Back to the subjectat hand,
I can't love, don't care what you demand.
My Thoughts On LoveWhat is the point of love?More Like This
That they are REALLY from above?
Well let me tell you something,
If it is for love that you sing,
The reason you steal, murder or lie,
The person you love, tell me why,
Why do you love them? Tell me this,
Is it how they look, act, smell or kiss?
It it is for looks, is that all?
So. It matters to you if they're short or tall?
It matters to you what their eye colour is?
Really? Their hair colour too? Let me tell you this,
It's called contacts, and hair dye,
You see, if you fall for looks, you fall for a lie.
How they smell? Well that's a bit strange...
For how they smell, can easily change.
Simple as that I say,
Oh yeah, how they act? IT'S ALL AN ACT.
Just to see if you laugh or cry- how you react.
You Love them for how they kiss?
Just tell me tell you this,
How do you think they know these things?
How they found out, or where they've BEEN.
Not from personal experience, but please,
Don't tell them your reason is one of these.
stop ruining autumn.listen:More Like This
fall makes me think of leaving and of apple cider, though i never liked apple cider.
but i liked the idea of it.
two years ago i met a boy as fragile as dead leaves who called me his little spring girl. (i'd always liked autumn the best.) he kissed the two soft dimples on the small of my back and told me helikedme helovedme hewantedme.
and oh, by the way, "everything good must come to an end."
on our one year anniversary we picked out two pumpkins and i drew elephants on them for us to carve. he cut his out so aggressively that it lost its shape.
lopped off tusks and broken trunks became just a large, jagged hole.
he put a lit candle inside, and we watched it flicker, illuminating the raw edges.
"what is it supposed to be?" i asked him, taking his hand.
"my heart," he said definitively.
like an afterthought.
after that i was too afraid to carve my pumpkin at all.
the leaves changed, or maybe he changed, or maybe i was b