I tried.I tried.
I tried to save you,
But you kept falling.
You wanted to crash.
But I tried.
I tried to protect you
But you kept escaping the shelter.
You wanted the disaster.
But I tried.
I tried to keep us together.
But you kept running.
You wanted to leave me.
But I tried.
I tried to do everything to please you.
But you didn't accept it.
You didn't notice it.
You didn't appreciate it.
You didn't love me for it.
You didn't even care.
You wanted it your way, more than you wanted me.
But I tried.
When I'm GoneI don’t want you to remember me.When I'm Gone in Free Verse More Like This
I don’t want you to think of me.
I don’t want you to hurt over me.
I don’t want you to dream of me.
I don’t want you to cry for me.
I don’t want you to miss me.
I don’t want you to love me.
I don’t want you
Can't you hear the voices?Can't you hear the voices? in Free Verse More Like This
Can't you hear the voices?
As they ring inside my head
Can't you see the faces?
Painted in the blood so red
Can't you taste the poison?
As it rests upon your tongue
Can't you hear the voices?
Then you do not belong.
Once Upon a NightmareOnce upon a mysteryOnce Upon a Nightmare in Free Verse More Like This
Once upon a crime
Once upon a lullaby
Once upon a rhyme
Once upon a thunderstorm
Once upon a lie
Because every nightmare tends to start
With once upon a time.
Sick of societyI may live inside my own, twisted universeSick of society in Free Verse More Like This
I may change, sometimes for the worst.
What's normal to me is not normal for you.
Sometimes I just do what I need to do.
Behind a brick wall, I hoped someone would break it
I threw out my heart hoping someone would take it.
But I got tired of hiding and tired of hating
And instead of throwing myself at every guy, I'm waiting.
I'm sick of the person I tried to be
So basically, here I am, I will be me
I'm sick of the hatred, would you not agree?
.. Basically I'm sick of society.
Till Death Do Us PartThe poison resting beneath my lungsTill Death Do Us Part in Free Verse More Like This
As fire in the rain
The lies painting my tongue
The crimson blood stains
A scream drenching the skies
A shining blade of diamond rings
Sinking into your cries
A nightmare of the prettiest things
A demon with wings
Resting in my heart
So tell me again,
Again and again...
"Till death do us part."
No Longer a Little GirlDear imagination, can't you be the thing you wereNo Longer a Little Girl in Free Verse More Like This
Butterflies and daffodils and happiness so pure
Sunny skies and lullabies and dreams of what could be
Hidden worlds and wonderlands of things they couldn't see
Shining gowns and silver crowns for dancing with the prince
Twirling with excitement, though the others weren't convinced
Dear intimidation, did you find it to be true
All I ever needed was an overdose of you
Silly stares and laughter slowly flood a child's mind
Making me abandon every daydream I could find
Lost beneath the shadows of the sky so dark and dead
Far too weak to turn around, yet scared of things ahead
Dear destructive tendencies, I feel it's time to hear
You were all I had when nothing else seemed to be near
Everything so out of reach, too far for me to see
I decided I would choose the needle next to me
Slicing through my very skin to feel something once more
Weeping through the satisfaction I could not ignore
Dear imagination, can't you be the thing you were?
You'll Never Understand...You'll never understand...You'll Never Understand... in Free Verse More Like This
But I'm glad you don't.
Because that would mean
You'd have to go through my pain.
And I'd never wish that
Stop asking me...Stop asking me what's wrongStop asking me... in Free Verse More Like This
Because I'm never going to answer.
Stop telling me it gets better
Because I've accepted that it'll never change.
Stop begging me to let you in
Because even then, I'm just going to fake a smile.
I wish...I wish I was a monsterI wish... in Free Verse More Like This
So I could be kind
And break the stereotypes.
I wish I was colored
So I could respect people
And break the stereotypes.
I wish I was a man
So I could be kind to women
And break the stereotypes.
I wish I had male friends
So we could all be..
And break the stereotypes.
I wish I had autism
So I could prove that autism,
Does NOT mean "dumb".
And I could break the stereotypes.
I wish I could change the world.
But sometimes, you can't break a stereotype.
Only stereotypes, can break you.
One special personEveryone leaves you.One special person in Free Verse More Like This
Everyone gives up.
Everyone stops loving you, and stops believing in you, and stops caring about you.
Everyone will say something to hurt you.
Everyone will eventually agree with you when you say “I feel worthless”.
And everyone will eventually say something about you.
And everyone will hurt you intentionally.
Everyone leaves you.
And everyone gives up.
But one person, one special person
Will never leave you.
Will never give up on you.
Will never stop loving you, and never stop believing in you, and never stop caring about you.
Never say anything to hurt you.
Never let you say “I feel worthless”, because with them, you won’t.
Never say or listen to anything bad about you.
And never hurt you.
Never leave you.
R.I.P.Did anyone notice that she winced if you raised your arm?R.I.P. in Free Verse More Like This
Did anyone notice that her eyes were wide with alarm?
Did anyone notice that she never looked you in the eye?
Did anyone notice that her voice was but a sigh?
Did anyone notice that her skin was always bruised?
Did anyone question whether she might be abused?
Did anyone question why she walked in obvious fear?
Did anyone question why one day she did not appear?
Did anyone recognize her face on the six-o’clock news?
Did anyone see her remains pulled from the river refuse?
Did anyone care that this quiet girl no longer exists?
No. No one did. And she will never even be missed.
