zero.5. I think I'm afraid of sex.
It's terrifying that two people can fit together perfectly, without even really liking each other at all.
4. I'm afraid of the day I start replacing myself with somebody else in all of our pictures; of the day I'll see my reflection and wish I didn't have to.
3. I'm afraid of doctors, and medicine.
The first time I took lithium, I couldn't hold it down. So I locked the bathroom door and flushed the entire bottle.
The second time, I couldn't walk more than ten steps without falling.
Honestly, I'm just wondering why they use poison to purify me.
2. I'm afraid of the ocean.
I'm afraid of looking down one day, and not seeing the edges. Of there being nothing there.
I'm afraid of falling and having nothing to catch me.
There's already nobody. The ground is really all I have.
1. I'm afraid of breaking things.
Like, once, I broke my dad's trust in me.
Once I broke somebody's heart.
Once I broke my kindergarten teacher's favorite
i got flowers oncei am lonely.More Like This
i received flowers once
and i placed them
in a vase til
the petals all browned
and turned to dust
on the glass of my bureau.
i have never gotten flowers since.
i spend my days
with a boy
whom i love far beyond reason
and he holds me in his arms
and holds me together.
i bite my nails
and pull my hair
over the moment when he
feels the disenchantment
fall over his body,
all clean lines
and smooth shapes,
and realises that leaving
the worst thing
the best thing.
i am lonely
and even with a hand to hold,
and even with a cloak of security
bunching around my shoulders
and hiding my thighs,
i feel my fingers grasping at empty air
because i am too ungratefully
trapped in my head
to remember that my love
is holding my hand
and reminding me more often
than anyone should need to
that i am loved.
adulthoodwhen you interact with other grown-ups,More Like This
there are things you need to remember.
i am learning the fine art of Adult Small Talk-
banter for banter's sake and smiles and short, impersonal anecdotes
because you can't risk letting anyone in,
god forbid someone actually gets close.
you keep your friends in your stomach and swallow them at night to keep them close
and put your cheery face on for medical professionals even when your throat is too swollen
to drink down those friends.
those friends, you know they'll never let you down.
you see your human companions on lunch breaks and weekend days.
at night, young adults have sex and fall asleep together;
at night, older adults complain of headaches and sleep on opposite sides of the bed.
your human friends don't make you feel as good
as your other friends make you feel.
they ask about your life and how you're doing,
ask if you're still in therapy and if you're eating,
and god forbid you let them in.
they're your human friends but they don't get
one hundred waysthere are one hundred waysMore Like This
i have to fill myself
that still keep me empty,
and for all the love for you
i hold in my heart,
i treat you like you're nothing.
you have built structures
and outlines of cities to press
against a dark inked sky,
you are the blood of a broken pen
coursing like a river
through my veins.
i look the other way.
i look for holes
in the sweatshirt you gave me
because there are holes in you,
and i wonder if they match up
i leave it tucked just
inside of my closet
so that i don't see it
unless i look for it,
but when i do
i pull it in piles
up to my face
to be sure
it still smells like you-
four months later,
materialism .collabjohn's bed was crooked against the wall, with enough space between the two for his pillow to slip down every night. it is never made but usually empty, much like the rest of the room. his wallet was full of condoms, the box in the slightly opened nightstand drawer with two strays within. john's socks were paired up neatly in his dresser, and he had no closet. a baseball bat was stretched across the threadbare rug in such a way that it would trip someone unfamiliar with the layout. like a robber. things you will never find there are his iphone, ipod, and his grandfather's pocket watch from when he was in the world war.More Like This
evelyn paints a small canvas in the center of her garden. her cheeks are always stained with a coral blush, but nothing else. she hangs easter-egg coloured bird houses from the low branches of her maple trees. she only wears dresses. at six in the evening each day she rests on the stoop of her mother's house with a plaid quilt. she spins her mother's wedding ring around h
I AmI am the shadow, and I am the lightMore Like This
I am the sunlight, and I am the night
I am the battle, and I am the fighter
I am the water, and I am the fire
I am a raindrop just ready to fall
I am the world, and yet…
No one at all.
Mr MrWith words I cannot utter,More Like This
not even to silence.
You cross my mind,
and hold my heart.
With the pain it all brings,
I don't even notice.
You're the drug that I crave,
Addicted to the numbness.
The perfect melody,
a chorus stuck in my head.
I'm lost with you,
drowning in your fire.
You're all I wanna see,
Dreaming when I'm awake.
I need a way,
just to escape.
AnorexiaMeet a girl named No One, with a heart of shattered stoneMore Like This
Staring at the other girl, the one that's not alone
Girl with skin that glistens, with the eyes of crystal seas
Grin of shining diamonds and a laugh like a disease
Flashes just a glance and soon, she's every trouble's cure
She has everything… and No One's off to be like her.
Eating turns into a crime, she'd rather be away
Thrusting fingers down her throat to make herself okay
Watching as her very bones are seen behind her flesh
There she drowns in tears, for she has not yet seen success.
Minutes turn to hours, and these hours turn to days
Every moment slipping, slowly fading into grey
Rapidly, her body turns to nothing but her bones
As she fights for beauty, as she battles for the throne.
Broken hearts must learn to beat, and this she came to know
Learning it the hard way when her heartbeat grew too slow
Yet, she somehow managed still to shine from what's within
Lying in her casket with her hidden, unseen sin.
Final thoughts ins
In a Little Girl's MindThere sits the girl with the things in her eyesMore Like This
Monsters, destruction, and sweet butterflies
Hopscotch and daisies, surrounded by screams
Beautiful dresses now torn at the seams
Crayons and paintbrushes, villains and grins
Young, gladsome innocence, hatred and sins
Little red houses on roads left to fade
Gorgeous moonlight shining off of the blade
Blood pouring out as she cries her own name
Knowing she's forced to take each bit of blame
She could have stopped it and left it behind
All of these things in her troubled young mind
She could have saved them if she dared to try
Rather, though, she left herself there to die.
