AnorexiaMeet a girl named No One, with a heart of shattered stone
Staring at the other girl, the one that's not alone
Girl with skin that glistens, with the eyes of crystal seas
Grin of shining diamonds and a laugh like a disease
Flashes just a glance and soon, she's every trouble's cure
She has everything… and No One's off to be like her.
Eating turns into a crime, she'd rather be away
Thrusting fingers down her throat to make herself okay
Watching as her very bones are seen behind her flesh
There she drowns in tears, for she has not yet seen success.
Minutes turn to hours, and these hours turn to days
Every moment slipping, slowly fading into grey
Rapidly, her body turns to nothing but her bones
As she fights for beauty, as she battles for the throne.
Broken hearts must learn to beat, and this she came to know
Learning it the hard way when her heartbeat grew too slow
Yet, she somehow managed still to shine from what's within
Lying in her casket with her hidden, unseen sin.
Final thoughts ins
I'm Fine"Are you okay?"I'm Fine in Free Verse More Like This
That's all they say.
And I leave behind
These words in my mind.
I'm broken, I'm dying.
Inside, I'm crying.
There are wounds beneath my skin.
There are trials I face within.
There are things I just can't say.
There are people I must betray.
Beneath a smile, I feel pain.
Behind the sun, there's always a little rain.
And beneath these words I hold in my head...
There's always the thing I say instead.
I leave the truth behind..
So when they say, "are you okay?"
I always say, "I'm fine."
In a Little Girl's MindThere sits the girl with the things in her eyesIn a Little Girl's Mind in Free Verse More Like This
Monsters, destruction, and sweet butterflies
Hopscotch and daisies, surrounded by screams
Beautiful dresses now torn at the seams
Crayons and paintbrushes, villains and grins
Young, gladsome innocence, hatred and sins
Little red houses on roads left to fade
Gorgeous moonlight shining off of the blade
Blood pouring out as she cries her own name
Knowing she's forced to take each bit of blame
She could have stopped it and left it behind
All of these things in her troubled young mind
She could have saved them if she dared to try
Rather, though, she left herself there to die.
Now, others watch as she sits on the ground
Keeping their distance and letting her drown
In her own worries and things she won't tell
Waiting for her mind to kill her as well…
Good Enough... for YOU.As I sit here cradling the blade in my handsGood Enough... for YOU. in Free Verse More Like This
Treasuring the moments I wish that I had
I can't stop growing more lost and confused
I can't stop thinking... am I good enough for you?
As I sit here, wrapping the rope around my neck
No one will understand a meaning so complex
I simply can't stop thinking about it somehow
Thinking, am I good enough for you now?
As I sit here, pulling the trigger on the gun
I think, maybe I was never meant for "the one"...
goes the bullet.
For when I think it through...
I really won't ever be good enough for you.
CanvasLet her paint a masterpiece,Canvas in Free Verse More Like This
Let her paint a lie
Let her paint a word inside the shining silver skies.
Let her paint a mystery,
Let her paint a sin
Let her paint the things that lie in darkness deep within.
Let her paint a masterpiece
(but this time there's a twist)
Make the brush a blade and let the canvas be her wrist...
What Happened?I used to think make upWhat Happened? in Free Verse More Like This
Made people ugly.
Now I think I'm ugly without it.
I used to think people
Always loved me.
Now I think everyone hates me.
I used to think everybody
Was my best friend.
Now I think no one truly is.
I used to think
Boys were icky!
Now I wish I had one.
What happened to being
The Face At The DoorThe face at the door is a demon, a godThe Face At The Door in Free Verse More Like This
He smiles through stitches, his stare rather odd
The face at the door is a cruel, silent being
Yet, people are calm, and the children aren't fleeing
Quiet yourself, for you're the only one
Crying for help at the point of a gun
Learn how to fly, rather, learn how to fall,
The face at the door... well... there's no face at all.
When I SaidWhen I said I wanted a fairy taleWhen I Said in Free Verse More Like This
I meant I wanted a prince.
I didn't want to be locked in a
I didn't want to be fought by a
I didn't want
When I said I wanted a fairy tale
I meant I wanted to be a princess.
I didn't want to watch a rose
I didn't want to wear the gown
I wanted it
When I said I wanted a fairy tale...
I expected it to end in a
But i never expected it to end like this.
I'm Fine"Are you okay?"I'm Fine in Free Verse More Like This
No. I'm dying. I have to push myself to wake up in the morning, and when I finally do, I want to go back to sleep. Even my best dreams are becoming nightmares. I can't taste food, I can't stand the things I used to love. I'm breaking. I'm fading. I'm dying.
Attention Seeker"Attention seeker."Attention Seeker in Free Verse More Like This
As I slide the knife across my tongue
The poison resting in my lungs
Fighting till the war's been won
But you're right, this is all done for fun.
The rope around my neck as I pull it tight
The struggles I face as I die to fight
And slowly, I fade off into a dark night...
Goodbye, smiles, goodbye, light...
Dying, breaking, losing sight
Of all that's proper, all that's bright
With all my strength and all my might..
I mean, I do this for attention.. right?
Are You Alright?Are you alright?Are You Alright? in Free Verse More Like This
You've asked me this so many times,
And the answer is always 'yes'.
Quite frankly, why do you care?
What if the answer is no?
Do you care then?
Am I alright?
I've never really thought about it.
It's easier to be happy than to
Think about all the reasons I'm not,
Easier than thinking of you.
I still remember when you grabbed my hand.
An unusually casual gesture for
Someone you don't know,
But that is when I fell for you.
That's when I was happy
Before I started crying.
The crying came later.
The crying came the day after
You told me I was the only one for you,
That you couldn't be without me.
And I believed you.
The crying came the day you ripped
My heart out of my chest and carried
It with you as you walked away.
And you have still never returned it.
Am I alright?
No, I don't think so.
I'm not sure if I ever was.
I told you how I loved you before
You left, but you didn't care.
And you don't now.
We Will Never BeI met you on August 18th of 2008.We Will Never Be in Free Verse More Like This
I remember how hot it was in the classroom
That day and how your eyes widened with confusion
As I sat down next to you.
I will never forget those eyes.
You loved Mondays and dreaded Fridays.
I thought you were crazy and you told
Me that the only reason was so you
Could see me in school.
I still thought you were crazy.
We would do our math assignments on the
Playground and talk about our lives.