NineShuffling alone in an alley off some dark city streetNine in Free Verse More Like This
With clothes that are dirty and no shoes for his feet
He digs in a dumpster hoping for something to eat
Shooing away rats hiding from the sweltering heat
A small grateful smile crosses his dirt-covered face
(How unbearably pathetic in this dark dreary place!)
He grabs moldy bread and sinks down in his space
Between rank wet boxes and a trash-covered embrace
After only one bite he tiredly drifts off to sleep
And even in soft slumber he does quietly weep
In this place where life is nothing but cheap
And any comfort comes at a cost way too steep
Small hands tremble weakly with his body’s decline
This boy who should be playing in the sweet sunshine
But life is not fair devouring without reason or rhyme
Even for a boy who has only just now turned nine
Graduation DayGraduation Day:Graduation Day in Free Verse More Like This
They told us we would be alright...
We had fought with honour and won our titles.
We had overcome trials together -
Watching dozens of our siblings fall in the line of duty.
For this they had promised us, a wondrous welcome;
A bountiful world of adventure, with a myriad of paths.
All this, they said, awaited us in the stone cities.
Large metropolises, where the working folk resided...
There were hundreds of us, who made that journey.
Walking miles across the scorching desert,
Clinging to a hope of the fortunes beyond.
Yet what awaited us was not a promised land -
Nor was it a life based on the merit we had earned...
Instead we found ourselves quarantined,
Pitching tents of inexperience-
Huddling together for comfort and warmth;
As the great gates of employment stood eerily silent.
-Chen Yuan Wen, 18 June 2013
We Were SoldiersYou'll never hear me say that there's glory in war.We Were Soldiers in Free Verse More Like This
It is ugly, it is painful, it is frightening...
But I know, in my heart;
Deep within this soul born of freedom.
That what I do, at times, is a necessity.
It is nerve-wracking, most days,
Knowing that when you wake up you may not make it home.
But still I am proud,
Because of what I have managed to achieve.
And tonight; I hope that you're proud of me,
Because I'm sending a hundred of my boys home.
I just wish that I was joining them this time...
DieDie:Die in Free Verse More Like This
Such a simple word, spewed without thought.
"I wish you'd die, I wish you'd be killed."
But what if we actually gave meaning to those words?
Can you understand the emotion, the magnitude, the weight,
Of actually seeing the life of an individual depart?
Can you look them in the eyes, as they bleed into your hands;
Observing their final moments, as the light fades from their eyes?
Or are you simply a soft-hearted coward,
Sitting fat behind a computer, wishing death upon others?
To say that one is deserving of death,
Suggests that you are ready to kill.
And if indeed you are ready to kill,
Then you too must be prepared to die.
"Now please, stop those tears my good man, we've only removed three of your toes so far (^_^)"
-Chen Yuan Wen, 9th July 2013
Thoughts of YouI wonder how many days I spent dreaming,Thoughts of You in Free Verse More Like This
Of all the things I could never say.
And just when I'd written it all in a letter.
You showed up smiling in front me.
And all of a sudden, the letter didn't matter anymore... (^_^)
PressurePressure:Pressure in Free Verse More Like This
You try to breathe, but you're barely breathing,
You can't think clearly; you can barely speak.
Your mind is filled with needless thoughts.
Your cheeks are red and feverish...
You know what you must do,
But you can't bring yourself to do it.
Instead you jump into a thousand distractions...
Mindlessly seeking the thrill of the 'anything',
You cringe at the progress of time on the clock.
And with lips gone dry from an internal hell-fire
You continue to evade what you cannot face...
-Chen Yuan Wen, 22nd June 2013
You've Gone Far EnoughHow many times have you tried, just to put me down,You've Gone Far Enough in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
The last time I remember, I was underground.
And even then I rose up, just to challenge the greats.
You might be thinking that your wins are all a part of your fate;
But it's not!
You're a little puppet in the game,
And when you try to take me out, you'll be feeling the strain!
I will be breathing down your neck and it's offense;
No nonsense. I am the Word of Chen, execution commence!
And now you're feeling the pressure, I'll make you suffer;
Your words try to cut me, but you're bleeding your brother!
You don't recognize that I'm the one who paved your way;
And now you're crying, sweating bullets, while you kneel and pray-
I don't find you. You're scared! Your soul is bared,
The only thing that makes us different is the fact that I cared!
But it don't matter now boy! You can laugh and smile,
Because the only thing left is to burn you in a Word of Chen style.
- Chennie, 21st October 2014
She Dances With FireShe dances with fire, a dragon in tow.She Dances With Fire in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Twirling with flames; graceful and slow
She dances tonight, in a city of ash.
Her feet leaving footprints, where the sand will splash.
Quietly mourning, as time goes by;
Where once she beheld a home in her eyes...
Yet naught but the barest of bones remain,
And so she dances, to soothe the pain.
If you give in, they winIf you give in, they win:If you give in, they win in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
There ain't no one in the world who can decide your limit,
Cause if you're playing this game, then you're playin' to win it.
I don't believe in the words of the hopeless and dry;
These wings are born full of freedom and they're achin' to fly.
I don't care if the world gives me scars on my back,
Cause I will wear them with pride over a suit that is black.
I am the heaven and the hell and I'll make you believe it;
I am an angel and a demon and I swear that you'll feel it.
Cause I ain't never gonna give in - never say die.
Until the moment that I am ash I will always have tried.
Until the very last minute, when the skies are grey,
You see it raining black lightning but I'll never go astray.
Because the path is before me; it's laden with dirt,
But I will trudge across the mud to the heart of the earth.
