Doubt I'll see thirty
Hopefully my blade'll be dirty
And I'll die.
I don't want to die;
Just want it to stop,
Everything in my head
Telling me I'm better off dead.
I cut myself,
I said it.
Just read it.
I'm just some kid
Behind a screen,
So why should you care?
I'm not just 'some kid';
I'm the ones people laugh at,
I'm not a minority;
I'm a majority.
All those kids alone,
That death will come.
We're not hopeless.
We hope for
Another Fallen OneThere was a lady on telly today,Another Fallen One in Free Verse More Like This
Talking from a land far away;
Her kid had died,
Torn apart from the inside.
The kid had hung herself in the family bathroom.
The lady was crying,
You could hear her heart dying
And mine did too.
I could've been that kid,
What with all the things I did
And my family could've been her;
Left with nothing but despair.
I envy the kid
For doing what she did.
I thank the kid,
Making me think about what I nearly did.
I mourn the kid,
Gone because of what others did.
Don't ever think you wouldn't be missed,
Because there's always that person
Who'll miss you,
Praying you'll pull through
Until memories of your smile is all they have.
Things I'll Never SayThere are certain things I’ll never say,Things I'll Never Say in Free Verse More Like This
Like how I thought about killing myself today
Just to keep my own scary thoughts away.
Like how I stay awake way too late
To be sure I don’t awake in a bloody state.
Like how I soaked white into red last night
And turned myself into a ghastly sight.
Like how it hurts too much to breathe
When I make my own skin seethe.
Like how I Google things I shouldn’t
When I want to do things I couldn’t.
Like how I’m scared of being alone
Yet I’m only happy when I’m on my own.
Like how I know I’ll wind up killing myself
And turn into just a dusty photo on a dusty shelf.
Like how I make myself bleed every day
Even though I know I can’t go on this way.
Like how I maybe want someone to see
And for them to somehow help me.
But nobody will ever help me,
Because those are all the things I’ll never say.
Chained and ShamedNobody gets it.Chained and Shamed in Free Verse More Like This
I don’t want saving,
I don’t want ”friends”;
I just want all ends
To be met in red.
I hate how plain my skin is,
How it should be painted;
I’m the addiction’s harlot,
I do as it must dictate
And when it tells me to seal my bloody fate;
I bloody well will.
I’m too full of blood,
I need to let some out.
But know this isn’t a shout
This is me coping
With how I’m hoping
Nobody’ll care when I go.
Cutting isn’t for attention;
It’s for a brief suspension
Of everything else.
It is mine and I’m its,
It doing as I want
And I its slave
Until there’s nothing left to save.
I don’t fear death
Half as much as I do breath.
Because I’d be lying
If I said dying
Wasn’t on my list of things to do today.
LifelineI hate how I look;Lifeline in Free Verse More Like This
The bags beneath my eyes.
I hate who I am;
The endless torrent of lies.
Sometimes I do things I know I shouldn't
And I don't do things I know I should,
Only that I could and would,
Because that's how people work.
Everyone has motives
And nobody is selfless
In this world that doesn't want
Everyone's gonna die
And I'm not gonna lie;
Sometimes that thought is the only thing
That gets me through the day.
I miss my old razor blade;
Scissors don't go deep enough
This red isn't my favorite shade;
I like it purer,
Then I could be surer
That I'm a threat to myself.
I'm trying to cut down,
As apposed to cutting everything else,
But I doubt I'll ever stop
Because every slash,
Every bloody drop,
The whole crimson rash,
I'm still alive
And I am
What You KnowSometimes the disinfectant hurts more than the infection,What You Know in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Sometimes the pain is better than the protection.
Sometimes the tears sting more than the smile,
Sometimes the yard tires more than the mile.
Sometimes the blood shines brighter than the blade,
Sometimes the heart is blacker than the spade.
Sometimes the kiss is sharper than the slap,
Sometimes the lure is worth the trap.
Sometimes the night is lighter than the day,
Sometimes the beast is weaker than the prey.
Sometimes the cut hurts less than the sob,
Sometimes the break is harder than the job.
Sometimes the lie is prettier than the truth,
Sometimes the alibi is better than the proof.
Sometimes the hate is kinder than the love,
Sometimes the buzzard is holier than the dove.
Sometimes the loser gains more than the winner,
Sometimes the saint is worse than the sinner.
Sometimes the girl is stronger than the boy,
Sometimes the child is more broken than the toy.
Sometimes the poison is sweeter than the cure,
Sometimes the dirty are
What You WantMaybe you want them to noticeWhat You Want in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Maybe you want them to see
Maybe you want them to care about
How you’re lost and lonely me.
Maybe you want them to ask
Maybe you want them to know
Maybe you want them to care about
How your happiness is a show.
Maybe you want them to quiet
Maybe you want them to listen
Maybe you want them to care about
How your blood does glisten.
Maybe you want them to leave you
Maybe you want them to die
Maybe you want them to care about
How your life’s just a lie.
Cross My WristsCross my wrists and hope to die,Cross My Wrists in Free Verse More Like This
I will only ever lie
When you ask me if I’m fine
Or if I like this life of mine.
If I had a gun,
I’d put it to my head
And turn bouncy blonde,
Into ruby red.
You want me to stop cutting;
I’ll stop when I’m dead.
The last time I’ll cut
Will be the last thing I see
When I finally put an end to me.
Dying sounds good right now,
Just fading into black
And never coming back
To the agony living brings.
Perhaps you’ll find me hanging,
Or after OD’ing;
Someday soon you’ll find me,
It’s too late now,
I’m too far gone.
Now I’m just a ghost
Of who could’ve been someone.
Hope (I Won't)I won't let a razor bladeHope (I Won't) in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Take away this life I've made.
I won't let the shame and guilt
Ruin everything I've built.
I won't let being wrong
Stop me from being strong.
I won't let sorrow and pain
Resurrect the demons that I've slain.
I won't let ugly spite
Tell me that I'm not right.
I won't let the dark past
Make my endless hurt last.
