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Relaxation For My Brain 7/16/11

My brain needs some relaxation, it's been overworked
I'm so competitive, this isn't even the worst
I've stayed up so many nights, finishing somewhat unneeded
Just so I would win and not be beated

But this is by far, the most I have done
Writing 20+ poems all for the fun
I wanted too badly to finish these
That sometimes I couldn't sleep

I know it's weird but that's how I work
Inside me, so many ideas lurk
Hitting against me, wanting out
It's enough to make me shout

But once I let them go, I feel much better
Even if it's something as simple as writing them a letter
I don't know why it works this way, I guess it just does
All I know if I need to rest now before it blows up
THANK GOD!!!!!!! Last one!!! I have beat the 100 theme challenge!
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Solitude In The Wind

A beautiful day
The weather all calm
Everythings nice
Nothing seems wrong

The wind blows
Gently caressing my face
I wish everything
Could stay in this place

It's too much to ask
And the wind dies away
Against my will
I feel my heart sway

Loved and beautiful
Is how it makes me feel
It holds me
Like only a loved one will

Its foolish of me
To think this true
The wind could never
Take the place of you

So whenever I'm lonely
By myself I will cry
You won't notice
Time will go by

Smiling while not happy
I've mastered the art
All it takes
Is a caged up heart

This isn't good to do
Because it gets harder with the days
To remove the heart
From it's small cage

So for now I'll cry
And wish you were here
Try not to die
As I hide from fears

The wind pushes me back
But away I walk
Someone else
It will have to stalk
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Its all so confusing
Living so far apart
It really is quite damaging
For my tiny little heart

I used to know for sure
But now I have no idea
Would it be better
To pretend I dont feel

It would kill me to lose you
Yet at the same time
I know it could be better
But I'm scared you would lie

I don't want to hurt you
I don't want to hurt myself
This is something I can't forget
So don't put the thought away on the shelf

It's here and we need to discuss
What we're made of
If it will work out
Or if we need a tiny shove

I don't like talking about
My thoughts or complaints
They stay inside me
With many restraints

You're more open
But do I trust
The things that you say
Wear away like rust

I'm tired of wishing
For things that can't be
All I'm doing is waiting
For you to finally see

Because of the way you view things
It will take a while
But I'll just sit here
Wearing my fake smile
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Safety First 7/16/11

Step right in, buckle up
Safety first, we wouldn't want you to get cut
The ride is fast, keep your arms in
You don't know where the journey begins

A beast so foul, he loves human flesh
Especially the kind that's fresh
Little kids are even more sweet
Which makes you all quite a tasty treat

What's that? You want off the ride?
Too bad! There's no where to hide
I have to feed him somehow!
Children don't just grow on trees, do they now?

What's that? Your mom and dad?
They're already dead, dear lad
I killed them hours ago
But you were to busy playing to know

I bet you reget wanting to come
You just wanted a day of fun
Well it's too late for all of that
You're all mine you little rats

Did you hear that grunt? That's the belly of the beast
Sure sounds like he's hungry to me
Good thing you can't escape
Enjoy your ride! Try to stay awake
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In The Storm 7/16/11

You know that feeling when you're about to die
That feeling that no words can describe
The kind you only get in the storm
I live for that thrill and nothing more

Jumping off of buildings doesn't bother me
Heights are something I love to see
Scuba diving would be fun as well
Mountain climbing sounds like it would be swell

Parasailing sounds like a real adventure
But you have to be careful and stay in the center
Speaking of storms, chasing them would be fun
Althought kind of dangerous, it would be quite a run

But for now the only thrill I can really get
Is at the amusement park with a ticket
On every ride at least three times
Is loving them so much such a crime?

Everything thinks that I'm crazy, but to me it makes sense
If you're not scared of dying, why bother with defence?
Living in the storm, takes a special person
If you are sick, the condition will only worsen

You must be at the top of your health
Or you could use quite a bit of wealth
Not in terms of money, but terms of life
I know one day that I'll die

And I'm not even scared
It's almost weird how much I don't scare
I've been changed by the storm
I'll smile forever and more
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What I Gave Up For You   4/13/13

I gave up my house
The only house I'd ever known
I gave up my room
And it still wasn't enough

I gave up my privacy
Even my peace of mind
You said it wouldn't last long
You promised I'd be fine

Nothing has changed
The peace remains gone
The screaming continues
Like some outdated war song

I gave up my friends
And my school too
I even gave up my dreams
But it still wasn't enough for you

I gave up my smile
I gave up my heart
I sit here pulling at my seams
Trying not to fall apart

I gave everything up for you
Everything I am
I lost everything that mattered
I lost my best friend

All I wanted was a chance
To get it all back
Something, anything
Of the life that I had

But that was too much to ask
And you took it away
Yet I'd still give it all up again
To give you one single good day

Which is more than you can say
Who really cares about my smile
You blame it on my cynical attitude
Say I've been that way for a while

But everytime
You get the chance to make it right
You stand up for them
Leave me alone in my fight

I think I'm ready to give up
On this unconditional love
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
The daughter you always dreamed of
I haven't written in a while. This poem has no real structure. It doesn't even have a regular rhyme scheme. But, whatever. I feel a lot better. It's wonderful to write again.
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If I Fell   4/13/13

In the beginning, I was wary of pain.
But as the days went by I thought I'd be okay.

For a while, everything seemed like a dream.
It felt like love and it was happening to me.

Two years later, we have come to the end.
There is a fork in the road that is too wide to hold hands.

Like people in a crowded hallway,
Life got in between us, and there's nothing to say.

But you drag it out, won't leave me alone
Why can't you just accept the fact I've moved on?

I never thought you'd turn into the person you've become.
I am honestly starting to think making me cry is fun.

I feel so completely dissappointed in myself,
For being so stupid and saying I'd love you above all else.

Nothing is forever, that's a lesson I learned.
Yet I fell in the fire and now I've been burned.

The burns have began to heal.
I'm starting to be happy, depsite the pain I feel.

Pain for the betrayal of my heart
Slowly starts to numb, which keeps me from falling apart.

But I don't know how my heart would survive if there were another attack.
So my mind steps in, trying to watch my back.

This is no easy task, for my heart likes to roam
Constantly searching, striving, wishing for a home.

If I fell in love, would the pain feel the same?
Does every relationship always end this way?

I guess since I'm a teenager, I'm expecting too much.
I have too high of an expectation for this word called love.

Nothing is forever, I expect that much is true.
People grow up and move away and forget about..who?

I don't want to be in that situation again.
I don't want the talk, "oh we can just be friends"

I no longer know what my future will hold, where I will be.
But for now if I fell, at least I'll be happy.
Yeah, well. Here we go. Inspired somewhat by The Beatles song that practically lives in my head :) Maybe for these reasons? I don't know. Break ups suck haha
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These two were my first attempt at using colored polymer clay. It is A LOT different. I did Pon (the yellow one) first, which is why he is a little uglier xD I tried to clean them both up though :3
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Soo Beautiful
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    And if you insist
    On knowing my bliss
    I'll tell you this
    If you want to know
    What the reason is
    I'll only smile when I lie
    Then I'll tell you why

    Because your kiss, your kiss
    Is on my list
    Because your kiss, your kiss
    I can't resist
    Because your kiss is what I miss
    When I turn out the light

    Because your kiss is on my list
    Of the best things in life

    Daryl Hall & John Oates - Your kiss is on my list

    :heart: :heart: :heart:
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:bulletpink: Nikon D90

:bulletpink: Nikkor 50mm

:bulletyellow: handheld, MF

:bulletgreen: edits: crop, curves
Copyright İkyokosphotos
All rights reserved.
My images may not be reproduced in any form without my written permission
No Stock, not allowed to show it anywhere in the web without my permission.

portfolio [link]
:gallery: [link]
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Raaaaaaawr :3 I got bored hahahaha. I'm pose to be a lion but the lighting is really screwed up so you can't see it too good :/ so yeah xD Woo for random thoughts.

All I used was eyeshadow, eyeliner, and a picture of a guy lion C:
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Soo Awesome
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From the moment I woke up I could tell that this wasn't going to be an ordinary day. I mean sure, it wouldn't be anyway considering it is Halloween and all. But this went beyond a bunch of kids dressing up and yelling BOO!! Heck, this even went beyond all the fat people squeezing into costumes ten sizes too small. This was something wrong in the air. A bad feeling you could say I guess.
School went by surprisingly normal. So normal it was almost suspicious. Today was dress up day to go along with the holiday, but no one really participated. On top of that, all of my friends seemed to be like zombies. They were so obviously weird that even the zoned out brains of the teachers were catching on. I pulled my Daphne costume tighter around myself and readjusted my wig nervously. Thankfully, today was a half day and I could go home. I walked out of the school, one of the last to leave like always. My locker  is on the third floor so it always takes me a little longer. Even though it was only 1:00 P.M. the sky was already getting dark. There was no one around and the dead, browning leaves were moving soundlessly on the sidewalk. Truthfully, it was creepy. So creepy the thought of running crossed my mind even though I knew I couldn't in the go-go boots for my costume. Without falling and dying, that is. Thinking about the lovely picture of my breaking neck, I made the painful decision to walk all the way home.
"Get a hold of yourself! It's suppose to be creepy, it's Halloween!" I nodded furiously with new determination and bit my lip, determined not to scream no matter what popped up. Tonight would be fun.
Jude was coming over (dressed as Freddie of course) and it would be amazing. Yes, seriously. The kid's name is Jude. I sort of like it though. Jude and Lucy, it has a nice ring. I could get used to hearing that. Thoughts of Jude sweetened the air and carried me all the way to my dark house. I opened the door, went straight for the couch, and waited. He was suppose to be here any minute. My dad works all the
time, but he knew about my plans for the night so it didn't really matter if he was here anyway. And so by myself, I waited. And waited. And waited. Oh yeah, did I mention I waited? By now it was 8:00 P.M. and our lunch plans were as dead as the leaves in my yard. Honestly, I was feeling betrayed. I mean really, he was already standing me up and we weren't even dating yet? Not cool. By 9:00 I was ready to take the costume off and crawl in bed and cry. I've known this guy since we wore diapers and we had celebrated Halloween together for just as long. There were thousands of pictures of us, in random awkward stages of growth wearing some hideous costume our mothers had thrown together. It couldn't stop now, when I finally looked decent.
At 9:30, I threw myself at the door and punched it angrily. Something knocked back from the opposite side. With a sigh of relief, I swung open the door, not even really looking to see who it was. "Juuuuuude" I called out in a happy sing song voice. Then I got quiet, deadly quiet. Sure, I was right. It was Jude. But he wasn't Freddie. In fact, he didn't even look like my Jude. He was wearing some expensive looking vampire type costume. His eyes were reddened with what I guess could only be contacts, and his usually red hair was black. Besides just that, his normal dorky grin that I love so much was replaced with a fanged scowl. He looked angry and even a little scary.
"Juuuuuude. It's my year to pick! You said you didn't mind being Freddie!" I whined. Every year we would dress in group costumes, rotating who got to pick. This year was my year and I wasn't about to give up. His expression didn't change. He didn't even bother to shrug his shoulders. I was almost like he was looking through me, sizing me up. I felt kind of like food at the grocery store. Not a very good feeling. "Jude, just stop it! You're creeping me out." He walked forward, so close that our noses were almost touching. I rolled my eyes and went inside. He kept following me, his eyes full of that intensity
the whole time.
"Can't we just go now? We're missing all the good candy!" I whined some more.
"We aren't going anywhere." He replied in a very soft yet gruff voice. Then he laughed at me. A very cold and hard sound that held no emotion at all.
"But... I thought..." I backed up instinctively, using my hands to make sure I didn't bump into anything. He cackled again.
"What are you talking about?" He asked in the same strange voice. He was so close to me now that I had to back up even more. I bumped into the coffee table and felt around for a minute. Suddenly, I felt something sharp. From the heaviness of it, I knew it was the old letter opener that my dad layed out at
Halloween because of the creepy carvings. I closed my fist around it tightly, ready to fight for my life. "What's wrong with you?" I sobbed, beyond terrified.
"I'm hungry." He said in a low whisper, so low it almost sounded like a hiss. Without warning he jumped right in my face and opened his mouth in a wide snarl, revealing two long, sharp fangs, both tinted red. I've worked with props long enough to be able to point out fake fangs right away. These weren't fake. "No!" I screamed and ducked under the table. "What happened to you? Did you
do that to our friends?" He was silent for a moment. Not normal. Jude always had something to say.
"You aren't going to end up like them, you know. I'm never going to get better so I want to leave, but I don't want to be alone. I want someone to stand by my side forever." I stared at him for a moment, my useless little letter opener raised in front of my face like it could actually do something.
"You want me to leave my life behind to go with you to some unknown place just to live in the dark together forever?" I asked slowly. He just nodded. "Well God, Jude. Why didn't you just say that in the first place instead of just jumping in here and giving me a heart attack!" I scolded. He smiled and ruffled my hair. "You just make it so easy." I stuck out my tounge.
"I'll go with you, but you better go put on the Freddie costume because we're going Trick-or-Treating first."
Yes :3 Here is the entry for the partner contest in :iconzealzone: ! It's so weird for me to write something that isn't poetry.. I hope it turned out alright! My partner is :iconyukiko-berrie: and here is her part of the entry! [link] Ahhh It's so wonderfully cute x3 and now it's the preview image! Go give her picture some love~ ^^
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I spend my mornings alone with books or in libraries,
    Always in the law, crime, and medical sections,

Searching, wandering blindly, reading books and taking notes, fingers raw and bloodied by old pages.

I only do it so I can compare you and everyone else,
    To every disease, malady, condition: mental, physical, I don't care.

Poisons, toxins, disorders, all I can think of, and those I can't.
Figurative language and I are not exactly friends;
I can only compare to the malignant.

I hide from the blinding summer sun in my
    Winter clothes, shuddering from imagined cold.

Pale skin stretched tight over bones, both bleached white, and breaking under books.

My afternoons are spent in darkness that I have to imagine
    Because sunlight streams through my windows like lace and makes me think of you,

So of course I can't fucking stop it from coming in.
Contemplating razor blades and diseases of the bones is my definition of forget.
And regret isn't exactly too far away, but contemplate goes on vacation and bones becomes the mind.

I tremble in my painted darkness,
    Counting tendons in my hands, my 19th century medical dictionary to help;

Recite, rejoice, because maybe this will bring me somewhere someday.

My evenings are for emptiness, for writing stories with the horrible things I've learned.
    Post-traumatic-stress-disorder becomes my best friend and schizophrenia is

The words that flow from my fingers into my pen and onto paper.
Prussic acid is wine, and I pour neurotoxins into flower beds; Roses lose their color and wilt,
While I collapse into a swimming pool filled with tabun, drunk on the scent of fruit.

I wait for the sun to come rise,
    For my imagined darkness to dissipate so I can be blinded by the light,

And so it begins, again.
This is supposed to go in an order of Three lines, 5 lines, three fucking lines, but e.e...
Sorry that is looks so horrid D:< But once again everything should be divided; three lines, five lines, three lines.

So, I don't know. I noticed I was going a little bit crazy with the whole Anthrax Voice thing, acid blood blah blah blah so I made this.

I wrote this as a point of view of a lady, so yeah.
A little insight, yes?
I don't think she has any medical issues, but she is just obsessed to a point of strangeness because something happened and she is alone. I don't know these things, I just write them, man D:
I think that she is on the edges of a breakdown, with the whole razor blades thing, and that whole thing is her excuse to write things such as this.

When I started writing this, I had a completely different idea, but I am actually rather happy with this which is unlike me. o.o
My favorite part is the ending, I think. I was hoping for sort of surrealistic crap.

I hate the title. I'm absolutely terrible at titles. D:<
Will have to think of a new one.