Now, others watch as she sits on the ground
Keeping their distance and letting her drown
In her own worries and things she won't tell
Waiting for her mind to kill her as well…
Insert creative title here.sometimes I hate the ideaMore Like This
I rather eat the autumn
skies crushing cold air between my molars
and hiding shaky hands
between pages of dictionaries
and clickclickclicking sounds of typewriters
you asked me why I wrote poems
on the soles of my shoes
and I told you
it was because I wanted to
imprint myself on the earth
then I can create beauty
even if I am not
Society Is Ugly.Society is ugly.More Like This
Beauty is defined by
How you act.
Not by the number on the
Starving doesn't work.
Purging doesn't work.
Pills don't work.
The girl you see
In the mirror is
Just the way she is
Don't get upset because
You don't match up
To the media's
Cutting won't work.
Crying won't work.
Dying won't work.
Society is ugly.
GayI am gay.More Like This
I'm not a disease, I'm not a problem
I'm not an affliction
I don't need treatment.
I don't need help
I'm not sick
I'm not confused
I'm not a sin.
I am gay.
I'm your daughter
Your co worker
A complete stranger
I am gay.
I need love, just like you
I need smiles
I need support
I need a hug
I need a friend
I need a family
I need acceptance
I need understanding
I need you
I am gay.
I know what love is
I know what pain is
I know what hate is
I know what life is
I am gay.
And I need you to love me
The same way you loved me before you knew
I am gay.
And I have experienced hate
From more people than just you
I am gay.
And I wont change.
I wont give up.
I wont back down.
I wont pretend.
I wont lie.
I wont deny.
I wont hide.
I wont hurt.
I am gay.
And that's okay.
All In Your HeadSoft spoken words at midnight, but she's not really there. Yet it continues, day after day, month after month. An endless cycle that you're bound to repeat no matter how many times you tell yourself she's gone.More Like This
Get it together.
Cherished memories that you can't seem to forget no matter how hard you try. And you try, so fucking hard. But at least when you pretend, the wounds don't hurt so bad. They don't burn and ache and make your vision go red.
Get it together.
So you focus on nothing, her, everything. It doesn't matter. You mutter to yourself, to her, to the shadows. And they respond, they shift, morph, drag you down until you're no more. They suffocate your lungs until you're filled with them. Filled with shadows and her.
Get it together.
Time passes faster, slower, sometimes it doesn't move at all. You're stuck until the next time because there is no in between. There's no stop, pause, no intake of breath. Nothing but a constant hum of silence and screaming. So
Bearing it AllAuthor John Green stated once that "Humans tend to measure time within the framework of important events…The event that we're counting…away from is the defining moment of these people's lives and it reshapes their relationship to the world so completely that it also reshapes their understanding of time." During my "before" I was a dancer; ballet, jazz, and tap. It was everything to me and my dream at the time was to someday dance on Broadway. During one of my classes, while doing battements, it suddenly felt as of my hip had popped out of its socket, causing me to fall to the ground. It didn't hurt at the time, but I still sat out for the rest of the class and went to the doctors the next day. The first trip to the doctors was quite uneventful. I was told that it was probably nothing more than a strained thigh and to just take it easy for two weeks, and if the pain is still there go back to the doctor. That was fine and I did as told, until one day in gym while playing DDR I somehow maMore Like This
Dirt And DiamondsHow can we recognizeMore Like This
what happiness is,
what happines means,
when we do not know
what sorrow is,
how sorrow hurts?
How can we realize
how beautiful life is
how worth living a life is
when we do not know
what bereavement is
how certain death is?
How can we know
that love is a gift,
that to be loved is a gift,
when we don't know
what loneliness means
what to be hated means
How do we know a light shines bright,
when there's no shadow to compare it to?
Sometimes we need the dirt
to see diamonds shine brighter
She always fell for boys who needed saving.She always fell for boys who needed saving.More Like This
Giving them kisses in the dark
to numb their headache from
drinking too much and yet
not enough to kill lust.
She was always adored by boys, who,
if given the chance, would rebuild
the world for her.
But she wanted to be the heroine
and refused to see
she needed saving, too.
Lacklustre StardustPaint something withMore Like This
That hang just at
The tip of your tongue,
And cross the gaps
With your fingertips,
The way you used to do,
Before the stars fell
And your bones turned to ash.
There used to be solar flares
In your breath, and
An icy vacuum,
Longing to warm,
Behind your eyes,
Before you fell into
That stole your light.
Across the nothing
Of the cosmos,
Searching for what
You claimed to have
For the purpose of
Living in your past
(Before your stars fell).
No one will see
That the starshine you had
You cannot bear the thought
Of allowing your
Particles to scatter-
You cannot comprehend
Going to sleep.
Poisonous FearMy poisonous shadow of fearMore Like This
Glue-like hands and fingernails
Crawling up my swollen spine
Sinking into exposed brain
It chains itself inside
It binds me to its presence
Within a self-abusing mind
Within a body made of shiver
Nightmares broke my running legs
And made my eyes see light
A promise of unbroken world
That I can never have
A shattered personality
An intoxicated sanity
Addicted to my dread
I listen to its silent breathing
I am what it came for
I'm the monster that I fear
So sweetSomething so sweet...More Like This
In a cry for help.
That you never heard.
All alone in my room.
And I never told you what was on..
The inside of my mind is like a cage.
I'm trapped by my thoughts.
Entangled in my fears.
The ropes only pull tighter when..
I've lied to you and everyone I love.
There's nothing you could do to save me from..
The darkness seems to be closing in.
It's always there to remind me of how shitty I am.
I'm alone again.