We were so different, but you always
Insisted that we were absolutely perfect.
I wish I would have known how right you were.
I miss you so much that I can't sleep.
But I have to keep moving because you
Promised me that we would be again, remember?
You held my hand for a second too long and
Told me that you would see me tomorrow.
And I believed you because your eyes had that same
Warm look in them that you always got when
You would tell me something important.
I've seen you three times since then, and we
Have walked away from each other
I Can't Hear You AnymoreThe clouds are heavy tonight,I Can't Hear You Anymore in Free Verse More Like This
And I am suffocating,
Choking on my own words
As they fly from my mouth.
You never cared about yourself,
And after your death that
Became hard to think about.
(But I do anyway.)
I suddenly find myself missing
The years we had spent together
And how spider webs would form in
The corners of your eyes when you smiled.
But the thing is that I can’t hear you anymore.
I can’t remember the sound
Of your voice or the feeling of
Your hands as they touched my lips.
You once told me that home
Is where you lie,
But I hate it here, and
I hate living with these ghosts.
MaybeYour body has been usedMaybe in Free Verse More Like This
By all of those who are broken.
The ones who are trying to repair
Their own wounds with
No regards towards your own.
You are a hand for him to hold
While he thinks of her
And tries to forget the emptiness
And the fact that he is alone.
For a brief moment while
He is inside of you,
You feel as if you are the
Missing half of the whole,
And it is perfect.
He recites memorized lines
And you wonder who else
Has heard them before you,
But you tell yourself that
You're the first anyway.
Your body has been used
By all of those who are broken,
And you begin to wish that
You could be loved once,
And loved most.
SorryIt doesn't matter if I've kissed anyoneSorry in Free Verse More Like This
Since you've been gone.
And I haven't,
I meant it when I said I wanted
Your lips to be the last ones
Maybe I'm only missing you enough
To make my heart sink.
And I want to be held in arms
That care because I don't
Remember what it feels like.
But I do remember the feeling
Of your hand in mine as we
Fell asleep together.
And I just want you to talk to me.
I want you to smile because of
Something I said, but maybe that's
Too selfish of me.
I was always that way.
I don't know how to live,
There's really no point
When I keep dying every day.
But my lungs keep taking in
The air and I breathe.
When I'm GoneI want to tell you something although IWhen I'm Gone in Free Verse More Like This
Don’t know why I even try.
You were never the type who liked
To listen to what was on my mind,
But I’ll just keep talking anyway.
Maybe this time I’ll get through.
Here’s the thing:
I want to be the reason why
You can’t sleep at night,
Or the reason you don’t eat.
I want you to feel that twist
In your stomach when you see
Something that reminds you of me.
I want you to know the
Feeling of a heart that has been torn.
It beats in your chest, but it still isn't
Enough to convince you that you’re alive.
I want you to feel emptiness every
Time you realize that I’m not there,
And that it is because of you.
Believe me when I say I don’t
Miss you, and that I never could have
Possibly been in love with you.
I want you to see what you've done,
And actually mean it when you say you’re sorry.
I want so many things that will never happen
All because you were better than I was.
I Am WishingI am wishing I wasn't alone,I Am Wishing in Free Verse More Like This
That my brain would shut off,
That people would listen
When I whisper the undeniable truth.
But if no one listens
Then who the hell cares?
I am wishing that you were here
To smother my nightmares
And make me feel like I am safe.
If they can't see what I see
When I close my eyes
Then is it really there?
I am wishing that you still loved me,
That you would feel more for me
Than you do for her,
But I will never be good enough.
If you hold me and say everything is fine
Will it be a lie?
And I just wish you would say something
Because the silence screams
More truth than I can take.
And I just miss the sound of your voice like crazy.
But if I can't feel my own heart beating in my chest
Does that mean I am no longer living?
I don't know
DrowningI feel AshamedDrowning in Free Verse More Like This
Of everything I have ever written,
And everyone I have ever Loved.
I’m growing Tired of writing
About the stories where I fell apart
Again and again.
I’m Sick of crying
For hours upon hours while being
Held by a man who doesn't feel my Pain.
I Wish so badly that I could say,
Because I know I don’t deserve this,
But as the room starts to spin
I know I’m letting myself Down again.
I Might Need YouI think I might need you,I Might Need You in Free Verse More Like This
But here's the thing:
I'm spinning out of control
And careening off the side of the road.
I pretend to hold on to the wheel,
But we both know I'll crash.
It wasn't a fair fight.
If you would listen,
If you would actually listen,
You would hear me whispering
"I want you."
"I need you."
And if you would listen,
If you would actually listen,
You would know that
We are horribly wrong
For each other,
And that my words mean nothing.
But what's to stop us from
Sharing our sheets anyway?
We sleep folded together
Like slips of origami paper
Pressed so tightly that
We could not possibly split.
I think I might need you,
But here's the thing:
I really wish I didn't.
I wish it was you,
And not me.
PleaseI want you to love mePlease in Free Verse More Like This
A little like I love you.
Like lovers kissing
For the first time that
It sets the world on fire.
And I plan to burn down
With it because I keep failing
To realize that I'm more than
Just a body for you to touch,
A body for you to hold.
You arms around my ribs
Makes me feel so fragile,
But so safe that I could not
Possibly break while you
And I can feel you hand slipping
From mine even though I beg
You to stay because I hate
The word goodbye and how
You look as you walk away.
I want you to remember me
When you arrive.
And I want you to remember me
When you leave me behind.
Everything in life.I need to hurt myself... No, you don't.Everything in life. in Concrete Poetry More Like This
I did this... I need to hurt myself for it.
It won't go away if you do, you know it won't.
But everything in life has its consequence...
Maybe if I hurt myself, then I won't have to feel them,
Maybe it'll be consequence enough, if I'm hurt then.
Maybe she won't dump me for what I did too,
Maybe it'll be consequence enough for what I did to you.
I don't get why you're worried though...
But I dream the future, read my poetry, sometimes, I do.
And a few nights I felt a crossover, a nightmare come true,
And now I know that it has happened, because of what I did to you.
So now, I need to hurt myself, to give me a consequence,
So now, I need to fade away, and never be spoken of since.
And now, I want to hurt myself, to save myself more pain,
But all things come to an end, and it's always the same.
ContradictionsThese things seem to rule my life,Contradictions in Concrete Poetry More Like This
Some people hate me and cause me strife,
Others think me a hero, ready to sacrifice myself.