I would love some people's insight about what this makes them think about/what comes to mind~Feel free to note or comment something like that~ <3

Now for some links about all the things mentioned here by order of appearance.
Posttraumatic Stress disorder Schizophrenia Prussic Acid (hydrogen cyanide) Neurotoxin Tabun
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Mature Content Filter is On
(Contains: strong language)
So we're sitting on the edge of your bed talking about appearances. We're asking what they appear to be and what they are and what they aren't. We don't know who we're asking, but we appear to be indifferent to them. Yet, by appearing, we take on appearances.
You say, "Show me how to disappear. I don't want to be vain. I want to be empty and static. I want people to see me and not see me all at the same time."
I'm thinking it can't be that simple. I'm wondering why someone like you could want, so badly, to be invisible.
You're going on and on about that what's-on-the-inside bullshit, and I'm pretending to listen. I pet your head like I would pet a cactus and grit my teeth into the crooked facial expression you call a smile.
"I wish you would smile more."
There's that word again.
"You're so handsome when you "smile"."
I tell you you're silly, and that you're more handsome than I will ever be. Your hand swats at my side the way a viper whips its head at a quivering mouse, and my face gets even more crooked. This leads to talks about handsome women and that song called "She's a Handsome Woman2" which leads to talks about gender and social stereotypes about the word "handsome"3.
Now we're laying on your bed, under your sheets. Your neck is nestled in the crook of my elbow, and I want to tell you how perfect your neck is. So I do. Your skin is as soft and pale as the glow of a full moon4, but I would never tell you that. I'm no poet, and so I say it's perfect.
You tell me I'm wrong, and I let my silence speak for itself.
In the dark, your delicate hand searches for mine and finds it laying limp against the bed's edge where we once sat. Where we appeared and disappeared. Your hand is smaller than most hands. Well, maybe not smaller than most hands, but smaller than mine. Our fingers laced, I become aware of my moist palms. A pulse of adrenaline swims from my heart to my fingertips, and I curl them into a fist even though the room is black. These fingers laden with cuts and healing flesh and bleeding fingernail corners. Anxious hands5. Bigger-than-your's hands. You grab at my fist as if you've dropped a porn magazine on a bustling city sidewalk. You snatch it up before the wind carries it into the crowd.
I know these habits hurt important parts of you, so I murmur an apology. "Sorry" for letting go. "Sorry" for my butcher's hands.
You don't mention my bitten nails or sweaty palms. Your knuckles glow white in the dark as you hold me tightly and tell me to never let go. And your neck is still perfect. Like moonlight basking in moonlight.
I'm staring at the trees' shadows battling the twilight against your stark, white wall past the back of your perfect neck. As sleep washes over me, a tidal wave amidst my sea of emotions, I can imagine the branches throwing punches at the superheroes on your Marvel comics poster6.
You ask if I'm still awake, and I wonder if we ever truly sleep whenever we breathe the same air. I say no. I say I'm asleep, and I feel your playful glare as the war of Superman versus Supertree plays in a dream reel across the theater of your bedroom wall.
The sudden realization of your chest upon mine brings me back to reality. Your lung movements run adjacent to mine. Like clockwork gears, my heavy chest rises and falls upon your perfect breasts, and our windpipes hiss in a sweet, steady rhythm. Nose to nose and hip to hip, I breathe you in7. You sigh. I shiver. Your lips part. My eyes shake. Like TV static, the light reflected in your pupils blips and blurs.

Even under these sheets, it's too cold to shiver. You say "Hold me." What that really means is, "Be the big spoon8 until I break free from your clutches and wither into a ball of fetal solitude."
More or less.
The space between us seems as vast as space itself even though your back is against my sternum. My heart is beating along your spine, but the soft undulating of your blood pumping beneath your deltoids collides with mine. Even though our lungs don't rise and fall like clockwork, like the tides, I tell you you're perfect.
You say, "I know."
I let my silence speak for itself.
Our legs lay in a puddle of melting snow, your feet against mine.^ The slow slither of the blood in your veins leaves your toes as cold as a corpse9.
You fit my hand into yours like a ball in a baseball mit, the callus of your thumb stroking my wrist. My hands are not sweating. My heart doesn't skip a beat10; In fact, it slows down to a funeral march tempo. I'm waiting for the part where you tell me I'm not perfect. The air thickens, your lungs pumping out toxic gas that I breathe in the form of anxiety. Any minute now, you'll say something that makes me feel obsolete.
Then, maybe, your feet will get warmer.
"I thought you said you were going to quit."
You're saying this as your thumb runs along the tops of my stumps. Fingers. You're talking about my nail-biting thing not to be confused with my smoking or drug or alcohol or sex thing.
"Your hands look so ugly when you do that."
My silence tells you to fuck off even though I know you're right.
I feel that when you call my hands ugly, you're calling me ugly. I feel this somewhere no one can feel. And even though ugly is just an appearance, I no longer feel indifferent to it. I am ugly. I have appeared. I appear to be an ugly person with ugly hands.
The hinges of my digits creak as I turn them into my palms into that same familiar fist.
And you lay in my silence, and I lay in your criticism. And all that remains are our lung movements.
1. [link] "Gender Dysphoria and Dissociative Identity Disorder"
2. [link] "She's a Handsome Woman" by Panic at the Disco
3. [link] "A Handsome Woman?" - A forum
4. [link] Full Moon Calender
5. [link] "Onychophagia: Compulsive Nail Biting"
6. [link] Visual
7. [link] "Carbon Dioxide Inhalation Induces Dose-Dependent and Age-Related Negative Affectivity"
8. [link] 'Big Spoon" -Urban Dictionary
9. [link] Remedies For Cold Feet
10. [link] "Arrhythmia: A Problem With Your Heartbeat"
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1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. NO CHEATING!
4. Tag 5 people. (I'm a rebel! No Tagging people for me XD)
5. Bold the questions and with the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.

1. How are you feeling today?
If I Die Young - The Band Perry
(I guess I'm feeling like I'm dying least it didn't pop up for question 2 XD)

2. Will you get far in life?
Your Guardian Angel - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
(Now.. That's just really confusing…)

3. How do your friends see you?
Fur Elise - Beethoven
(I'm going to pretend that means classy)

4. Will you get married?
Good Times - Never Shout Never
(Perhaps? And it will be good times? I know not what that means o.o')

5. What is your best friend's theme song?
Nothin' On You - B.O.B
(Apparently no one is better than her! Woo! :D)

6. What is the story of your life?
I Didn't Know I'd Love Ya So Much - Repo! The Genetic Opera
(Oh wow. If you people only knew XD)

7. What was high school like?
Don't Trust Me - 30H3
(Can't trust anyone! Ain't that the truth :/)

8. How can you get ahead in life?
I'll Make A Man Out Of You - Mulan
(By being a man and dealing with it!)

9. What is the best thing about your friends?
Something There - Beauty And The Beast
(No comment. I really just don't know what to say haha)

10. What is in store for this weekend?
Airplanes - B.O.B.
(I already knew I was going to need a wish)

11. To describe your grandparents?
You Gotta Fight For Your Right To Party - Beastie Boys
(Oh my… Just… No)

12. How is your life going?
Damn Girl - The All-American Rejects
(Pooish apparently o.0)

13. What song will they play at your funeral?
1,2,3,4 - The Plain White T's
(That's not very fitting for a funeral…perhaps it means I'm loved?)

14. How does the world see you?
Two Is Better Than One - Boys Like Girls
(that I suck all by myself Cx YAY <,<)

15. Will you have a happy life?
One More Sad Song - The All-American Rejects
(Aw, pooh)

16. What do your friends really think of you?
Barbie Girl - Aqua
(Yes! They think I'm stylish? 0.0)

17. Do people secretly lust after you?
Three Little Birds - Bob Marley
(Well the song says don't worry bout it, so I'm gonna take that as a no. Whew.)

18. How can I make myself happy?
You're All Talk - Never Shout Never
(By finding myself or taking a vacation from all these people)

19. What should you do with your life?
Dance, Dance - Fall Out Boy
(Need I say more?)

20. Will you ever have children?
Zydrate Anatomy - Repo! The Genetic Opera
(No, but I will have lots and lots of surgery, apparently. Pooh, again D: )

21. What song would you strip to?
Harmony - Never Shout Never
(oh, the irony XD That is hilarious)

22. If a man in a van offered you candy, what would you do?
Yellow Submarine - The Beatles
(Psh, I'd take his candy and drive away safely in my Yellow Submarine)

23. What does your mom think of you?
I Want To Hold Your Hand - The Beatles
(Eww… that's just not right. She'd cut it off before she tried to hold it XD)

24. What is your deep dark secret?
Gives You Hell - The All-American Rejects
(I smile when I know my enemies are sad)

25. What is your mortal enemy's theme song?
I Don't Wanna Be In Love - Good Charlotte

26. What's your personality like?
Over The Rainbow - Jason Castro
(I am COLORFUL!!!!)

27. Which song will be played at your wedding?
Bad Day - Daniel Powter
(Well ain't that depressing haha then again weddings are so stressful it could be a bad day xD)

28. If you were to become the Dictator of a small Eastern-European nation, would you be a benevolent Dictator?
Smelyalata - Never Shout Never
(PSH, no. I'd be like you people are mean and then leave)

29. What are your aspirations?
I Wouldn't Mind - He Is We
(To spend forever with someone :3 )

30. What goes through your head when you wake up?
Best Days - Matt White
( I miss my Best Days..)
I was bored and listening to music so I decided to do this :3 I'm a rebel, so I'm not gonna tag anyone! If you wanna do it then do it :D Please, so I can laugh at the answers. My i-pod obviously hates me. Stupid Bernard >:C But anyways, got it from here: [link]
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The Circus Of Hell  11/5/11

Oh how I hurt, oh how I'm alone
Everyone smiles and doesn't notice my moans
My skin is in blister's, I can't describe how they feel
It hurts even worse when they crack and bleed and peel

I can no longer walk, I don't remember my feet
They aren't even mine anymore because of what those people did to me
My legs are grotesque, all puffy and white
To look at them without puking takes a large fight

The maggots have invaded, long before I'm dead
I can feel them crawling everywhere except for maybe my head
I used to be so beautiful, but now I'm just gross
The people stare in at me and pretend not to know

But nobody cares if I'm alive
Nobody would notice if I died
I'm so ugly, just an eye sore
They want me to die so they don't have to look at me anymore

"I know it's painful but it can't be helped
We've been together for everything we've felt"
He took my hand and gave it a soft kiss
It gave too much pain to give any bliss

But he has his own share of pain
He shares his body with his sister every day
Each of them only gets one hand
They're closer together then the closest of friends

I've always been caged up, I've never been free
I'm just a rotting princess, please someone look at me
No one of us are well, we need an escape
The twins are attached, but not by fate

A very sick doctor thought we needed to be fixed
He took us in his lab and poked at us with sticks
He tore off parts that should never come loose
And sewed things that shouldn't have been together, too

Someone please save us, this isn't an act
We didn't choose this life, don't look at us and laugh
We'll spend eternity in this circus of hell
Just because you all leave and pretend that we're well
Hmm. This could have been scarier but I think I toned it down. I like it this way.
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There are muffled
noises, and you hide your
eyes in your hands.

There was a tattered and
worn copy of Hamlet
in your bag. I can remember
watching you skim for just
the right

The house speaks
in a soft tongue.

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.

The smell of flesh,
echoes through these halls.
My arms sink in
my skin.

I will walk out of the air,
into my grave.

The house creaks,
and it is speaking again.
The doors are shut,
and they giggle when
our backs our turned.

Go, bid the soldiers shoot.

The house tells us
we are not to be,
and our steps
will earn
teeth digging at our

Your hands are cold.
My face is cold.

From our flesh, may violets spring.
Written for #ThePoetryofDA's Halloween contest, Fun House of Horror. I couldn't help the Hamlet references. There are two direct quoted lines from Hamlet, two slightly adapted lines, and one in text reference that will probably be noticed very quickly. If you can pick those out, you get a cookie. Hamlet just seemed to fit. This is what came out of thinking about horror and a "fun" house. I do like it, though, knowing me, I won't in a couple of days.

Everyone should vote here: [link]
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The house of horror,
The house of the damned,
The house of the curst,
Where nightmares are crammed,

You dread to see what's inside,
Yet you can't help to have a peak,
You creep around not knowing what's there,
Your life looking so bleak,

Your nightmares come to life,
Your childhood monsters are  real,
Your troublesome memories flood back,
Its all to much to feel,,

You run for your life,
Every room grim with perfection,
But you stumble across a room of mirrors,
You can't help to stare at your distorted reflection,

They show only your faults,
But in a way that's not bad at all,
No longer the pray,
No longer weak and so small,

As they say, if you can't beat them,
Join them in this fun house of horror.
For the contest in :iconthepoetryofda:
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Betraying every flaw
All around
Longing for perfection

Every image is distorted
Showing a damned reality
Or a perfect utopia
Just behind the glass

Showing how horrible it could be
All around
Taunting you with futures free of despair

You can reach, touch it
Pretend you can feel it
But this house of horrors
Brings both dreams and nightmares

Reminders of imperfection
All around
Showing how useless you are
My entry in :iconthepoetryofda:'s Fun House of Horrors contest. :la: You can read all about it here: [link]

This piece is kinda rough. ^^;

One thing I always find interesting about fun houses is the rooms of mirrors. Some make you look better than you really are, but most seem to make you look a lot worse.

Plus, with the element of haunting in mind, wouldn't it be interesting if the mirrors showed full futures or reflect other ways that your life could be playing out?

Anyway, good luck to everyone entering! :la:
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Good Time Lost 10/9/11

I pouted against the window, fogging up the glass
Why did I let them bring me here, instead of going to class
It doesn't start till dark, but we left so very early
Now the light is fading and I'm feeling very girly

I don't mean to but my whole body is shaking
I'm just that scared and the cold has me aching
But still they drag me out and towards the front gate
They're all so anxious that they can't seem to wait

My favorite people all in a group
Alyssa, Dakota, Oliver, and Ariel too
How adorable they looked all cute and bundled up
Oliver pulled me close, giving Dakota a little shove

The gate looked strange to me, almost too real
The lady handed us our tickets, her eyes cold like steal
"I'm not so sure, guys" I chattered through my teeth
But none of them were scared, except for little tiny me

I hadn't heard much of this place, no one that I knew had gone
Except for this one girl who was named Dawn
She left for her journey and we haven't seen her since
We asked around but can't find her friends

Maybe it's a coincidence, maybe they got sick
It's cold enough out here to catch more than the ick
So I followed them through, against my better thoughts
We waited in line until the lady made us stop

She was dressed in all black from her head to her toes
Her grey hair was matted into almost an afro
Her skin was peeling in the grossest of ways
She got real close so we could hear everything she had to say

Her voice was like gravel and seemed quite unkind
She spoke through crooked, yellow teeth letting her spit fly
"Not many make it out" She told us with a smirk
My friends all walked forward, paying no attention to her

"Shouldn't we listen? Maybe we should just go.."
"I knew she was a chicken" Dakota sneered "We should have just left her at home
Oliver shook his head and put his hand in mine
"No, it's ok. She's going to be fine."

We walked down the path that was almost impossible to see
It was so dark I couldn't tell who bumped into me
"Ow Dakota watch your giant clown feet"
"I'm way over here so quit yelling at me"

That's when I felt it, something grabbed my hair
I screamed and we all took off running, anxious to get out of there
We continued to run until we came to a series of white cloth
It was almost a maze, until I took my glasses off

Unfortunately, what I was seeing was true
There was a figure dressed in white that was floating its way through
It didn't touch anything, just seemed to walk through walls
I stumbled on myself, doing my best not to fall

I couldn't form words, I just opened my mouth and screamed
My friends followed suit, and started to run without me
I was frantic and did my best not to get left behind
I had no idea what I was about to find

Inside the sheets was all splattered with red
Random body parts hung directly over head
Something red landed on my cheek
I bit my lip and tried to avoid the leak

"Where do we go?" I could hear Alyssa shriek
The reply she got was muffled and cut off suddenly
Then we were all running, hopelessly lost
Oliver pulled us all one way, unaware of the cost

"Where's Ariel?" I heard Dakota say
"She must have gotten out! She found the right way"
That's more then we could say for ourselves
I looked around at all of the bloody shevles

Random organs were on display
That's when I noticed the large man coming our way
He had a knife and an apron as well
Meat and blood were his only smell

"Welcome to my butcher shop. Come right in
You folks look mighty hungry. You're just in time for din"
Then he came at us, raising his giant knife
Oliver pushed me, dodging quickly to the right

We all took off, without a second look
We finally made it outside although our nerves were shook
"Something isn't right" I whispered in Oliver's ear
"What do you think is wrong? Trust me, we're fine dear"

"The people look too real. I know that wasn't a mask"
"That's the whole point. Pretty much their number one task."
"Yeah but seriously I think that was his face"
"So he was a little ugly. Come on, don't be that way"

I sighed and clung to his shirt
I was tired of this, I stared down at the dirt
"Ariel's still missing." Alyssa said with a pout
Right in front of us we heard a big shout

"Come on, I think I found the path.
Let's all hold hands and I'll go last.
Oliver go up and take the front.
The girls will be between us in case we have to run."