I won't let this noose
Leave me hanging loose.
I won't let the world win;
My life is only just about to begin.
Such a ContradictionI'm just that fat kidSuch a Contradiction in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Starved of hope.
I'm just that cutter
Reaching for rope.
I'm just that dumb blonde
Reading all night.
I'm just that coward
Bleeding for a fright.
I'm just that child
I'm just that girl
With messy hair.
I'm just that burner
Wanting to be cool.
I'm just that geek
Scared of school.
I'm just that emo
Smiling with glee.
You're just another drone
But you'll never be me.
TodayI saw something in the mirror today that kinda creeped me out.Today in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
It was a girl wearing a smile, not a frown nor a pout.
Her eyes were wide and shining, just as a summer sun.
Her laugh wasn't wooden and fake, but true and full of fun.
Her irises reflected happiness, not a trace of pain.
She was under perfect skies; not a drop of rain.
Angels swam around her, keeping the devil at bay.
Her life was precious and she wasn't throwing it away.
Her lips were red and shinging with a pure smile.
It was a sight her mirror hadn't seen in a very long while.
She wasn't at all pretty but a care she did not give.
Because today she woke up and said, "Today I am going to live."
And Daddy always lied.My legs are covered in bruisesAnd Daddy always lied. in Free Verse More Like This
And I have a scar by my left eye.
I’m not allowed to smile, though
And I’m not allowed to cry.
I think my right arm’s broken
But shh, don’t tell my dad.
He doesn’t like to worry bout me
When he’s already mad.
I have a burn on my left wrist
From when he pushed my arm
Against the stove, the hot, hot stove
And did a bit of harm.
I have a bear, a teddy bear.
He doesn’t have a name.
He makes me better every time
I’m feeling hurt and shame.
Today, my dad came home kind of late
A beer still in his hand.
I closed my eyes and waited.
He screamed, he shouted, and…
Well, my name is Mary Starr
And this is how I died.
But daddy always loved me.
And daddy always lied.
Words on the WallThe sun melted into the glamorous skyWords on the Wall in Free Verse More Like This
The moon stood there, hidden by sweet lullabies.
But mommy was crying, her day had been hard
The tears in her eyes twinkled just like the stars.
Her face wasn't happy like it should have been
And though she was saddened, she forcefully grinned.
I wanted to see Mommy smile through it all...
I painted a picture on her bedroom walls.
I told her to look, just to come in and see
But Mommy was angry... she wasn't happy.
She threw me down hard on the cold wooden floor
Then picked me up, slamming my head on the door.
She yelled and she screamed, then she hit me once more
She slapped me till I couldn't see anymore.
My heart then stopped beating, my laugh went unheard
Then Mommy got up without saying a word.
She looked at the walls splattered with my young blood
Then fell to the ground in her tears with a thud.
She looked at my face, then she looked all around
Then wrote on the walls with the first thing she found.
Then, after she finished, she wanted self h
Lying is Bad (A message to myself)Hello darling.Lying is Bad (A message to myself) in Free Verse More Like This
Have you ever held a needle to your wrist?
Have you ever skipped a meal because you were hungry?
Have you ever punched your stomach before falling asleep?
Have you ever felt wrong, because you told someone you were okay? (After all, lying is bad.)
Have you ever rocked back and forth without realizing, until someone else told you to stop?
Have you ever slammed your head against your wall so you might forget your situation?
Have you ever cried in a thunderstorm so no one would hear your cries for help?
Have you ever worn long sleeves and said it was because you were chilly... then felt horrible? (After all, lying is bad.)
Hello darling, I know you have.
But remember, you're strong. You're worthy.
You're more powerful than your sadness.
You are incredible.
You have been through more than you know,
And fought through more than you know...
And you've survived much more than you know.
You are going to make it.
You are going to push through this.
You are going to
Am I Good Enough...?Legs crossed on a cold basement floor,Am I Good Enough...? in Free Verse More Like This
Blood stains painting my flesh,
The wounds deeper than ever before,
A white gown now a short black dress.
Long tangled hair clinging to my tears
Wind howling through the trees,
Moonlight painting a sky so clear,
And darling, I'm going to be set free.
My fingers scratch at the blood on my skin,
A delightful pain at the thought of a touch,
And hey, everyone who said I wasn't worth it,
Now am I good enough?
SchizophreniaShh.Schizophrenia in Free Verse More Like This
Look behind you.
"Are you okay?"
Shapes, forms, bodies, animals, plants
Shifting, moving, being
"What's wrong with you?"
You're a freak.
No one wants you.
You should kill yourself, let them out of their misery
Or we'll do the job for you.
"They're fake, you know."
No they're not.
"What are you doing?"
This is how I live.
Save me, from the monsters, the shadows
"What can I do?"
You can stop.
You can stop being ignorant
Gun Within The MirrorIt feels as if my reflectionGun Within The Mirror in Free Verse More Like This
Points a gun at its own head,
As my bullet shoots the mirror
And paints the floor with red,
And it feels as if my gun
Just isn't steady in my hand,
Because darling, when I jump off cliffs,
Do you think I always land?
It feels as if the razor blade
Might be my only friend,
And it feels as if the broken glass
Might soon begin to bend,
Because my reflection is distorted, love.
Can't you see that, love, can't you see?
I'm pointing a gun at the mirror,
And the mirror points back at me.
Front page...Liquid chains cling to my anklesFront page... in Free Verse More Like This
Feathers of a bird tickle my nose.
Haunted by the voices in this cold dark cell
Longing for the scent of a light pink rose.
Ocean waves beat upon a sandy shore
A sea of hatred and rage.
Dragonflies swim through air so light
But this stuff never gets to the front page.
When I SaidWhen I said I wanted a fairy taleWhen I Said in Free Verse More Like This
I meant I wanted a prince.
I didn't want to be locked in a
I didn't want to be fought by a
I didn't want
When I said I wanted a fairy tale
I meant I wanted to be a princess.
I didn't want to watch a rose
I didn't want to wear the gown
I wanted it
When I said I wanted a fairy tale...