Many think me noble, but you can decide that yourself.
Contradictions, they rule my life, "Why did she break up with you?"
A complete and utter list of contradictions, all of which I tell you,
"Does she love you?" I answer she says so, and I love her too.
A contradiction follows, "But then why did she break-up with you?"
That's the mystery, the greatest contradiction of all, to all of you,
But no, I leave out one thing, the thing that kills me inside too.
"I'm just... I'm not happy." What she said, word for word,
And I cry now, because what she said did not go unheard.
Finding... Myself?Say goodbye to that man you know,Finding... Myself? in Concrete Poetry More Like This
The one who was only there to make amends.
Say goodbye to the old me, as I go,
Because I suppose this is the way he ends.
Say goodbye to the cynical me,
The man who kept everything to himself,
Let him rest in peace, and welcome me.
For I am here still, and I am... Myself?
Say goodbye to the Cynicist,
Say goodbye to the anger and the hate,
Say hello to the Optimist.
Say hello to who you'll learn to hate.
Because that's just it, it's easily done.
I flick a switch, and I'm the old me,
I guess he was never really gone.
Say Hello to the Optimist.
For the writer of this piece is dead.
Promises, promises...I talked to her today,Promises, promises... in Free Verse More Like This
It was brief, but it went okay.
She seems sad still, but getting better,
I'm glad about that, even if it makes me sadder.
I talked to her yesterday too, tried to win her back,
Didn't work, looks like we can't just go back.
We agreed to not talk for a week you know,
I was too weak for that though...
I broke my promise, I hate to do it, but I have to sometimes,
Anyone knows I don't break them, if they read my rhymes.
Only reason we broke up was I wasn't selfish enough,
So maybe it's a good thing I wasn't too tough.
I still regret making, and breaking, that one last promise to her,
I still really wish I could tell her, "I love you Jennifer."
But no, I can't do that, I have to be keep quiet,
I promised to, but of my promises, I am tired...
The Reality.I always have nightmares, it's something I can't control,The Reality. in Free Verse More Like This
But the topic always changes, again, something I can't control.
Have you ever felt so alone in the world, you're like a shadow?
Have you ever been too scared to look out of the window?
I was, I was too scared to check if it was really tomorrow or today,
I was too afraid to see if what had happened, really happened to me.
I woke up with a heartbreaking sadness, and nothing to do,
I woke up with a crushing fear, and there was nothing I could do.
In my dream, there was always one place I longed to be,
And when I finally got there, it was no longer welcome to me.
But there is one thing I know now, and it is the reality,
And there is one thing I can tell you, that it scares me.
The reality is I love her, I knew I did of course,
But this just means I'm going to get hurt, I can take it of course...
I keep trying to find a way to make us mend,
I just don't want to, because I don't want this to
Think again.If you think death can't be beaten, you're not trying hard enough,Think again. in Free Verse More Like This
If you think nothing is eternal, then you've never felt true love.
If you want me to help you, and I tell you to help yourself,
You would think me rude, but some things I just can't tell you myself.
You live and you learn, and you have to live these things,
Empiricism is the only way to know how a nightingale sings.
You must know it for yourself, some things cannot be taught,
When you learn, you must adapt and change what you once thought.
My friend, it is not that I want to keep the knowledge to myself,
It is that I cannot tell you, for some things you must learn yourself.
I cannot tell you what beauty is, for it is everchanging for all of us,
I cannot tell you what is bad or good, for the knowledge is within us.
If I could tell you, I gladly would, if I could put these concepts into words,
But I cannot, so you must live and learn, no matter how much it hurts.
So now it is time,
Statue In The RainI'm not dead because I'm still breathing,Statue In The Rain in Free Verse More Like This
I'm not dead because I'm finally living.
I'm still here because you always need me,
I won't leave you if you don't leave me.
I'm still here, right where you left me,
The statue in the rain, ready to give you glee.
When you feel sad, you know where to go,
I'm not dead, I'm here for you and I hope you know.
That I'm still here, and always will be for you,
That I'll remain as long as I know you want me to.
That the statue in the rain will always be waiting for you,
Because Jennifer, I love you.
No one would miss me...It's the same thing that drives me to suicide nearly every night,No one would miss me... in Concrete Poetry More Like This
It's the same thing that gives my enemies such evil delight.
It's the same thing that gives my lover such a fright,
It's the same evil thought that I am thinking tonight.
Even you reader, would you miss me if I left?
If I just stopped writing poetry, left this account bereft?
Would anyone, anywhere, miss me if I left?
If I left for good, because with a blade I am deft.
No one would miss me...
No reason to, no one loves me.
No reason to, no one even likes me.
It's just a fact that no one would miss me.
92. All That I Have.All that I have, I give to you.92. All That I Have. in Free Verse More Like This
My mind, my body, my soul, all to you.
I give you my everything, treat it with care,
And all that I ask from you is you keep your flare.
That one thing, that magic, that spark that drew me to you,
All that I have, I give to you, do with it whatever you want to.
All that I ask is that you let me love you,
And that you tell me that you love me too.
All that I have, I give to you,
I give everything, all of it, to you,
All that I ask in return is you let me love you,
That you believe I love you, and that you love me too.
Jennifer, I give you my everything, because I love you.
Real problems - Not killing people.Bullied every day, in and out, my apathy is my best friend.Real problems - Not killing people. in Concrete Poetry More Like This
I never cared, the cuts would heal, broken bones would mend.
But every time it happened, there was a voice, whispering.
Kill them, you know you can, unleash your anger, give in.
That's the worst thing for me, about being bullied.
Not the pain, not the humiliation, but being restrained.
If I could unleash it all, I'd feel so much better...
Go on, unleash yourself, make yourself feel better!
No! I can't, and I honestly don't want to.
It's too much hassle after, being hated for what I do.
So yeah, call me a freak, call me a liar.
Come on, give in, they're just feeding the fire...
To quote my favourite song, I will not bow, I will not break.
"Hey, what you listening to? Oh, you're such an emo freak!"
I roll my eyes, apathetic, as they steal my iPod and smash it.
You're letting them?! Smash them l
Memories of WarMemories of War:Memories of War in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
What is this long-lost memory inside?
Where oceans turn; what have we left behind
With star-burned wings out above the sky.
The sleeping sons are lovingly left to lie...