Oliver nodded and we did as Dakota said
I was surprised at how well he used his head
But sadly we were still in bad shape
We had only passed two scenes, and one of us wouldn't escape

"I have a bad feeling, I know that she's dead"
But just like usual, they didn't listen to a word that I said
They all just kept walking, staring directly at the front
Just waiting for someone else to pop out or jump

There was a house, covered in the dark
The very sight of it sparked something in my heart
It looked like a barbie house I had when I was young
Yet I knew immediately that this time, it wouldn't be much fun

"Oh HECK no. I'm scared of dolls"
Alyssa stumbled back, without Dakota she would fall
"Just close your eyes, it will be ok"
We all walked quietly, not sure what to say

The house was pink with a light blue roof
The shutters were purple and the door was too
As soon as we walked up, someone greeted us at the door
Right away, Alyssa hit the floor

She was a doll or used to be at least
Her hair was falling out and she didn't have any teeth
She was broken, as far as I could tell
For she was covered in cracks like she too had fell

But that didn't stop her, she got right in my face
Smiled creepily and danced in place
Her dress was torn and covered in blood
As soon as we walked in, stuffed animals swarmed like a flood

They were all torn and a few were missing their eye
And the stuffing was gone, leaving limp limbs to fly
The house was trashed, the furniture was red
I wasn't paying attention and so I hit my head

I looked up and wished that I didn't
There were bodies hanging on ropes with a red tint
"Don't you like my toys?" She suddently screamed
She moved and that was enough for me

I tore out of there, falling down the stairs
Ignoring my friends and all of their yells
After a few seconds of being scared alone
They finally caught up, met with a groan

"Where's Alyssa? You lost her too?
We're never going to make it through."
I was scared now, I didn't want anyone to die
Without really wanting to I began to cry

"No, it's ok. They're going to wait.
We have to hurry so we're not late"
Deep in our minds we all knew that wasn't true
But honestly, there was nothing we could do

Everywhere we went was covered in death
We did good for a while, until Dakota left
Then it was down to two and I knew we couldn't survive
Small groups are what make killers thrive

It would be so easy, we're such small prey
I knew it wasn't helping to think that way
But when I saw the circus tent I knew that we were done
There was no way we would make it out, no way this was fun

"Oliver listen, if we go in there we'll die.
Then none of us will make it out alive.
We have to warn everyone of this place."
He nodded, trying to think of a way

Suddenly he smiled and inside I felt hope
We had been through so much, we were tattered and dirty and cold
"We're just going to walk around"
I couldn't object, I was deathly afraid of clowns

For a minute it worked, we were walking on by
We could see all the people, standing innocently in line
That's when the axe cut through the tent
Right into Oliver is where it went

But of course, I couldn't help but scream
I loved him and he was dying in front of me
The clowns heard and crowded around
Sobbing, I screamed and fell to the gound

Their make up was gross and blood littered their teeth
They made a circle, they were all I could say
That's when it all faded to black
Only this time, I wouldn't be coming back
I wrote this for a contest in [link]

I work at a haunted house so I was kinda like eh xD But I did my best :3
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Doom laden doors open wide
And swallow whole the remnants of humanity
The walls close in as I try to find my way out now

All the adrenaline pumping through my nervous veins
Running is of no use in here
In this nightmare laden house

I hear scratching in the walls
The screams of the innocent
Echoing through my empty skull

My last bit of hope of escape
Is slowly fading with every breath I take
I fear the hourglass is rapidly draining

I can see the light at the end of the
I have never craved fresh air this much before
And there it is the open door
This is an entry for the group: "ThePoetryofDA" 's contest for writing about a haunted house experience.
Here is a link to the journal: [link]

I would like the judges to also critique this. If that's okay. :)
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Collection by
This was made in memory of my wii that got very violently smashed by my Dad when he was having one of those "why you get no A plusplusplus" Asian tantrums ahur ahur But now I have room for a WiiU 8^D

If you go into the horribad part of my gallery, or the art I posted when I first came on dA- there's pretty much only Okami and some more horribad arts amg - The reason I ever joined dA was my love for Cherry-sama's Okami comics 8'D //I wanted to make some too but I gave up :iconmingplz:

Plz play this game if yu still have a wii or PS3 and like 20 dollars to spare :'D

Okami (c) Capcom 

tumblr link:…
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THE NEW VOCALOID IS ADORABLE-  I haven't been so pumped about a vocaloid since SeeU or 洛 天依 (LuoTianYi) 8'D 
This was a doodle that got really out of hand ; 3 ; I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD CLICK THE STARS ON HER PAGE, SO I GOT A LOT OF HER GADGETS WRONG LOL

 I'm gonna jump on this Rana wagon before it even starts //if there even is one 
The official link for her is here~!:  

I actually doodle a lot in this style :^D I don't even know what to call it is it like chibi-but-not-chibi idek pffff

Ok I crawl off to do commissions now 

On tumblr:…
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College Money = Nonexistent

Journal Entry: Wed Jul 30, 2014, 6:43 PM
I was told to make a post on a website called This website is for accepting donations for things to help take some of the load off. My parents have four other kids in school, so I thought I would give it a try. I figured if I didn't at least post it somewhere that no one would find it. So, here it is ~ ~. Might as well try. :) 

On a different note, I have a few ideas for some new poems and have actually finished my first book. Hope to get it published soon, and then there will be a very different kind of link here. :)
Thanks to anyone that actually reads these.


  • Mood: Isolated
  • Listening to: nothing
  • Reading: old poems
  • Watching: Pewdiepie
  • Playing: Dumb Ways To Die
  • Eating: root beer barrels
  • Drinking: hot chocolate
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/人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\./人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\./人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\./人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\./人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\.
AND TODAY IS THE LAST DAY OF ALL MY SUMMER CAMPS AND STUDIOS :iconimsotiredplz: unless my parents force me to go to that two week tennis camp :'D

I had rewatched Madoka before I left for a biomed camp and I've been wanting to draw this for such a long time *q* I ALSO PROBABLY MISSED A DOZEN BIRTHDAYS AHH IM SO SORRY OTL
It's been a really long time since I drew any digital fanart so this was really enjoyable to do - but even after 3 weeks of learning medical science I STILL DIDN'T GET ANY BETTER AT ANATOMY LOL 

Personally, I don't really believe Kyubey has a gender, (also Gen Urobuchi claimed that Kyubey has no gender during the Blu-Ray commentary) but feel free to view the picture as any gender you want C:  

I'm going to try to reply to all the comments that have stacked up in my inbox and I'm going to transition right into commissions after- *q*)7 //to work I go
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/vomits into the next century

:< self portrait
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The school was dark. Somewhere, a janitor emptied trash bags.

The key slipped into the lock, as she pressed the elevator button.

The doors opened silently, her solemn face reflected upon the shiny metallic doors.

She entered the elevator, and pressed the button marked

Dark hallways within the building;
a key slipped into a lock.

She smiled into her reflection,
her mind wandered in her thoughts.

Stiletto heels harsh against polished linoleum...

The gentle mechanic opening of a door;
The soft press of her fingers...

A pained groan.

Bound in chains, he suffers.


She smiles again.
I wrote this over a year ago and found it just now while looking through my writing folder. :}o

This poem was, interestingly enough, inspired by an inside joke between myself and a friend. I'm not going to explain it though ;o

I'm not the best poet and I can only do free form stuff like this. I hope I put this under the correct category.

Please provide me some feedback about the overall tone you perceived and the emotions this evoked. Thank you for reading.

I'll get around to revising this sometime later 8D
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Just because I'm young, doesn't mean I'm ignorant

Just because I'm an adult, doesn't mean I'm boring

Just because I'm a furry, doesn't mean I like yiff

Just because I like yaoi, doesn't mean I'm sick

Just because I'm a girl, doesn't mean I'm feminine

Just because I'm Christian, doesn't mean I'm stuck up

Just because I'm quite, doesn't mean I'm mad at you

Just because I draw vent art, doesn't mean I'm a self hater

Just because I got low grades, doesn't mean I'm an idiot

Just because I'm proud, doesn't mean I'm arrogant

Just because I'm busy, doesn't mean I don't have time for you

Just because I'm fat, doesn't mean I'm lazy

Just because I'm skinny, doesn't mean I'm anorexic

Just because I'm blonde, doesn't mean I'm dumb

Just because I'm a ginger, doesn't mean I don't have feelings

Just because I'm a jock, doesn't mean I'm vain

Just because I'm a man, doesn't mean I'm an ass

Just because I'm pretty, doesn't mean I'm a ditz

Just because I'm unattractive, doesn't mean I'm cold

Just because I'm human, doesn't mean I should be stereotyped
An add on to an old submission on an old profile.
Thought I would continue adding to it here.

Just some things that NEEDED to be said.
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The deal was simple. Kill them, get my payment, leave and never come back. That's all; nothing else.

I sat across from my 'client' at his desk in his private study. He was an older gentleman, around his late thirties to early forties. He wasn't very handsome; his looks had died away with age and lack of hygiene. I tried my hardest to look into his brown eyes and not at the hilarious recession of his graying hairline.

I sincerely hoped that I would age with much more grace and beauty than this crusted man.

"Is it done?" He asked removing his white gloves. It seemed he had returned from a dinner party with the other members of his class. "Have you killed that whore I call my wife and that cowardly shit she calls lover?" he said full and anger, disgust, and heartbreak.

At the question, I was taken back to where I was only a half hour ago. Out into the night, with only the grassy hills and coyote howls surrounding me was where I saw the carriage. There was where the two lovebirds, my targets, went off to openly express the affection for each other.  Away from the city, where they could be seen or heard; an ideal location.

I took little time making my way over to the carriage. The horse, which was hitched to the object, was a bit startled at my pace, so I slowed down a bit and crept the rest of the way. Once arriving, I pressed my ear against the carriage and listened.

Soft breaths, inhaling and exhaling. A snore.

The two were asleep. Easy pickings.

I cracked my knuckles, reached into my black waistcoat and pulled out a freshly sharpened dagger. I then proceeded to open the carriage door slowly and carefully not to make the door creak. I raised my knife to the woman first, then to the man. The two never shifted as I completed my task.

I returned to what was the present and answered the man's question with a smirk, "Why of course. Do you think I would return with nothing?" I reached into my pocket and tossed two cloths and locks of brown and ebony hair onto the desk before me.

My client sat there for a moment, simply staring at the evidence. Finally, he brought his self to pick up the cloth and hair which once had belonged to his wife. He examined the ebony hair, inhaling its scent. Then he set it down and sent his attention to blood stained emerald silk cloth in his other hand. He stroked it and poked a finger through a slit made by my knife.

"My wife…" he breathed, sadness evident in his voice. He then looked at the gray cloth and the brown hair. "My faithful ward." he said, this time anger was audible. "To think I picked him up off the streets and gave him a warm bed to sleep in. Apparently the bed I gave him wasn't good enough so he spent his nights in my wife's. The cunt!"

He brought his fist down on the desk with force. Then he brought his hands together and rested his wrinkling face in them.

For a moment, I sympathized with the man, but then I remembered how he treated his wife. You see, before I accept an offer, I check up on my clients and targets. Often times I had seen his silhouette beating hers to the floor through the windows. More often I have witnessed her leaning against the balcony's metal rail crying or sadly considering suicide.

Suddenly, I felt anger towards this man. Perhaps it was natural instinct as a man to protect a woman from someone harming her.

Ironic for someone in my line of work, isn't it?

"My condolences, sir." I lied, bowing my head in respect. "I understand how it feels to lose loved ones to death or to another man." This, too, was a lie. Truth was the only woman, or person for that matter, I ever truly loved was at home stroking her pregnant stomach waiting for me to return.

"I thank you." He said, sitting up straight.

We sat there a moment. I crossed my leg over the other and rested my elbow upon my knee and my chin upon my hand. My client sat in his seat unbuttoning his waist coat and then setting it folded on the desk.

I lost patience. "Well?" I disrupted the silence.

"Well what?" he asked confused.

"My payment, sir." I said a bit harshly.

"Oh! Yes, yes, of course." he stood up and walked over to a large safe to the right of the desk. He turned the dial, right, left, then right again. A satisfying click sounded. I stood and walked over to the safe, hovering tall behind my short client.

Ugly and short. Seems money is all he had going for him.

He opened the safe and I saw all the money that rested inside. Filled with bills and silver coins, the safe could've held a quarter of a million.

My client reached in and pulled out two stacks of money. He then turned towards me.

He took my hand and placed the stacks in its hold. "The two-thousand I promised you." I took back my hand and sniffed the crisp cash before placing it into my breast pocket.

"Thank you, sir." I grinned.

"Yes, of course. Now farewell to you. We will never meet again." he said.

"No, we won't, sir."


His dying body fell on its side and hit the floor. I put my pistol back into the outer pocket of my coat. I stared at the man's dying body before and crossed my chest. "Bless your soul." I said. "Mine as well."

I then looked around the room. I grabbed curtains from the windows and laid them out on the floor. I picked up my client's now dead body and laid it on top of one, and wrapped it up tightly.

I then proceeded to walk back to the safe and remove money from its shelves. I only took the dollars, leaving two shelves of coins. I wrapped the money in the curtains and tied it closed. I cleaned up the blood on the floor by sacrificing my handkerchief and placed the bloodied cloth, along with the bloodstained cloths and hair locks of my targets, into one of pants pockets.

Finally, I took the dead body of my client and placed it into the safe, locking it after him. I picked up the curtain containing the money and strolled out of the room unnoticed.


I escaped the household without being seen. It had been some time since then and I had finally begun to reach the carriage where the two lovers laid motionless. Upon arrival, I dropped the curtain of money inside the carriage beside the woman.

She stirred in her sleep. Yes, in her sleep.

I looked at her young face and remembered the peace it held when I had first been here this night.

I had raised my knife to the woman and brought it down on her hair, cutting off a lock of ebony. Then I reached beside her and cut off a square of the fabric of the gown she had been wearing. Then I raised my knife the man, cut off a lock of his brown hair, then I raised it to his vest, cutting off a square of that as well.

I then shut the carriage and sat beside it. I raised my knife again, but this time to myself. I brought it down to the skin of my palm of my hand, slitting it across diagonally. I pressed each of the cloths to it, staining them crimson. I wrapped my hand with bandages I always carried on my person, and then put on black gloves to mask the injury.

With the final additions of putting slits into the fabrics, I left to return to my client to report the deaths of his wife and ward.

Again, I returned to the present and sighed audibly. Neither of the live pair shifted or awakened. I reached into another pocket of mine, and pulled out a sealed letter from myself addressed to the woman. I placed it on her dress then I gazed at her face, then to her lover's. I said a prayer and left the carriage. I walked away, headed off south towards the small town where I lived quietly with my wife. She was still waiting for me; I knew it. I had no intention of letting my only love wait.


Your husband is gone. Returning home would be a bad idea, I insist you do the exact opposite. Run off with your lover. The money you see is rightfully yours, spend it as it pleases you. I wish you all the best.
- KW
Came to mind as I watched A Woman, A Gun, and A Noodle Shop. Strange movie. I'd give 3/5 stars.

