weighted down1. I am sixteen, suddenly.More Like This
I have grown up without anyone
telling me. My car keys rest heavily in
my palm. Each new college I hear about
rests heavily on my shoulders. I am
not sure how much longer I can take this,
all this extra weight of responsibilities, of choices,
of the future I’m not sure I want to have.
My skin feels stretched across my body
in places that don’t really make sense.
I still feel too big in every bad way—I’m
afraid I always will.
2. My first boyfriend tells me he
thinks I must have bits of the
universe inside of me. I try not
to get offended: I know he means to say
that kissing me is like kissing stars,
and that I hold the secrets of creation
inside my soul, but all I can think about
is how huge the universe is.
3. He breaks up with me at night.
For hours, I lean against my truck in
the driveway and look at the sky.
Stars are cold and distant,
I realize. The universe is big
4. Someone in my philosophy class tries to tell me
thoughts on a friday in aprillook, you are summer,More Like This
with your half-a-watermelon smile and
eyes like fireworks in the sky.
and you know what,
before i met you, i kind of just wanted
to be autumn, to make dying look beautiful,
to go out with a blaze of glory.
but when you kiss me i can feel
spring bubbling up inside of me.
and okay, maybe there are times
when we fight like winter, taking no
captives, leaving no survivors, but—
okay, there’s no easy way to say this:
I want to spend 365 days with you
again and again and again because
even though that scares me stiff,
you make me feel like I’m blooming.