A thousand tears you've cried for all,
Now its time for you to fall!
Will you open up the door,
To the future we ignore?
Are you simply lying broken,
From the memory awoken;
Are you simply living lies,
Bitter taste with ropes you tie...
And the world will soon forget.
Fill my heart with this regret?
For the victims written in stone.
Unspoken sin you now atone...
Yeah I've seen this world where we livin' in pain,
Wrap my body round with chain.
Now we both know we be broken;
Give this man his smokin' token.
Held up guns with both his hands;
Not a boy he's cause he's a man.
Order comes by a suit and hand.
Will you flee or will you stand?
This is a memory of our war,
Of all the things that we can't ignore.
And staying blind to the cries of pain...
Will lonely ashes be what remai
The PoetThe Poet:The Poet in Free Verse More Like This
He smiles as he sees her sleeping
& gently covers her with a blanket.
He goes to the window and looks out
watching snow fall, ever so slowly...
He sees people in the streets,
Chatting, walking. Some happy,
Others sad. Hearts beating,
Hearts broken; some warm, some cold.
He looks back at her, as she stirs in bed.
A yawn from her, brings another smile to him:
"How cute," he chuckles as he strokes her head.
He runs his fingers through her hair and is content.
Yet, even if he is happy here, again -
He is drawn to that window and finds himself
Staring out at the street and watching;
Marveling at the disparity and wondering -
Isn't there something that I can do?
Isn't there a better way for us all?
He looks back at her, sleeping peacefully;
He thinks about the future and sighs.
He wants a better world for her,
One where she would always be safe,
But unfortunately, he has no power.
He is just one man with little to his name.
He picks up a piece of paper, one found lyin
These Tears Would Come:These Tears Would Come:These Tears Would Come: in Free Verse More Like This
If my tears could tell a story of two -
What would they have to say about you?
Of a boy who spent his whole life seeking
And a girl who found it in the arms of another…
Would they tell us of laughter? Beneath a starlit sky,
Or of harsh words exchanged on bitter nights.
Would they speak of moments, so beautifully captured;
To be enjoyed in memory, like a perfect wine.
Or perhaps they would tell us of an untampered truth:
Of the lonely nights spent longing, for an Eden lost.
Captivated, habituated, to this lonely habit of you;
For her alone, these tears would come.
-Chen Yuan Wen, 31st march 2013
Poetic Practice - Love Like AshPoetic Practice - Love Like Ash:Poetic Practice - Love Like Ash in Free Verse More Like This
Yes sir, he is clinging to insanity.
He remembers all the things he said, profanity.
Bare the shame on his naked old humanity.
He is the doll claiming love for his vanity-
When he woke up, desire!
He made a move like fire.
His whispers; a liar,
His heart snaps, like wire!
But what are you thinking of this man as I make him out?
Is it an image or a type that you seem to tout.
was it all his fault with no one else to blame,
Or were there cracks in the story that they both will claim-
Spit that and live that,
Hate when you love that!
You rip that and tear that,
Scream like you know that!
Stop for a moment and just listen to this silent cry,
Time has stopped now for both of us to say goodbye.
Both turning on these clocks, living lies that have stopped;
And when the love turns to ash, let the gloves be dropped...
- Chen Yuan Wen, 17th January 2013
The IndividualYou wear your skin, with mask of sin,The Individual in Free Verse More Like This
A spiderweb of lies. Of "individuals",
Breaking ties, alone at last
They seem to hide, a fixation of vanity...
I am the "individual"!
This is my golden ritual,
Refuse all that is me,
A web of lies I be!
But can you see, what you've become,
Showing these scars made by none-
Other than you?
They were made just for you...
They were made just by you...
Made to be pitied too...
You are the "individual"!
Lies are your golden ritual,
Refuse what you should be,
To live with agony!
These Words Aren't PrettyThese Words Aren't Pretty:These Words Aren't Pretty in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
My verses are ugly and I admit to the fact
I can't use pretty language when I'm working with rap
Because the things that I write, are just the things that I feel
I ain't an Edgar Allan Poe or a Danielle Steel
And I'll be honest with you, I've got an envy inside
Because some poets got a flow that's as smooth as the tide
I read some stuff that they write, it's just so dope I ignite
Burning shame and my anger at the beautiful sight
And like birds of a feather, they're flocking together
These poets are the Gods and I'm nailed by the weather
But as the rain pours down, lightning resound;
I try to write pretty words but my lips remain bound
So deeply silenced by fear - the darkness I hear,
Afraid to be unloved by the ones I hold dear
I've hit the limit of time; my lyrical crime
These words that I've lived are just turning to grime.
So I wish I had their talent; just a sliver of that
If their skill was a mountain then I've broken my back
It's like t
You've Gone Far EnoughHow many times have you tried, just to put me down,You've Gone Far Enough in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
The last time I remember, I was underground.
And even then I rose up, just to challenge the greats.
You might be thinking that your wins are all a part of your fate;
But it's not!
You're a little puppet in the game,
And when you try to take me out, you'll be feeling the strain!
I will be breathing down your neck and it's offense;
No nonsense. I am the Word of Chen, execution commence!
And now you're feeling the pressure, I'll make you suffer;
Your words try to cut me, but you're bleeding your brother!
You don't recognize that I'm the one who paved your way;
And now you're crying, sweating bullets, while you kneel and pray-
I don't find you. You're scared! Your soul is bared,
The only thing that makes us different is the fact that I cared!
But it don't matter now boy! You can laugh and smile,
Because the only thing left is to burn you in a Word of Chen style.
- Chennie, 21st October 2014
UndyingUndying:Undying in Free Verse More Like This
How many days do you spend now, putting me down?
The coffin call for a dead man waiting around
"He's just an underground laughing stock, never to rise"
But on the seventh day I'm coming back; these are my ties!
The kind of promise that you made with the devil inside
You try to take away my soul, but I take it in stride
I ain't a doll that is crushed by the weight of his pride
I am the real and the raw of the things you denied!
You're playing snake games, selling oil, pass it off strong
You're just a pot head, weed dead, smoking your bong.
You try to look away, play and hide; apathy's best
But I'm the kind of bad boy you don't put to the test!
-Chen Yuan Wen, 7th February 2013
Just Smile...Perhaps I should confess to you,Just Smile... in Free Verse More Like This
That I am trapped within this box of crushing insecurity...