A Fool For FairytalesWhy am I such a fool?More Like This
For dreaming about fairytale love stories?
For hoping that my Prince Charming will come,
to save me from the balcony
of desperation and despair?
Every little girl does as a child.
So, why am I such a fool?
I am a fool for...for falling for you.
The juicy red apple that just caught my eye,
the ugly duckling that never truly was a swan,
the beast that seemed so loving,
for something so terrifying.
You were my Prince Charming!
You were my saviour,
who got me to let down my golden hair!
You were my true love!
But this mirror of dreams and sweet delights
into a million pieces.
But it was not of the clock that struck twelve's doing,
You took what we had and broke it!
Breaking my heart within the next second of the new day.
We had something!
The perfect fitting glass slippers!
Although...I am the fool.
For believing that life could be a perfect fairytale.
For believing that everything was always going to be okay,
Potato ChipsThe other day I finally realized, as I was going to the pantry for a snack, that my mind tortures me; I stared at the plastic film as the light bounced off of it and played with the shine of the colors. The shades all communicating with each other, hints of apologies and gestures, tales of beration and derogatory statements. Red was the primary color. It was a dark, ground-like red. Hot, haughty, gawking at the other colors, flaunting its vibrant steadiness, all the while consuming the shallow shyness of black as it creeped around the edges, trying to make itself noticed, but only succeeding in making red even more vivacious. The yellow was round and bold, but not quite as bold as the red. It knew its place, and its limits, and this knowledge inevitably kept it in its shape. The white complimented it, being more friendly than the red and more outgoing than the black. It swirled and dipped around the yellow, flirting with its curves as it turned and pivoted in and out of vision. All ofMore Like This
For the both of us."I will do anything to make you happy" he said and I believed him.More Like This
As you sat there with your dirty blond hair, covering your crooked smile and those piercing blue eyes ... I felt like I belonged right where I was.
It's not possible for us to feel exultant for a long time, is it? And you truly couldn't make me better, no matter what you did and that's probably why you gave up in the end.
You left me there, when I needed you the most.
They always do ... don't they?
You told me that it wouldn't change a thing, then why does everything feel so altered?
I can still hear your laughter at night and feel your warmth finger caress my cheek.
I still sleep in your arms every night (even though I don't know where you are).
I wish I wanted you to go, but you are the only reminder I have of a time where I actually wanted to be alive.
How can I possibly let you go, when you are the only reason why I stay?
"You are the only one I have" he said and I believed him.
And therefore I did ev
HangingHanging...More Like This
...On a line.
Not literally, of course.
Waiting for a familiar voice.
Halfheartedly inserting a coin
Into the open slot
And picking up the receiver.
The cold metal matches your freezing fingers.
Hesitating while touching the keys of the dial pad,
You almost forget the number.
Finally entering the correct address,
You start to hang.
On a line.
Each long "beep" sound is like
A soothing bell to comfort your heart.
It hypnotizes you until you forget who you were even calling...
You are in love with waiting eternally.
You feed off of that sound,
Knowing that it's something you can surely depend on.
softenedthe sky whispers,More Like This
ribbons of crystalline quiet,
same shade as the angel dust
you shivered every time we were
in the darkness, we were
sorry birds searching for
open dawns. you, the
swan, me, the
black as night and
just as hopeful.
and there were poems
written in your skin, universes
blooming in your hands; your eyes
were a December sunrise saving me
from any sleep.
I’ve decided that
people are a composition of
all their greatest memories—and you,
you were always the most
beautiful piece of
Once AgainAgain, my heart, you find yourself ensnared,More Like This
Bound tightly to another by red string.
Pulled and dragged, at mercy to her every whim.
Sweet innocent monster, completely unawares
How she could kill me, break my bleeding heart adoring,
If she turns those pretty eyes to gaze at him.
i have given you a present: perfect, simple, tenseLet me rename yourMore Like This
majestic visage: you
are To Die For. Your
smile blinds me like
a one-eyed simile, a
Let us conjoin; we're
Now and Then. Let's
connect our clauses &
become a life sentence-
become a couple
of copulative verbs-
become less tense
& build a future
Let us make love like comma splices,
let's become each other's antecedent.
(independent pronouns &
hearts in transit. You are
the object of my affection,
the subject of this phrase,
the other end of my lonely
You are To Die For
& I never split an
You're Not?You're anorexic if you're thinMore Like This
You're not? Then you're obese.
If you're different, you're insane
You're not? Then you're a fake.
If you're happy, you're hiding something.
You're not? You must be emo.
If you're dating, you're a slut.
You're not? You must have no friends.
If you're popular, you're a jerk.
You're not? You're a nobody.
If you're quiet, you must be disabled.
You're not? You obnoxious freak.
If you're you, you're wrong.
Then you must be perfect.
things i asked the wizard forI hear your Reality voice for the first timeMore Like This
in Eros-Only-Knows-how-long. Dressed
to kill, but you've already killed me more
times than a cat. Reincarnated by your smile
not directed at me. I'd have said hello,
but I'm better compiling my nonsense
into a grocery list of imperatives:
Take off your skin, your suit, your sex.
Poison the weatherman. Death by acid
rain. Let the windchill bash your skull.
Pretend it's a tornado whisking you off
to Oz. Steal the Tinman's heart. Crush
the Wicked Witch of Aphrodite. Regret
the pun on crush. Become haunted by
the Ghost of Valentine's Day Past. She
wants her ruby slippers back. Click my
body with your hips three times. Chant
"there's no place like home" & if home's
where the heart is, then my bedroom is
on your sleeve. Sleeping on your wrist.
Snoring from my heart. Don't wake me.