Anywho, I think it's self explanatory. An 19th century hitman is given an a simple assignment, but he doesn't find that to be to his liking. He makes only a few minor adjustments. A few.
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I still can't quite understand the concept of why he did it. It's been years yet that memory does not fade; standing in the middle of the street in the pouring rain as he walked away from me, umbrella raised over his head nonchalantly. It was almost as though our past meant nothing, like the way the pounding rain had meant nothing to me at the time. Now that I look back, it seemed like a cruel, twisted joke that Mother Nature had played on me - oh look, your heart is broken, time to start pouring to make this the most damn cliché scenario you've ever been in because the guy you love is fucking walking away from you and you're too stunned to go after him and ask why.
I've gone over this in my mind repeatedly, day after day, night after night. Why? Why did he walk away? Why, after spending almost our entire lives together - why did he go? He, ever since we were born had been by my side. We were childhood friends, and funny enough, born on the same day. Mother Nature must hate me, truly, for this is about as cliché as it gets. Our parents as best friends, giving birth to children on the same day. Childhood friends, and then lovers, and now...
Now, nothing.
Now we are nothing.
~ Time lapse ~
It is only now that I realize why he walked away. The one secret he had kept from me his entire life, was the secret of his death. He was dying, and he did not wish me pain. Again, Mother Nature plays this cold trick on me. I discovered this far too late, for he had already disappeared from my grasps, and perhaps that was my own fault, for if I'd looked for him a little while longer, maybe I would have found him, and been able to spend the last moments of his life with him, making him happy.
They told me he died happily anyway, knowing that I had stopped looking for him. He believed that I finally stopped loving him, that him turning his back on me had worked. That my feelings had dispersed at last, as though our entire life truly did mean nothing. Childhood friends, best friends, lovers. Like none of that mattered. Like him leaving me was him erasing every memory.
I wouldn't even dare wish that on myself.
Missing him hurts, maybe, but the idea of never having known him hurts more. I know he is gone, and that I can do nothing about it. It does not mean I cannot fall in love again. Maybe that's what he wished for me to understand when he walked away that night, standing tall. I know now that it killed him as much as it killed me to walk away that night.
This is your chance to fit in, he had told me. This is your chance to be what everyone else wanted us to be.
Truly, Mother Nature must hate me.
Maybe it was because it was against our religion. Rebellious as we were, we had never gone against our religion until we found this forbidden love that sent thrills down my spine anyway. Who cares for religion when you're in love?
Yes. That's right.
I am a boy.
He is a boy.
He is gone. He has given me the chance to be "normal." I will take that chance, because he wanted me to. Only because he wanted me to.
It is a cruel fate to have someone you love taken from you. I will never again love the way I once did with him, but that's alright. Once is enough. Having felt it once, is enough for me. His memories will remain. Losing some will hurt, no doubt, but the memories will remain. They will never fade, at least not all of them. His laughter and his smile will forever stay in my heart.
And I will miss you, I will.
But I will move on, for you.
omfg yaoi.
Spina will love me for this xD
Um well, originally it was boyxgirl...but I decided to make it a little more interesting. This isn't actually my writing style. It's pretty different from the way I usually write, but then again, the way I usually write is basically me writing stuff that sounds like other people's writing. I don't know. I have this ability to write like other people after I read their writing o-o
Oh well. I hope you like it anyway. ^^;

--a little unedited
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"You have no idea how I feel."

"Au contraire, I know exactly how you feel."

"How could you? I never speak of my feelings."

"But that doesn't mean you don't show them. You, my dear, wear your feelings on your sleeves. Literally and figuratively."

"What on earth do you mean?"

"You wear pink when you're upset. It's a happy color, it counteracts your negative feelings."

"Maybe I just like pink."

"You wear blue when you feel like you're losing control of everything because blue is a calming color."

"Blue is my favorite color."

"You don't own any black because it's too dark for you. You feel like black is reserved for funerals because it signifies the end. And if you wear black any other time, it'll be admitting defeat."

"Black is too dark for my skin."

"You wear white when you feel pretty. White is the color of innocence. If you take the time to look nice, you feel like you can look past your clear lack of innocence and wear white anyways. But that's rare."

"White gets dirty easily. I don't like to wear it."

"You would wear red if you ever felt sexy. But you don't. You're too distracted all the time to feel sexy."

"Red is too overpowering."

"Purple is your color for indecision. When you don't have time to figure out how you're feeling and you'd rather do anything other than think about your feelings, you wear purple."

"I don't know what to say to that one."

"You know I'm right, so why don't you say that?"

"I told you my reason for each choice."

"You justified everything because you felt you had to. If those reasons were real, you would have no need to state them."

"You just like to believe you're right."

"No, that's what you like to do."

"You said literally and figuratively. Where's the figuratively part?"

"Simple. You laugh the loudest when you're hurting the most. You are the quietest when you have nothing to think about and you are the most social when you have too much on your plate."

"I have no idea how you could know any of these things. If I never speak of my feelings, how would you know what each thing coordinates to?"

"Is this you admitting I'm right?"

"It's me being intrigued by your idea. It doesn't mean you are correct. Simply that you have posed an interesting thought."

"Tell me this. Do you deny crying yourself to sleep at night?"

"Why would you ask that?"

"Answer it."

"I do no such thing."

"See, right there. You lied to yourself. I can tell."

"And how is that?"

"You won't meet my eyes. You won't sit still. And the look on your face is screaming guilty."


"How did I notice this?"


"I told you. You wear your feelings on your sleeves. Just because you never verbalize them doesn't mean they're hidden. But you already know that. You do this intentionally."

"If you don't use words, nobody figures it out. It's easier."

"That's how you cope, isn't it? You put your feelings in such plain view that nobody notices. Nobody asks, nobody cares. But you still express them so you feel better."

"I'd rather not trouble people."

"So you know someone really cares when they take the time to notice and ask you?"


"What does that make me then?"

If only anybody ever noticed...
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Collection by
    Jarus leaned against the white battlements, staring out across the vibrantly green pastures at nothing in particular. As he twirled a beautiful white flower in his hand, he would occasionally look down at it for a brief moment before looking back up and across the field. He sighed, and let some of his loneliness and hope, mixed with some of his love, flow subtly into the flower. A slight cool wind picked up and gently began to play with the length of grey robe that hung over the battlements. Jarus looked down at the flower and stared at it for a long while before he gently let it go, watching as it fell in long graceful arcs and loops, almost as if it was dancing with the playful wind. The flower suddenly dropped, was caught by the wind, and then deposited in the moat far below the wall. Jarus craned his neck to try and spot it in the water, but it was impossible. He sighed and then slowly stood to his feet on the white stones before running a hand along the back of his neck while turning around and making his way along the wall-top back towards one of the thick stone towers. The castle was as large as several city blocks, with walls twenty to thirty feet thick. The great white stones seemed to glow in the sunlight, the wind: caressing them. Jarus stopped for a moment and let the wind play with his robe before continuing slowly into one of the towers. He pushed open the heavy oaken door with his left hand, stood for a moment, and then walked back out onto the wall. He walked up to the battlements and breathed in deeply as he untied his robe from around his body. He pulled it off himself and whispered a word, the robe instantly disappearing from his hands. He wore a fine mail shirt that made no noise when he moved, and was covered in a blank black tunic which reached to his booted feet. He had on mail greaves which showed through the split in his black tunic. The tunic matched the color of his hair, which was as black as the feathers of a crafty raven, but cut short that it did not but barely move when the wind tried to play with it. His eyes, neither hard nor soft, took in everything with a daunting wisdom and intelligence that bespoke of a long existence. He shook his head slightly, and then crouched on the edge of the battlements. A noise, like the sound of a thousand wind-stirred blades of grass came from behind him, and two wings shot out from his back to their full extent. He stayed in that position on the battlements, his wings spread, his body poised, emptying his mind of everything.

    A little girl, her shoulder length hair blowing in the wind, energetically got off her school bus with a few of her friends, laughing and talking with them as they were finally able to come home from their fifth grade classes. Fall was like a heavy blanket over the town, the sidewalk and lawns covered in the gold and orange leaves. The kids played in them as they walked home, throwing them at each other with little ineffectual fistfuls of leaves that showered the whole group rather than their intended targets. The little girl, still laughing, noticed a small white flower lying on the edge of the sidewalk, its pure white petals softly stirring in the breeze. The girl bent down to pick it up, but just then a small gust of wind blew it onto the edge of the street, the little girl following it.

    Jarus leaped from the battlements and fell through the air as it softly rustled the feathers of his wings and the hair on his head. He let go of all of his thoughts and let the wind guide him down, down to infinity.

    The little girl walked eagerly towards the innocent white flower, which was yet again blown further into the street, and still followed playfully by the little girl. The girl, not paying attention, jumped towards the flower and finally caught it. Suddenly, she looked up at the sound of a horn accompanied by screeching tires. The girl screamed and clutched the flower tight. The vehicle tried to stop, but it still slammed into her, rendering her world black and senseless.

    Jarus suddenly snapped his eyes open. Pain wracked his body for a moment, intense pain, and then it was gone. He had an image of a little girl being hit by a human car and dying. He gasped as the pain came again, and tears came to his eyes for the little girl.

    The girl blearily opened her eyes, and saw that she was floating through white…water. She looked to her hand, and saw that she was still clutching the flower. She smiled, not knowing what had happened, and clutched it to her breast. Just then, she saw a large man swimming or flying towards her. As he came close enough to her, he grabbed her gently. The girl was not scared, even felt a little happy at this man’s arrival. Suddenly, she could feel the air on her face again, and could feel a subtle but deep pain throughout her whole body. She gasped, and slowly fell into pure darkness once again.

    Jarus closed tight his wings and dove into the moat with nary a splash. He hurtled through the water: white water that was all around him. He suddenly spotted the girl and grabbed her as he neared her. He effortlessly held her and continued through the water until he tore through the other side into her world. He hurtled towards her body, hoping and praying that he was not too late. The girl had fallen limp in his arms as he neared her earthly body. He noted the blood: the vast amount of blood that covered her body was terrible to behold. People were screaming and crowding around her, staring and crying at the same time. Jarus gritted his teeth and slammed into the ground.

    The crowd, numbering close to twenty people, was shocked by a slight rumble in the ground, and the slight cracks that appeared near the side of the girl’s body. They looked around in confusion while the fire trucks and an ambulance blazed through traffic only a mile away from the crash.

    Jarus felt a tear slide down his cheek and onto the girl’s body as he laid her soul into her mortal shell. He placed his hands over her heart and began to pray with all of his might, with a fervor unmatched by any save for the Lord himself.
The girl slowly and blearily opened her eyes again, the image of the man fading and sharpening at the same time. Unimaginable pain coursed through her body and seemed to tear her very soul for a few brief moments before it began to recede. The pain suddenly spiked and forced the breath from her lungs before it disappeared altogether. She sighed in an aching peace, and smiled at the dissolving face of the man who had helped her. She felt his hand clasp her hand holding the flower before he completely vanished.

    The crowd, seeing her alive and impossibly well, began to joyously shout, her parents falling to their knees and shouting praises to the Lord with all of the fervent gratitude and love in their hearts.

    The ambulance screeched to a halt as the paramedics hastily took the girl into the ambulance, the parents with them, and tore off towards the hospital in an instant.

    The Lord looked down on this event with a smile on his face, and love in his heart. Jarus had finally found someone worthy to have him as their guardian angel.
This is a story I just randomly wrote while listening to some music....yeah.

