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somewhere in between...somewhere in between
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it's like a pressure, a heaviness. it's strangling, but not suffocating--it's constantly there, pressing against your ribcage, your diaphragm. it makes it hard to breathe, to function. it makes it hard for you to wake up in the morning, it makes it hard to sleep. this pressure, this heaviness. it's like a ball and chain attached to you, to your throat.
it's just a pressure. a heaviness. there is no name for it. there is no label or way to describe it other than... suffocation, strangulation, depth. sinking. drowning.
it's that moment when you're sinking, when you've held your breath just a little too long. that moment when the sun reminds you of some kind of godly, holy light that's supposed to be leading you "home" and you panic, thinking you'll black out before you can reach the surface. it's that moment when your lips are just at the surface... just before you can take a breath and...
it stops. that moment before you breathe. where you can feel the air