This is the first time I've slept in a year;
this is the first time I've dreamt in three
I sprinkle moldy breadcrumbs across
the path of jaun
zeroi sworeMore Like This
i would never number the poems
i wrote about myself because that
would be like ticking off the days
until my breakdown;
i was a moth, unapologetically throwing myself
at any gleam of hope; wasting my wings
on industrial promises
colors always felt much more
appropriate for the purple boiling
beneath my heart and the pallid
purposelessness of my head,
but i was born into a colorless world--
no one sees me behind the metallic scars
of my skin and iron grating of my voice against
the grain; no one sees me as more than
gray regret or monochrome mistakes,
no one sees me but
all i ever wanted was for a
fallen god with feathered heels
to believe in me: to pray upon
the monuments i built for
broken dreams and to baptize me
in his tainted tears,
i just want him to be real. more
than anything, i want to be real, i want
to be more than an imaginary friend
to various mental limitations; i want
to trade my liquid skin [evaporating]
for a chance to be
i am a moth and you are the lighthouse
IllusionOrange paints the immense sky.More Like This
Though there's vehemency, it's desolate. Why?
Orange embraces the hues of blue.
The penetrating orange, oh, what sentiment it brews.
When the color translates into emotions,
Dolour shatters my delusions.
A pensive meaning lies beneath the fallacious surface.
The despondent revelation to the truth which I suppress.
The poignant color paints my bleak canvas of a heart.
Loss of reason, elusion of reality, erasure of the start.
Escapism, the illusion of happiness, fear.
Emotions lack reason. It is unclear
Writing Up Side DownWriting upside down,More Like This
Tends to be different
Who decided right side up is
the right way, and who said
that upside down was wrong?
In that case, writing the
Wrong way is the fun way and
Righting the right way is down.
StartStartMore Like This
Paralysis, a chill,
I try to move towards you
but I can't. The film jerk backwards.
Apples blossom in their hands,
then fly and nest in green leaves,
The shattered glass melts, the head
falls backwards, no lines of blood.
The projectionist may figure it out one day
I try but ....a hand slowly opens, nothing there.
We must start there, smooth,
flat skin, then touch then heat.
The Walk of Utter ShameThe Walk of Utter Shame:More Like This
My face is hidden by a blackened mask,
As I am taken to stand before the crowd.
Ripped from my face and cast aside,
My features burn in the glaring sun...
"Who amongst you will defend this man?"
I hear a soldier call.
"None of us sir!" The crowd shrieks back,
As to my knees I fall.
"Shame him!" The soldier cries,
As they begin to pelt me with rotten fruits,
"Maim him!" the people scream,
As they kick at me with mailed boots...
I shudder and writhe beneath the torture,
Too pained to even scream in fear.
For this is the punishment that I deserve,
For shaming the honour that I hold dear.
In anger, in rage, in emotions so dark,
I've carelessly denounced the work of my siblings...
Now I lie, in battered penance,
For only pain can ease the shameful sting...
Never did I think that I would fall,
But pride is arrogant dissonance.
Through penitent pain and suffering,
I have learned the value of reticence.
"Allow me to accept my shame and offer my apologies..."
Tell herTell her she's pretty...More Like This
Because she doesn't think she is.
Tell her she's smart...
Because all of her mistakes make her feel stupid.
Tell her she's good enough...
Because she's been treated like she isn't...
Tell her she's amazing...
Because no one really thinks she is...
Tell her she's perfect...
Because she's incredibly flawed...
Tell her she's going to find a happy ending...
Because everything seems like it is going wrong...
Tell her she is worth it...
Because she feels worthless...
Tell her lies...
Because at this point she will believe them...
If you tell her the truth, she's bound to misunderstand.
Tell her lies. Go ahead.
Lie to me.
ShatterMy name on your lips.More Like This
My words on your tongue.
Thoughts dancing around me,
Keeping the mind young.
I am in your eyes.
Behind them you hide.
A one way mirror,
Sharp shards on both sides.
Shatter I will,
If I am told to.
Though break I cannot,
Without hurting you.
Surreal RealitySurreal Reality:More Like This
The tides that bind a fallen city,
Swirls of vision, animosity...
Lost beneath a silvered glass,
Watch and wait as hours pass.
You find yourself, now surreal,
Surrounded by clocks with a ticking squeal.
You walk to the kitchen, a hand you find,
A platter in which to place your mind.
The microwave dings, the toaster rings,
From the oven you pull, intestinal strings.
You stab with the knife, it ends in your head,
Place your mind into a toasted bread...
You walk to the car, you breathe in deep,
You look into your pocket; the bottle you keep.
You take a long swig, it's a magical drive,
Your soul falls asleep while you await to arrive.
Silence, broken silence,
Emptiness filled with eyes and ears,
Rainbows haunt and tear the skies,
Falling rain like bitter tears...
Broken and unspoken,
Suddenly you are bowed!
Your throat explodes with shards of glass,
It ends the life to which you vowed...
Each gurgle of blood that is caught on your lips,
The sputum you cough is fleck
we could be insane togetherwhat i would do to see inside that lovely head of yours.More Like This
to see all the gears, to see what makes it tick, click, or even whine.
sometimes i hope to see something turned backwards,
proof that you're not quite right in the head.
Because you see, love,
that might just make us soulmates.
to my young heartI haven't the thought to cry, myself. Yet my heart aches.More Like This
It aches and longs for something I'm never sure that I'll have.
Yet, somehow, I've clung to hope.
I've envisioned so many different scenarios, different scenes from a life that I'm sure isn't my own.
The life in those images is a lie.
Yet I wish for it.
I wish for it because it seems I've always done so.
It seems that I'll never escape the teardrops that go uncried.
I'll never escape the fantasies that take hold of me in my waking hours.
Or the dreams that come to me while I sleep.
I am a woman in mind, yet a child in body.
Such a contradicting existence, so many confusing aspects.
I doubt I'll ever fully understand myself.
But few truly do.