It's not the best it COULD be, but I just had to post something since its been about several months now...
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Mature Content Filter is On
(Contains: nudity, sexual themes, violence/gore, strong language and ideologically sensitive material)
mi blnk pg iz shtll wite
imma put sme seet in itz
nd lstn 2 mi farva cmplin mre
Lizteh 2 meh rappin i iz de bzt
nd jzst si u nuu it ant nuu tst,
i iz da nxt £ukin 50 cnt,
nd den im teh nxt ludarizzzzzzz
itz almozt az gdgd az twilight an meh imortul,
im jzt az gffik az teh awfur of imurtl
theh iz muh fav storii evur
onoz, mi bf jzt txt mee
he sed he luvs sme gyal insted ov mee
im riilli sd, im riilli poopd
im sooo sd nd md muh bf iz wurse thn muh dad
nd nw teh situ iz lyke relli bd
i hyte diz wurld it killin meh
y cnt u jutz b nooiiccee 2 mee? fgs
al i wunt iz sme guyy 2 b noice 2 meh
cuz mi farva dnt luvv mee lyke mah bf dd
nd i haz no muvva she iz £ukin ded
sh dyed in mu dds desu bd
i wuz relli sd n i slitz muh rists
nd blooooood flw ontu mah deaf lizt
i bled n creid nd insede i deid
nw im jzt a shll uv orgnzz nd seet
y wurld y duu u h8 muh
i nly wnted sme fggyness 2 cmplemnt mah loo
i spoze muh dremz wil neveh com truu
diz iznt a diznii flim
cuz der iz no guyyz lik muh in diznii
der al fgs nd gai's
nd shinii sparkul vamriiez
tht dwrd cllen iz sooo sprlky nd hut
i wush muh bf wuz lik himz
bt hi lft me, wata bstrd
dwrd wud neveh leve mee
hi wud ttly kll blla 4 mii
nd he wud kilz muh dad azwel
y cnt teh wrld just splode in 2 fre...
i wush i wuznt so h8edz
y cudnt stantn maid me lzz buttiufl?
bt den deh gurlz wud lyk me. i h8 deh grlz
i no ivz ddcid im bisxuzl
i preffur diks ovuur chickz
onoz luk hu shfflz on mah ypud
igtz sme wosum mcr
thn aftr tht TDG cme un
hw i luvs muh ruck muzikz
i wsh gerd wy nd adm gntier wer mi gai lvrs
we wud mosh 2 slipknot 2gevva
nd thn jmup on a bs teh weels gu
rund nd rund lyk sme1 screwin thmselvs
onoz, mi dds bck in teh rum
hidz muh yaoi phnfxun
nd al mi yff of teh lon kong
yhs i wuuvs demz fuzzeh sxy lons
der soo purdy wit der fr nd seet
i wush i wuz a sxy lon wiv a gy luuvur
lyke dat gldn 1 hus nme splips mah mnd
i wnna lon in muh huuse he wud be so sxy
i wud rpe it suu hrd it wud trun gaii lyke moi
we wudd rn wai 2gevva nd liv in a 4st
bt muh dd wud cme nd riun muh fntzyjmu
he tks awi al muh lons nd bfz in da end
den hed muve me 2 deh inglund 2 bcme psh
wiv sme sxy yrkshir azent
nd prty hrdcre wit teh cuinn
nd i wud invit al muh sxy animul bffs
im lyke snw wite bt teh ova wai rond
yhyh snw wite iz zo cool
bt cees nt a furi lyke mii
shi wll nevah kno deh fn ov animul butseks
tis suu mcuh fn wen nt usin cndms
cndmz mk it so hrd to hv reel funz
imma gt sme wips nd cains 2 mke it fuun
imm a vrgn dmon in deh bdrm
i tke ur vrillity way wit a puf of mah wnd
drnk up muh ic crem lik it of da fluurz
nd lap it uup lyke teh loin i rlly am...
ima rawz alovur ur bdsheetz
nd thn bitz ur hed of nd hve it fur tea
i betzz no1 elze haz dis mcuh fn wtchin lon king
o lokz, miri cme on2 ta tv. SCUH FN
Shi luks lik a hor nd muh dadon teh flur  scremin fur mur
nd she cnt pll gari, cuz hes 2 smxxi
i wud lv 2 tii himz dwn nd shwz him rund muh hole
thn i wud mke him strt a roit
we runz diz wurld i showz al dem prpz
goffikz wll rlue teh wrld, nd yffs 2
i h8 mah gment dey wnt let guyz murry guyz
i h8 srah palin, shz a big boobie
al uz suvernerz h8 obamaa he sux palinz gay balls
he waz teh 1 hu mde fireanzvill teh shzz hle it izz
he £uked upp mah lyfe nd i h8z hiz nigga bawls
bt i dcidd lst mnth 2 protst in teh cowz felids
bt teh frmer wudnt letz muh nd mah bfs in
cuz dey wre desu loins nd prt sonnik fgs
thyz al h8 mu nd muhz bfs
bcz wre jutz lnley weaboos
thys al £ukin horibule prpyz
prpy rimez wiv raptsts, wich eye £uckin h8
nd itz al cuz £ukin obama  unlashed teh criminulz uut
of teh mexicunts cuntry.  £uckin $ags
th £ukin mexicuntz cum thru frntsville nd mezz up mah lawn
nd dey du seets in mah tiolet
der bstrd dogz pi$$ upp mah wallz
nd der bichy cts seet on mah fuud
i wush dey wud all sty awai £ukin h8erz
u fkin h8rs guu brn nxt 2 bin laden
u iz al prppy gy lrds i wush u wud jst drp ded
i bt u lyke hilery dff muzaik
shi haz biig bewbs thyz mke meh sck
thyre suu fkae nd thy splode on plnes
i bt shi iz scrtly a pr0nz strr
nd hr pr0nz iz nt purdy, i wtched it
it nedz sme flufehz lons nd seet in itz
mmm teh lionz iz soo hut wit der peniissszz
i lvs 2 fap 2 gy lon butsekz
nd den i fink of mi dds hd bein chpped off
i wunu b a £ukin gy lonz in th 4st
oh bllks, teh windw is reighnin
I luvs deh rein it meks muh so wet nd md
nd thn i hve 2 clr it up wit a towlette
nd muh dad jst hz aa big rnt at meh agenz
cuz hi iz 1 bigz duuche nd needz sum lon fun
bt i wudntz lt himz jon in meh furreh pr0nz
cuz hi iz 1 big sonnnik fg hu gt sonnik pwegnunt
i h8 sonnik hez scrtly jak deh rippurz luvr
hez suu spedy hs no guud in mi desu beed
i hop he runz so fazt of a chif he xpodez
nd thn hiz nob wll fll uff nd in2 hiz mauf
i wud laf so hrd nd hav a prty
nd thn i wud strt 2 sng lyke joel madden
hii iz so £ukin fiit lyk bille jo armstrng
nd lso lyke adm gntir. ITZ NVR 2 LAYTE
y muzt al muh fit guyyz be str8?
fuk teh wrld, arund teh wrld
deh wurld nevuh lyked meh
dft pnk wll cme wit teh robutinezz
butz dehh iz nut ruk muzicz lik meh god, gerrd wai
bt i luv adm gntier mre thn gerrd wai
i wush adm gntier, gerrd wai und bilie jo armstrng wuz 1 perzun
bt bcz dere 3, i cn hve big orgy
i fapz to dat fougt evury dai at nihht
bt thn teh windw clenr caut me 1 dai, tld mah farva
i wuz in bg seet az alwaiyz he duznt understadz
he tuuk mai loinz awai, cuz hiiz gai
he putz onn alic in woderlnd insteed
mmm, teh wabbit iznt az hut az teh loins
datt stuupid fiml meks mah sd nd md evury tim
nd teh mad htter smllz lyke kitteh puuke
butz deh likkle kitteh mks it alz bettur wiv his sxy smle
nd it alzo md me pizza, nd it hd noses in it...
vat catt iz so meen nd sxy at deh sme tim rawr
i vont 2 knw teh siz of itz mle prdding shmexxi schtick
i wunna watch deh fiml again
bt i cnt, cuz mi bf iznt dere
i wuna watch teh fiml wiv himz nd fap 2geva
he hd scuh a mahoosivle schloooong ;)
it wuz gr8 to wtch himz fap lst tim
cuz he lyke relli was smexxi
i so wnt himz heer nowz
su we cn cop ewe leight
i wush mahz bfz wuz a lon
nw tis tyme fer mu dindins, mmm meat stiks ;)
muh mum uze 2 ck diz 4 muh whn sho wuz alve
RIP mum, u wll b mizzed. stupd trctr tht rn u ova
muh dad dznt ndrstnd buh muh mammy dd
nd sh wudnt mke mi etz teh seet u fed meh, bstrd
shi wuz da lght in meh lyf
Y DD U LEVE ME MUMMEH?! imma kll al trcktrs 4 ewe
I iz soo sd n d md i wil slitz muh rists 2 jn u mammy
onoz farva tuuuk mah nivs outa mi rum, i cud uze mah shtick
blud blud blud i lvs u blud
im a sprklii gai faggii waggii wittle vmpre
goin 2 jn muh mammy in hel
bt i cnt kll miself, cuz mi sewisid prnter deid
nd muh MCR pstr ddnt cum in deh pst 2dai
suu i usd mi hrry pttr skizz 2 mgic 1 up, bt
i faliz att majiks nd dis meks me sd nd md
su wen i fond oot i cnt do mgik, i trnd gooofik
i iz a satanizt nd muh devil maztah wil ruel teh eurff
bt volsemort cnt stp me, cuzz i lykd snazzleberii
£uk u prpz goffiks wil ruelz
nd lo nw its tyme 4 shkspre
thu wil bw dwn 2 meh uz goffiks ruel
nd btw mah rdrs du u lyke mah snnet?
i iz deh truu maztah ov poetree
u smll lyke flwrs, bootful flwrs
ur yz wuz lyk deh sun, sprkly sun
u r lyke a panfa insyd a cg
U wuz muh wuurld bt nwz u gne
cuz sme1 uglir den miii cme alng nd sntchd u up. dik
u levt mii 4 sme prppy gyal, i fort u wuz gay...
bt nuu, cuz u wz sterrraight.  bt i lyked u gaii
y dd u chng nd thrw meh awai?
ur lyke teh pid pipr, u md me fllw u on twttr,
nd ur butifulz fce brghtnd up muh fcbk
nd on mi mi spce, i fond oot u chtd on miiiii, WHHYYYYEEEEEEEEEE
nws dA iz deh onlii plce i cns be fr3
its wer i cn sii mi loin bfs
nd fap 2 wosum fanfikz
lyke teh mi imurtl, bt tht wz FF.nt
nd i dnt lyk ff.nt itz ful ov trullz
evn tho thts a lye, cuz mi bezzie is on tat syte
i wud relli luv u tara if onlii i wuz str8
bt i nly lyke penniis, o wll, tis mch tstir
i prffr dicks ovur chikz
o lk, i usd tht lyne a wittle wile go, i muzt b luzin mah mmry
c wut u dd 2 meh dad? u iz drvin muh md
imma go jmp of a klif, teh wite klifs ov dova
thy iz soo wite cus ov al da seet u cht
nd bcz ov teh noight we spnt at teh clfs, lks lyke its dry
y oh y dd u tel muh soo mcuh lys?
u sed u lved mii, bt i h8d u. nw u h8 me,
we cn nevaah b, we iz opozites cnt u c?
i sw u chkn me oot lst wk in teh fud crt, nmnmnmnm
u uze 2 lub deh fud crt, we wud go 2geva Y U NO GO?
rrmbmer wen i gve u mah sausage there? ;)
i uze 2 lub shrin teh sause wiv u ;)
spckly teh maiionaze, itz suu crmu
it rmds meh uv ur butifulz skn
bt u £cked uff. I WNT U BCK.
y u go sr8 dde? u wuz gr8 az muh bf
o lk, tis mah muvvas ghost,
i mizzez u soo mcuh muvva
y u no spprt me nd mai gaii loin butsecks?
dad no ndrstnds bt u dd, den u lft
u sed gai loin butsecks wz healfii for muh schkinn
nd i lubbed u fr sain dat
bt i £uckin h8 trcktrs, cuz dey klled u, bich
i wil nevuh go 2 a farmz agaiinz
bt ffs, i lvz on a frm, i dnt lyke texs
i h8 muh stopid likkl lyf y cnt i dyi?
i wnt 2 dye, pnfuly nd slwly
so i cn shw al u prppy h8rs whr 2 stck thier lyf
nd their bnds, lyke teh 1s tht rnt goofik
yhyh i lubbs muh TDG nd MCR nd SLIPKUT
o thts rite, mii x bf brnt it, lyke hii brnd mi hrt
i uze to lubb u u wuz muh mr wight
bt thn u bcme mr rong
nd ur leiz rellii dd pong
nd i cn stll smll u nw
i cnz smll u wiv dat gyal
shz suu sluttii
shez lyk dat hilarri duf, £ukin slaaag
ewwz shz lyke mah assz smlls
shi iz so plztik nd shalluw i cnz c thru her seet
dnt u rliz hw dprzzd i ma?
muh dizzordr iz £ukin wiv muh mnd
i lyke hve 2 tke tblts, thy r seet
thy mek muh sliipy nd i cnt cnsentrate
cz ths peom iz a chllng
i tryz so hrd 2 xprez muhslf
nd lso, I LYYYKKEE
Muh doctar alzo sed i mite be skitzofrenic
hii sed imma saii seet rndmly @ rndm tymes
i blm muh fmili thy al suk bawlz
nd thy dnt nuu y cts stre wen u pore mlik
vey iz so £ukin uzelezz i wunna liv by muhslf
bt i hv bcme n animul, it nedzzz tamin
nd i relli hpz gerrd waii rlpiez 2 muh fan lettah
cz i tld hm eye luvvv eweeee marrii meeeeeeeee
i wuz dat fan tht shuuted "mariii meee" whn dey wuz liv
i gt chukd oot of teh koncrt
cus i csed a hge scne
nd teh rpe wz suu fun
i £uked muh pstr of hiim b4 muh ex brnd it
bstrd bich puu bum
y y y mzt muh lyf sk gaii bawls
nd i lyke 2 sukk bg haiwy bllz
al i evur wntd wuz sme lon butsecks
nd itz amzin to smll, it smllz gurrd
i wnt it mur mur mur i scrm 4 it un deh fluur
nd den teh lon kng fnishd, Y U NO LNGER?!
bt den muh dad burght meh lon kong 2
nd it wz seet. it wz lyke 2 mch lurrve, nt enuf butsecks
i wnt muh £ukin butseckz
ur mi munni bck. i paid 4 dllrs fr it
i wsh i wuz a lon den i cus reap muh sexy slf
nd i lso lurrv dem smxxi smurffs
yhyh i lubbs dem sooo mhuc
der suu bluu lyke teh pennises
thy wud mek xclnt huzbandz 4 muh
thr lyke teh avtr flim, butsecks vry 2 mins
i wnna b a pr0nz strr whn i grws up
cz thn ppz cn c mi smexxi bodeh
nd i cn £ukz whuuevur i wntz
nd ill b gai prrmzz str
iim fappin jst thnkin bout itz
i lyke 2 fp, fp all nooight
2 al muh sxy lon pr0n mtez
i hz a pstr of dwrd cllen on mah wlllz nooom
muh dad wntz 2 tek it dwnz
bt mii nw bf tuuk mah breff awwaayyy
we huz so mhuc fuuunz
nd we duunt hve butscks, we sukk ;)
cndms riunz al teh funz 4 me
nd thy rstrikt mi squiirrtin
muh jcy jcy fap fap fap
uups mii pennis spat
al ovur teh kleen fluur
nd sme seepd in2 teh livni ruum
muh dad iz gunnu kilz muh
2 dy iz lyke sizz 2 muh. i fl dwn teh strs
i dnt fel pen cuz itz al i eva gt
nd teh char i st on iz oot teh windw,
i wuz soo sd nd md i chrew it
lk @ teh wrld, u gai fagz chu, th char dsrvd 2 dye
£k u wrld i jst wntd 2 b hapi
bt pprntly, dwrd clln ddnt wnt mee, he wnts emoz
i swr dwn i iz an emo bt no1 cn c dat
bt den i dcded i wz goofik, lyke ami le
i h8 al dem prpz dt dnt ndrstnd
i hpe dey gt ht in teh hed wit chck nrriss pnis
jst cz ima stanst dnt men u cn al h8 muh
cnt u juts
g 2 hel cnt u c,
dat u mst wuv mee or u
cn g sk ur mom wiv al da uva prpz
ooo lk, i c a tr3, flyin acrs teh skye
it mzt b 1 ov muh dremz agen
if dis iz a drm, i cn fck mah nan
bt i dnt lyk chks nd i dnt d ncest
bt i du lyke dcks, nd i du lyke ncst wit dwrd cllen
uh yhyh bliv itz im rl8ed 2 dwrd cllen
bt i cnt bcz teh wrld iz a gai fag
diz wld iz soo crl 2 meh
teh nife iz @ muh froat, imma doo eet
ima g jn muh mamy in hel
lk @ tehh blooood fl frm mah rist
it luks so prutty nd lvly
ogm i jst sw teh tyme, teh tellitubiz r on
i lubs deh lvly clrz nd shnynss
nd i luuurrv teh huuvr, noo noo iz 2 schmexxii
hii cn suk meh up anidai
nd hii dz, evry 2sdy knight, @ 3
i lubz izt sooo mhuc
i lso lvs teh vccum, itz givn mii hed nw
bt vri tme it gibs meh hed it gtz blked
wit muh taystie kreme
it tstz lyk heven 2 muh
nd nw itz 4, tyme 4 mah guava juc
nmz nmz hw i lubz muh juc
i iz lft al aln n redi 2 dye
bt i dnt wnna dye, ter r 2 manni loinz dt nd rpin
i cd vacute nd g liv in afrrika
i wub afrrrkia, 3 butseks
nd der iz no lw but nimal rpe
nd i cud ven rpe teh loin kng
nd al hz lkkle m8s
mmmm tink ofz all teh wuv juce
we cud mek teh mxt g8 flud
tbh i iz a lkkle sd cz i cnt luk fta muhsyf
nw i cn guu 2 nw yrk, nd rpe sme mmigrnts
pparntly im goin in2 cre
i h8 cre, deh kds r all gai fagz
dy bet muh upz fr n rezun
nd i hpe dey all gd aidz nd kancer
nd da scal wurkr dznt ndrstnd a fing
deyre all lyke "guu 2 ur rum!!" fagz
d diz nd hlp pple uut bt im d 1 nedin hlp
i ndz mah p0rnz cllecin, dey cnfizctd itz
dy sd it wznt stble fr muh agee
imma guu nd lic a horz azz nw
bt da horz rns wai 4rm muh
nd it tsts al gaii nd fggy
bt itz da bst i cn gt in cre
stoopidz cre, i wnna guu 2 da bech
dy hz lvly snd nd wetur nd cgulz
nz i cn hav butsekz undrwtr
it flz so gud undrwtr th crem gz evriwere
nmznmz i jutz luuurrv krem
bt th scal wurkr 2k al muh stufz awi
nd i bt hii hz gai butskz wit muh ded dd,
i iz jst gld muh dd iz ded
deyre bof nekrafiliaks
i bt dey rpe muh ded mamy azwel, bstrds
nd dey cn guu dye der har 2 mtch de blcknss in mah soul
al th lght cms in muh rm bt muh soul iz stil drk
itz brnin muh schkin...MKE EET STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP
it hrtz so mhuc i wuntz it 2 stoop
bt it wnt, cz eet iz lyke a niphe 2 mah soul
ct muh opn nd ter muh upz
nd thrw muh hert 2 deh cgulz
dey cn hv wutz levt ov muh soal
nd i nedz 2 giv muh soal 2 sme1 specul
bt dey wnt fnd me cuz dey lft meee
agen, everifng i lubz levs muh in d endz
i ndz a dldoo fr mii lyfe
muh fngrz gt trd sm tymz
suu i ndz a dllr a dllr if eye sare muh storee
mmm mi xbxxx hz jutz trnd on, kngdm hrtz 8D
i lubss plyn diz gme wiv muh imginry m8z
ax el nd rockz azz r 22 £kin hooot
i luvz hiz hiaarz nd hiz smexzi voiic
lyk rozez nd seet
nd onoz, i frgt 2 wrter dem, dey dyed lyke mah suol
LYFE, Y U NO NOOOICCCEE 2 MEE? i wnt 2 tsrts nd seet
wtch der faginzz blllldzz
nd ptz itz on utubeee l8rz
on teh u chubee teh voz sonnik vore
i wutchd itz nd fppd lyk a hor
bt teh fing wz, teh etin hedhogz wz nt purdy
it rmded mi of whn muh pt hmstur diez
muh hmpstr, de bstrd dyed wen i raypd eet
it hd a lil hrt attk nd drppd ded
bcz eet wz a gaii afist faaaaag lyke teh butskz
bt i stl mmizzez u hmstur...
ripz boobie teh hmpztr u wer a guurd 1
i h8 rl bewbz bt i lubd muh hmstur boobie
i h8 gaii fagggz wit bewbz
dey fnk dey iz so spcul wiv der biiig bewbz
nd der fke tiittiiiiiizzzz
th boin boin of bewbz dznt gt muh exctd
bt deh spt spt ow wiilleeeehh iz eyrotiik
hw i prefurz dt ovur bewbz
boin boin bewbz bonce, dcks r tsty 2222
bt sme pple wll nvr ndrstnd
i gss i mst gt mahh boos nw, teh numba scheventee won
nm nm nm nm nm i sngs dh nm sng finkn ov dikcz
mmmmmmmmmmm cndyflzz iz lyke muh seet
bt sooo gd at th sme tym
imma right sme fnfixiun nao, on dumblydor (exx) fwkz
thy iz muh fve prin eva
thy lykez 2 hv gaii butsekz
in qodlronz undr dumbledawz dezk
nd in teh chambur ofz ceekretzz
whr d bazalizk cn wtch uz
olk i fond teh buukz
i wndrz whutz in demz
btbtbt hry wuz muh fve 1!!11111!!!!
het iz fer fagzzzz, maaayyun
we stirz it upz wiv sme craaaack n smackk
dy dnt kn hw 2 d it rite
fck, mah bung jst ran oot
whr iz i guna gt muh nxt lod
nononoz im n lngr hyyyyeee
sht sht sht i nedz sme mr gluu
nd prbz sme weeed 2
muh delur slz muh it cheep
hz lyke de schmexxi 2222222222222222222222222
orr mehbe daz jst deh drgz??/?//??
nuuz, it heez loinzzz
raarw raarw duh shmezii noiz
dkz dkz eye jutz wuv dkz
dey zo nce n hrd
nd slyymmmeeee 2222222222222222222222222222222222222