I am the core of what makes you; the drill that'll breakthrough,
So follow if you feel me cause I'm comin' right at you.
Your attitudes are made from a bo
The Toymaker...Ah my dear, how are you feeling?The Toymaker... in Free Verse More Like This
Not too uncomfortable I hope...
You see, you are another,
A wondrous being, handpicked by me,
For you are perfect.
Before you start screaming,
Before all that noise and unpleasantry befouls these soft red lips.
I've taken the liberty of removing your tongue...
Wag, wag, wag;
That's all it was doing when I extracted it.
Like some, infectious insect
But oh, I shouldn't raise my voice.
That's not very proper of me, hehe.
Now, let's put some markings on you.
Mmm - I'm going to have to get rid of all this, excess.
You see, I can't have a toy that's all bulging in the wrong places.
Dolls are slim, dolls are pretty.
So no, we can't have that...
We'll just slowly slide this tiny slip of metal.
Shlip, shlop, shlip, shlop - and pull!
You see, you see?
It comes right off, like a laye
I'm talking myself in circles,I screamed,I'm talking myself in circles, in Free Verse More Like This
"There is nothing
wrong with me, not a damn
I wanted to believe
the big dipper on my arm
meant something more
than sun marks & kisses.
But, how can I trust words
that slip through my teeth
as easy as breathing
when this star
has only ever learned
how to f
Bones mend, but tell no lies.You have cataloged your scarsBones mend, but tell no lies. in Free Verse More Like This
like your body is a library-
to be read through &
You think of
all the little boys
whose greedy fingers
You are angry-
cared for you
They left you
on a shelf
to gather dust.
should you ever
Universe GirlsheUniverse Girl in Free Verse More Like This
fell in love
while he was
still a planet;
she could only manage
to fall in love
with shooting stars
in the glare of your eyes.
what more could you truly ask
from a universe girl?
Please,don’t make mePlease, in Free Verse More Like This
fall in love with you,
I don’t want to remember you,
those Sunday morning
or the way your
lost boy eyes always,
always found a way
to find mine.
There are only so many times
I can allow you to slice
through my scar tissue
before I finally
Milky Waymy body is a road mapMilky Way in Free Verse More Like This
of hazard signs
but on the days
when the mirror
is nice to me,
i can hear
like little racing
beneath my skin:
you are not worthless.
you are strong.
your ribcage has a meaning-
these bruises are
ste ti & you are the Milky Way.
You should never attack a poet,we are the best at exploiting weakness.You should never attack a poet, in Free Verse More Like This
the night you took a scalpel to my chest
& fed my heart to the stars,
you told me i could hate you
if i needed to.
with an exorcism
i tried to cast you out
of my body.
i was contorted limbs:
the language of tongues
trying to find myself
in the cosmos
of lit kerosene fingertips,
& the kinds of habits
that only choke me at 3am -
when my eyes aren’t yet heavy
enough for sleep;
my mind tells me to do awful things.
between fucking &
you are the calories
in the mathematical equation
i think of shy moons
and i don’t eat for three days.
you only liked me
when this poetic tongue
space shrapnel aside-
you’re too far down now
for even the stars
to graph you into their maps.
Writer ScarsI have told my secretsWriter Scars in Free Verse More Like This
through loves ink -
painted them to my skin
with watercolor defiance.
& writers, we sometimes
write about our scars
in riddles, layers upon
layers of thought, -
care for them
on the warlands
of our bodies.
we give them faces,
we give them names,
we give them gravestones.
We kill them off
in our stories,
make them villains,
make them heroes.
I have wrists that roar,
& I will be damned
if I don’t let them
tell their stories.
free birdit’s a need to feel the suns golden fingersfree bird in Free Verse More Like This
teasing figure eights along my back,
& the wind on my cheeks.
i must have been
a bird in some past life,
a swallow or a hummingbird.
because, i swear on some nights
i can feel the growing pains of an atlas
ready to burst through my skin like wings.
i just want to be
Therapists, I don't like their taste.i.Therapists, I don't like their taste. in Free Verse More Like This
in 7th grade
i didn’t know depression
until she told me her name,
carving forever scratches
along my limbs like
little love notes on the bark
of a tree.
she stole my rings
and left me hollow.
i had only ever met anxiety
in passing, until one day
he handed me power and told me
to hurt someone else with it.
with an uncontrollable
quivering in my fingers,
he whispered, “ to survive,
you must learn quickly.”
as i shoved the bevel of a needle
into a strangers arm.
so, if a therapist
could talk away my scars
like iodine disinfects,
guide the ships
through the storm of my mind
like a lighthouse-
instead of pills,
if a therapist could
give me the strength
i might just
take my chances.
It is 9 in the afternoon& I have forgottenIt is 9 in the afternoon in Free Verse More Like This
how to write in poetics-
tongue kissed & gaping like
a siren missing from her sea.
I have been coughing up black
for days. Unable to clean the taste
from my mouth, these broken
typewriter keys sewn into my
fingertips scream something fierce.
They ache with longing
to tell of a story
that left them
for a better high
a story that never deserved
to make a home under the skin,
to crawl breech through an
-& out through the wrists
of young girls much too ripe
to fall from their beds.
I am so damn tired
of looking over railings
& wondering what
it would feel like
Hard TimesI see you’ve been weeping for some time nowHard Times in Free Verse More Like This
You’re all torn out and cold
Even if all you see is darkness
You’re the bit of light that’s shining
And I know you don’t have control
But you can't just let go
Because if one day you do, you might lose yourself
Then I’ll be left alone, with no one to hold.