Please, forgive me.Like lies, you saidMore Like This
I make breathing the cosmos
through rose colored lungs
look easy- vertebrae stretched
toward the moon.
& I'm hanging my bones
out to dry, carving Saturn's
rings into my wrists- my
star burst ankles.
I swore then I'd keep my
black tongued poetry
& uprooted limbs far,
far away from you.
But, like lies, galaxies,
& night fevers, you
are the destination
on my star map skin.
HeroineSometimes,More Like This
she tries to fall into the night,
tipping her strawberry heart
like a tea bag into hot waters-
always scolding herself
kissing ocean beds.
Her hips, tides rolling
towards the antagonists
of myths & legends.
with a thousand leagues
of sea behind her eyes,
she will always save herself.
CavalierYou sat with one hand on the dashboard,More Like This
your other one shaking,
reluctantly dancing with a cheap cigarette,
that you were simply burning,
because something needed to die.
We didn't look each other in the eye,
except in the rear view mirror,
the irony not yet reflected.
I will never forget that six thousand mile stare,
many times your age shining from the endless deep,
the weight of everything you carry
written in ruptured veins.
"Old ghosts dancing again," I said.
"This is not very good," I whispered,
tightened throat and eyes aflame.
You echoed, and then you were gone.
I remained for a while, in that wreck of a Chevy,
marooned in a landscape of broken plastic,
trees of straws and cavernous containers,
all your books and other secret escapes.
To the CoastLooking darkly to the back of the car,More Like This
I see ruin in her eyes.
We pass another town of murderers
cradled in the pines.
This is the way to the coast,
and it is her birthday.
The sky is ashen and pregnant.
I snap a picture of your hand in mine
to somehow make this real.
this makes the moment unforgettable.
She sleeps back there,
wearing my clothes
Here comes the Devil,
but we lose him
over the hill.
Here comes God,
but we lose him
at the sea.
short-term memory.and you'll never forget:More Like This
When you realized that everybody dies alone.
When you didn't take your eyeliner off one night, so in the morning
your eyes would look as hollow as you felt.
When you spent a year blacking out the sad endings in your books.
(When you wished that life could also work like that.)
When you learnt that "We need a break" means "I am going to break your heart."
When you fell in love with the stars, and the way he says "us."
When he told you, "More than just a long time."
The first time you hung up to the sound of your father laughing.
When you walked home from a party in January, and couldn't remember
if you were still breathing.
When you begged him to let you be sad, and he smiled and said, "No."
When you saw the irony of drawing trees on paper – and how alive you've felt
after being sure you were dead.
By Fifty,I'll publish or perish;More Like This
find someone to cherish;
move someplace phenomenal;
display an abdominal
physique to inspire,
which I shall acquire!
. . . Or perhaps, just retire.
Last chance to seeIt's a odd kind of feelingMore Like This
and an odd kind of peeling
the day you kiss your former self
that decisive goodbye,
then quickly rip your lips
from the parting.
There is no time frame,
no milestone markers
at the logical divisions.
One day you simply wake up empty,
a slight rumble in your snakeskin stomach,
then nothing but the seeping quiet.
Your flaking blood surfs the sloping light shafts
searching for new ground.
It is the last day, you see.
The furrows may remain,
but the uncertain air
chromaWe were merely children when the stars came.More Like This
They rained down from the sky in a burst of light, like shards of glass pouring down from the heavens. Supernovas blooming in the night sky, petals raining down onto the barren earth - angels, falling with their wings sheathed, glowing, as they glided down. We watched, starstruck, as the glow overtook us - we were mesmerized. We waited with bated breath as the meteors landed, the celestial light subsiding as dark forms started to pick themselves up from the dust.
They moved towards us with an otherworldly grace, their steps leaving no marks on the earth as they descended upon us. Frozen to our spots as they approached, our bodies simply unresponsive in their wake. We were paralyzed. They stretched out their wings, embracing us in a softness unimaginable - a polymerization of silky feathers made of pure light, like a soft touch of a rose petal - and suddenly, our eyes were opened. The world was the same, yet so new, as it was washed with a gl
NecromancyShe replaces her wristsMore Like This
with the sharp thorns
of roses and slurred
as she speaks
in an old tongued
language that whispers
She collects stars
on her knuckles,
& her dust eyes
are sad moon nebulas
starved for love.
But, the kisses
she sinks into the curve
of her lover's ribcage
by night, warm that
There's a pot of gold at the end...You are god and light and I am aMore Like This
speck of cloud on an otherwise beautiful morning.
When I rained, I poured relentlessly, but
you could always see right through, and
together, we made rainbows and promises. People
would always see our beauty and call it a miracle of sorts.
They would praise your name in a heavenly chorus,
always forgetting it took my tears to help them see
the true colors behind an any-other-dreary day. You are
just a word waiting for an opportunity to be said.
Meanwhile, I drift across the atmospheres,
waiting for you to once again need me.
deep, meaningful titleThey regarded me benignly, the ailing gravestones; so austere in their robes of snow. They seemed resigned to this solemn life among the pines, planted in lieu of willows. I nodded at each one in turn as I passed. Good evening, Gregory Waters 1919-1992! Hello, Anna Knuther 1881-1953! The grave recipients of my cordiality gave no prodigious reply; simply clutched their attenuated posies to their chests in reticent acknowledgement of my passing. As I was walking, a beam of moonlight darted between my boots and slithered into a shadow pressed flush against a line of smooth stones situated atop Benjamin Goetzl 1920-2003. I nonchalantly followed the fleeing moonlight and managed to knock a stone out of place. As I retrieved my curious hand, I wondered whether Benjamin had ever considered his postmortem crown? Dreamed about it? Worried whether it would ever get mussed by a complete stran--More Like This
What is that buzzing?
The gravestones glared at me for disturbing their eternal reverie; their dates an
The Dead SeaThe Dead SeaMore Like This
I offered water to her,
but she was a sea
I offered love to her,
but she was dead
I offered words to her
and she hated me.
