Do you remember the total darkness? When the stars lost their luster and I, I knowing you were afraid of the dark came to your house. And you loved me, and I loved you and we loved each other for being in love with one another. I told you, "Even if you don't love you, I do." I sat on your roof with you and in total darkness, we rolled a joint. "This is your life in paper." you said. "Don't waste it." The only light was the red cherry at the end, I could see your features in the dim light, I wanted to kiss every part of you. You sucked in and resting your hand on mine, passing my free hand the joint. You held your own, breathing out the awkward scent without coughing. I wanted you to inhale me, take me into you. I wanted to invade your bloodstream and swim to your heart and brain. I wanted to peel away your frosty cold skin, peel it away and see your insides. So we did the next best thing.
It must have been 3 AM when you rolled over on me, your body- for once- warm to touch. You woke me up and I looked at you groggily. You told me, "Everything will be just fine." then you rolled over. I couldn't help but stare at the back of your head for a while before my weary head drifted off again. I wonder still why you told me that. When it was a decent hour, and you woke next to me, you shoke me a little. I smiled at you and said 'Good morning'. You said to me: "I can see that you love me in your eyes." I smiled and closed my eyes. "How about now?" I asked, waiting for your reply. You said then "I can still tell you love me by your smile. Your smile says 'I love this crazy fool of mine and I don't care who knows it." To this I started at you a while. I covered my smile with my hand, and closed my eyes again. "What about now?" I asked in a muffled voice. Then you said to me shakily. "I cannot tell if you love me anymore." To this, I opened my eyes and wrapped my arms around you. "I love you" I said. And I would say it again.
Where did you go? What did I say to make you go there? What can I say to make you come back here? You left, so I found her. I kissed her lips, because she said that her lips had tasted your lips, and I thought by being with her I would be closer to you. She didn't have your smell, she didn't say your words. When she told me she loved me, I didn't see it in her eyes at all. I saw nothing. Light green as deep as your eyes can see before seeing a soul. I saw nothing, empty. I wondered how empty she was. I wanted to open her up, just like you. I wanted to dissect her like in biology class. Cut the frog from throat to anus, peel back his skin. Take out the lungs. The heart. The ovaries. The nothing. I wanted to put something inside you. You weren't empty like her though. I wanted to make her bleed. Make the bitch crawl. I didn't love her, and she didn't love me. There was no dark nights with her, and never will be.
I tracked you down. It wasn't easy. I went from person to person, kissing men and women who have kissed you to get closer to you, but never them, never ever them. And finally I found you. I don't know why you left me. I don't know why I bothered tracking you down. I don't know why you lied to me. I can quote you. "Everything will be just fine." Fine my ass. You are nothing but dusty bones and dirt, my love. Fucking bitch, and I loved you, still do.