I'm left with hope.I know it happened once, but it left me scarredI'm left with hope. in Free Verse More Like This
I won't give up, but I'm still afraid
But I will be brave, I just hope it won't happen again
Because I'm not sure I'll be able to handle the pain
It feels like all I can do is hope, for the best days.
You're worth waiting forLet’s take it slow, if you want us to growYou're worth waiting for in Free Verse More Like This
Our love is our gentle abode, and I just want you to know
That my patience is unknown, but for you, I will hold
I’ll just have to flow, and always remain with hope
Because much time has already passed
And a lot has happened, so sudden and fast
But with each moment, we get closer and forget the past
With each mistake, we start growing, with each, we understand
But now that patience is a big part of my life
I hope that one day, you'll also be mine
It could take a while, it could also be soon
But none of that really matters, because I truly belong to you
Love LetterYou are re-creating the word love for meLove Letter in Free Verse More Like This
I have never felt anything in my heart so deep
I'm so in love that I'll never be the same
I just want to be with you every single day
You have touched my heart in many different ways
And now from my heart you'll never go away
I feel so warm every time you're here,
I feel so cold whenever you disappear
Though it feels like you are already mine
Who knows if that's real, who know if it's a lie?
I just think about you every single time
Every time I write, and when I close my eyes
But I'm just waiting for that special day
For when you finally say, yes
Please, don't give up.You’re not alone, even if you feel such sorrowPlease, don't give up. in Free Verse More Like This
Please try to calm your mind and forget about tomorrow
I know that life can hurt, but from my happiness you can borrow
Please don't cry anymore, I will help you with the troublesome morrow
Even if the bad seem to be everywhere you go
Just keep in mind that you have to stay away from what’s below
And I know that you’ll learn from these bad experiences
So then you can help those who are inexperienced
Please don’t be sad, everyone has a reason for his or her existence
You can’t ever give up, push through and have resistance
The worst thing you could do is to lose all of your hope
Just promise me that you will try to never mope
Shattered heartWith this broken heart I'll keep moving onShattered heart in Free Verse More Like This
And the scar you left me will help me become strong
For my heart used to be so numb, but then you showed me love
Sadly then you shattered it, once you saw I held you dear
But I hope you don't regret what you have done
For what I felt, you'll only receive it once
If I kiss youWhat if I kiss you?If I kiss you in Free Verse More Like This
What if I pull you close?
And whisper you the truth
Will you say “I love you”?
Because you shine light into this dark room
I wish I could turn the whole world to slow-mo
Just so I could see this beautiful flower bloom
Maybe then you’d see how much you mean to me
I go on my days with my heartfelt thoughts
Warmth is what you’ve brought into my feather heart
And all of this just feels like the start
I know that one day, we will never be set apart
I'll wipe off your tearsTrust me when I say this, everything will be alrightI'll wipe off your tears in Free Verse More Like This
I’ll be here, to comfort you every moment of your life
Cry on my chest if you like, only if it lets you feel right
Because I will always be here, right by your side
I know some things can be unexpected,
And sometimes the bad can’t be evaded
But I’ll try my best, so you can be able to rest
And I’ll try my best to relieve you from stress
Because I care too much to leave you with pain
It tears my heart to see you like this again
You’ve told me to step back, but it's too sad and tiring
I promise you, this will be the last time you’ll be crying
I'm afraid of losing you.I don’t know if you feel it too, the feeling of wanting to break looseI'm afraid of losing you. in Free Verse More Like This
And just screaming “I love you” but I’m scared that we might lose
Because just of our age, or the time, or any person that doesn’t want you to be mine
But I know that if this goes wrong I’d be the one who'd cause the crime
I’m a bit afraid; one false move would make everything go away
And I’m always left wondering if what I’m doing is okay
I just want everything to be alright between you and me
Or is there something that I cannot see?
My head is rambling with questions that fear is inventing
Maybe is not fear, maybe it’s because I’m too caring
Am I paranoid? I don’t want to make a mistake
You said I’m doing things right, then why do I always shake?
Lend me a kissLend me your sweet lipsLend me a kiss in Free Verse More Like This
Give me a soft kiss
Stay with me till the end
Let's stop playing pretend
Don't let my heart break
Let's learn from our mistakes
I'll let your love embrace
Mend me with your lovely grace
They never leave my mind
Your cherry colored lips
The roses that I have picked
And the sweetness that one day I'll kiss
After All..I am a flightless bird,After All.. in Emotional More Like This
And that's alright.
It can't be helped,
My wings have been clipped.
But not out of love.
My wings were clipped out of fear,
A fear that there are things I cannot do.
So I watch you fly,
Fly fly fly.
You beautiful bird.
You're so colourful and bright,
I'm nothing but a background dull grey.
Go and fly,
No need to wait up.
I keep clipping my feathers because I don't think I'm ready to fly.
You can sing all your songs to me when you come home,
You keep learning new ones every time you fly.
And each time you fly,
You fly farther and higher.
And your at a point right now that when you fly,
I can't watch anymore.
And when you come home,
I'm happy your back.
But I'm also sad,
Because deep down I want to fly away with you.
And be with you all the time.
So from my cage I'll sing my songs to my self,
The same ones I've known since I was young.
I'm too scared to fly.
Hope (I Won't)I won't let a razor bladeHope (I Won't) in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Take away this life I've made.