WantI want to be efficient.More Like This
No more wailing, no more feints.
No more worrying about right or wrong,
Merely about what needs doing.
I want a sense of purpose.
To feel alive for once,
To feel the pounding in my chest,
And revel in the echo of my steps.
I want to be someone.
Someone I used to be,
Someone I never truly was,
And yet whose shadow I keep chasing.
I want a feeling.
A brief, fleeting craze,
Something to shake off me,
That chill that settled in my very bones.
I want to believe.
That the morrow will bring change
And change will bring entropy,
For I am dying in consistency.
I want a break.
A moment's respite to weave,
And muse about things so far out of range,
That they might as well be fake.
I want to stop wanting.
I want that pang in my chest past,
And that hollow, never ending
Hunger sated at last.
I want a lot things.
But none of them are worth praying.
When you aren't looking for itIt occurs to her, suddenlyMore Like This
That a better place to nest her head
Might be on his shoulder
And If She Rises Before The Sun-And If She Rises Before the Sun-More Like This
I stir and wake
and stand in a daze and think of a dream
that I thought I had - here in this steam
It'll come to me, only time it takes
For the feelings I have cannot be fake
at least that's what it seems.
I do recall
a thought so insignificantly bold
The way her hair flowed like mosaic gold
Against her dress it delicately falls
as she stands there waiting, for me, of all!
At least that's what I'm told.
She only sleeps.
And if she were to rise before the sun
sprawled across our velvet sheets, as one
I'd tell her that she was the one to keep,
Lost within a dream so endlessly deep,
Never to be outdone.
Close to the thought of disappearing life
Only in our mind, never in sight.
Yet if we stay this close when we arise
and remember fully what love implies
I'll keep you close at night.
Detach-Detach-More Like This
Detach my mind
Detach the memories attached to time
Forget the faces
Forget the eyes
Forget the smiles that brightly shined
Unlearn the names
They're only waste
Unlearn the moments within this place
Do not care
For they do not
All I am is a fading thought
metaphors should never make loveyou were allMore Like This
bookends and spiderweb
but our fingers
were too fragile;
piano keys shattered,
and you kept on ending
maybe we haven't tasted
years of salt and construction-
but we can breathe in the details
(and all of its disaster)
HauntedI see her there withMore Like This
Coal dust carved
Into the icy skin
Under her eyes,
And on her lips
Dance a chorus
Of bitter lies.
A skeletal hand of smoke
Claws at my neck
Until I bleed;
She tells me that the pain
Is just what I need.
And her blood
Zooms in her veins
Like speeding cars.
She looks at me
At what I am.
She’s a snake,
In the guise
Of a lamb.
‘What happened to us?’
Of what I used to be.
‘I may be you,
But you are not me.’
The sun comes up:
Yesterday is gone
But see it this way;
The past is part of the future
But the future isn’t the past.
You choose which bits go,
You choose which bits last.
To My SisterYou dress like a Disney Princess,More Like This
And play with pretty dolls;
Your laughter warms our hearts,
Your smile lifts our souls.
You stumble when you walk,
And you can’t say my name;
You dance to invisible music,
Everyone says we’re the same.
You have curly blonde hair,
And big brown eyes;
A smiling flower of a face,
And chubby baby thighs.
You will grow to be big,
And you will change;
You’ll learn the world’s scary,
As much as it is strange.
If I could give you one tip,
And know that you’d follow it,
It’d be: be who you are,
Live like there’s no tomorrow.
Don’t strive for beauty,
Don’t live for lies;
Find beauty in living and
Keep putting beauty into
Other people’s lives.
The Kind of PersonI’m the kind of personMore Like This
Who would kill to remember
But would die to forget;
Who has done awful things
But finds solace in regret.
I’m the kind of person
Who doesn’t like people
But is desperate for friends;
Who loves new beginnings
But fears oncoming ends.
I’m the kind of person
Who aches to be loved
But knows love is a lie;
Who wants to feel alive
But is longing to die.
I’m the kind of person
Who dreams of a future
But is stuck in the past;
Who always plays to win
But is eternally last.
I'm the kind of person
Who smiles at the sun
But is burning with cold;
Who wants to stay young
But is already too old.
I’m the kind of person
Who expects the worst
But tries to keep hope;
Who is good with a blade
But will end it with rope.
I Need FeminismWatch depthRADIUSMore Like This
Written by CorporateRockWhore
I need feminism because
It’s acceptable to call me a slut.
I need feminism because
It’s okay for a guy to slap my butt.
I need feminism because
It’s my own fault if a man rapes me.
I need feminism because
I should look good for men to see.
I need feminism because
People think it means ‘anti-man’.
I need feminism because
I can’t do things that men can.
I need feminism because
Girls think it’s cool to shame each other.
I need feminism because
The world has higher hopes for my brother.
I need feminism because
My femininity makes me ‘weak’.
I need feminism becau
Separate WaysI've drifted too far from shoreMore Like This
and as I float, over caverns deep
I outline broken bonds so steep
of when we were close as peas
the seasons rolled in waves
the days, like leaves in a breeze
across the sea, the world was ours
but alas, dreams of you won't keep me warm
forever more, the bridge between a young heart cries
"I've drifted too far from shore!"
The Night MysteriesSeams of rain open up andMore Like This
seep into the cracks of darkness
and lightning like quicksilver
illuminates that which is hidden;
a script written in echoes
of far-off thunder.
Strife's Story ProloguePrologueMore Like This
“Dad! Dad!” I cried happily as I ran into the throne room.
My father turned his head towards me as a kind and caring smile spread upon his face. He stepped down from his throne and hovered to me as we met in the middle of the room. Bending down, he picked me up in his arms and spun in a few circles, still hovering, as my laugh echoed throughout the room.