Screaming as I shatter my nails against the wall.
But I'm sure you'll tell me to just smile and wave.
Letting Go of YouLetting Go of You:Letting Go of You in Free Verse More Like This
You abandoned me in the past
without so much as a proper goodbye
One day you simply chose to walk out the door
and you never did come back...
I was angry then, hurting badly
I wondered if I was in some way inadequate
I wondered if you left because I am so easy to despise
and eventually my sorrow turned to anger
I wanted to become great
to show you that you made the wrong choice
to take my strength and throw it in your face
just so you would regret it
But then I saw how happy you were...
In the time we've been apart
You've made a new life for yourself
You've found someone who loves and treasures you
and upon seeing that, my anger faded...
Your smile, that which I fell in love with
is more radiant now than the morning sun
a gentle blush upon your fair cheeks
takes my breath away, just as it did so long ago
Of course, I don't hold any hope for us to be friends
I don't think that it would be appropriate for me to come back
but perhaps one day, if
Words HurtWords HurtWords Hurt in Free Verse More Like This
Hit me one more time
Hit me again
Push me around
On the floor
Down the stairs
It hurts less than your words
So kick me
Bruise my skin
But don’t call me names
It causes too much pain
I love you I really do
I’ll take the abuse
And be your punch bag
But please keep your words
My head can’t take it
My mind won’t survive
It destroys me.
Change It Up!MorningChange It Up! in Free Verse More Like This
Are words we say
We use through the day.
I think we should change
Change our way.
These empty starts
Show the routine we follow
No new parts
Everything becomes hollow
Next time you want to talk to someone you don't know
Say something random
Put on a show
What have you got to lose?
If they want to be friends
They'll keep the conversation going
And won't let it end
When it's time to go away
You don't say goodbye
But see you another day
My new friend the random guy
Ways to conquer heartbreakDance with fistfuls of roses, shred their petals one by one and wear their thorns like armor.Ways to conquer heartbreak in Free Verse More Like This
Write your secrets between the folds of paper cranes and tuck them safely between the empty spaces of your castle ribs.
Open your broken heart to hummingbirds, allow them the warmth and shelter of your arms.
Rebel. Tape poetry to your limbs, Cummings and Sandburg and Sexton.
Take a walk outside of your skin for a while, run with wolves.
Extinguish that forest fire that’s been curling too long in your lungs.
Be that lionhearted girl those snobby poets always write about.
Allow that cavern of stars in your throat to speak your truths in uppercase letters, in free verse yet to be proofread.
Write about wars and victory.
Be the hero.
You do not whore around,You spend your nightsYou do not whore around, in Free Verse More Like This
for Apollo’s robes.
You’re as hot
as New Orleans
in mid-July, and
as her gumbo.
But, he is light-years
away and your fingers
ache with tired
a disaster in
Even if it fucking hurts,
you can still taste
his heat on your tongue.
Gods be damned,
you’re a butterfly-
( even if mounted
to a bed. )
you will find yourself
and fly away.
9729 kilometers away, to be exact.i have these bones like flowers-9729 kilometers away, to be exact. in Free Verse More Like This
fragile and finely plucked,
these lily stargazers
are kissing ocean beds,
making love to sirens
for a taste of her
i want to tape maps to my limbs-
throw caution to the wind
as i gather up
every love letter receipt,
from every false attempt
i ever wrote her
& forget for just a moment
that even still
she does not love me.
Heart:a rebellionHeart: in Free Verse More Like This
in her chest.
she's got skin
unworthy to write
she tapes those
to her limbs
Poets have the loneliest hearts.I drink morphinePoets have the loneliest hearts. in Free Verse More Like This
like peach tea;
down 6 pills by morning
just to keep my mind
& I know I can go days
without speaking a word
I want a moon shy girl
with wolves at her back,
bite mark ankles &
a bottle of writer’s tears
tucked under one arm.
I want to be end of the war
kisses bruised into her hipbones;
the epilogue written over her
With these wisteria limbs
February cold, &
these weak lungs
exhaling coralline whispers,
I’ve got a tongue for words
but still have no idea how to love
a universe girl.
( 4/02/2014 )It’s day two( 4/02/2014 ) in Free Verse More Like This
& I already feel
I’ve been living
out of my suitcase
since I got home,
on the couch &
leaving my laundry
on the floor.
Everything in my refrigerator
screams 12 days too late
& rent money is due.
She’s slapping me
in the face,
that heartless bitch
with the long
& hot mouth-
& having her way with me.
NaPoWriMo Day: 1I’ve got 30 daysNaPoWriMo Day: 1 in Free Verse More Like This
to defy Icarus:
teach this rose thorn heart
how to fly.
[ All I want to be
is the space between
But, I’m here,
ripping holes in blank pages
while nursing nebulae knuckles
with white plastered walls.
NaPoWriMo: Day 3Today,NaPoWriMo: Day 3 in Free Verse More Like This
I wanted to pluck my ribs
from out my chest &
hang them about my house
like wind chimes-
a taunt for hungry wolves.
I didn’t grab for sharp objects,
I just wrote about it.
I never knew
I wanted to be a writer
until I lost something.
I still don’t know what that is-
(my mind, maybe.)
they fill gaps
that had no stories
to keep them
from hollowing out
in the first place.
You.You told me onceYou. in Free Verse More Like This
you would break my stars,
tear them from the sky and devour them
s l o w l y.
I neglected to tell you
they all had their own feelings
and your bruises form my own constellation
in the quiet valleys of my firefly skin.
I am the milky way.
And you, my sweet-
You are nothing more
than a dead star
with a pretty name.
Wonder.Do you fear your own death?Wonder. in Free Verse More Like This
Is it hard to conceive?
Draw in your last breath, then-
Your last breath will leave.
Isn't it strange to think,
That there's a timer above your head?
A countdown you can't see,
That finishes when you're dead.
Don't you ever wonder,
What it'll be like when you're gone?
I bet the world will keep on spinning.
There will be another dawn.
But the harsh reality behind it-
We're all going to die.
There's no reason to try to fight it
Not even to question why.
It makes me wish that I could have a little more to give,
Because I'm not afraid of how I'll die...