I expected it to end in a
But i never expected it to end like this.
Maybe.Fist fights and battles in my headMaybe. in Free Verse More Like This
I'll always remember what you said...
The day you lied.
Glass shattered all over the dirt
I'll always remember your last words...
The day you died.
I could have saved you, love.
I should have saved you, love.
I would have saved you, love...
Then maybe we could both still be
I am a labelI slid the blade across my wristI am a label in Free Verse More Like This
Again and again.
Maybe I’m an emotional freak.
I cause fights and arguments
Maybe I’m a troublemaker.
I use make up to make myself seem
Maybe I’m girly.
I complain about things
Even when sometimes
Maybe I’m an attention seeker.
I fall under so many
So maybe I am a label.
I’m just me.
My smileMy smile was once so easy,My smile in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
a thing of joy and pride,
but over these years of darkness,
the ease has slowly died.
I find it's no longer truth,
but simply a lying mask.
It hides away the misery,
the hauntings of my past.
I refuse to look at pictures.
I see what others ignore.
The uneasiness of my smile.
How it has turned into a chore.
Will I ever truly smile,
with joy, pride, and truth,
or will I never know a smile?
Will it die with the rest of my youth?
Please, i wish to laugh,
to smile without a care,
but I'm not good enough for this,
and I guess that is fair.
Train to NowhereI'm on a train,Train to Nowhere in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Can't see through the rain,
I try not to care.
It's moving too fast,
but how do i slow?
Am I running from my past,
or just eager to go?
I know I should stop,
try to get a grip,
but this train is on lock,
and my sanity begins to slip.
Would it be so bad to ride,
to let this train go on?
We all know that I lied,
that I'm too far gone.
I can never be me,
no matter how I try.
Can't you see?
This has all been a lie.
So I'll sit and relax,
let the train run.
Maybe the train will crash.
Wouldn't that be fun?
Won't Give InI'm getting weak,Won't Give In in Concrete Poetry More Like This
can't find the light.
Too tired to try,
Too tired to fight.
I want to give in,
let my grip slip,
start the fall,
let myself trip.
But I can't let go.
I need to stay here.
Despite all the hardships,
despite all my fear.
I'll keep going.
I won't give in.
Though I feel like dying,
though my chances are grim.
So say hello to me,
this act I put on,
till my time comes,
till God says I'm done.
Are you blind?Are you blind to my misery,Are you blind? in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Or do you choose not to look?
I want to share my story,
But you close me like a book.
I'm screaming as I cry,
But you refuse to hear.
Look away as I die,
Ignore each little tear.
Am I not loud enough?
Is that why you ignore my scream?
My life is tough,
Help me escape this bad dream.
I scream a bit higher.
Please, I need your help!
My circumstances are dire.
I'm losing myself.
But you do not help me,
And I've decided to give up.
Maybe then you'll see.
Ha! That's just my luck.
I Met MeToday I met a girl,I Met Me in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
and she asked, "How are you?"
"Just fine," I replied.
She said, "No, tell me what's true."
Perplexed, I stopped and stared.
She was young, no older than eight.
Her eyes were still innocent.
They knew no hate.
"What did you say?"
I asked in confusion.
"You know what I mean," she said.
This girl was in a delusion.
Trying to be kind,I replied,
"No I do not."
She frowned and replied,
"You lie quite a lot."
Now I was agitated.
What does this girl know?
Acting like she's so intelligent.
I'll just tell her to go.
"Let me explain!"
She exclaimed in haste.
"I know you're not alright.
I know you feel misplaced."
How in the world?
Who is this little girl?
"But I'm here to say you'll be alright.
Though your friends will leave,
leave you feeling alone and cold,
you'll find a reprieve."
"So just stay strong
because I know you can do it."
How? Who are you?
I wished she would quit.
Suddenly it was silent,
and I turned to see,
but there was no one there at al
My MaskI put my mask on.My Mask in Concrete Poetry More Like This
Time to face the day.
Time to plaster on a smile.
Time to pretend it's okay.
I want to crawl in bed.
Leave the world behind.
You're too ugly to go out,
whispers my mind.
I know I am,
I stifle a cry.
I want to leave,
I want to die.
My mask is done,
and I have to go.
Time to face the people.
Time to put on my show.
You didn't dare.She smiled,You didn't dare. in Concrete Poetry More Like This
but it was fake.
but she's about to break.
She reached out,
but no one came,
tried to fake it,
but the pain stayed the same.
This girl, she called to you,
but you didn't care.
Something told you to help,
but you didn't dare.
What would the others say?
The ones who called her a freak.
They may taunt or shun you,
so you choose not to speak.
Then she decides to leave.
Because no one wants her here.
You'll never see her cry.
She'll never shed another tear.
I LiedCheated, betrayed,I Lied in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
that's what I've done to you
I should've cried, should've stayed,
I understand if we're through.
The truth was right there,
in the back of my mind.
You might've even cared,
comforted me, been kind,
but I was so scared,
how could I say the truth?
I have never dared
to tell the horrors of my youth.
So I locked them up tight,
told another lie.
I did what was right,
though it urges me to cry.
You don't need to know,
the memories are for me.
I wish I could let them go,
just let someone see,
but they're my curse,
so leave me be,
until my ride in the hearse,
the death of me.
With YouHold me tight,With You in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Please don't go.
I'm falling apart,
falling down so low.
Like a rag doll I'm tearing,
seams falling apart.
I can't sew them back up,
wouldn't know where to start.
I need your help,
but I'm too scared to say,
too scared to reach out,
tell you to stay.
You're my only hope,
like it or not.
My chances are slim,
but I'll give it a shot.
So hold me up,
don't let me fall,
just tell me it's okay,
answer my call.
That's all you need to do,
and I'll be alright.
With you by my side,
I'll stand up and fight.
My MonstersI can't breathe.My Monsters in Concrete Poetry More Like This
It's too tight.
I hear so many things,
can't trust my sight.
The monsters surround.
No, they're not really here.
They reach out to grab me.