chezy dkz 4r muh and u
nd i wld lve 2 rm 1 in mye.....pi
ooh ysh ysh duh lv ov muh lyf
bt i cnt luv lyf cuz lyf cux
it tukz wai evrifng i lubs
nuuuz dnt gt me rong i h8 lyfe
i h8 th fct tht i xiszt
i wnt 2 dyee nd wen diz peom nds i wll!!!!111ONETWOTHREEEXLCAMATIONPOINT
unlez u ctz muh nterwebz lyk muh dad dd 1 tym
bt hz sheex pheet uuunnderr lololol
uh hwz i h8tz ur ded gutz dad
nd as ewe redz dish im schpittin un hz grav
i psses on ur grav nd laff at ur ded bodii
nd den i hvz sekz wiv it
muhaha i wsh u cd c muh pssin on u nw dad
yyyyyy dddu uu lublub meeeeeeeee????//?
nw muuh alcpz bttn iz brk. wat a gaii faag
olcupz iz 4 fugz lyk sr8 butseks
nd dat gorg bus hii iz wll gaiii nd faggy
he saiz he haz a wyf bt i kno he iz scrtly gaii
lyke meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. i wuvz cok
i hpz bush dnt wnt muh dik
mii blnk pg iz nuu lngr wite
i lubz 2 lut muh felinz uut
bt ettchz nuut blk, cz dats rasitzz
i iznt rasizt i jst h8s gyalz
bt fer sme rezon. blk bewbz ttrckt mre guise
mehbe dey boin boin bettur in bedz?
boin boin iz teh waii muh bdspringzz goooo
i breks teh bds nd al ur gai h8rtz
cz u izz scuh gaai faaagggzzz
y y y me? y u al h8 me?
y y y y y mee/ y duu eye liiivee?
muh dad h8ed muh, muh bf h8ed muh EVER1 H8Z ME!!1!!1
Y U NO NOOIICEEER 222222222222222222 MEEEE---->
i neba dd nufinkz 2 u fagz
im jutz teh noiice mn of teh gaaiifaaggzz
bt no1 in diz wrld lyks gaiz Y Y Y?
Y Y Y Y  duuu dey lykke kitteh kts?
ima go kik demz al 2 hel nd bak
nd nw mah hed hrtz, i heet teh hedborde
bt muh pian dnt hrt whn itz al i fel
nd thn i rote a boooooook. cld it fynul keos tylygt deth
i lyks tu xprez muh felinz un muh ritin
OOOOHH lewk, mur furfggz nomnomnomnomnomnomnom
we mde n nline fnkluwb
nd i faap 2 eet evry ddaaaayyy
at lest i medz sum new lon lubin m8z
onoz, lk @ muh happi fce!
i lks s bd whn i iz hppeh
i jst wnna b ded lyke mah mm nd dd
bt god sed 2 muh in a drm tht i cnt dye yt
bcz hz a gaii faag.  lyk mah dd
i h8 dyz stpid lyl wrld
bt iz nt leetl, cz it mssive, lyke
sme hyg bul in duh skii
mmm i lky skiii
it lks s dmn guuuuud
oo duh pwuty snset lyks lik duh pocalypze
nd teh rptur ur ll gnna dye, im goin 2 hevn
r mybi hl, u gai faagz wud luv dat
nd u rlly r gaii fagz, cz u r biach
ur al gai fagozt hu r guna brn in hel wiv muh
bt i dnt wnna brn in hll, cz im goin 2 hevn
wiv muh mameh bt nt muh dad
im gnna guu dg up muh mmz crpse nd dace wit itz
hr butifulz fce stl luks duh sme snce d dai sh dye
iz stll lyk blooodiii frm teh trcktr hittin eet
nd al duh scrz acruz hr pruty fce
nd all teh skrz frm teh wipz frm dd
h uze 2 bet hr upz alut
bcz hii wz a gaii fagz, lyke chu rdn diss nao
al u stupd rdrz huu thkn im s trl
i iz jst a pr lil reul humin by
im a humn, lyke u. im a bi humn, mre fun 4 mee
2ce az muhc fn evn thu i h8z gyalz
yh i h8z dem bewbz. dey r 2 boun sea
thy mke muh sik whn sme slut shvs dem in muh fce
nd gtz ll der kitteh catz oot on meh
nd der lil dogz dut nip at muh ankulz
nd der fcsh hu eated muh write hand.
i huz nytemrz bout it evrii nyte
teh phish wer sooooooo scray nd bbbbiiiggg
i cnt g aniwre wiv watur wivuut scremin
skremin lyke a gyrl, witch eye £ckin h8
muh dad blmed it n muh ov curze
im crsd wiv teh gooofik krz, itz incurbl
evri1 h8tz muh nd thy wnt muh 2 dye
bt eye dnt wnt 2 dye yt, i wnt goofik gaii smexx
i hz s mhuc 2 liv 4 s dnt flme muh stufz k h8rz?
wut dd i va d 2 u fagz?
y duu u £ckin wnt mee ded? ho gaii fagzzz >:c
stupd bstrds im nt guna dye fr u
if eye dye, iz cuz i nuu wnna str @ ur faggy fcs nuu mre
i dnt wuna c u h8in muh animre
ifz u h8 on meee, ill gt mah loinz on uuu
muh sxxi lonz nd al deir m8z
mmmm bt b4 eye duu, i mzt rpe 1 nao
jst lyk i doz evridai b4 den scal wurker 2k dem wai
stooopidz skal wrkr runin mah fuuuuun D:<
sh dnt ndrstnd hw mhc i nedz muh lonz
o btw, i hz 2 tll u a dep drk sekret
i hz nuvah tld ani1 diz b4 s hre goez...
i usd 2 b a womn, iz y i hayte dem sooo
plz dnt jdge muh r nyfin
bcz i usd 2 hve a hole, nw i haz a schtick
muh dad h8ed muh wen i tld himz i wunted 2 b a boi
he wuz all "watz nxt? u gnna gooo goofik?"
nd jst by cincidne i dd. muh wosum mamy piad 4 muh srgry
nd shee gav mee her pniz cuz shii noo needz eet
i iz nw fnaly hapi az a manz
bt i cnt b happi, cuz of ewe gaii fagzz
n mutah wut i do, u wil alwiz h8 muh
y u no jutz luvvee meee? plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
al i evur nedz iz sme luv
bt ifn eyem alne i kan fap all dy lng weeeeeee
dtz alwiz gd, i lubz a gd fap fap
fap fap fap uupz mah pniz spat agin
i wush evri1 hd a nce lnd dik
den i cud b happi. evn if ewe gai fagz h8d meee
i wudz jst lub it if u wud fapz wiv muh
we cud fp nd prty alll nooiiigght
nd den meyhbi u wud lyk muh
nmnmnmnm im hrd frm tinkin aboot eet
itz a shme nun uv muh drmz evur cme tru
czzz dizh wll neva b a smxxi dizni flm, lyke teh lon kong
i dd hv tht muve on dvvd bt muh dd 2k it wai b4 he dye
y hii tyke mah fn awaii? i lykd fppin 2 dat >:C
yyyyy hi hve 2 runiz evri fing 4 muh agen???
hez ded nd hez rinun muh fun. bstrd
evun frm byond duh grv hii kepz riuniin muh lyf
yyy yyy yyy delila?! YYY U TYKE MAH BREF AWAAAYYY?
uuuu yuuh im al noice n hrd finkin bout itz
i forugt i wuz gaiiii???
I LYKZ DEH TST UUF UR BNANANA, it tsts lyke pinapple
mmmm nomz i lubz a gd crmy frut slad
alng syd mah rpin lyons . omnom
i lubs 2 hv a gd tyme wiv muh fury m8z
der fur iz suu lyke huut nd flffy
i jst wuna run muh dik thru it
Shz man i hz bun rbbed
i hz bn rbbed bi ewe h8rs, aint eye? btchs
1ce agen i pik on pr lil muh
eeef uu dnt lub mee in der nxt fw stnzaz imma kll mislf
i gtz muhselvz a nw niyfe in duh pst 2di
nw i reli ndz a dllar.  cn i shr mah storee wit u???///?/
it al strz 1 dai...
shi cn mk mii pncks alllll teh liv lng dai
nd muh dad iznt alwed 2 cum cuz hiz in hel
nd hii brnz wit muh bf, he wazz a gaii fagz
u alll g brn in huul wiv hitlrez nd prpz
u cn brn brn brn wil i laff @ ur phailz
nd we wil stz orn ur grv nd lafff @ u
i tink imma gt all mah gaii fagz 2geva, 2nite
we cn al smk pot nd hv sme nce butsekz
nd teh butskz witoot teh lube nd cndmz, deyre soo faggi
i lubs al muh gngbng m8z we haz sooo mhuc funz
we hz SCUH FN. we dun no wen 2 stuup
wee go un alllll noooooitttle luuung
i hpe muh ddz crpse dnt cum fnid mee, hez soo fagii nd prppy
iff he ctchez muh agen i rly iz ded
onoz, wat eef he fndz all teh rle 34 sizz i haz on teh lyon keneg?
ohh gaawd im so fkin dmed
i cnt halp eet ifz mah p0rnz clleckchiun iz soo vaaasst
i jst lubz 2 hve a gd tme fapinz
nd in fct, eef ewe dnt mynd, imma haz fappiinezz nao
mre mre mre i bgz fr mre fapin on teh flurz
yaayz den i can haz cheezbrgr
wooohz nce lil lolkatwz
dey rnt az schmexxii az mi lyonz howeva
bt dey iz lil nd cyut
lyke wid der capchuns nd seet
nd der fuyn lill jykz
olololool dey iz sooo funneh
i lubs der lil xprzionz nd fcez
nd lyk sme ov dem hev lil lezur yz
wooo i wnt 2 raype dem ll. deh lil kitteh azzez
bt deh plice no lyk it whn i d datz
bcz dey cn guu goin deh gaii fagz culb. btchs
oh ysh bt nt az gd uz muh fnklub fr furiz
nmnmnmnm i lubz mah frfgz der 2k muh vrility
wi al tek in pctrez nd vidoez  2 fap fap 2
onoz im lmst dne wit mah lyfe
oh gd nt teh deaf fing agenz
bt i plnz 2 keeeyl mizelf @ teh nd
nd thn i cn laff in teh devulz fce
nd thn mii pniz wll schpit in iz fce
nd hii cnt rzizt 2 lik muh krem up
nmnmnmn i cnt wat 2 dye, mre gai fagz 4 mee
we wud al prtii in hel nd fv shc a laff
schee, naos i wnt 2 guu 2 hl. iz mch btter
bt it menz levin muh mamy lone in hvn
ZOMGZOMG i ttly gut a txt frm mi exx bf :D
i rly rly hpz hi wntz 2 gt bk wiv me
bt wat iz deesh!  hiz jst lust hiz vrility agen! WTAF?!11111
i thort i 2kz it wai...
onoz luk at teh bloooood fawl frum muh venz
it fellz so gud al th blud on muh skn
i tnk do i neez a tischue
bt wiiiat i uzed em al 2 klen up muh fap fap wiv
nd onoz, teh nife iz neer mi cok
sht sht sht if it ctz muh im dmed
NONONONONONONO I DDUnt wunt 2 luze mi mle prddin schmexxi schtick!
ooh gd it felz on tuh flur dat wuz kloze
i cuz hve lst teh nly imprtnt fing 2 mee
hii wuz muh soal m8 nd myy wrld
mii pniz iz muh bzt fwend
it kepz muh ntretened nd i cn tlk 2 it
nd it lykz 2 schpit in muh fcae
nd sck it awwl offz
in frnt of mi farvas gaii faggy grve, de bstrd
i wil dnce nd sng on hz grv muhzhz
thn i wll shuuut dwn teh strt IM A MN, NUT A WMN!!!!11
i cn ven provz it if u wntz
i gtz mah dck oot, gt arrstd ftrwrdz
parntly bein nked iz a crim
hw? im nly shwin muh naturiztik syd
nd al deh gyz nd gyalz luv itz
bt teh splodin titz wnt lyk it soo mcuh
ehhh nowzz dey jst mek muh syyk
stooopid gyrlz, dey ruinz mah funz
evri1 finz im bi butzz ima gayy
nd im a proood gaaai bich
huu fialz at cienze
bt i am teh awesomz at teh inglizh
nd teh maffz muh tekher sez im wosum
i cn cont up 2 teh numba 4. i iz soo prud of musewf
nd muh biig bruva in teh armzyz seyz he iz ded prud
he iz teh nly 1 in teh fmly hu ddnt dizwn meh
hii iz so bwave 2 go uut der nd tek on teh talibnz
nd phite teh scray lionz dat wiv dere 4 mee 2 wape
he sedz he wudz birng muh bak a ded 1 if i wuz gd
so i trnd bi nd a manz, jutz fer him, i wuvz u bruv
hi iz muh hewuu nd i lubz hiiiimz
i am gnna raype him wen he getz hme frm phitin teh meaniz
unwez hi iz killeh in teh phitin
ONOZ. teh telegrm kme frou. he iz lyke tttlay ded!!!!111
i hayte ma gaaii faggy bruvva, yu sed u wz imrtl
i iz al alune nw in muh lyf
bcz muh ova sis dyd in teh wum
i wil nevur c hr fce bt i wil nvur 4get hr
sh dyd wit teh trcktr az wll. imma brn ull teh trcktrs
bt i uze 2 lvz in a frm nd i hd 2 uze it vri dai
nd teh desu trcktr mrdrd mu mm nd siz
i bawz su mhuc ovr der bdiz
bcz muh mm wz suu kawaii
nd sh mde muh d bezt evur fud
i wsh i wuz jpnez, dey r suu neko
nd dey hz al dem katanazzz sxxi r wut
dey lzo rnt lyke cina, dey cn hv 2 bbiz
nd thy is wosum at koocin
nd dey shinigami muh rse
n al dem prutty mntainz mek me smil
o lk @ teh tv skween, nah roo toe iz un
wwoooz hi iz muh fav shuu eva
nd i wub de desu slch riten 4 eet
oooh omfg muh lptop jzt beped i gtz an emil
£ukin helzz i h88 u str8 beechez
imma guu srch fer mur furwee seet
dat lwaiz cherz muh upz
duu u lyke hw mah pem iz lngr dan ur deek?
ii getin al muh  felinz ouut on urrr azz
nd cme nd chpz uf ur wittle stump
nd fedz it 2 muh ded hmstur
uu sn uf a fagz u fluffeh, u lft meh!
i lso hz 400000 fwendz on fb, dey wub mee
dey wurshiit duh grund i wlak un
nd teh grund mi pniz schpiz unn, bich
baaawww i h888 u al u al lev muh
im nut reli okai, i sayz i iz tu mke u happiz
bt dep inzid i iz jst a mezed up kid
ooh luk, sme 1 hz prpozd 2 mee :D
i lubz muh fb marigez dey mek muh fel specul
bcz im hiv pzitiv
i gtz a dngruz dizez
nd eef ewe cme ny clzer u mite gt clamidia
im rdld wiv dizezez
iz cuz i gt dem frm maii gaii lyonz but£uckin
jst 2 giv u wrnin b4 i £uk u
thy sd it wuz fr muh wn gd bt thy dnt ndrstnd
thy dnt ndrznd teh pan i hz 2 guu fruu vry daii
muh fmly r ded nd muh bf lvt me. tht hrrrtz so mhuc.
i wna jzt guu nd fck loadza mmigrntz 2 kool uuf
bt thy cnzlrz wnt let muh uut th huze
stoopid gaai fagz iz gaii
y duz th wrld h8 muh? iz it cuz i iz gaii?
ur maibii cuz i eesh blck?
wll nt blck jst lyk quatr cst cus muh grndad wuz blck
nd i wub 2 lk @ heez grve nd tinkin "Y U NO LIIIVVEE?"
i jst wnt sme cmpny in diz wurld
y duz nuuu 1 wub mee?  y duz nuuu 1 wnt meee?
i iz frevur lon in diz wrld
iz it bckz evryfin i tuch diez? iz it cuz i cnt feeel?
i jst wunaaa felll reeeell luuuuuuv
bt cuz ewe gaii fagzz dnt wunt mee 2 wub, il neva wub
yyy wnt i eva fnd rel lub??/?
IM INFCT.......
bt y cnt i be gaii itz nt £ukin far
i lyke peniz mre thn pussii
bt dyz gyal iz ttly epicz
nd der bewbiz splode in teh aroplnz
i lwyz luk t hr whn sh gtin chnged 4 sprtz
bt iz nt far, i uzd 2 b a gyal. zomg im lezzr!
seeeet muh lyf iz ttly ovur
teh blckbrdz r bloo nd dey swarm over mai phaild lyf
dy laf at muh cz i phial s bd
i wuz tootallii nut xpcktin 2 phaiil suu bd
i furt i hd a gd lyf ntil diz hppned
bt im a gaii furrrii nd sctuff. i no wuna b str8!!111
bt i alzo lyks femil lyonz su i mzt b str8 NUU FIIAR
I HPE U h8rz r uul happi. imma guu kyll maizelf nao
al u prpz mzt b happeh nw zt im guna dye
u prrpi gai fgz muzt bii suu happiii
nw u al kno muh bg sekrit i cn neva carri un
u NED nuu al maii leetl seekrtz tuu
frzt ov al... i lyk 2 go into shpz nd...
i lso lyke 3.........
kik pur lil kttnz
bt al u gev muh wuz a hrt uv pian
she gve me teh goofik kurz wen i hd butseckz wit er
nw i iz a str8 goffikk stnizt
nd teh bewbz tht splode r nut az pretti.
bt i lykz it al cuz im a hor lyk dut
nu roitin iz guna sav muh soal
nuu it eez 2 layte. dun li 2 mee
y u wnt muh 2 lyv? i fort u al h8ed muh
nd diz houz iz tootalii a hme, bich!
ven tho itz deh cre hme
bt eef i wuz crld uup wit muh ded mm, i wud b happi
sh iz da onli 1 dat lubed muh, Y CNT I DYEE?/??
ndd hw dre u popl cal muh a trul
im nut a phuqin trull. im a hooman
jst lyk u nd vri1 elze
hw cme ewe cnt ccept mai poetree iz suprioor 2 urz?/
cnt u c i iz duh mztr uv poetr3
i cn mayke a rime anitym
i jst chize 2 mek it lyk diiz cuz its betur
cuz dep dwn, im reli shkspre in discuiz
i hz prupor ritin skilz
luuk, il pruve eet. i cn speel teh wrd helo.
Helllu, i iz m2
c? i tld ewe i cn spl. SU STP KLLIN ME A TRLL!!!!!1    
jst cz u h8 muh nd wnt muh 3 dye dnt giv u da rite 2 cal muh nmez
u dnt cll mai imurtl a trll. suu whai mee?
it hrtz muh felinz nd meks muh so sd nd md
u hav wuind mah lyfe. BAAWWWW
u mekz muh hrt bled wiv pian
u mke me az solelez a gingrz
u mek muh h8 evri1 lyk jewz
u mke mee az hrny az kaytii priz
u mek muh lyf wosum
I WSH I WUZ 1 2, Y CNT I B LYK U?/??
i jutz cnt feelz netink. al mai emutinz r gne
u uzed em al up, i wztin em al on u
i pt mai hole hert nd sole intu deesh, u bttr lyke eet
it tuks muh furevur 2 rite muh motinz uut
dey r suu burid nd heeden, cuz of ewe gaii fagz
u kiled uv muh soal, muh prcuz soal
u 2k mai lyf nd lyke rippd eet en 2.
wivuut muh soal i iz nuffink, i iz ded
im jutz a shel ofz amazin poetrie nd orgnz
uuuuu luuk i fundz a peic uv glaz
nd u dnt no wut eetz lyke 2 b gai nd thn str9
it hrtz dep inzide nw i guna dyyyyyyyye
nd @ teh nd ov deez peom, mi lyf cmz 2 n ed
i saaaaai gdbai 2 al muh x bfz nd frendz
nd tuu awl ofz ma gaii faggi lyonz
i ptz sme fluwrz on muh fmlyz grvez
thn i wnt nd rapd mah lyonz fur uld tymez schake
nd brned al muh stuvz s nu1 cn fnd it
i hd 2 brn al mai p0rnz jutz cuz of ewe gaii fagz
i brned al muh clovs so thy cnt g 2 chrity
teh gud fing iz mah clamidia stpz teh dockz frm uzin mah orgnz
i bts muh funarlz wil b crapz
i bt teh nly peepz 2 trn uup wel b mah fagz lyonz
i wsh i hd sme fmli lft 2 c muh dye
i wsh eye hd mah x bf 2 sav mee
bt he iz lzo str8 so he dnt giv 1
zu i teks diz glaz 2 muh rist
nd den my figh nd den mai........
nekz nd i rubz nd cutz it
i jutz needz 2 duu 1 mre fing nd den i kan dye
nd i lwaiz wnted 2 do diz b4 i dye
i mzt guu nd tel maii x bf dat eye phuckin hayte him
i ritez himz 1 lzt txt
"phuq ewe. guu dye lyke eye am gnna"
"i h8 u fr wwut u dd 2 muh, gdbai £uker"
nd den i txt mai cnzzler. "gudbi"
al deh blud puorz 2 da flur
i wtch de wrld grw clod. mah eyz guu all foggy
i whzperz a lzt wurd of "gdbai"
nd i jutz gladz i gt to bee happi nao. i dyd 2 liv
dis be my laeytust masturpeash its rly lawng tel me wut u tink
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Erika screams "Please! Daddy, no! Stop! It's not his fault!"
"Like hell it is, get out of my way Erika, I'm gonna kill him!"
"Erika, he got you pregnant, your 14! Your not keeping that baby, and your never going to see him again!"
"You cant stop me, I will see him,  no matter what!"
"Dad, I love Chase, I know im only 14 but I love him, and he loves me!"
"Erika, he doesn't love you! He's using you, he got what he wanted, and now your pregnant, do you really think he was going to stick around?"
"Yes, I did"
"He's 16, he wasn't going to stick around, he doesn't want to be a father, and he doesn't love you, he lied"
"Daddy, no he didn't. He really loves me, I just know it!"
Just then… "I give my heart to you, I give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you"- A text from chase.
"Hey, baby. What's up"
He doesn't even know, im pregnant yet..
"Who the hell is it?"
"Damnit, dad, its Chase. He texted me"
"What did you just say to me"
"You heard me!"
"Fuck you dad! I'm going to have this baby, and I'm not going to stop seeing Chase! So fuck you!"
"Don't you ever talk to me like that again Erika"
"If that's the way you want things to be, then fine you can keep the baby and see Chase, but only on one condition."