I'm afraid of how I'll
Locked and LoadedI am broken. I’m a waste.Locked and Loaded in Free Verse More Like This
Tell me something I don’t know
Say it to my face
You think you know me better
‘Cause of things you don’t remember
You’re trying to make me hurt
My self-esteem’s in the dirt
Pick out all my flaws and laugh at every one
I’m just a stubborn kid with a loaded gun
In the middle of the desert
Taking shots at the sun
But my body is the M16
My mouth is the trigger
My lungs; the magazine
And if you can’t already see
I’m about ready
To go on a killing spree
If you can’t shut up long enough
To hear what I have to say
Then I’m locked and loaded
Have a nice day.
It Isn't Wrong...I used your words to form an apologyIt Isn't Wrong... in Free Verse More Like This
Because I didn’t know another way
To make you acknowledge me
But I’m still here, you know
As much as I was a year ago
I’m going in blind and taking shots in the dark
But I’m pulling every word from the bottom of my heart
I’ve had a lot of time to see things straight
You’re someone that I love, that I could never hate
That’s why every time I tried forgetting about you
I couldn’t force myself to do what I had to do
Now I can see your pain, I’m sorry I put you through it
If there was one thing I could change
You know that I would undo it
I don’t want to live, I don’t want to breathe
The reason we’re like this is all because of me
I don’t want you to be yet another closing door
You think I could care less, darling, I couldn’t care more
Take away from this all the evidence you need
I miss you just as much as you say you miss me
I want this forced silence to come to
Stenciled Smiles on Paper HeartsI don't like to feel this wayStenciled Smiles on Paper Hearts in Free Verse More Like This
There must be something I can say
Cause I hate just watching you
When I know the pain you're going through
You're not alone; I've been where you are
Contemplating where I'll place my next scar
Hiding razor kisses underneath long sleeves
It doesn't make it better; nothing is achieved
All you'll earn are the scars you've got and
The lesson learned is the lesson forgotten
You feel like no one's there, no one cares what you do
Let me put it to you straight: That is never true
I was shunned, pushed away many times before
Then I realized it was I who had closed the door
I took a chance and opened up to the people around me
Told them of my secrets, now their love surrounds me
You're not alone; I've been where you are
And I know that life sometimes seems so hard…
But believe me, from one person to another
To make a book better, you never destroy the cover…
You are worth it...
Missing Pieces.I am a missing piece. Something that someone needs.Missing Pieces. in Visual & Found Poetry More Like This
But at the same time, I feel so incomplete.
I’ve wandered way too far, wondered for far too long
Am I a missing piece? Or a piece that won’t belong?
Is it possible I’m damaged and not missing at all?
That I’m just as dysfunctional as everybody else?
Pretending to be perfect never softened a single fall.
But neither did admitting that you’re broken and flawed.
A broken missing piece. Is that all I’m meant to be?
There is no master plan that includes the likes of me.
Being all alone, it’s a hurt that will not cease.
A hundred thousand years from now
I’ll still be
Awareness.She writes such lovely poemsAwareness. in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
But nobody really cares
She hides them all the time
To avoid the judging stares
She wrote one yesterday
About a boy who said he loved her
But to her own dismay
She caught him with another
She wrote one about school
And the words painted on her locker
“No one likes you, stupid bitch.
You’re lucky I’m at soccer.”
She wrote about her parents
And how she wished they were together
But she knows that won’t ever happen
And forgetting’s probably better
Yes, she writes such lovely poems
But there’s so much more to this
See, her pencil is a razor
And the paper is her wrist.
What I Can't EraseLike the gnarled roots of an old decaying treeWhat I Can't Erase in Free Verse More Like This
I’m twisted and confused, tired of being me
On the surface I am strong, abrasively calm, and ready
But underneath it all I’m weak, wrong, and unsteady
I shudder at the wind; tell tale of death’s bringer
I feel the chill upon my spine; forever it seems to linger
Now is not the time for cleansing wounds of past battles
Worse is lurking just beyond the howling darkness of the shadows
There isn't much that I can do against an army borne of fear
Every nightmare, all my demons, they’re all assembled here
They’re everything that I’m ashamed to say is part of me
The ugly truth behind my eyes no one should ever see
And if I held my ground would it be too much to face?
Or should I just ignore what I know I can’t erase?
Love Me.She falls asleep most every nightLove Me. in Free Verse More Like This
To the sound of her parents pointless fight
And clinging tightly to her tear soaked pillow
She goes to school most every day
Wishing she could run away
From all those who torture her
For not being ‘cool’
Her mother, she just plain ignores her
Her father’s never even there
Who would notice if she were gone?
Who would even care?
She just wants to make it quick
To take this razor as her friend
And feel its tender loving kiss
Pressed against her paper skin
She just wants to make it stop
The feeling lonely, sad and hated
She holds the blade up to eye level
I don’t know how long she waited
She presses hard against her skin
And lines of ink bleed from the pen
The blade, it rests there on her knee
On her arm she wrote
Hurts Like HeavenOh. My.Hurts Like Heaven in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
God, it hurts like heaven;
Longing for all your affection,
Every bit of your attention,
You're a divine intervention.
In this life that's turned to hell.
I can't help it when I reminisce,
In moments that are just like this,
I remember when we had our kiss,
And now how much I really miss,
The times when we weren't separated,
Were the best memories that I've created,
To reunite is long awaited,
I feel like I'm incarcerated,
In my own personal hell.
I can't help it when I think of you...
I hope one day we'll say "I do."
But for now I have to struggle through,
Until the day I get to you...
It won't be long, love, I know we'll be fine...
So, darling, stay strong and keep your hand held in mine...
I'll never let you go and I'll always make amends...
I'll hold on to you forever, or until forever ends...
But Nobody KnowsI can't tell myBut Nobody Knows in Free Verse More Like This
Tears from the rain
The hurt from the pain
My life from this game
It's all just the same
And it hurts me so badly
That you're so mad at me
I can't stop me from breaking
My hands are still shaking
Knees are so weak
I can't stay on my feet
So I fall to the ground
And I hope to be found
It's this feeling inside me
That I've never missed
It corrodes and divides me
Puts scars on my wrist
It controls and divides me
Fuels the fire inside me
Destroys all I make
Creates all my hate
I'm not that one in a million
The diamond in the rough
I'm just one more person
Who's finally had enough
Of hiding from hurt
And dealing with pain
But nobody knows
Cause I cry in the rain
WhisperI want to create an aromatic sea of jasminesWhisper in Free Verse More Like This
and stardust mountains of silver and —
Inkblot skeletons with paper mache
hearts, whose bones shall burn with one glance at the
sun; gravestones of blood diamonds and tears of thistles...