They smell my fear.
Have I finally lost my mind?
Am I totally insane?
Is this all in my head?
Is it just a sick game?
Or are they really there?
Do they smile as I scream?
Do they laugh at my tears?
Please, let this be a dream.
But it's not a dream.
I can't get out.
A hand surrounds my neck,
no air to shout.
Tears stream freely.
They start to close in.
I pray to god to help me,
to forgive all my sin.
The world starts to fade.
I can no longer see.
I smile in bliss.
I'm finally free.
Despair and Hope.Defeated, ill treated,Despair and Hope. in Free Verse More Like This
a spirit torn apart.
the shredding of a heart.
Forlorn, still born,
hopes for a future bright.
Unfed, half dead,
strangled by fears too tight.
the innocent are crushed.
Still green, unseen,
under rugs are brushed.
Ill used, abused,
cast down into despair.
Reach up, reach out,
look up and I'll be there.
Support, self taught,
together we are strong.
A team, no seam,
try to right a wrong.
I'll be there, I care,
I'll try with all my power.
We two, me and you,
are growing future's flower.
Alphabetically Complimenting.A is for Adorable,Alphabetically Complimenting. in Free Verse More Like This
your dazzling to me.
B is for Beautiful,
your exquisite eyes I see.
C is for Caressable,
your skin as soft as cotton.
D is for Durable,
you last when others forgotten.
E is for Exquisite,
lovely as summer days.
F is for Favorable,
generous, helpful ways.
G is for Gregarious,
out going, full of fun.
H is for Helpful,
always there when works begun.
I is for Irrepressible,
nothing keeps you down.
J is for Joyous,
always acting the clown.
K is for Kleptomania,
collecting's an urge you can't fight.
L is for Loving,
always saying just what's right.
M is for Masterful,
the one to take command.
N is for No Compromise,
for your beliefs you stand.
O is for Offering,
companionship, or a cuddle.
P is for Puzzling,
helping out when things are a muddle.
Q is for Quarrelsome,
if something isn't right.
R is for Responsible,
holding on so tight.
S is for Shoul
Wild Beauty.I am but a common weed,Wild Beauty. in Free Verse More Like This
you pass me in the street.
But if you stop to look at me,
beauteous flowers at your feet.
I creep through cracks in concrete,
you walk past without a glance.
But think of how hard I had to try,
and give me a second chance.
I may be a common sight to you,
a dandelion or daisy.
But in less temperate places,
I would drive people crazy.
I'm tough, and I will survive,
come heat, or cold, or flood.
And still produce delicate flowers,
from my every bud.
My beauty understated,
by gardeners abhored.
But beauty, in beholder's eyes,
come to each, adored.
I liveI liveI live in Free Verse More Like This
At least for now
Life is cruel
But I keep surviving
Hoping for a better world
Broken and despisedLittle girlBroken and despised in Free Verse More Like This
Once so inocent
Now broken to the core
Of her very being
Her once free mind
Now trapped in a nightmare
Her once pure heart
Shattered into tiny pieces
Her once hopeful soul
Overwhelmed by darkness and despair
And no one notices
Because she hides her scars
Under long sleeves
Because she hides her pain
Behind a fake smile...
Let me dieGo awayLet me die in Free Verse More Like This
Leave me alone
And let me die
Of this world
I don't want to live
Because there's no light
At the end of this tunnel
So I'll just end my life
Don't try to stop me
And we'll meet again
On the other side
Outside this dark tunnel
Go away!Don't look at meGo away! in Free Verse More Like This
Don't talk to me
Don't touch me
I want to be alone
It's my fate
It's my curse
You try to understand me
But you can't
Because you have no idea
What I have to endure
But when I look around
You're still here
For some reason
You won't leave...
Tired of being meI'm tired of being meTired of being me in Free Verse More Like This
Tired of this life of misery
I don't know why I keep fighting
It's pointless to drag out the suffering
I want to end the pain
It's driving me insane
But I keep it all in
To feed the demons within
WonderlandTake me to wonderlandWonderland in Free Verse More Like This
A crazy world
Much better than this one
Where insanity is a must
And nothing is dull
Take me there
To meet the Rabbit
And the Mad Hatter
The Mouse, the Caterpillar
And the storytelling Turtle
Take me to the Queen of Hearts
So I can play her crazy game
And so she can order her guards
To cut my head off
A lightBlindedA light in Free Verse More Like This
By all the lies
In a nightmare
For a light
For a way out
InsanityShould I keep fighting?Insanity in Free Verse More Like This
Or is it better
If I just let it go?
I'm not sure anymore
I can't take it anymore
The voices are driving me crazy
Maybe I should stop fighting
And let insanity take over
Maybe that way
Life will have a meaning
I can find happiness
She isDelicate like a lilyShe is in Free Verse More Like This
Tough like a cactus
Beautiful like a rose
Strong like a sycamore
All reasons for a thistle like me
To fall in love with her
Making the seed of love
I (don't) want to be aloneI want to be aloneI (don't) want to be alone in Free Verse More Like This
So no one can hear me screaming
So I can bleed out my pain
So I don't have to hide the problems
And the wounds
I want to stay here alone
Fighting my inner demons
With no help
Nobody to feel my pain
Nobody to fight for me
I want you to leave me alone
So you won't get caugh
In my spiral of darkness
And self destruction
Please (don't) leave me alone...
Hear me howl.Tell me again, Father,Hear me howl. in Free Verse More Like This
I’m the perfect daughter-
when all I want to be
is the crescent moons
resting like strong soldiers
in the grooves of my palms.
I am but
quaking with frostbite,
numbed with rage.
A wolf's jaw:
locked, teeth tearing
into the chilled flesh
of your neck.
I'm talking myself in circles,I screamed,I'm talking myself in circles, in Free Verse More Like This
"There is nothing
wrong with me, not a damn
I wanted to believe
the big dipper on my arm
meant something more
than sun marks & kisses.
