LouisMrs Penciled Eyebrows eyes me suspiciously as I stand on the doormat and ring the bell for the umpteenth time. That I look awkward and bothersome is undeniable but I can't bring myself to go away. Outside it is already dark and one probably shouldn't pay unannounced visits at such a late hour but I came here instinctively, as I always do. I reconciled myself with the fact that when in trouble or in need of something, I invariably end up here, at Louis's door.More Like This
This time is no different. I went out with Jenny, a girl I'd been introduced to by a colleague. I was quite looking forward to our evening at the cinema and a restaurant – I am not the most sociable of people but I enjoy meeting a new face from time to time. But then Louis wished me a nice date with one of those absent-minded smiles of his. Date. The word stung.
Five years ago the prospect of going on a date with a girl like Jenny would have been exciting and for sure I wouldn't have returned from it in such low spirits. But
CaliginousScattered jittered thoughts.More Like This
Reflecting on everything.
Mind wide open while slamming shut.
Fingers jump and skitter.
Breath exhaled quickly stuttered.
Skin crawling down the sleeves.
Jumping down while seated down.
Blood pumps high and swiftly.
Eyes wide open with dilation.
Pure panic set without a lining.
Screaming loud to hear the world.
Silently close the distant eyes.
Clenching fists as yet not closed.
Fingers stretched in pain and stiffness.
Stabbing pain without the closure.
Draw the map of all my problems.
Scattered lines that somehow meet.
A spiders silk entwined with sympathy.
Self doubt and needless hate.
Losing oneself within the body.
Loose the strands start entwined about.
But thick and strong they form together.
This noose is strong and darkened, bitter.
Wrought by mine own hands beneath me.
I wait with bated breath the fall.
In the darkness it drags me down.
No light has passed this way.
Fade the breath of simple choices.
To drag them down or let them go.
Fear the chilli