I won't let the shame and guilt
Ruin everything I've built.
I won't let being wrong
Stop me from being strong.
I won't let sorrow and pain
Resurrect the demons that I've slain.
I won't let ugly spite
Tell me that I'm not right.
I won't let the dark past
Make my endless hurt last.
I won't let this noose
Leave me hanging loose.
I won't let the world win;
My life is only just about to begin.
Chained and ShamedNobody gets it.Chained and Shamed in Free Verse More Like This
I don’t want saving,
I don’t want ”friends”;
I just want all ends
To be met in red.
I hate how plain my skin is,
How it should be painted;
I’m the addiction’s harlot,
I do as it must dictate
And when it tells me to seal my bloody fate;
I bloody well will.
I’m too full of blood,
I need to let some out.
But know this isn’t a shout
This is me coping
With how I’m hoping
Nobody’ll care when I go.
Cutting isn’t for attention;
It’s for a brief suspension
Of everything else.
It is mine and I’m its,
It doing as I want
And I its slave
Until there’s nothing left to save.
I don’t fear death
Half as much as I do breath.
Because I’d be lying
If I said dying
Wasn’t on my list of things to do today.
How to Make it HurtOh dear, Daddy, look what I did!How to Make it Hurt in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Sorry, I forgot you don’t care
And that I’m just your bastard kid.
Oh no, Mummy, I miss you too much!
I ache for what I cannot have;
Your soft, gentle, loving touch.
Hey, God, I’m going to hell!
‘Cause I hurt myself
And others as well.
Sorry, Friend, for all I’ve done!
I never ever listened
And now two will be one.
Goodbye, Bitch, I hate you!
I hope you’ll cry,
You’ve made me cry too.
Hello, Dark Thoughts, I’ll let you in!
Help this hurt less,
Help me let them all win.
Such a ContradictionI'm just that fat kidSuch a Contradiction in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Starved of hope.
I'm just that cutter
Reaching for rope.
I'm just that dumb blonde
Reading all night.
I'm just that coward
Bleeding for a fright.
I'm just that child
I'm just that girl
With messy hair.
I'm just that burner
Wanting to be cool.
I'm just that geek
Scared of school.
I'm just that emo
Smiling with glee.
You're just another drone
But you'll never be me.
All EndsIf you cut you'll bleedAll Ends in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
If you bleed you'll die
If you're sad you'll smile
And if you smile it's a lie
If you lie you'll live
If you live you'll die
If you cheat you'll win
And if you win you'll cry
If you cry you'll lose
If you lose you'll die
If you run you'll stay
And if you stay you'll fly
If you fly you'll fall
If you fall you'll die
'Cause no-one will catch you
If your life is a lie.
Carry OnI like sharp things;Carry On in Free Verse More Like This
The way they shine
The way they hurt
The way they leave a red line.
I like to bleed;
The way it's red
They way it hurts
The way it washes out what they said.
I like to live;
The way it's wrong
The way it hurts
The way it tells me that I am strong.
Another Fallen OneThere was a lady on telly today,Another Fallen One in Free Verse More Like This
Talking from a land far away;
Her kid had died,
Torn apart from the inside.
The kid had hung herself in the family bathroom.
The lady was crying,
You could hear her heart dying
And mine did too.
I could've been that kid,
What with all the things I did
And my family could've been her;
Left with nothing but despair.
I envy the kid
For doing what she did.
I thank the kid,
Making me think about what I nearly did.
I mourn the kid,
Gone because of what others did.
Don't ever think you wouldn't be missed,
Because there's always that person
Who'll miss you,
Praying you'll pull through
Until memories of your smile is all they have.
RelapseHere we go again.Relapse in Free Verse More Like This
Another panic attack,
Just when I thought I was done.
Well, ain’t it fun,
To be a nervous wreck?
Only I’m a big kid now.
To be the resident
When you’re not beautiful.
God, I sound emo.
And so maybe I am
(by definition, at least)
But I feel like a sham –
What am I to you?
Would you care
If I lived out my dark little fantasies?
Got swallowed by the dark seas,
Of my soul?
Would you care
If I went back to the blade
That you forbade
Me to seek solace in?
If you knew what went on in my head,
A million different ways
To make me dead,
Would you tell me to just
‘Not feel down’ anymore?
If I could stop feeling this way,
Stop thinking like this?
ThousandsI'm sixteen,Thousands in Free Verse More Like This
Doubt I'll see thirty
Hopefully my blade'll be dirty
And I'll die.
I don't want to die;
Just want it to stop,
Everything in my head
Telling me I'm better off dead.
I cut myself,
I said it.
Just read it.
I'm just some kid
Behind a screen,
So why should you care?
I'm not just 'some kid';
I'm the ones people laugh at,
I'm not a minority;
I'm a majority.
All those kids alone,
That death will come.
We're not hopeless.
We hope for
It Doesn't EverI could tell you that the pain stopsIt Doesn't Ever in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
But it doesn’t ever
And there’ll be something; the sky, the news, the weather
That’ll remind you of them.
I know how it kills that first night
Seeing their stuff
And you’ll scream but it’ll never be loud enough
For them to hear.
It feels like you’ve been shot
And you can’t breathe
Because you thought that they’d never leave
But now they have.
You’ll panic when it hits you
It’ll drag you down
When you forget their face, smile, frown
Anything at all.
Sometimes it gets better
And every time you see a hearse
All you see is theirs.
That hole in your aching heart
Won’t ever go away
The pain is there for good, to stay
You’ll never forget it.
listen:1.listen: in Free Verse More Like This
People will let you down.