Harp strings ringing in grotesque harmony, screaming
for slender fingers to pluck and caress with devotion.
I want to write
Last night,I broke every bone in my bodyLast night, in Free Verse More Like This
so I could have a reason to drown
in the isolated ocean inside me.
when my dilapidated lungs finally caved in,
I swam ashore and crawled across the polluted sand.
Only glass-edged skin
and salt-licked eyelashes
can help me now.
Storybook EndingHer ink-stained lips have kissed too many a forgotten page,Storybook Ending in Free Verse More Like This
and phoenix down]
And her Prince Charming has yet to come,
shattering like stars]
So all she can do is gaze out her tower window,
concealing poisoned apples]
Clutch that corroded and timeworn blade,
tearing down castle walls]
Toss her childhood fables to the waltzing of the moon,
[even broken wings
wish for happily ever afters]
[once upon a time
there was a girl who became her own hero.]
are my words poetic enough for you?maybe not.are my words poetic enough for you? in Free Verse More Like This
because i will never be the fire-hearted girl with remedial stardust lips,
dancing with the astral wolves that hunt beneath her moon-kissed skin,
with the courage to plant wilting lilacs into every crippled soul she finds.
but what if they were?
then i would be the ink blots coating the archives of humankind,
the fractured jewel tucked away in a catastrophic dragon's chest,
and the lyric every mismatched bone engraves into their marrow.
Mommy and DaddyMommy, Daddy, are you okay?Mommy and Daddy in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
You haven't talked at all today.
Mommy, Daddy, can't you see?
You're really starting to hurt me.
All you do is scream and fight,
and I hear it all throughout the night.
Sometimes I think my eyes will run dry,
yet whenever I do, I just continue to cry.
"She doesn't care about any of this, she'll be fine by tomorrow!"
Daddy, you don't know how much your words fill me with sorrow.
"Can't you just be civilized?! Stop acting like a child, and apologize right now!"
Mommy, please don't make this worse, or I'll run outside and hide in the snow.
Mommy, Daddy, I wish you would just stop everything and be happy again.
I'm hiding under the blankets, writing these words down with a pen.
Mommy, Daddy, can't you see?
You're tearing my heart into one, two, three.
A piece for each of us, a piece of my heart,
the beating has stopped before it could start.
Two sections I wish I could install into both of you,
yet I'm afraid I have not yet found the proper glue.
"It isn't your
Loneliness:a limbless spider entangled inLoneliness: in Free Verse More Like This
its own web,
writhing and awaiting to
only to be devoured by the fly.
Witch OilThere's magma boiling in her frostbitten veins;Witch Oil in Free Verse More Like This
incandescent pixie dust and
sluggishly making its way through
a childish heart — wishing for one last chance
to spread her wings and soar to
NecromancyI wanted to see what makes a human heartNecromancy in Free Verse More Like This
so I took a scimitar and ripped apart your decrepit
and inside that primordial ribcage I found nothing but
And you merely gave a cruel parody of a
dug your bloodstained claws into your
and tore out that infestation you called a
"Analyze that well, my little necromancer," you
fangs dripping with the acid I once begged to
"Perhaps you'll be as wise as me once you find the
I could only watch as you sunk back down into
clutching that contaminated Philosopher's Stone
knowing you had replaced my heart with the poison known as
'l o v e.'
catch me if you cani'd like to smear ashescatch me if you can in Free Verse More Like This
over bloody heathen lips
and twist burnt corsages
around the maypole.
this rotten witch's heart
would love to curse you all.
disease has never looked so
lovely, i do declare, crawling
up your blistering limbs.
in case you are not aware—
love kills slowly, but revenge tastes so sweet,
so i'll just tip-toe off of this cliff
and embrace the beast awaiting for me below.
I GOT A DAILY DEVIATION.Holy shit.I GOT A DAILY DEVIATION. in Personal More Like This
I can't believe this.
That got a DD.
I would have never, ever, ever expected to earn such an honor. Never. Especially for that piece, which is not one of my personal favorites.
I just...I can't believe this. I am literally freaking out right now. After coming home from two long days at University of Northern Iowa for Model UN (which is basically a bunch of people politically roleplaying as countries and believe you me, my school did not tell us anything, so my group just kind of sat through the hours of meetings and pretended like we knew what we were doing) I found a plethora of favorites and comments on Witch Oil. I was confused, being that I uploaded it a month ago.
When I saw it had earned a Daily Deviation, I about had a heart attack.
...thank you, everyone. Thank you so much.
I'm just going to go cry now about how touched I am to have had such an honor bestowed upon me when it is one my writing does not deserve in the least.
Target WeightI am afraid because I knowTarget Weight in Free Verse More Like This
That I will never arrive
At a point where I am nourished
And emotionally satisfied
So to regulate my mood
I consume levels that disgrace
They suppose that this is greed
That assumption is misplaced
I’m addicted to the feeling
The short term stimulation
But that only makes me more prone
To those feelings of deflation
And stomach cramps and pains
Loose skin hanging from my bones
Eyes sinking into my skull
And those deathly grey skin tones
Will I ever fill the hole
Silence those voices for a while
I prepare my gut for sorrow
While I am spoon fed on denial
But life’s too much to digest
An acid reflux episode
Regurgitate my memories
Before my stomach explodes
In a culture such as ours
The blame lays nowhere but my plate
I chose the fats, sugars and salts
The impossible target weight
Now I’m afraid because I know
The end has already arrived
In the form of this addiction
To a staple we need to survive
That Girl In The MirrorHappiness will remain forever out of reachThat Girl In The Mirror in Free Verse More Like This
When love from your life you omit
To the girl in the mirror; you are beautiful
Yet somehow you never quite fit
Not the girl they thought you’d turn out to be
When you were a neonate child
Born with a raging heart and a raging mind
But with a manner ever so mild
Your scars aren’t always visible to them
And not only hidden under attire
Lacerations to the mind are just as abhorrent
When memories and dreams conspire
So girl break the mirror if you have to
And reflect on your life as a whole
Do you really want to spend the rest of your days
Behind a façade of self control?