"Really? I can still see him?"
"Yes, but you have to get your ass outta my house by Friday"
Its Tuesday, right now.
"But dad, were am I supposed to go. You can't kick me out, im only 14 and pregnant, I have no where to go"
"I don't care, you have to be out my Friday"
"Ok, I'm sorry daddy."
"I don't care"
He walks away, Erika just stands there, speechless.
"I give my heart to you, I give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you"-Another text from Chase
"Is everything ok? You didn't text me back" "I love you"
So Erika texts back…
"No, nothing is ok. Look Chase we need to talk, and soon"
"Ok, when?" "Tonight"
"Yea, that's fine"
"Ok, ill be at your house in about 15 minutes"

"Ok, Erika, what's going on? You got me worried. What happened?
"Well Chase, I know you will breakup with me after this but.. But I'm pregnant, with your baby.. And my dad told me if I wanted to keep the baby and see you, I have to be out of the house by Friday, and I have no where to go..
He's Speechless, and just stands there, wide-eyed.
"Uh… Um, how long have you known?"
"I found out yesterday" "I  should have told you first"
"If you don't want to have anything to do with this baby, then I understand"
"No, I love you, I want this baby. Just things are happening sooner than planned."
"Planned?" "What did you have planned?"
"Well I was hoping to start a family with you, soon after college, but its happening sooner."
"Aw. You thought about are future?"
"Well, of course I did"
"Now its time to tell my parents… There gonna freak"
So they get in Chase's car, and  drive off…

"Well Erika, we're here, this isn't going to go well"
"Ya, think?"
"No matter what happens, I want you to know I love you, and I will be here for you and the baby, no matter what happens in there, ok?
"I know, and I love you to"
"Well come one, we gotta go in sometime"
"Chase, im kinda scared.."
"Me to baby, me to"

"Uh mom…dad, theres something I have to tell you"
"What is it Chase?"
"Well, you know my girlfriend Erika.. Well I got her pregnant..
-Complete silence-
"You what? Shes pregnant?" "Since when?"
"Well, I found out yesterday sir" "But I already said he doesn't have to be involved, but ive told my dad, and well he kicked me out, I have till Friday"
"Mom, Dad, I'm sorry, but I really love Erika, and I want to be involved, I want to marry her one day.."
"You wanna marry me?"
"Well yea"
"Well me and your mother need to talk about this, so why don't you and Erika go watch tv or something ok?"
"Alright, dad"

Meanwhile: (Parent's conversation)
Mom: Well, if he loves her and wants to marry her, I think we should let them keep it.. She did get kicked out maybe she could live here with us? We have the room..
Dad: That's true, but there so young, I mean shes only 14, they have there whole life ahead of them.

Mom: Oh come on, just let them her stay here with us, and let the keep it. You would be a Grandpa.. You've always wanted to..

Dad: That's also true, but…

Mom: Oh come on..

Dad: Fine, she can live her and they can keep the baby..

"Alright, Chase… Erika, we made up are minds"
"Oh no, that was quick" -He whispers to Erika
"I know"
"We've decided that… Erika can live here with us, and that you two can keep the baby…
Chase & Erika: Oh my god, really?

9 Months later:
Chase: Come on Erika, your almost there!
Erika screams.
A little baby cries…
Chase: It's a girl!

A couple months later…
"Erika, Madelyn is so adorable"
"I know, I never want to leave her.."
"Will you marry me?"

"Well duh! Of course I will Chase!"
"Oh thank god, I wasn't planning on do it this soon, and I don't even have a ring, im sorry.."
"It's ok, that doesn't bother me."
"It's me, you and Madelyn" "That is till we have another baby"
"Planning that already are we?"
"I love you baby… and I love Madelyn"
"I love you to, and I love Madelyn to!"
"Chase, I got something to tell you, and now Is the perfect time"
"Well what is it?"
Erika whispers something in his ear…
Just then, "It's 3 am, she won't put out, lets go make out with her friends, make out with her friends, friends" -It's a text from lexy (Erika bff)

"How could you not tell me you had a baby girl?!?!"
"Uh Lexy, im kinda in the middle of something important here, I'll get back to you in a minute ok?"
"Oh, fine!"

Before Lexy's interruption, Erika told Chase:
"Chase, I'm pregnant again.."
"Uh, Chase.. Earth to Chase?"

Chase is still speechless and wide-eyed.
"Your…. Pregnant… Again?"
"Uh, yea that's what I said, is that bad?"
"No, no, no its not bad, it's just unexpected… very unexpected."
"I know, but it's a good thing right?"

"It's 3 am, she won't put out, lets go make out with her friends, make out with her friends, friends" -Another text from Lexy.

"Now, how could you not tell me you had a baby?!?"
"Uh, hey guess what?"
"What? You had a baby? I know that now"
"Not that, im engaged, and pregnant.. Again!"

Erika's phone dies after that… Coincidence?

The next day.. There's a knock on the door.
"Mom? What are you doing here? What's wrong?"
"Well, its your father, he's in the hospital"
"Oh, well you know what, I don't care. He kicked me out, he didn't want me around anymore."
"But Erika, he's your father, you should care, he could die"
"Mom, just leave, I don't care. It would be different if he didn't kick me out, I said I was sorry and he didn't care, you can leave now."
"Fine then, Goodbye Erika. Tell Chase I said hi."
Erika's mom leaves..
"My mom says hi"
"Uh ok, what did she want anyways?"
"My dad's in the hospital and he could die…"
"What? Well come on lets go down there and see him, before its to late"
"No Chase, I don't want to go, I don't want to see him"
"Come on Erika, he's your father!" "We have to, well at least you do, and shouldn't he meet Madelyn, hes never seen her"
-sigh- "Fine, we can go, but just this one time! No more!"
"Ok, ill go get Madelyn ready"
"Alright, im gonna call my mom, and tell her we are coming"

The phone call..
"Hey mom its me Erika, look im sorry about earlier, but we will come down today"
"Oh good, thank you Erika, he will appreciate it.. See you there"
"Yea, see you there soon, bye"

On the way to the hospital..
"Chase, im nervous. Its been so long, what will he say, what will I say? Should we tell them im pregnant again or that we are engaged?"
"I'm not sure, maybe we should wait before we tell them. At least your dad, but its up to you."
"I think we should wait, at least for the 2nd pregnancy thing, I think we should tell him we're engaged. Maybe he could come."
"Yea, maybe. Well we are here. You ready to go in?"
"I think so…"

There at the hospital, in the waiting room.
"I'm so scared Chase, I mean what if he died, things didn't end well, I don't want things to end between us, I cant take this"
"Just calm down, he's going to be ok, don't worry."
"I don't even know, what's wrong with him, I never found out from my mom"
"Erika, you're here!"
"Mom, whats wrong with him? Is he going to be okay? Please tell me he'll be ok!"
"Well I don't know if he will be ok, but he had a massive heart attack."
"Oh my god, I cant believe this. How?"
Erika says crying.
"It happened at work, suddenly. They think it could have been stress, or maybe the way he eats.. Erika hes been so depressed since you left, he wanted to call you, but he thought you hated him. He's sorry for what he did, he really is"
"I'm sorry for what I did, I shouldn't have said what I said.. Is he awake? I really would like to talk to him, and for him to meet Madelyn."
"Uh yea, you can see him.."
"Ok, im going to go in there alone is that ok?"
"Yes, that's ok. I'll stay out here with Chase and Madelyn, I haven't even met her yet.."

"Hey, dad, its me Erika.."
"Oh hi Erika, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me."
"Of course I forgive you, im sorry to. I was being selfish, I shouldn't have said what I said and I should have listened to you. But me and chase we're happy, and so is Madelyn my daughter. We are doing really well and me and Chase are engaged actually, so see you need to get better so you can come to the wedding"
"That's great! I'm happy for you, and I'm proud of you. Your only 16, your doing so well with the baby and all. But I don't think im going to make it to your wedding, I'm not doing so good."
"Don't say that, your going to get better I just know it, you have to! You have to be a part of Madelyn's life, and my next babies life!"
"Next baby?"
"Yea dad, im pregnant again. I know its soon, but it just happened, im sorry."
"It's ok, im happy for you. And I want to be apart of your families life I really do!"
"I'll be right back, im going to go get Madelyn so you can meet her"

A few minutes later..
"Ok, dad im back"
"She's so beautiful, she looks a lot like you Erika, She's growing so fast. Can I hold her?"
"Yea, of course!"
Erika, hands him Madelyn..
"Wow, I remember when you were a baby, you looked almost exactly like her, I hope she grows up to be a wonderful daughter like you." "Do you know the sex of your next baby yet?"
"Uh no not yet, but we should soon, I'm hoping it's a boy."
He hands Madelyn back to Erika.
"I'm going to go give her back to mom and Chase real quick, I'll be right back"

"Ok dad, im back"
"Yea, dad."
"You know I love you right?"
"Yea, I know and I love you to"
"Good, You will always be my little girl, no matter what"
Just then.. Beep..
"Dad?" "Dad?" "No, you cant do this, not now. Dad!"
The nurse: "I'm so sorry…

Erika walks back out to her mom, Chase and Madelyn, with tears in her eyes.
"Dad's…well… he's gone…" "He met Madelyn, now he's gone"
Now everyone's crying,  even Madelyn and she doesn't even know whats going on.
A few days later..
"Come on Chase, we got to get there early. Is Madelyn ready?"
"Yea, were both ready.."
"I can't believe he's gone. At least he got to meet Madelyn. She'll never know her grandpa though…"
It's months later, and its time for Erika and Chase's wedding.
"I'm so glad you here mom"
"I would never miss my daughters wedding"
"I just wish dad were here"
"Me to, but you know, in a way he still is, he will always be in are hearts"
"Well that is true"
"We better hurry up, its almost time"
"Oh your right it is" "I'm so nervous"
The music starts playing.. She heads down the aisle.
But she suddenly stops.
"I think my water just broke"

Chase rushes over..
"We got to get you to the hospital!"
"No! I'm getting married today, and now! Before I have this baby!"
"But your water just broke, you have to go to the hospital"
"I have a little time, now lets get married!"
"Ok..ok we'll get married now"
The reverend continues on with the ceremony, and quickly.
"I now pronounce you husband and wife" "You may now kiss the bride"
Chase, quickly, but softly and passionately kisses Erika.