But, how can I trust words
that slip through my teeth
as easy as breathing
when this star
has only ever learned
how to f
I want to forget names,& faces,I want to forget names, in Free Verse More Like This
I want to forget their veins,
fingerprints forever burned into my eyelids;
wrists I can't look at
without longing to tear apart.
Spine full, and spiteful:
I want to cry
roses in my midnight tea
for these star collapsed lungs.
I want to cry for her
& for me.
she wont allow me the courtesy.
NaPoWriMo Day: 1I’ve got 30 daysNaPoWriMo Day: 1 in Free Verse More Like This
to defy Icarus:
teach this rose thorn heart
how to fly.
[ All I want to be
is the space between
But, I’m here,
ripping holes in blank pages
while nursing nebulae knuckles
with white plastered walls.
NaPoWriMo: Day 9More respectNaPoWriMo: Day 9 in Free Verse More Like This
for hungry lions,
doesn’t want to write this poem.
As she forgets how to use words
(on most days,)
relying on curses
like casting some witch's spell-
with only ten dollars to her name.
The oldest daughter:
she’s still somewhere in the middle,
because they had no other way
to categorize her.
Getting her first gravestone at three-
not to the gods,
but to the lily stargazers
in her palms.
she would become a bird,
& never come back.
She doesn’t want her death
laid out like a fast-food
how does she begin to explain
cultivating in her breastbone?
To be a writerYou taste like decaying leavesTo be a writer in Free Verse More Like This
and October's bad habits-
when it’s halfway through February
that still haunts these bones.
I have allowed you to
claw your love
into my arms
and chant into my
for much too long.
I wish I was one of those girls
who could say wild flowers
grow up through my nooks
and my crannies just to tear
through my skin, screaming.
I’m just that dead eyed deer
on the side of the road dreaming
of shoving a pen down my throat
and writing these verses inside out.
I am no scribe, prophet, or spell caster.
I know it.
My skin knows it.
My pen knows it too.
Years and years
my mind will dwell
on the way your fingers
chain linked between my ribs
and shook my
to be a writer
is to be a masochist,
and I refuse to get off
on the pain anymore.
Once Upon a Carcass,I loved her like the flaws in barbed wire;Once Upon a Carcass, in Free Verse More Like This
it stung. & I needed to take her castle ribs-
but I was jealous of heaven.
She spoke through her bones.
She: a beautiful decay
draped along my apartment,
& the mess of my mouth.
When she left,
I cried big ugly tears
for the First Aid of her
I needed Draco.
I needed her.
“Is it sweet?” She meows even still
with all my self-doubt.
This thing, I must not feed it-
As I still long to leave galaxies
along the length of her entire bed.
wishbones and flowers I think it’s selfishwishbones and flowers in Free Verse More Like This
how I have compared
every other kiss
( After all-
good things don’t
invite themselves into the lives
of little girls who categorize
their disorders by the scars
on their wrists and who
allow strangers to hang them
from their necks like wishbones. )
But, no one’s hands
have ever staked claim
to this scavenged wasteland
not even my own.
And it’s hard to forget that;
please forgive me.
As you will always
be the one who taught me
that it’s okay to be sad.
Sad poems need pretty titles.April was lungs weak of blue, andSad poems need pretty titles. in Free Verse More Like This
scalpels held in heartless,
You told me you were no coward
that the seas and the oceans
whispered in your ears and told you
only the bravest of men
deserve to kiss their beds.
May passed too quickly.
No time for mourning
when I gained ten pounds
of pure muscle
holding up your stars.
People asked too many questions.
People told me I was strong.
One day in June
you woke up to a skeletal frame
that wasn’t yours and the biggest,
strongest ribcage I’d ever seen.
I had cornfields in my eyes;
You misplaced your anchor
and your mind.
Mental Disorder DinerWhy hello there miss.Mental Disorder Diner in Free Verse More Like This
Welcome to battered and scarred restaurant,
where disorders are over cooked, raw or however you like it.
Would you like to start with our appet…. I mean anxiety disorders?
I'll start off simple with panic disorder,
while being a simple dish, it has a bad after taste of fear.
You can taste the fear from here.
Next up we have our social anxiety disorder,
This disorder is on back order and
too scared to show up to the meal sometimes.
It does however come with a side of sweat
No, not your style?
PTSD is our special appetizer of the day,
because it only trusts on some days
and comes with flashbacks on the side.
Next we're on to our specials, considered the hardest disorders.
First is bi polarity, which will take you through a number of sensations.
from sad blue to normal grey to euphoric high yellow,
Schizophrenia is a unpopular one of many,
the hallucinations are controlling and over cooked.
A bit too difficult to chew?
Our main courses are eating disorders.
PTSDWhen I was younger my dad was my heroPTSD in Free Verse More Like This
my mom said, look up to your father, he's the smart one
he fed me dreams of harvard in small spoonfuls ,
college ideas at the mere age of eight
i swallowed it, caught it like a raindrop
always begging for more, a little more please papa
fifth grade came, and my dad became a harder man
my mama repeated , still look up to him honey,
he knows, he knows
seventh grade brought shouting anger and sadness
my papa gave me the talk, the talk about ptsd
he said it would change him, make him not my papa at times
the monster isn't me he says, just something you can't find under your bed
throughout his screaming and abuse,
my mama said, look up to him, he still knows
but his wisdom is just frayed at the edges, like your new skinny jeans
i could not help but see my perception of my father was altered
where was his support? why did he take my moms support from me?
my perception of him was forever altered,
it was an invisible scar on my arm,
something surgery can n
AnxietyAnxiety tapping on my door,Anxiety in Free Verse More Like This
"Can I come inside your head?"
I shiver, not ready for its visit.
It charges in, smelling of worry.
Spends a morning, afternoon and night,
playing with my emotions.
A marionette dancing its old tune on rough strings.
Leaves me winded and praying to beat it the next time.