“There you are!” my father said as he stopped spinning, placing me on the floor. “I was beginning to wonder what my little girl was doing.”
“Dad! Look what I can do!” I closed my eyes, held out my arms bent at my elbows, and focused. After a second, I felt a bit of power form in my chest and make its way to my hands. In a flash, there was an empty glass sitting in my hands and a small cotton candy cloud floating above that. A dark brown liquid, known as ‘chocolate milk’, fell from the cloud and filled the glass from the top down.
“My, my!” my father smiled
Poem: DreamsDreamsMore Like This
A mysterious landscape,
islands floating in the sky.
unlike those of Earth.
You step on the edge,
and look down.
Spread out your wings,
even if you don’t have them.
into the deep.
mysteries await you.
Black and white,
rain and sun.
Soar through them all,
lifted by your non-existent wings.
A sudden rumble,
the islands crumble away.
What is up,
what is down.
You fall deep,
hit the ground.
Open your eyes,
welcome back in reality.
Goodbyedo you remember?More Like This
you and me holding hands, so in love at the start..
you and me in the wind on a swing at the park..
on my knee with a ring, oh we hugged and we smiled..
life was good; now it's great, or was I just in denial?
'cause we fought, then we cried; and we broke, then we lied..
now you're gone and I'm lost feeling so weak inside..
so I ask: could we be — after all we have seen —
still in love, yet broke up; somewhere trapped in between?
I don't know, you're still gone; time has passed, nights are long..
here's to you — here's goodbye — as to you I gift this song..
breaking a writer's heart.never break a writer’s heartMore Like This
because your name
will forever belong to us.
you will sign it
into every broken bit
and one day, you’ll open a book
next to the words
"let me tell you about the time
i was hurt."
never break a poet’s heart
because between the beat
of the stanzas,
you’ll hear that heartbeat,
proving you wrong
with every line.
never break a writer’s heart
because we will take the pain
and make it into something
you could never live down.
you could live with heart monitors,
that measured the damaged pulse,
doctors who told you,
but you can’t live with the bold strokes,
smooth as a flatline,
that accuse you of being
the best thing
that’s ever happened to them.
you can’t live with it;
our soulmate, now writing.
You, now replaced
by a pen.
never break anybody’s heart
because you’ll cut yourself
on the pieces of it.
and see, hearts heal.
Depression...No, depression is not just getting sad.More Like This
It's a constant sadness that melts into your bones,
An indescribably heavy weight upon your shoulders,
Never mind your heart and soul.
It's believing so many lies (maybe because you've learned to accept them)
And no longer appreciating your self-worth.
Wishing you no longer existed, wishing yourself gone.
Depression holds you back from your dreams
And pulls you into a nightmare.
It takes full control of your existence.
It makes you never want to get out of bed,
And when you finally do,
You just want to get back in it.
But you know the hardest part?
Dear YouDear YouMore Like This
You are a hurricane.
You are a volcano.
You are a flurry of beautiful violence;
A plume of volcanic ash cast into the sky.
You are all the voices of the world;
A scream and a whisper and a sigh.
You are the beauty of the earth;
An exquisite wildfire, divine in its destruction.
And you are so strong.
You are stronger than this weight on your shoulders,
You are stronger than this emptiness in your chest,
You are stronger than all these things that dare get in your way.
You will charge past these things;
These regrets, these desires, these insecurities.
You will get through every pitfall and mistake and slipup,
And you’ll be made better for it.
You are unbeatable, unconquerable and unstoppable.
Every obstacle, an opportunity,
Every failure, a lesson.
You will beat this because you are better than this.
You will beat this because you are you.
And that is a powerful thing.
TearsMore Like This
It's tearing me apart. I'm breaking apart inside. I can't even smile. It hurts.
I can't do it anymore.
TypicumUn cuțit în spatele tăuMore Like This
ți-aș înfinge și eu ca să vezi și tu cum m-am simțit
în cele mai triste momente
când m-ai ucis și reînviat de mii de ori.
O oază de lotuși și iriși nu mi-ar acoperi săngele cărămiziu
ce a curs în valuri când tu m-ai înjughiat cu lașitate
și mi-ai întors spatele în timp ce țipam după ajutor.
Nici lacrimi de înger, nici Iordanul nu m-au putut curăța
de mizeria de pe corp și ura din interior.
Ți-aș dori să te rănească și pe tine cineva la fel
și atunci să vin și eu în ajutorul tău.
Să mă ascund în spatele unei măști de bunăvoință
și să îți promit că te ung cu aloe-vera
când de fapt scot un bulgăr de sare și o cană de acid.
Să te las să țipi în van, să se cutremure munții de durerea ta,
Dear Future Self,More Like This
Dear Future Me,
I bet you weren't expecting a letter from your past self, were you?
Well, you probably were, considering we're the same person and
you'd have to know I was writing you a letter since you wrote it in the
past so I guess you know already what's in this letter, right? Do I even
need to write it? If I don't write it… will that set off a chain of events
that lead to the you who won't read this being someone completely different!?
I've watched 'Back to the Future' far too many times.
Well, I'm going to write it. I guess I can't offer you infinite insight
about your future since I'm writing forward as opposed to back, and I
don't know what the future is going to be like, but I want to reiterate
a couple of things for you that might be weathered by time.
Alrighty, for starters:
a) Zombies will always be awesome. Forever and always. Don't lose your love for the genre, buddy.
b) There's always time. When it comes to projects, the less of it you have, t
Her eyes scream fill in the _____.They saidMore Like This
she has starving
little poet fingers,
the heroic hearts
of nameless protagonists.
But, she cries
tears of Saturn
on too-little-sleep nights,
& coffee ringed mornings.