Erika: "I'm finally married!"
Chase: "I'm gonna be a daddy.. Again!
Mr. and Mrs. Chase Adams, and his parents and her mom, go to the hospital.
Doctor: Come on Erika, you have to push harder.
Erika: "I'm trying!"
Doctor: I see the head, the shoulders! Come on, one more big push!
A baby cries..
Chase: "It's another girl!" "We had another girl!"
Doctor: "Ok, Erika, are you ready?"

Erika: "Ready for what? I just had the baby, what are you talking about?"
Doctor: "You're having twins, you didn't know that?"
Erika: "Do I look like someone in the know?"
Doctor: "Oh, well you are, and you have to push now!"
Chase: "Come one Erika, you heard the doctor, push!
Erika: "I am!"
Chase & The Doctor: Well push harder..
Erika: "I can't do it, I just can't, I can hardly breathe"
Doctor: Yes, you can do it Erika, one more time, and your done!
Erika: "Ok, I'll try."
Erika pushes harder.
A baby cries.
Doctor: It's a boy!
Erika: Aw yay! It's a boy, we finally have a boy! Wasn't expecting twins, but we got a beautiful baby boy and girl. But what are we gonna name them?
Chase: I think we should name the girl… Mackenzie
Erika: We should name the boy Jason…
Erika: Can you believe it. We are married and have 3 kids already.
Chase: I know, its just so unreal.

A few years pass. Its Madelyn's first day of kindergarten.
Erika: Madelyn, your growing up so fast. Its your first day of school.
Madelyn: Mommy, I don't want to go
Erika: Well I don't want you to go either, but you have to.
Madelyn: -sigh-
Chase takes Madelyn to school, before work. He walks her to the school, and holds her hand.
Madelyn: Daddy, your gonna embarrass me.
Chase: Now how am I gonna do that
Madelyn: By holding my hand, duh!
Chase: Well im going to hold your hand if I want to
Madelyn: But daddy

New chapter ideas:
Madelyn grown up
Jason and makenzie grown up
The death of erika and chase/car wreck
The effects on there kids

The wreck..
Erika: Hey baby, hurry up. We don't want to miss Mackenzie and Jason's graduation! It sucks Madelyn cant make it though..
Chase: I know, but I'm hurrying! I want to look nice.

They head off towards the school for there twins graduation.. Not knowing what fate would have in store for the today..

Erika: I can't believe are twins are all grown up!
Chase: It seems like just yesterday they were in diapers.
Erika: Yea.. Hey Chase. Can I ask you something?
Chase: Sure baby, go ahead..
Erika: Ok, well… Chase! Look out!

There was a car, that veered into there lane.. Neither one got out of the way fast enough, they hit head on… Erika and Chase's car flipped several times after that…
Erika: Chase, I love you!
Chase: I love you to Erika!

Within minutes, the ambulance was there.. Chase and Erika, were pronounced dead at the scene… There last words were I love you.. They were only in there mid thirty's…

At the school..
Jason: Man, mom and dad are gonna be late.. I hope they don't miss us graduate.
Mackenzie: Me either..

The ceremony already started….
Right when Mackenzie was on stage, almost with her diploma in hand.. Her phone goes off…

Mackenzie: I'm sorry.. But my parents aren't even here, so I'm gonna take this..
Mackenzie's eyes get huge, and she drops her phone to the ground.
Jason: Kenzie, you alright?
Mackenzie: No.. mom and dad, there dead, there were in an accident, on the way here.. There dead Jason there dead…

They both broke down in tears..
They were handed there diploma, they drove to hosptial, just to see there lifeless bodies..
Jason: I cant believe there gone..
Kenzie: How are we going to tell Madelyn, or grandma?

Jason calls Madelyn: There conversation.
Hey bro, you graduated yet? Sucks I cant make it. Tell Kenzie I said hi!
Jason? Hello?
Uh Madelyn, are you sitting?
Uh no, why?
Well sit!
It's mom and dad…
What about them?
There dead…
I know this story isn't very good, I need to write more, rewrite and work on my grammer, im just looking for opinions. I am gonna rewrite this tho(:
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Tick-tock. Tick-tock. The clock never stops. The hourglass never waited as it spilled the sand of her life grain by grain. Tick-tock went every day, every hour, every second, mortality and spirit seeping through her fingertips. Everything ended too soon for her. The clocks don't wait and they can't reverse. Death was black and quiet, sneaking upon her as the clocks ticked out and the hourglass spilled her last grain. His hands were a comfort, after so long sleeping quietly under white sheets. Tick-tock. They pulled the plugs. Her quiet sleep had been so faint it almost seemed like he'd taken her already. Disturbing was her peace as her mind died and was watered down until it turned into a vegetable. Tick-tock. They pulled the plugs. Tick-tock. No one expected the crash. Tick-tock. They all thought she'd live. Death claimed her as he took her from them.
Not sure where this came from, but I had fun writing it.
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     There is a chair. The seat is made with shrapnel, the arm rests with barbed wire. If you can just sit in the chair for an hour, you are promised the best that the world has to offer.
     You think you should stand for what you believe in, so you decide to wait; you want the even better prize.
     Soon, your legs begin to tire. The reward starts to sound better and better, and the chair itself even begins to look inviting.
     What they don't tell you is that no one has evver made it through the whole hour. You become so damaged that you no longer want the grand prize. You leave with nothing.
     If only you'd waited.  
Well, this is another one of those late night/early morning writings. I've decided to leave them as they are, only changing grammatical or spelling mistakes.
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Collection by
you've got the butterflies
fluttering in my tummy again
and you've turned my skies
from gray to blue again

there's a garden in my heart
blooming more and more
with every word from you

I'd run through fire
just to hold your hand
and find a way to walk the oceans
if it meant I could find my way to your arms

I feel beautiful again
all thanks to you
(isn't it about time?)
for my girl <3
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I never had a broken heart,
You were just blind.
(Don't lie to yourself, baby doll
your heart was always beautiful.)

Love may lay on your fingertips,
but my heart was always with you.
In these moments ''I love you''
is no longer enough.

(You make my heart fill with poison
whenever I saw scars on your wrist
since you said ''Scars are the new beautiful''
But you were just cheating death.
Broken hearts don't beat,
you were just blind.)  

(You own my heart,
at least for the most part.)
I swore that I'd never think of you again, but I never was the type to keep promises to myself. You're a heart-breaker, boy.

Minds: they always lie.
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The world quickly fades.
"Friends" disappear into the shadows.
Joy and happiness unimaginable…
As the pain of loneliness takes over.
Alone in an overcrowded world.
A world invisible
….and muted,
Unable to understand.
Void of empathy.
Unable to satisfy my needs.
A world hidden in the shadows,
As my pain breaks forth into the light.

I see my pain.
I see my hurt.
Where is the world now…?
Hath not one "friend" come to my rescue?
Where are these "friends", when I need them???
They, to, lurk in the shadows.
Ignorant they are!
Unable to understand!
How can they???
They are void of empathy.
My pain they can never truly comprehend.

I'm hurting.
The pain seems overwhelming.
My heart drowns in the tears.
Tears…tears my soul weeps.
My inward parts in disarray.
My soul weeping night and day.
Yet there are those who judge me!!!!!!
They think they know me…
But they are ignorant as well.
They are fools to judge what they cannot understand.
They insult me with words spoken without empathy.
Words spoken from lives untouched by my pain.
Pain that must be experienced to be understood…

Yet…I endure it.
I endure their foolish words
Which sever my soul
And causes my life to bleed out inside of me.
Rivers of hurt and rejection
Flow from fresh wounds
Into a rising sea of despair
That seem to submerge my very soul.

However…what do they know?
I walk in their midst each day.
I talk and laugh with them.
The world continues to spin…
Never stopping to ask me if I'm okay.
My "friends" talk and laugh…
Oblivious to the hurting soul on the inside.
I am alone in their midst.
Surrounded by the world.
Surrounded by friends.
Yet alone…

Alone…for they can never understand.
Alone…for their ignorance deceives them.
Alone…for empathy does not exist in them.
Alone…for they live in the night while it is day.
Alone…for they are blind to the truth about me.
Alone…for what I wish to, I cannot share.
Alone…for my heart they cannot bear.

Alone…to fight the battle within.
Alone…as waves of despair crash over me.
Alone…as sadness and rejection inflict my soul!
Alone…as untold sadness claw at my heart…
Drags me to my knees…shreds my hope…and covers me in despair…
Over…and over…again…


Alone…in this huge wide world.
One in a million.
One among a multitude that fades away.
Only one.


I suffer alone…
A poem i wrote while i felt this way.

...i often feel this way at times....:(
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Like the sharp point of a pencil
I am hard at work,
leaving a part of myself behind.

Words sprout from my mind
emerging in rambles
that are sometimes spoken
or mouthed silently.

Many go lost,
unable to find thier way to the paper
but some settle
and rest peacefully.

Third Place winner of the Poets-and-Warriors, fixing past mistakes contest!

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Unfortunately, I lie here awake
My eyes dreadfully open
No warmth left, not even my clothes
Slithering in this abyss
I can feel this life fleeting from me
I do not wish for your sympathy
Nor your unconcern or pity

Simply embrace my being
Alone in this swallowing darkness
I feel your filth slithering in me
Through my blood and in my guts
I can feel the emotions filling me
All I can do is lie and take it
This unforgivable pain and suffering
Even the marks I've made are useless now

As the blood trickles down my legs
Even my thighs drip to soak my sheets
Covering my breasts in blood
And my face drenched in tears
I do this not for attention
Or even my screams for help

This is to remind me of what I am
A simple human in this world of others
Though I am of no importance to them
I do this to make myself feel real
To try and turn this undying boredom
Into my art and design, to my change
"After all the emotional nights and days....even if I lie there bored, depressed, and bleeding, eventually I turn it into my own form or art and design. This is not for attention or even about my screams of help. This is for me, to remind me I'm real."
A couple of people on DA thinks that my work is to encourage cutting or that I'm simply "an emo kid" or someone who just wants attention and need to light up and stop being so dramatic. I am myself, Krystina, I do have emotional episodes but I can smile, I can laugh and play and completely mean it with all of my life. I can have fun without the drugs, alcohol, or sex. I've done it before. I can do it now. Going through what I am going through does not make me less of a person. I am simply trying to find myself, to find my own happiness. I'm sorry but this is how I express myself. I refuse to hide in the shadows any longer.
Emotional Art & Design (c) ASpilledCanvas
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Collection by
I'm so nervous to do this
So nervous to walk up to you
Hoping I don't make another mistake
Hoping I don't get another rejection

I'm feeling the anxiety floating around me
I can feel butterflies flying in my stomach
Is my breath okay?
Did I wear my deodorant this morning?

All right Jason; you have got to get it together
Just breath and stay calm
It's simple and not so complicated
But of course the anxiety will make it hard for you

My hands are shaking
I'm starting to feel sweat pour down on me
Just wipe it off and stay calm Jason
Just get this done and over with

Finally I see you where I need you to be
Sitting at a lunch table with people but you are quiet
I feel like I'm seeing myself when I see you alone
It's all right though; I need to focus

I come to your table and about the empty seat
The seat isn't taken and it's closer to you
Lucky for me I guess
I'm not out of the woods yet for I have just entered

It's quiet at this table but people are always active in here
Good enough for me to make my move
Think of your words wisely Jason
Then just speak them out

Start with small talk first
Yes just do that first
It will calm me down for a little bit
Until I make my main move

I'm ready to put my tactics to you
Tactical options are available now
My mind is like the Crysis suit and I'm the man in the suit
Now I just have to go through the woods now

Remember you focus is on the ball and only the ball
You want to go home happy don't you Jason?
Start with small talk fist then work up
Get out of the woods but know where your markers are

I already asked where she moved from and her grade
Let's go more into depth now
Maybe we may have something in common
We may have the same personalities too

All right Jason small talk is over
Get ready to be chased by the grizzly bears
Show no fear when facing a grizzly bear
You can survive this

The grizzly comes out from its sleep
I'm getting ready to ask my question
It's all about the ball
Now ask away or get eaten by the bear

The grizzly charges at me with a knife in my hand
I charge at the grizzly with a war cry
Here comes the moment of truth
No turning back now

I ask her as I look into her eyes
Will you be my date for the military ball?
She looks at me with blushes on her cheek
And covers her mouth with the tip of her fingers

She smiles and starts having the giggles
But then I notice a tear come down her rosey cheeks
She says yes to my request
I'm jumping with joy inside

I walk out of the woods with the dead grizzly
I respectfully buried the grizzly like I would do for a person
I walk into the bright sunshine where the river flows into a lake
I can smell that fresh air of pure sunshine

I'm jumping with joy inside as I stay with her
Maybe this is my second chance
I will make it your best night and mine too
Thank you for being mine
So this is more about the new girl that I like and of course about the upcoming military ball. This was a daydream that I keep having when I'm listening to A Real Hero by College (ft. Electric Youth) and I feel like I can probably get another chance this time. Now I just have to wait.

NOTE: See the movie Drive; it's not just a movie but it's a very good movie that will blow your mind away. That's where I heard the song from.

Comment, save into favorites, and spread the word
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"When you're trying so hard to stay on, but then the force if gravity takes over."
The words ran through my head
They stuck like a nail
When I go in that tube next,
I might not be able to overcome gravity,
I might actually have to try to stay on
It's my dream to be flipped off a water tube
Most might say it's good to have a perfect record of never flipping off
But to me,
It's a bad thing
I want to flip off,
Feel gravity take over,
Hit the water while going really fast,
I want to experience that,
But for now,
Having a perfect record is fine
The words in quotations were actually said.
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I trusted you
You trusted me
We trusted them
They why?...
You lied to many times,
To many that I don't know what to believe anymore
I can trust them
They can trust me
We trusted you
Now none of us can trust you
If we could all start off clean,
Maybe we could still be friends,
Maybe we could all trust each other,
And just be that crazy group of weirdos that no one likes
I wish it could happen...
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You tempt me
With the way you look at me
With the way you touch me
You take my breath away
You make my heart race

The way you smile at me
The way you look at me
The way you hold me
I know how you truly feel
Even though you can't seem to figure it out
I'm here with my heart in my hands, my arms wide open
I feel so content, so right, when you hold me so close, and kiss my forehead
You make me safe
You make me whole
You make me see the person I was meant to be
You make me feel alive
When I thought I couldn't feel anything
You made me feel such incredible things
You send waves of electricity through me with just a touch
With just a look

I wish that you could see
We're meant to be
And the past is behind us
The only way to heal is to move forward
And believe in second chances.
I try not to push you
But I can't let go
I can't give up
I feel it in my soul
You're the one I was meant for
You're the one meant for me
I wish you could see
And give me a second chance,
Let me heal you

KSG July 5, 2011
i need you back
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dancing with silence
in this quiet room
filled with forgotten love
changing parters I dance with loneliness
and it holds me close
will all this take the space where you belong
where love would spin me
I faulter
I dance with silence and loneliness
in this empty room
and let them fill me heart
'till I fall asleep
Listening to The Lonely while writing this. i like how it turned out^^
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