Allison's RPG Rules, 1-25:Things Allison-Beriyani is no longer allowed to do in an RPG 1-25:Allison's RPG Rules, 1-25: in Comedy More Like This
1. If the GM asks me where an NPC is, the answer better not be "Right now? Mostly in my small intestine."
2. If playing a Cleric, not allowed to consecrate people, places, things or intangible concepts.
3. Not allowed to De-Consecrate them either.
4. No skirting around the GM's "NO DROW" policy by radically altering their emo personalities. As bad as the angst is, Peppy Cheerleaders, Guidos and Sheldon Cooper knockoffs are worse.
5. Not allowed to buy another player's Cursed D20.
6. Or steal it.
7. Or promise sexual favors from other players to him for it.
8. And it is most certainly not a "Star-Crossed Lover" with my Octarine percentile that always rolls in the 90's.
9. While accurate to the species, my Evils campaign Dragon needs a better overall motivation than "SWAG".
10. Not allowed to abuse jousting rules by having the Sprite ride on my head.
11. When told that we're going to be facing a gelatinous cube, I
Allison's RPG Rules, 26-52:Things Allison-Beriyani is No Longer allowed to Do in an RPG, 26-52:Allison's RPG Rules, 26-52: in Comedy More Like This
26. Even though I made them for Candyland, cannot play a Dire Gummi Bear.
27. Actively begging the GM for a Jabberwock (minimum level 26) when the party is still only level 5 because I have a Vorpal Spoon is frowned upon by other players.
28. My halfling shoving orange halves under his shirt will not let him seduce the Gnomish engineers into building something for us. Even if I do make the Bluff check by 30 points.
29. My God is not Duck of Many Things, Htrukkuktrik the Inarticulate, anything from Discworld, Cheesus Rice, Rolap, Persnicket The Oddly Specific, Neil DeGrass Tyson, a random NPC, a random landmark, or another Player.
30. There will be no more Undead Clerics of Palor, even if they do make ideal suicide bombers.
31. My God is not The Bird, and it is not my mission to ask people if they've heard His Word.
32. When facing Priestesses of Lolth, I need more than a can of Raid and a rolled-up newspaper.
Allison's RPG Rules, 77-100:Things Allison Beriyani is No Longer Allowed to do in an RPG, 77-100:Allison's RPG Rules, 77-100: in Comedy More Like This
77. If we end up doing more damage than the terrorists that attacked at the royal ball, this will cause a penalty on my seduction check.
78. No making a full-body leather gimp suit for the dwarfish cleric, even if he really needs one.
79. I cannot take levels in Creeper.
80. Even though he is not technically undead, Slenderman probably isn't a cleric of Palor.
81. Cursed Items do not make good royal wedding presents, even if the bride really should be mine.
82. Will not suggest Plot to The GM that is worse than what he was already thinking, just because I don't feel like I'm leveling up fast enough.
83. Will not make the party spend more in-game time playing dress-up than in combat.
84. Especially if it's cross-dressing.
85. Will not beat the GM's political game with basic accounting.
86. When I solo a Shuggoth with my Non-Euclidian Vorpal Spoon, the game is over.
87. Anything that shoots projectiles of any sort is n
Allison's RPG Rules, 101-138101. "Mixed Martial Arts and Crafts" is not a real fighting specialty.Allison's RPG Rules, 101-138 in Profiles More Like This
102. A sock-with-half-a-brick is not a substitute for a longsword of any "real" weapon.
103. Neither is a plunger.
104. "Improvised weaponry" does not mean I can use other Player-Characters.
105. NPCs are okay though.
106. If a feat is so broken that I actually drool, I cannot have it.
107. Not allowed to take endorsements from local businesses to support my lavish adventuring lifestyle.
108. The party is not allowed to go on strike.
109. Not allowed to mess with the overlord's evil plan by convincing his minions to unionize.
110. When looting the evil lord's castle in a dubiously legal fashion, it is not necessary to check the bags of gold for exploding Ink packs.
111. It is, however, necessary to check them for regular explosives.
112. Even though there are stats for it, cannot play a T-rex with a jetpack in a classic gaming Universe.
113. I will stop whining about how "Gruagich" is not a playable class.
114. My b