You.Just be who you are.You. in Free Verse More Like This
I know, I know
its the cliche thing they've been telling you since kindergarten
you can love whoever
whether its a girl or boy or both
or gender doesn't matter to you at all
just be who you are
you can be born as a guy and feel like a girl
just be who you are
being an atheist doesn't make you a bad person
and being religious doesn't make you brain washed
just be who you are
your mental disorder should not define who you are
whether your schizophrenic, bi polar or a mixed bag of emotions
just be who you are
your skin color is what your born with,
not what you should be judged as
just be who you are
embrace your weight
your not too fat or skinny, your just you
just BE who you are.
if the statement is so cliche,
then why aren't people following it?
MonsterI'm the monster.Monster in Free Verse More Like This
No, I don't need to hide under your bed,
inside your thoughts is good enough for me.
Only help will make me go away,
and I make sure you don't get it ever.
I come when your full of high spirits,
and push you down into a pit of despair.
Sometimes, I leave and make you
feel the cold numbness you despise.
You'd rather hurt then be numb,
and welcome me back.
Only the strong ones can shake me off,
and continue on their right path;
instead of the bad one I've created for you.
PerfectionTake out the little eraser,Perfection in Free Verse More Like This
And put it lightly to your skin.
There will be no more jagged edges
And it goes over scars nicely.
Removing the fat that doesn't exist
On your already lovely stomach.
Now, swallow tape that will mix into
your insides and the jig jaw will come together.
We can hope some of the tape will land on your shattered heart.
It can't drum out its beat happily without a stapler to the brain.
There is always something needed to hold it all together and cover the holes.
There , now full of the perfection you wanted.
Eat.Eat.Eat. in Free Verse More Like This
But I am.
Okay, maybe I skipped a meal or two.
But my mama is too busy with my dad,
while his anger grows; my portion of food shrinks.
"Its gonna be okay", doesn't fill my hunger for love.
If I can't have love then,
no food will fill me up either.
The food will fill up the toilet instead,
scraping the "fatty" steak away from me.
The knife scraping the food makes me feel in control,
flushing it is practically worth what a hug would do.
I leave crumbs on my plate,
an aliby for my crime.
I walk past my mom, and
smile a load of lies.
I'm eating and smiling, "stress" doesn't bother this girl....
But I can say, I am not okay.
I can't even imagine when I will be.
Please, don't give up.You’re not alone, even if you feel such sorrowPlease, don't give up. in Free Verse More Like This
Please try to calm your mind and forget about tomorrow
I know that life can hurt, but from my happiness you can borrow
Please don't cry anymore, I will help you with the troublesome morrow
Even if the bad seem to be everywhere you go
Just keep in mind that you have to stay away from what’s below
And I know that you’ll learn from these bad experiences
So then you can help those who are inexperienced
Please don’t be sad, everyone has a reason for his or her existence
You can’t ever give up, push through and have resistance
The worst thing you could do is to lose all of your hope
Just promise me that you will try to never mope
If I kiss youWhat if I kiss you?If I kiss you in Free Verse More Like This
What if I pull you close?
And whisper you the truth
Will you say “I love you”?
Because you shine light into this dark room
I wish I could turn the whole world to slow-mo
Just so I could see this beautiful flower bloom
Maybe then you’d see how much you mean to me
I go on my days with my heartfelt thoughts
Warmth is what you’ve brought into my feather heart
And all of this just feels like the start
I know that one day, we will never be set apart
I'll wipe off your tearsTrust me when I say this, everything will be alrightI'll wipe off your tears in Free Verse More Like This
I’ll be here, to comfort you every moment of your life
Cry on my chest if you like, only if it lets you feel right
Because I will always be here, right by your side
I know some things can be unexpected,
And sometimes the bad can’t be evaded
But I’ll try my best, so you can be able to rest
And I’ll try my best to relieve you from stress
Because I care too much to leave you with pain
It tears my heart to see you like this again
You’ve told me to step back, but it's too sad and tiring
I promise you, this will be the last time you’ll be crying
I'm afraid of losing you.I don’t know if you feel it too, the feeling of wanting to break looseI'm afraid of losing you. in Free Verse More Like This
And just screaming “I love you” but I’m scared that we might lose
Because just of our age, or the time, or any person that doesn’t want you to be mine
But I know that if this goes wrong I’d be the one who'd cause the crime
I’m a bit afraid; one false move would make everything go away
And I’m always left wondering if what I’m doing is okay
I just want everything to be alright between you and me
Or is there something that I cannot see?
My head is rambling with questions that fear is inventing
Maybe is not fear, maybe it’s because I’m too caring
Am I paranoid? I don’t want to make a mistake
You said I’m doing things right, then why do I always shake?
First friend, first loveI’ve been sitting alone for so longFirst friend, first love in Free Verse More Like This
That I’ve forgotten the meaning of "friend"
But just when I started to think I don’t belong
You became a person that I could befriend
But as time passed along, you seemed like more to me
My heart would grow warm, every time we’d speak
But I just don’t know if we could ever be
But I’ll take the first step, to start something unique
King, let me take her handKing, let me take the princess handKing, let me take her hand in Free Verse More Like This
I’m just a jester, but I’m sure you’ll understand
That we’re in love, and I truly make her laugh
I’m no prince, but you have to give me a chance
I’m not wearing shiny armor; because I’m not weak
And I have no servants; I’ll finish my own deeds
I might not be rich; but she’s always happy
And I might not be perfect; but we are both who we need
So please King, open your eyes so you could see
That the princess and I are truly meant to be
I’m just a jester, but I only plead
For you to let us live joyous and safely
LoveLove is a strong wordLove in Free Verse More Like This
It expresses something that's vastly unknown
Will I be loved or will I ever start?
