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exhaustionI'm tired of trying to "look good"More Like This
i'm tired of trying to fit in,
tired of faking smiles
and asking where people have been,
tired out from all this apathy and worrying
about money and "succeeding"
letting people control me and be a dumping ground
for their own bullshit and expectations
I just want things on a scale bigger than myself, or you
to feel better and improve
I wasn't (un?) lucky enough to be blessed with ignorance or understanding
stuck in between with all the guilt and exhaustion and it's killing me
jointedi remember days of holding your handsMore Like This
and swearing they felt so heavy,
the synovial fluid that welled up
around your joints was liquid lead
for years i wished to give you
one thousand of my white blood cells
for each day i had to leave you
stranded on the kitchen floor
and when i finally learned the words
i wanted to tell you:
the doctors never made you stronger
with any injection or titanium bones
but you did yourself
every morning you stood
and opened your eyes
because today,
a woman asked me
if i would like to take home flowers for you
and i wanted to ask if in the coolers
she had enough yellow roses
to fill the spaces between your
kneecaps and every joint that ever ached
so maybe you would come back alive
if i could promise
pain wouldn't greet you
Sta.sh
