CARRI:iconcarrybag93::iconcarrybag93::iconcarrybag93::iconcarrybag93::iconcarrybag93::iconcarrybag93:More Like This
SHE GAVE ME
I LOVE YOU
The pain won't go away...Sometimes I feel like this is how my life was supposed to end up. I grew up in a white trash ghetto neighborhood... last year I escaped just in time to start high school in a new place. I new a few people and I make friends easily. Well. the new me does. At my old school and city I was an outcast. I tried everything I could to be like those preppy bitches. I tried eating disorders, colorful hair, tight clothes. Nothing got me anywhere. When I realized for real that I had zero friends... it hit me. I had the worst attack of depression I've had in my life. I was having issues with my sexuality since first grade (wow, right?) but I didn't know it yet. I was hospitalized for something stupid. All before seventh grade. I had boyfriend after boyfriend after boyfriend and I felt nothing for any of them. I was lost in my own head.... and in the summer of eighth grade I found out I am schizophrenic. I never told my parents... you'll hear why in a second. When I was in fifth grade I started to rMore Like This
My AnxietyWill you accept me? If I show you the real me?More Like This
No, not the me wrapped in pretty ribbons,
Meticulously layered in that vomit-inducing, festively designed wrapping paper you like so much
Those are the distractions I made for you
The real me, she's hidden in a deep dark place inside that carefully crafted box you see
And when she is no longer covered in all the pretend
There is nothing festive or pretty about her...
I never knew how easy it was to lock myself away forever with fear
Fear of rejection, pain, fear of the world beyond the make-shift walls I built myself
Not until reality showed me how disgusting people can be
The cruelty that was once myth, I now see, shining in the eyes of my closest friends
And it's staring me down, constantly
Every god damn day
Every god damn time I get too close!
Will you still love me? If I open myself up to you?
If I allow you to unravel that stupidly sarcastic ribbon?
If I don't stop you when you peel away strip after strip of that thin l