You’ll love them, anyways.
Don’t let anyone romanticize
It won’t be beautiful
when somebody breaks your heart
the first time
or the second
or the eighteenth.
Pain is not beautiful.
Maybe on paper
but not inside of you
not in numbers.
A million people
but you’re still here,
and that's important.
You're doing something
My father told me
“Be selfish –
if you don’t take care of you
I liked to think
that this is the reason
he ignored me
I don’t have good advice
on this one.
Because the people who let you down,
are the ones promised to save you.
Are the ones promised to love you
and protect you
and I’ll tell you,
nothing quite hurts
like waking up in the morning
to the police in your doorway.
Nothing quite hurts
like being eleven
and hearing a cop say
“Poor girl had to live wi
you loved someone.i.you loved someone. in Free Verse More Like This
Chloe is nineteen when she dies.
She ends it with a shotgun
the night her brother gets out
They say he molested her
he raped nine women
ten eleven twelve women
they say no
it was nine little girls
ten eleven twelve
little girls, kids, the bastard.
he was a bad man
“No wonder she did it.
If he was my blood
I’d’ve done it, too.”
You go to the funeral
because that’s what good people
because your mother asks you
“You want to go to Heaven,
without looking up from her knitting
and you would laugh in her face,
but she’s your mother
and you love her
so you go.
A man you know stops you –
a friend of John’s –
John, who is not yours anymore
(even now, even in death,
you know he’ll keep her
longer than he kept you)
on your way to the bathroom.
“John really loved her, y’know,” the man says
as if you wouldn
breaking a writer's heart.never break a writer’s heartbreaking a writer's heart. in Free Verse More Like This
because your name
will forever belong to us.
you will sign it
into every broken bit
and one day, you’ll open a book
next to the words
"let me tell you about the time
i was hurt."
never break a poet’s heart
because between the beat
of the stanzas,
you’ll hear that heartbeat,
proving you wrong
with every line.
never break a writer’s heart
because we will take the pain
and make it into something
you could never live down.
you could live with heart monitors,
that measured the damaged pulse,
doctors who told you,
but you can’t live with the bold strokes,
smooth as a flatline,
that accuse you of being
the best thing
that’s ever happened to them.
you can’t live with it;
our soulmate, now writing.
You, now replaced
by a pen.
never break anybody’s heart
because you’ll cut yourself
on the pieces of it.
and see, hearts heal.
infinite/opposite.being an adult means knowinginfinite/opposite. in Free Verse More Like This
that there are things much scarier
than spiders, or snakes, or clowns.
the ocean, for one.
losing your parents.
empty tequila bottles.
waking up, still reaching
for someone who left you
a long time ago.
i live like there’s an end for me
because there is.
plants will wilt.
forests will burn down.
eventually, even the stars will burn out.
people will come to us.
they will touch us. they will hurt us.
they may keep us. they may not.
but i never hold on too tight
because when it’s time, my time,
i’ll only be letting go.
the heart has valves
that constantly open and close
giving love, taking love.
and my best advice
is to be selfish.
know when you’ve had enough.
know when you deserve better.
close the valves and
keep some love for yourself.
know that you are perfect
even if you eat that second cheeseburger
because there’s magic in this world.
we’re proof of it.
is fear o
if i could.1.if i could. in Free Verse More Like This
i’ll be honest with you;
there is a certain authority to being
somebody said once that writers struggle with reality
because we spend all of our time
constructing our own.
the truth is, life may be impermanent
but the details are not.
time has one direction
the past cannot be revisited
and history cannot be redone
with a red pen.
what happens, happens.
we are walking permanent records
that can never be expunged.
no matter how many orphans we pull from fires
no matter how many dying children we sing to
we still made our mother cry once
we still let our little brothers find us passed out
on the front porch when we were nineteen.
imagination is our primary retreat
because there, that boy does fall in love with us
and our first kiss is not spit on our chins
or misses landing on our nose
(maybe there are waves crashing in the background)
and we say everything right.
there, we have crafted a version of ourselves
that lives perfectly.
“if i could,” someon
you are single.you’re not single because you didn’t forward that chain letter,you are single. in Free Verse More Like This
because your replies were too quick
because you missed one of his
because you said the wrong thing.
you’re not single because
your tits are too small or
her ass looks better in those pants or
you have a stomach or
“men want women with curves.”
you’re not single because you’re messy
you’re not single because you’re not ladylike enough
because you don’t fit in
because you’re too ugly
because you’re too this, you’re not enough of that.
you’re not single because who would date somebody like you?
you’re not single because you fall in love too easily,
or because you don’t open up enough.
you are not single because your heart is too big
or too small.
relationships are not gained through meticulousness,
at how precisely your words land
and how perfect your face is when you laugh.
you are not single because it’s what you deserve
queen of nothing.what I've learned:queen of nothing. in Emotional More Like This
I still remember singing in my room when I was six, and having my mother come down the hall and slam the door so hard that the windows shook.
Her nails hurt when she scraped the tears off my face. "It doesn't matter what you want," she'd always tell me.
Like, when that drunk driver swerved and hit her car I didn't want her to leave me, and it didn't matter.
Once on vacation I bought a pair of fuzzy leather heels for two hundred dollars, and when I wore them to dinner, I found out that
1. "Suede" is a fancy word for "fuzzy leather."
And 2. Good things don't last: That night my cousin told me that she thought 135 pounds was a little too big for five foot eight. So I tore my tights up to the thigh and threw those new suede heels in the garbage.