It'll take some time, but you'll feel it in your heart
No one is loveless; no matter how strong are your thoughts
If you have patience, the right one will be brought
Don't bring yourself down, or your word you'll become
You're beautiful; I know the right person will come
So be as positive as you can
Because one day, you'll have your chance
Leave your past behind.Leave your past behind. in Free Verse More Like This
I know that you remember all of those bitter moments
But what is it worth for to keep those memories working
They’re not making you happy; they’re just making you hopeless
Then follows depression from the feelings that you’ve let lurking
Because you went through it, but you relive it every moment
When it’s all in your mind and you’re making it a necessary component
It’s just jarring to your heart, yet you keep it for your mind is uncertain
Many broken hearts, from family to friends, something you won’t admit was certain
I’ve been like you, for months to years, having a mind that’s unclear
And so I’ve shed so many tears, all which came from fear
Though it could be hard to move along, no one ever said you cannot
So please, don’t give up, I believe in you, even if you do not
Rose tinted memoriesI’ve felt this way since we first metRose tinted memories in Free Verse More Like This
My heart pounded fast and I couldn’t behave
My hands were always shaking and my words wouldn’t come out the same
I removed all that’s dreaded to change my old ways
But time has passed now, and everything has changed
The love I once felt might no longer be awake
But I know deep inside that things remain unchanged
Because I might forget your face but the good moments will never go away
You're worth waiting forLet’s take it slow, if you want us to growYou're worth waiting for in Free Verse More Like This
Our love is our gentle abode, and I just want you to know
That my patience is unknown, but for you, I will hold
I’ll just have to flow, and always remain with hope
Because much time has already passed
And a lot has happened, so sudden and fast
But with each moment, we get closer and forget the past
With each mistake, we start growing, with each, we understand
But now that patience is a big part of my life
I hope that one day, you'll also be mine
It could take a while, it could also be soon
But none of that really matters, because I truly belong to you
Snow White SyndromeI seem to have forgotten the sound of my own heartbeatSnow White Syndrome in Free Verse More Like This
Splitting apart my limbs I've found the source of my insanity
Coiled around veins and arteries
Star dust and a lazy man’s drug
Has put me to sleep under fictitious pretenses
Of forbidden apples and two faced prince charming’s
on seeking solace in strangersAnd she felt like homeon seeking solace in strangers in Free Verse More Like This
her arms gave
way to the sand
castle of her
i loved her for it
she was a dragon
of a girl
beneath her eyes
from the corners
of her lips
like a faulty tap
to me she was beautiful
like those obscure
lapses in time
at 3.25 AM
with her legs
stretched across the
smoking my cigarettes
as she let her words
into the quiet
s p a c e s
she still sparkled
with this rebellious
twinkle in her eyes
and those eyes
they felt like home
all the doors
The unabridged memoirs of a teenage drop outI’d be lying if I saidThe unabridged memoirs of a teenage drop out in Free Verse More Like This
I didn’t want to spend those nights
Watching the moon hang between your pupils
Like a cadaver strung up high and dry
In the brittle November air.
But there’s something about that road kill smile
That was too fast, too cruel
You were intangible and indistinct
In the way you’d shake your cigarette packet
Hearing the contents rattle like a self-contained thunder storm
You were always like that,
So painfully self-aware you tried to suffocate yourself
In such a way that it was neither poetic nor beautiful
Rather disjointed in mathematics and skewed logic.
You were not romantic or tragically beautiful
You were a boy with a spine that could fracture the sky
If you pressed against it at the right angle
You had hands like braille
That shook when you thought you were alone
Slumped against a wall in an attempt to look blasé
When clearly there was a witch hunt seeping through your bones
I saw the way the knee jerk reaction
Of your carefu
To the boy who cried bitchi.To the boy who cried bitch in Free Verse More Like This
That’s what you called me
The second time we spoke
You said I glittered
But the gold had long since then
Left the contours
Of my jaws
that I don’t know how to
I am a diffracted spectrum
That knows no bounds
you said I reminded you
of your abusive uncle
and you tried to seek solace and safety
in a girl who belonged to no one
I will not say sorry
for being unable
to your ideals
you called me a bitch
since i've known you
6 of which
I know that I am far too static
I lack tact and often
Leave a bitter taste in your mouth
And in all honesty
Apathetic to your whining
I pointed it out to you when we first met
Find another shoulder
To cry on
Joey had a smoke and burned the moon downOne night on a long road trip to NebraskaJoey had a smoke and burned the moon down in Free Verse More Like This
The skies opened up and bled onto my pupils
And the taste of gin burned my throat
As my star strewn spine strained against
The static of the radio blasting from your car stereo
We chased god
Only to find kerosene angels
And glow flies hanging from tree tops
A half visible mirage rots in broad daylightI think I fell down a holeA half visible mirage rots in broad daylight in Free Verse More Like This
That was six feet too deep
And I don’t know
If I want to climb out anymore
Because it’s so wonderful down here where the stars
No longer hold meaning
And voices can no longer be heard
Over the sound of decaying matter
Waiting to be recycled
If you drink enough vodka it tastes like loveHe’d whisper sweet nothings to treesIf you drink enough vodka it tastes like love in Free Verse More Like This
Hoping the roots would remember his name
I watched him drop pieces of himself like bread crumbs
His lantern limbs quivering
I don’t think he ever really knew how lovely he was
And on a sunny day when the pavement was sweating
Out onto the roadside
Everyone else found out too
I don’t think I’ll ever forget him because he was like a dream catcher
So quiet and magical in the way his eyes turned green in the dark
And blue in the winter
Like he stored the world’s secrets behind his cuckoo spit heart
The split second moment when everything collapsesCarve our names into the woodworkThe split second moment when everything collapses in Free Verse More Like This
Of your spine so maybe we can force something
Beautiful out of the mud and arteries and synapses
because drowning my sorrows in the last dregs
of cheap coffee leaves the taste of a corpse
between my teeth and cheek
I’ve seen lakes with the bones of drowned poets
In the spaces between your hang dog one liners
And maybe it’s okay to crush clichés between our fingers
And smear them like blood across our cheeks
And run wild like frenzied deer eyed children
The devils headlights
You were full of loose change and receipts
Constantly shifting between the spectrums
Of visible to ultraviolet, you were blinding in the way
That the morning light burns your eyes red until it clears
And you see stars and love when really
It’s sleep deprivation and the balmy film of unconsciousness lingering
In the back of your throat
There was this fleeting apparition about the way
You’d tilt your neck just enough
To make your hair fall in your eye
The kids aren't alright but there's always drugsLate nights leave me with a tongueThe kids aren't alright but there's always drugs in Free Verse More Like This
That feels too big in my mouth,
And a head full of vowels that smash against each other
In the most wonderful way.
