Locus SolusI sometimes recall a particular morning from childhood. I was in my grandparents' home - a big house, with large empty walls and high ceiling. It was a lazy winter morning. The sun was coming shyly through the shades. A heavy silence all around. I did not dare to move in my bed, afraid that I'd somehow ruin that order of the world. In all that stillness I suddenly noticed a small spider crawling on a wall. I thought it was cute for some time, until the immensity of that empty wall hit me like a hammer. The slowly advancing spider had walked alone up to that point and it still had a lot of empty ground to cover. I whispered "The world is a lonely place, little spider". And I cried for him. But the little spider didn't even notice me. And that, in turn, made me feel alone.More Like This
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When I was young I was taught that pain begets pain,
Anger and animosity, malice and cruelty;
So deeply inflicted, so lovingly gifted.
I tasted of its rotten core and dared to call it sweet.
But what do I have to show for it?
White hot scars that burn in my dreams.
Reminders of a fragmented bi-polar self;
Self inflicted propaganda, to reinforce the "truth".
Truth so lovingly fabricated by a weakness within,
So desperately crying out for vindication;
Openly denying all that might shed light upon me,
Seeking only the company of shades in shadows...
Within four walls I sleep in exile;
Quietly pretending that I am still sane,
Never noticing how it has all turned out;
Alone I remain the same...
Never reaching, never living; I am free within the cage
-Chen Yuan Wen, 1st January 2012