It felt good later, to know that they couldn't hate me more than I hate myself.
My six-word story from ninth grade reads, "If I don't laugh, I'll cry."
When I read that treating people like trash to gets them to nee
boys that want you, boys that love you.1.boys that want you, boys that love you. in Free Verse More Like This
there are four kinds of love.
the first is honest.
the first is messy.
it’s smeared makeup.
it’s tears over a martini.
it’s people dancing alone.
it’s off-key singing, at the top
of your lungs.
it’s unmade beds.
it’s the hickey on your neck.
it’s the gasp he gave
when he first saw you,
how he missed your lips
when he tried to kiss you.
after he made you cry.
the second kind is what you feel
for the boy lying next to you.
there’s cigarettes in the ashtray,
panties on the floor,
a lump in your throat,
and he does not love you back.
the third kind is when you'll meet
and that little moment will stretch
into something huge and permanent,
into a month/six months/a year
of a million glances that you'd thought
it’s when you'll say nothing
and neither will he
because there will be no need
because he'll very nearly smile
and you'll know.
april 18th, 2012.therapy:april 18th, 2012. in Emotional More Like This
"I'm not an artist. I'm just a kid with a keyboard."
“And, y'know, I’m probably not really sick.”
“I read a lot of books. I probably just act like this because I saw it somewhere on the Internet.”
“I just want to be more like my dad.”
“I’m really just a pathological crybaby who wants attention,” I tell you.
You say, “I think there are better ways to get attention than fake a mental disorder.”
“Maybe I’m doing it for fun.”
The problem isn’t that I need to see a therapist.
The problem is that I need to see a therapist because I dream about slamming your head into a tree.
Right after we broke up, you took me to the bike cage and promised me everything would be okay. Then you got together with that fifteen year old from Michigan and told our friends that I was a freak.
Slamming your head into a tree might be painful, but nothing will ever hurt more than kn
a meaningful poem about nothing.this is a poem about how fixing peoplea meaningful poem about nothing. in Free Verse More Like This
is not romantic.
we’re not meant to be somebody’s answer,
we’re not meant to make someone feel alive again.
this is a poem about why you shouldn’t kiss him
because he’s broken
because you want to save him.
save yourself first.
kiss him because he holds a place in your heart, not
because he's the only thing making it pump.
kiss him because he’s in your life, not because
he is your life.
hold him, but don’t hold onto him because you believe
(get to dry land first.)
this is a poem about how i find poetry in everything.
breakups. my dad telling me i mattered.
nightmares. my neighbor’s insomnia.
how it drove him crazy.
how he swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills to fix it.
my neighbor’s funeral.
this is a poem about the split-apart theory.
the idea was that when humanity became arrogant
toward the gods, we were split in two
and were doomed to spend our live
The music is gone.I remember emotionThe music is gone. in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Like the deaf recall a tune.
I still have the notion,
But even that will be gone soon.
The songs are muffled at first,
But the notes remain.
I can still be immersed
In musical joy and pain.
But like a copy of a copy of a copy,
Notes are lost and misplaced,
The whole thing gets sloppy,
A masterpiece defaced.
Finally, the end of the blaze
The last notes die in a frost
Leaving the profound malaise
That something beautiful was lost.
Dead is the feeling I once had.
Left in a mute concert hall,
I wonder how it can hurt so bad,
To feel nothing at all.
Your Poetry SucksYes, roses are redYour Poetry Sucks in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
And violets are blue
But you have to understand
Who said they had to,
Its about imagination
Emotion and orignality
Not the reiteration
Of dead men's practicality
They are your sentence
To a world that has to listen
As you create the difference
Whether it be
With angst poem against love
Or how you set your heart free
To fly like a dove,
For these words
Whether or not they be true
Their beauty and ideals
Will be used to define you,
Hope ,in fact, has feathers
And like a caged bird it sings
But these words will only be tethers
That strip you of your wings,
Those are their words
Meant for their time
And meant for their herds,
But this your time
Meant for your words
And whether they be meaningful, stupid
Or completely absurd
I'm sure they'll be amazing.
I Don't Want To Say I Love YouI don't want to say "I love you",I Don't Want To Say I Love You in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
Because my words will make it real
Make my love for you actual
Palpable and ,worst of all, breakable.
My love would manifest itself
Like a sheet of glass between us
That you could shatter with
The slightest touch.
I don't want to say "I love you",
Because those words don't show
The truth to you
They don't show how important
You truly are to me
That I want to wake up every day
And fall asleep every night
With you by my side .
I don't want to say "I love you",
Because you might return
the same words to me.
And we would love together
Our hearts growing as one
But tragedy might strike
And you might be taken from me
Leaving me with half a heart
And no one say those three words to.
I don't want to say "I love you"
Because I do
I love you more than life itself
And that scares me.
But I'll say it
Because no matter how large my fears
Or small my worries
I want you to know
That "I love you".
I Want To Live In A World Without GodI want to live in a world without GodI Want To Live In A World Without God in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
Without the dream of Heaven
Or simple fear of Hell,
Without the love of one
Who would be so willing
To destroy under the pretense
Of a higher meaning,
Oppresively stopping me
From even simply lying
Even if its to myself,
To my own heart and mind
Or loving someone completely
Since he'll rip them away from me
To appease his own jealousy
Without the punishment of death
A testament to the cruelty
Of this so called Saviour
Who would allow us to live
To fight our battles
In a bitter world of his own design
While leaving us with
The complete certainity
That the war has already been lost .