Like star vomit and pesticide veins,
All strewn together in defected daisy chain pupils,
And drunken babbles that ache from
The hollows of my eyelids.
We were jail bird tendencies
with a knack for ruffling feathers
because we are the angel girls,
back lit in neon beams of late nights
spent on the strip searching for fame.
Trying to stay young or die beautiful
With flowers in our hair and cloud dust
In the cracks of our lungs.
Wishing we were a little less disastrous
And a little more glamorous,
We were gutter sluts looking
for cheap love in the back seats of cars.
There are no moonlit silhouettes
Just hang dog mornings where the sun
Burns the back of our throats,
Where we’d ache for those moments where dawn
Breaks over our glass rimmed wrists
And freckled synapses.
Insert creative title here.sometimes I hate the ideaInsert creative title here. in Free Verse More Like This
I rather eat the autumn
skies crushing cold air between my molars
and hiding shaky hands
between pages of dictionaries
and clickclickclicking sounds of typewriters
you asked me why I wrote poems
on the soles of my shoes
and I told you
it was because I wanted to
imprint myself on the earth
then I can create beauty
even if I am not
Open Heart SurgeryI've got ink throbbing through fissured veins,Open Heart Surgery in Free Verse More Like This
poisoning every atom of my soul.
"Bite your tongue," they say.
How I'd love to chew the damn thing off
and suck down every filthy syllable
just like the rotten bone marrow it is.
They'd all watch as my body spontaneously combusts
and becomes nothing but convoluted karma.
And so I wrote,
Teach me the ways of ripping out a human heart,
and stitching it onto ink-stained parchment."
The answer that came was rasped from a cauterized throat:
"Read your future in the collapsed palm of the stars;
find the abandoned pulse of your lionhearted muse;
steal their conformed scalpel and make it your own."
skinwalkershe was a vicious prion,skinwalker in Free Verse More Like This
anomalous & infectious—
my fractured mind was the
perfectly unsuspecting host.
i was so ashamed of life
& you had all the answers.
"don't let me go,"
she hissed each night,
coating my flesh in a
(it was just too damn easy
to grasp your viral hands.)
i know my ribcage is almost on empty
& my heart is converting to toxic waste,
but i still have a feverish serum in my veins
& a voice not yet conquered by broken bones.
your plague of malevolence
shall never govern me again.
Loneliness:a limbless spider entangled inLoneliness: in Free Verse More Like This
its own web,
writhing and awaiting to
only to be devoured by the fly.
catch me if you cani'd like to smear ashescatch me if you can in Free Verse More Like This
over bloody heathen lips
and twist burnt corsages
around the maypole.
this rotten witch's heart
would love to curse you all.
disease has never looked so
lovely, i do declare, crawling
up your blistering limbs.
in case you are not aware—
love kills slowly, but revenge tastes so sweet,
so i'll just tip-toe off of this cliff
and embrace the beast awaiting for me below.
Mirror, MirrorI can't stand the sight of my reflection.Mirror, Mirror in Philosophical More Like This
Every time I see her, I cringe. Look at her - the dark shadows beneath her eyes, the slumped shoulders, the half-empty gaze that stares back at me. She's disgusting. She's a monster.
But is she real? Am I real?
I don't know.
Maybe she's the real one and the reason she looks the way she does is because she always sees me and is terrified that something horrible will happen. Maybe I'm the real one and I'm terrified that she's going to let that something occur.
Or maybe we're just the same person and I'm letting my thoughts become too unraveled. There's no such thing as another side to a mirror. It's just a piece of glass that reflects that which is in front of its surface. But then again, what do I know? Not much, if I'm being completely honest.
There are times where I'll pass my reflection and stop, stare at her, and the urge to do nothing more but take her hand and say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I've said t
Last night,I broke every bone in my bodyLast night, in Free Verse More Like This
so I could have a reason to drown
in the isolated ocean inside me.
when my dilapidated lungs finally caved in,
I swam ashore and crawled across the polluted sand.
Only glass-edged skin
and salt-licked eyelashes
can help me now.
Storybook EndingHer ink-stained lips have kissed too many a forgotten page,Storybook Ending in Free Verse More Like This
and phoenix down]
And her Prince Charming has yet to come,
shattering like stars]
So all she can do is gaze out her tower window,
concealing poisoned apples]
Clutch that corroded and timeworn blade,
tearing down castle walls]
Toss her childhood fables to the waltzing of the moon,
[even broken wings
wish for happily ever afters]
[once upon a time
there was a girl who became her own hero.]
CapriciousWords have becomeCapricious in Free Verse More Like This
tasteless to me,
like rotten apples
fit for the worms.
it feels as
though I am
pirouetting my way through
a ballroom full of
tongues made for poetry.
wicked witch when
you need one?
All I seem to do is
dream while I'm awake and,
if we're being honest,
I was never much of an alluring tale
in the first place.
ashes to ashesi am the girl withashes to ashes in Free Verse More Like This
more faith in myths than in
there are more dead bodies in this world than the living.
and if that doesn't frighten you, then i
don't know what would. i guess you could
say that graves are just the closets in which
we hide our skeletons in.
there are ghosts all around us.
and i think that maybe,
i'd rather take my chances down in
the underworld with them than up
here where the earth is slowly
all because of the living.
or maybe it actually is.thisor maybe it actually is. in Free Verse More Like This
a love poem:
this is not about
me and how i hate
the way realism tastes.
this is about you.
this is about how you
are one too many shades arrogant,
how nearly every night you
try to forget that time has
left you behind. this is
about your laugh and the way it
whispers "i can't remember
what i was like before i
became this." and,
if i'm being honest, this is about
how i will never see your too
cocky for your own damn good grin that
makes me go weak in the knees.
this is about you
and how you're not real and how i wish
to god that i wasn't either.