Please be strong enough to go your own way
Indeed go against the grain
In your field of dreams stand up and be counted
And maybe others will do the same
You are unique and you are so beautiful
You’re everything someone else is not
The light of your reflection will shine on
Through the looking glass your childhood begot
Only When I WriteThe drama unfurling in my lifeOnly When I Write in Free Verse More Like This
Feels like the shadow of my hand
That grows as it comes ever closer
To the light perched on my bed stand
In that I can feel the darkest cloud
Ever such a menacing sight
In time I can reverse the feeling
But only when I write
Seclusion left me with nothing
Apart from creativity
Loneliness it turns out, my friends
Is quite the aperitif
For the feast that is awaiting me
If I make it through the night
Tomorrow always brings me new hope
But only when I write
You approach me on a good day
And I will offer you a smile
The same expression on the worst days
Because my manners are so mild
But don’t take me for a toothless fool
When cornered I’ve been known to bite
Fear not, those demons remain at bay
But only when I write
Dead at 16My worries are a reservoirDead at 16 in Free Verse More Like This
Her worries are a lake
In that they’re very real indeed
Whereas mine are very fake
Invented to seek attention
Lies, oh despicable lies
One day I’ll drown in metaphors
Please be sure to sympathise
But while you show me this concern
Who'll be looking out for her
Blood curdling screams from my mouth
She is nil by mouth and verse
I have cried wolf so many times
She can’t even cry her own tears
My lies are spun in silk cobwebs
My spinneret shrouding your ears
I spoon fed you daily doses
So it was easier to digest
I planted those seeds of sorrow
Your fertile mind did the rest
Lies, all those despicable lies
What ever could be more obscene
Perhaps a girl that no one heard
Who was found dead at age sixteen
Bulimia NervosaDoes mother notice my visits to the bathroomBulimia Nervosa in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Have become more frequent of late?
And how they always seem to be after meal times
When with my parents I’ve just ate
Does she stand in the hall outside the bathroom
With her ear pressed against the door?
Wondering why the tap is running so fast
And what I’ve flushed the toilet twice for
Has she seen all of the empty sweet wrappers
Hidden under my bed when she cleans?
Does she fully understand the significance
Of what this behaviour actually means?
Is purge even a word in her vocabulary
To which she’s able to define?
Does she believe my words or my sunken eyes
When I insist to her that I am fine?
Does father notice that I spend many hours
In front of our full length mirror?
Intensely staring at my pathetic reflection
Yet the image never becomes clearer
I see something different to what he can see
A distortion of his little girl
Whose control over this food and this eating
Is the only control she has in this world
Has he tri
19 Years OldI was just nineteen years old19 Years Old in Free Verse More Like This
When I cut myself in two
The boy I wanted them to see
And the boy they never knew
Hid my hollow bones away
I've been hiding ever since
Yes, you may see the odd smile
But only ever a glimpse
But my heart was never broken
It was born in several pieces
And with every passing year
The size of the segments decreases
I was just nineteen years old
When I died for the first time
I did not cope so well
With leaving my childhood behind
I didn't want to face up
To these wretched bent back blues
But will I give in to the struggle?
No, with respect I refuse
See my grandfather gave me
The stubborn heart of an ox
I will die before I collapse
A coward I am not
Wait (My Virgin)Where did you learn to be promiscuous?Wait (My Virgin) in Free Verse More Like This
When did purity become a dirty word?
There is more than one way to stimulate
And commitment is indeed a verb
The pressure he will put upon you
Or the pressure you will put onto him
Is equal and opposite to the regret
And the feeling that you have sinned
Where did you learn to be promiscuous?
When did purity become a dirty word?
Physically able to copulate
But think about the consequences first
The pressure they will put upon you
To lose your innocence as quickly as them
All because they regret their actions
And want you to follow their trend
Where did you learn to be promiscuous?
Don't give your virginity so care free
Absolute control over your emotions
Absolute control over your body
The pressure they will put upon you
Will be laughable in years to come
Your friends, they rushed and found nothing
You waited patiently and found the one
Suicide Is Not An OptionI find myself weaving the final stitchesSuicide Is Not An Option in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Of a noose I have been working on for a while
I swore I’d use it by the time it was complete
If me and my sanity hadn’t reconciled
Each thread representing a flawed emotion
Which tightly woven together makes up my life
If you’re the one to cut me down from the rafters
Love, patience and understanding must be your knife
I find myself with a gun in my right hand
With only one bullet left in the cold chamber
I hand the loaded pistol with safety off
Blindly in to the hands of a complete stranger
Does this represent me opening my heart
And risking a life of abject, dismal sorrow
This God given gift of love is worth the risk
And cupid’s bullets can pierce deeper than arrows
I find myself perched on the edge of a cliff
And at this point in time I am feeling unsure
If the wind that’s blowing me towards the verge
Is real or in fact just another metaphor
That is representing all of the worries
Which try to push me to the seas
Never Back DownYou stitched my lips todayNever Back Down in Free Verse More Like This
So I could not speak
I sliced my slender throat
So I could still breathe
Dowsed acid in my eyes
So I could not see
But I reached out to touch her
She in turn touched me
You cut my ears today
I hear no birds sing
Or an infant's laughter
And the joy that brings
You bound my wrists and hands
Now they are red raw
I should blindly stumble
But still I stand tall
You sliced my fingertips
I can't feel her skin
The softness of her hair
The barrel of my pen
You broke my legs in two
Now I cannot walk
Nor can I see or hear
Feel or talk
You did all of these things
To keep me quiet
Yet the passion that stirs
Is as loud as a riot
Listen for the silence
That comes before the sound
Now feel for my touch
As I will never back down
The Little Girl BlinkedThe little girl blinked and he was goneThe Little Girl Blinked in Free Verse More Like This
Unsure if he was ever really there
But she knew that something had inspired her
To do things she wouldn’t normally dare
A teardrop too many he once told her
Had brought him from the shadows of her mind
As those around her began to wander
Across her imagination's fine line
But now he seemed to have walked away
As she found the life she had long sought
He slowly drifted back to the shadows
From her notebook and her beautiful thoughts
And the fools around her carried the spades
Burying him with her imagination
With an epitaph etched on a tombstone
‘Here lies my potential for creation’
Though he never existed beyond her thoughts
He was as real as a chrysalis on a tree
The butterfly perhaps was her freedom
The caterpillar was her memories
But she still sees his face in the reflection
Of her brown eyes in the cracked mirror
Knowing that he is alive and well
And is always going to be with her
People never understand reality
We are just