Without the cruelty of pain
That builds with the progression of life
Mounts after every year
Attacks after every second.
I instead want to live in a world
Molded within my own selfishness
One without children sitting on the streets
With arms so thin
They aren't be able pick up
The bread you try to hand to them.
Good Morning"Good Morning"Good Morning in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
I read those two words aloud
Imagining your voice
Your lips whispering
Them gently into my ear
And then I'd smile
And say "Good Morning" too
As I'd let myself remember
Just how much i loved you
But now I look down
And all I see are two measly words
Sent from your fingers
Instead of your lips.
And while I tell myself
Those two words are enough
That your love and mine
Can traverse a hundred miles
A thousand miles
And still appear just as strong
Just as pure
And I worry, I fear
That my love may not
Be enough to keep you happy
And that one day
Just the memory of you
Won't be enough
To keep my tears away.
And every time I think that
Every time I let my worries attack
I feel my heart begin to break
Because in my heart
You're becoming someone
I can't live without
Even though I already am
And while it might be
The best way to save my heart
I don't want to say "Goodbye"
So I'll just say "Good Morning"
And wait for your reply.
I Apologize For My ArtI apologize for my poetryI Apologize For My Art in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
For its utter lack of sincerity
For taking and stating views
That no one even asked of me
That ,though my words try their hardest
That they'll never understand
The pain they try to express...
The feelings they make bland
Through my attempts to describe
The tears that I'll never cry,
The small fears placed
Upon the wings of flies
In the hope they can be swatted away.
I apologize for my poetry
For its utter inability
To protect you from its own fallacies.
I apologize for my art
For its utter lack of heart
It asks for to believe in it
Begs for you to love its message
And offers to comfort you
And advise you on damage
It could never truly know,
And for that I apologize.
But I won't apologize for trying...
I won't apologize for trying to understand
For trying to transcribe their ink dripped hearts.
I won't apologize for trying
To use my words to try
And empathize with that young girl
With bottle of pills
Trying to think a reason not t
What I Can't HaveI wanted wingsWhat I Can't Have in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
To wrap me gently
In such a wondrously beautiful embrace
Amongst the stars and angels
So I delicately ripped flight
From the butterflies surrounding my window
In the hopes they could fly me away.
I wanted to feel loved
To feel the doting heat
Of a lovers breath on my neck
And grasp on my heart
So I kissed the sun
And held it ever so gently
Against my breast till
It burned me away
And I could reminisce in its loving burn.
I wanted to be whole
Without ugly bones to trap my soul
Without a life
So desperately wanting
Everything it could never have or be
So I embraced the seas
Submerged my entirety
Letting its infinity
All that would be left of me,
Till I could only
Wash among its waves
I'm Just A PoetI'm just a poetI'm Just A Poet in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
Stringing together words
In a way that tries to force you to feel,
To understand what I feel.
I'm just a manipulator
Gaining recognition by
Warping what you understand
Trying to change your emotions
Till they fit my own.
I'm just an instigator
Using my words
To try and lead you along a path
That was created in anger
And fueling your passion to follow it
Until you can't even remember
Why you followed this way.
I'm just an interpreter
Translating your feelings into words
While ignoring the very fact
That in doing so
I'm ruining the very thing
That made these feelings so powerful
But I don't care
I'm just a recorder
Writing the pain of a person,
Of a entire nation
With a few measily words
While deluding myself
That this actually helps someone,
That writing the same pain
In a different way actually
Makes anything less painful.
Priding myself that my words
May one day move people
To change the world
When all they actually do
Is garner a few mo
The Things I've LostI lost my sightThe Things I've Lost in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
In a world
Of ephemeral light
Hiding a sea of glass
Which I willfully dived into
In the hopes to grab the stars
Reflected in those mirrors.
I lost my heart
In a fantasy
Of perfected eternity
Guising the struggles and pain
Which are wrought
From such delusion
Of true hardened love.
I lost my soul
In a frozen hell
I've lost the right to leave.
My demons tie me down
And I hold them close
For they're the only things
Which bring me warmth.
And I live
In this silent torture
Of my own selfish design
In the hopes
These things I've lost
Will one day be returned to me.
This isn't the type of love that deserves poetryThis isn't the type of loveThis isn't the type of love that deserves poetry in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
that deserves poetry,
born out of an inability
to survive alone,
born from a necessity
to believe in a lie
I'll continue to whisper
in your ear each night.
"I'll protect you"...
A lie neither of us believe
and neither of us dispute
for fear of losing our only tether
to this decrepit existence
that we both fear so much...
this love isn't romantic
nor is it confrontational
its not comforting
nor is it disturbing,
It's merely there
sinking beside us
in the sea of life ,
that's gently drowning us,
we can almost breathe.
How To Show A Girl She Can Love HerselfWhen you see her cryHow To Show A Girl She Can Love Herself in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
you get a rag,
a gentle delicate clothe
lovingly grasp her hand
and dab its tip
to dry each tear as they come
and ask each drop
why it'd leave
such beautiful eyes.
If she wishes
to be in the sky
Tell her to go
Take the sun ransom
And replace it in the sky
So you can see her every morning
and plead for her
To return each night.
When you see her scars
gently like you might
caress the broken wing
Of a dove
and remind her
that for every hurt
that she's survived
has only made her
that much more unique
that much stronger.
Show her that she is worthy of love
That she deserves the love
she fears to give...
show her so that
one day after you're