They call her vanilla.
much too ripe to fall
with freckles on her
26. AtmosphereThe first time he saw him was in his regular bar. He was there with his usual group of bachelor men. A few he’d known since high school and some from college. Friends, but none of them really that close. He was there alone. Sitting by himself at a table that would easily fit four. And it irked him, the way he looked so at ease; his hand casually curled around a glass, chin resting in his hand and looking around the room like it was perfectly fine for him to be there. It wasn’t. Well, technically it was, but then it really wasn’t. The bar was of the small homely type; the kind where everyone more or less knows each other and where the only new customers are the ones the regulars bring. It was disturbing how he was clearly by himself, and how he didn’t seem to notice that he was intruding even when everyone else in the room was shooting him unnerved glances, hushing their voices when they spoke and ordMore Like This
Comment, and I'll....Because I haven't done one of these in sooooooo freaking long.More Like This
[STOLEN FROM :iconlolpeaceoutlol:]
If you comment, I will ...
1. Give you a llama if I haven't already. (give ALL the llamas!)
2. Associate you with something- random, a song, a color, a photo, etc.
3. Associate you to a book, TV, or film character.
4. Tell you what I like about you.
5. Recommend your next meal. (STOP MAKING ME HUNGRY. IT'S ALMOST 3 IN THE MORNING FOR FOOF'S SAKE)
6. Tell you my favorite deviation of yours.
7. Tell you what I'd do if we were in the same room right now.
8. If you and I are handcuffed together in a cop car. Using only 3 words, what I would say to you:
9. In return, you must post this in your journal. (HA)
NOT GIRLY! :D[ ] My fingernails/toenails are almost always painted.More Like This
[ ] During the summer pretty much the only shoes I wear are flip flops. (in the summer? I don't wear shoes at all...)
[ ] My favorite toy as a child were Barbies/Bratz. (I played with barbies....with a hot glue gun)
[ ] My favorite color is pink or purple.
[x] I did Gymnastics.
[ ] I love skirts.
[ ] Hollister is one my favorite places to shop.
[x] Tight jeans are the only jeans I'll wear.
[ ] I love chocolate.
TOTAL SO FAR: 2
[ ] My hair is mostly always straightened.
[ ] I usually go shopping once a week.
[x] I love to hang out with friends.
[ ] I have a piece of real diamond jewelry.
[ ] I've gone to a tanning salon.
[ ] I've gone to the beach to tan - not to swim (why the hell would I go to the beach and NOT swim??)
[ ] I have at least 10 pairs of shoes.
[ ] I watch Gossip Girl.
[ ] I change my profile picture weekly.
[ ] I wear a shower cap.
TOTAL SO FAR: 3
[ ] I would NEVER set foot into Hot Topic. (Fuck you, I love hot topic
She's tough.Hey look, there she is.More Like This
Her hair is always a new colour and she wears hats to shade her face. Her piercings just keep increasing.
You see she's tough.
She smokes and drinks and stays out all night. I even heard she sleeps around.
And those clothes, can you believe it?
But she gets away with it, because she's tough.
I heard she even knocked out one of the teachers. Have you seen the bruises? She doesn't bother to cover them up.
But it's because she fights every night, because she's tough.
I mean, it wouldn't be the other option would it?
It wouldn't be that really her appearance is battle gear? She wouldn't be doing it to keep us away would she?
And the bruises, they really are from fighting right? She does hit them back doesn't she?
I mean, she's tough right?
Well, yeah, of course she is.
I mean, its not as if she's pretending. She's not faking it. Because that would mean that she was lying, and not just to us but to herself.
She couldn't be that fragile surely.
I mean she's tou
Glitter Of KeysThe piano notes, as they were gently and quickly poured out,More Like This
Like glitter from the keys,
Became women with ice blue eyes
The kind with sunshine hair
And high cheek bones
With dresses that moved without a rustle
And light, pale slippers that carried the wraiths
In a flowing dance to his voice.
They moved delicately on tiptoes
As his baritone voice intertwined
With their velvet slippers
And while they were the embodiment
Of soft and sleek
He was a show of undeniable masculinity
Though he too wore a gown,
It was of the deepest black
Stretching to cover his broad chest
And fit only to emphasize his curve-less body
Despite this he moved with a celestial grace
As the gown's train trailed behind him
In a silky waterfall
But he was utterly majestic
And as the piano notes twinkled quietly and somberly
His sonorous voice freed itself
From the great ribcage that was it's nest
As it begged to be heard
But it need not worry
For it was a voice filled with power
That reigned proudly and tenderly
Turn AroundHey, turn around.More Like This
I'm right here.
Turn around and see me.
See me and talk to me.
Talk to me and fall in love with me.
Fall in love with me and kiss me.
Kiss me and hold me.
Hold me and need me.
Need me and never let go.
Because I wont let go of you.
Hey, do you have any idea?
Any idea how I feel about you?
Listen to me.
Just turn around.
Turn and let the dominos fall.
Uncommon PhobiasI told myself I'd write a journal at least once a week. And seeing how I can't think of anything interesting going on in my life, I'm going to list some uncommon phobias. So here we go:More Like This
Ambulophobia – the fear of walking
Anablephobia – the fear of looking up
Arachibutyrophobia – the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of one's mouth
Aulophobia – the fear of flutes
Barophobia – the fear of gravity
Cataptrophobia – the fear of mirrors
Chionophobia – the fear of snow
Chromatophobia – the fear of colours
Chronomentrophobia – the fear of time
Cnidophobia – the fear of string
Cyberphobia – the fear of working with computers
Genuphobia – the fear of knees
Geumapobia – the fear of taste
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia – the fear of long words
Hypnophobia – the fear of sleep
Kyphophobia – the fear of stooping
Levophobia – the fear of objects to the left
Metrophobia – the fear of poetry
Mnemophobia – the fear of memories
Octophobia – the fear of the figure eight
Ommetaphobia – th